“Lie back.” My voice was a command.
He obliged.
I straddled him and locked gazes with him. “I need this, Kash. I need to fuck you. Is that okay?”
He let out a hoarse laugh. “By all means, Justice, be my fucking guest.”
I lowered myself onto him, biting back a cry as he filled me. He grabbed my hips, pushing up into me with a low groan.
“Dammit, you’re so fucking tight.”
Oh, God. Yes. This was right. This was perfect. I leaned back slightly and then began to undulate my hips, slow and leisurely, building the rhythm and the tension until it was a beating pulse between us, until it was sensory frisson, until my gasps mingled with his grunts.
“Dammit, Indie, I want to taste you.” Kash lifted me off him and up his body.
What? Oh … Oh, God.
His mouth found my wetness, and then he was devouring me, sucking, lapping, and circling my sweet spot, until my body was on fire with sensations. It was control. It was invasive. It was fucking mind-blowing, but I didn’t want to come this way. I needed him inside me.
“Stop. Kash. Not like this.” I lifted myself off him.
He was looking at me as if I was his focus, as if I was his world. Desire surged through me like a mini tsunami, and then I kissed him, tasting myself on his lips and not caring. He was mine, and I needed to claim him.
I gripped him and lowered myself onto him again. We rocked together for a few seconds, adjusting and finding our rhythm, and then I picked up the pace until he was crying out, his fingers digging into my hips until darkness surrounded us, lit only by the weave.
I locked eyes with him as our threads connected and kissed, and then his ethereal form shivered as we shattered together.
* * *
Kash’s thick, long lashes cast shadows on his cheeks as he slept. I wanted to touch him, to brush his hair back, wake him, and take him again. But he wasn’t a nightblood, he wasn’t like me, and he’d need his rest for what was to come.
Now that I’d fed, sleep refused to take me. Instead, the night called to me. I pulled the covers over Kash’s half-naked form, pressed a kiss to his cheek, and then crawled out of the tent.
The night closed in around me like a shadow hug, and the crescent moon cut a slice in the sky, casting silver fingers across the landscape. The world was a low hum as cadets milled about or sat around fires. This was the lull before a change in shift, before the dawn brought an influx of trainees through the mist to us.
Would the dawn bring Hyde to camp, or had Orion commandeered him?
“Justice?”
My pulse fluttered as a figure stepped out of the shadows from around the forge and strode toward me.
Hyde was dressed in a black long-sleeved tee and gray joggers. He must have just changed out of his armor.
“Hey.” I kept my tone light and locked my knees to stop myself from striding forward to meet him.
“I’ll be helping with the training from now on,” he explained.
I nodded. “Good. That’s … good.”
We stood facing each other, awkwardly, tensely. Damn, he looked good. He smelled good. I wanted to touch him.
I took a step back. “I should get back to my tent.”
“Or we could talk.”
We could. But talking wasn’t what I wanted to do. I wanted to hold him. Be close to him. Yes, talking wasn’t enough anymore, and I was too tired to pretend right now.
He swallowed hard. “I know this is difficult, but I don’t want to lose you. Not completely.”
“There is no halfway, Hyde. You know that. This thing between us … It’s too strong. Better if we just focus on the task at hand. It’s best if we keep the one-on-one interactions to a minimum.”
The words fell like shards from my lips.
His jaw tensed. “You could have died out there in the trials.”
He needed to stop devouring me with his eyes. “I know.”
“But you came back. You survived, and I can’t lose you.” He took a step toward me, and my body leaned forward into his orbit.
We were like opposite poles wanting to meet. Needing to connect. But we couldn’t. Not without getting hurt.
I checked myself and lifted my chin. “I have to get back to my tent. Kash will be wondering where I got to.”
He froze. “Kash?”
I nodded. “Yes. He and I … He’s a good guy.”
His nostrils flared. “You slept with him?”
I met his gaze evenly but couldn’t help but flinch at the hurt in his eyes. “I did.”
“And you mated with Brady.”
It wasn’t a question, so I didn’t respond. This was for the best. “I’ll see you at dawn, Hyde.” I made to turn away.
He moved fast and gripped my arm before hauling me back toward him.
I glared up at him in panic. “Stop it. Someone will see.”
“I don’t give a fuck.”
“But I do. We can’t fucking do this, so let me go.” I hated the pleading tone to my voice. “Please, Hyde.”
For a moment, his grip slackened. For a split second, I believed he would oblige, but instead, he crushed me to him, claiming my mouth in a savage, punishing kiss that channeled pain, torment, and sorrow into my soul.
Tears burned my eyes. Frustration. Anger. Loss.
I shoved at his chest, hard, forcing him to tear his mouth from mine and take a step back, because if I didn’t, I’d fall. I’d take what I needed and give him what he craved. I’d weaken, and that could end us both.
We stood a couple of feet apart, breathing too heavy. The air was electric with tension. The kind of thick atmosphere you could cut with a knife.
“What’s the meaning of this, Hyde?” Orion’s dulcet tone sliced through the sexual tension like a hot razor blade.
Ice flooded my veins. “We were just talking.”
But Orion’s attention was on Hyde. His gaze was speculative … knowing. “Is this what your petition was about?”
Oh, God. The petition. Orion had to suspect something. How much had he seen?
Time to put on a show. “Petition?” I frowned, feigning ignorance.
Orion smirked at me briefly, but the action was cold and calculating. “Hyde? Is there an intimate association between you and this woman?”
Hyde locked gazes with me. He was going to do it. He was going to admit it. The idiot was about to sign his own death warrant.
He opened his mouth to speak just as a presence bloomed at my back, and Kash’s fresh scent enveloped me. His arms wound around my waist, and he pulled me back against his chest.
“Where did you go?” he asked, his voice husky from sleep.
Hyde’s mouth tightened, and his nostrils flared.
Don’t. Fucking don’t. I channeled the warning through my expression.
He must have cottoned on because his shoulders relaxed. “I was explaining to Miss Justice that as Shadow Master, she needed to be focused right now. Sexual liaisons need to take a back seat.” He bit the words out.
Orion’s brows went up. “Ah, and your petition?”
“Was a mistake.” His voice was flat. “I retract it.”
It was what I’d wanted, but there was no ignoring the stab of pain in my heart.
Hyde looked to Orion. “Miss Justice still has much to learn.”
Anger flared in my chest. “And Mr. Hyde should understand the benefits of sexual release during stressful times.”
Kash tensed behind me.
“Indeed, Miss Justice,” Orion said. “You have the luxury to take your pleasures when you can, and as long as it doesn’t affect your leadership, I see no issue.” He smiled at Hyde. “Come, I’d like to see the barracks and the control room.”
I noted for the first time that Orion wasn’t wearing armor. He was dressed in an expensive shirt and slacks.
“Your clothes …”
His smile was smug. “Feytech.”
Of course, it was. He was, after all,
Orion Winterlock.
Hyde and Orion walked off, and I sagged against Kash.
“Was that what it was?” His tone was laced with disappointment.
“What?” I turned in his arms to face him.
His brow was furrowed. “A stress-relief fuck?”
Oh, shit. I closed my eyes. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
“No,” he said softly. “I think you did. I think you needed someone, and I just happened to be there. Thing is, Indigo, I fucking care about you enough to let it go. What kind of sap does that make me?” His lip curled in self-derision.
He released me and walked away, back to the tent.
I needed to go after him. To fix things. To tell him that what we’d shared had meant more to me than just a fuck. But had it? I’d needed release, I’d needed blood, and I’d taken it. I liked Kash, wanted to get to know him, was attracted to him, but had the moment in the tent been more than just sex? I was too tired to figure it out right now. How could I convince him if I wasn’t sure myself? I’d speak to him in the morning.
Harmon’s hulking frame was still sitting by the fire. He looked up as I approached.
“Hey.” I stood beside him. “Mind if I sleep here for a bit?”
He shifted and opened his legs to allow me to slip between his thighs and lie with my back against his chest.
“Close your eyes,” he said.
I did as he asked even though I doubted sleep would come anytime soon. There was a timer set, a clock ticking, all the metaphorical shit, and my gut told me we were on the losing side.
I hoped, for once, that my gut was wrong.
Nine
“Faster! Move your feet, cadet!” Hyde barked orders at the moonkissed student. “Duck. Nicely done. You, with the buzz-cut, good work.” He wove his way through the trainees sparring with shadow cadets, his blue-green eyes bright as he took in everything.
I studied him from my spot at the breakfast trestle table by the forge. Aidan and Devon sat either side of me, shoveling food into their mouths. The sound of them chewing was kind of comforting.
Hyde had recently cut his hair. It was shorter than ever, so his angular, masculine features stood out even more—the pout of his mouth, the straight line of his nose, and the slash of his brows above dark lashes. I barely even noticed his scars, even though they were his most prominent feature, like battle marks crossing the marble landscape of his face.
There was no denying his fey heritage. There was no dimming the glowing beauty. All the scars did was accentuate it. Weird, but true.
He turned his head to look my way, and I tucked in my chin quickly, feigning intense interest in my bowl of cereal.
“Give it up, Justice,” Devon drawled in his habitual rumble. “He knows you’re watching. He knows you want him, and he wants you.”
I dropped my spoon into my bowl. “Yeah, that’s the fucking problem.”
“He’s not your teacher anymore,” Aidan said. “Go fuck him, what does it matter?”
They didn’t know about Orion’s law. And it wasn’t something I could tell them about.
“I can’t. And I can’t tell you why. You just need to trust me that me and Hyde are never going to happen.”
Aidan lifted his plate and licked it clean of the final traces of sausages, eggs, and beans.
“Animal,” Devon said.
“Yeah,” Aidan agreed. “I am.”
We had a nice little setup going, and the forge had been converted into a kitchen by some of the cadets. Food had been shipped from the Academy. We had a nice store up here now.
“Full moon tonight,” Devon said. “You want to run?”
It took a moment for me to realize he was addressing me. “What? Run with you guys?”
Aidan grinned, and his eyes lit up. “You afraid of seeing a little too much package? I promise we’ll change out of view.”
He was talking about shifting. “I’m a nightblood. I thought moonkissed had an aversion to nightbloods when in their wolf forms?”
“Some do. It’s not a generalization,” Devon explained.
Aidan nudged me with his shoulder. “We can do a sweep of the grounds while we run.”
The past week, stuck here on the fortress grounds, training cadets, barking orders, avoiding Hyde, and wondering if I should go find Kash and apologize had been trying. The idea of letting my hair down and just running was appealing.
“You know what? Yes. I’ll run with you.”
“Meet us at the stables at sunset,” Devon said.
He climbed off the bench and sauntered toward the training grounds.
Aidan picked up Devon’s plate and proceeded to lick it.
“Wait a second … aren’t you on wash-up duty?”
He paused to grin wickedly at me.
“Oh, gross.”
* * *
“Two AM post attacks today,” Lloyd said.
It looked like the weaver alarm was weakening, if it hadn’t failed already.
The cadets were on a break, eating, drinking, fueling up for the next round.
I smiled at a couple of female moonkissed. “No sign of the fomorians who damaged the posts?”
“Nothing,” Lloyd said. “The posts hit were in sector three. Our shadow cadets dealt with the repairs.”
“How’s the weaver training coming?”
“You’ll need to speak to Kash about that,” Lloyd said. “Latrou has him running point on it at the Academy.”
“Fine.”
Thinking about Kash made my stomach hurt. He’d left for the Academy before I’d had a chance to say sorry, to explain that he meant more to me than just sex. He hadn’t come back yet. Part of me said I needed to go after him, but another part, the secret part that had failed at relationships, held me back.
“You haven’t spoken to him yet, have you?” Lloyd said.
“No, I haven’t.”
I’d mentioned we’d had a little tiff to Lloyd a few days ago when he’d questioned Kash’s absence on the grounds. Considering the weaver had been so eager to be around me originally, Lloyd had found it odd that he’d retreated to the Academy so suddenly.
“Is that because you don’t want to continue a relationship with him?” Lloyd asked.
Unease pricked at my scalp. “No. It’s just not the right time for all the romance shit, you know?”
Lloyd’s smile was wry. “Justice, a time like this is exactly the right time to love and be loved. Without it, what the fuck are we fighting for, eh?”
He was right, as usual. “I’m not good with relationships.”
“That’s not true.” His gaze softened. “You managed to cultivate a bond with my troop easily enough. Harmon, Brady, Carlo…” His throat bobbed. “Carlo fucking loved you, Indigo. He cared about you … more than he showed.”
My stomach tightened. “Yeah, I loved him too. I fucking miss him.”
Lloyd looked down at the ground. “You have us, Justice. You have us all, and we care about you. This”—he waved a finger between him and me—“this is a relationship. What you have with Aidan and Devon is a relationship. When it comes to love and romance, you get bumps in the road. Question is, do you let the bump stop you, or do you ride the fuck over it? Only you can decide if the journey and the effort are worth it. So.” He arched a brow. “Is Kash worth it?”
“Yes.” The word fell easily from my lips. “Yes, he’s worth it.”
“Then you know what you have to do.”
“I’ll speak to Kash.” Truth was, I’d missed his banter and optimism the past week. “I need to go to the Academy anyway. I need to tell Orion I’m leaving.”
Lloyd blinked down at me. “You’re going after Brady.”
I nodded. “Things are in control here, as best as they’re going to get for now anyway. I can’t wait any longer. Brady needs me.”
Lloyd’s jaw ticked. “Then I’m coming with you.”
“No. I need you here as my second. I need someone I can trust watching over the cade
ts.”
He looked like he wanted to argue, but I held my hand up to stall him. “There is no one else who can do this. The cadets look up to you. With Aidan and Devon at your side, you can do this. I don’t trust Orion to take over, and if I take you guys with me, I don’t think there’s anyone strong enough to stand up to him.”
“What about Hyde?”
“Hyde’s a feyblood, and Orion is the fucking father of feybloods. As much as I admire Hyde, I doubt he would be able to say no to the man who’s responsible for his existence.”
Lloyd inhaled deeply. “Fine. But you can’t go into enemy territory alone.”
“She won’t be alone,” Harmon said.
How the fuck had he approached us without either of us noticing? The guy was huge and stompy.
“I’m going with you, Indie,” Harmon said. “And so is Athos. We talked about it last night.”
“You understand him?”
“Not in words, but in intent. I can’t explain it.”
I looked past Harmon to see the hound watching us. The huge beast inclined his head, his red-rimmed eyes fixed on me.
Having Harmon and Athos with me could be useful. Having them with me would make the whole fucking thing less scary.
“Okay. You guys can come.”
“And you need a plan,” Lloyd said.
“My plan is to get Brady back.”
“But how do you intend to do that?”
“By any means necessary.”
Yes, I sounded stubborn as hell even to my own ears, but there was no planning for a world we’d never seen.
“Look, Lloyd, I’m going to have to play it by ear. We don’t have maps of their world, and we have no idea what the creatures or terrain are like. I plan to look for tracks, to look for signs leading me to Brady, and if I can find some helpful locals, then great. But I’m not coming back empty-handed.”
Lloyd looked thoughtful. “No, but you can come back with a map. You can gather intel.” He focused on me intensely. “I understand your focus is Brady, but we need to be realistic. We have no idea if he’s dead or alive, we have no way of knowing how far they’ve taken him.”
I wanted to yell at him, to ask how he could possibly say that about Brady. How could he give up? But I swallowed my anger. Think with your head. Lloyd was simply being realistic by considering the possibility; ignoring it would be dumb.
Shadow Master: The Nightwatch Academy book 4 Page 5
