by Lynne Ewing
Spider seemed okay then and jumped on my bed. I spent the rest of the night with paws poking my back.
I didn’t sleep much. I couldn’t figure why they broke into the house. What were they looking for? How did Detective Howard know they weren’t after me, or my mom or Mina?
I shivered.
It wasn’t cold air from the open window that made me shiver.
I was afraid.
11
When I woke up the next morning, sunlight hit my face. I had forgotten how happy early-morning sunshine made me feel. In my old room, boards covered the broken window.
Spider was barking in the backyard. He must have thought he was a rooster.
I jumped out of bed and pulled on my jeans. I took one of Jimmy’s T-shirts from the box. The shirt hung down to my knees. I liked the style. Mom wouldn’t let me buy shirts that big, but I didn’t think she’d tell me I couldn’t wear Jimmy’s.
Mina was dressed for kindergarten. She sat in front of the TV, eating Rice Krispies with too much sugar and watching Nickelodeon.
I warmed milk and poured it over buttered toast. I like milk toast better than cereal.
Mom had already left for work.
I ate milk toast and watched Mrs. Washington peel apples at the sink. I hoped that meant she was baking an apple pie. She sang while she worked. Her voice was rich and thick, and I didn’t want to stop her song with my stupid questions about pie.
When Mina and I went outside to walk to school, Zev waved from his front yard.
He carried his books in a small suitcase. He wore a black jacket and a white shirt tucked in. His black shoes shone. How was he ever going to make friends when his mom made him dress like an old man?
I tossed my backpack over my shoulder.
“Hi, Tito,” Zev said. “Do you want to play after school?”
“I can’t today,” I lied.
Zev went to another school across town. His mom thought our school was too violent. The first week after his family arrived in the United States, his mother paid me a dollar to ride the Metro with Zev so he wouldn’t get lost. He had to wear a little cap all the time. Mom told me it was a yarmulke, and that he wore it because he was Jewish. I thought he’d get into fights over it, but no one seemed to mind at his school.
Mina and I waved good-bye and started off. I liked the sound Jimmy’s tennis shoes made on the sidewalk.
When we were halfway to school, Mina asked, “Where do dragons live?”
“Where did you hear about dragons?” I asked, trying to think of an answer.
“On TV. A knight has to slay a dragon for me.”
“Do you know what slay means, Mina?”
She looked at me in a way that meant she didn’t.
“It means kill,” I said.
She thought for a minute. “I’ll ask my knight to put the dragon in a zoo then.”
“Good,” I said. “Dragons live on Komodo Island.”
She looked at me to see if I was teasing.
The Komodo dragon isn’t really a dragon, just a large lizard. A lizard ten feet long that weighs three hundred pounds and has clawed feet and a forked tongue is close enough, so I wasn’t really lying.
When we got to Big Molly’s Diner, I saw the front end of a blue Oldsmobile parked at the side of the building. I was sure it was the same car I saw last night. I wanted to find out who the other guy was, the one who wore the bandanna tied across his face.
“Mina, wait here. I’m going inside. I’ll only be a minute. Promise me you won’t go anywhere.”
She nodded and leaned against a brick planter.
I went inside. Ice Breaker Joe and Lamar sat in a booth, stuffing Big Molly’s special scrambled eggs, made with onions and hot green chili peppers, into their mouths.
I took a step closer to see if there was anyone else in the booth with them.
That’s when I felt someone tug on my shirt. I turned around. Mina stood behind me.
“Mina, I told you to wait outside,” I whispered.
“I got scared about dragons,” Mina said.
Mina stared at a plate of French fries soaking in country gravy. The man seated at the counter eating the fries put his newspaper between Mina and his breakfast as if he thought Mina was going to steal his precious fries.
I took her hand. We went to the telephone near the bathrooms. I punched 911. I wasn’t even sure what I was going to say. I couldn’t say these guys broke into an empty house last night. Did that sound like a crime, with everything else that was happening?
I was ready to hang up when Lamar saw me.
He looked directly at me. He stood and walked toward me, his eyes half closed, trying to scare me.
It worked.
Ice Breaker Joe followed him.
I dropped the phone receiver.
“Go on to school, Mina,” I whispered.
She’s always wandering away, but now when she should have run, she stayed next to me. She must have thought she was watching Nickelodeon.
Lamar stood over me, big and tall and mean.
“How’s Jimmy’s business?” Lamar said with his onion-smelling breath.
“What do you mean?”
“I said how is Jimmy’s business?”
Ice Breaker Joe laughed. His chipped teeth looked yellow and rotted.
“Run, Mina, run,” I whispered.
She grabbed my shirt instead and twisted her hand in it.
I grabbed Mina’s hand and dove into the women’s rest room.
I thought going into the women’s rest room would stop Lamar.
Lamar followed me in.
I’ve never heard a door bang so loudly against a wall.
12
Lamar stared at me.
“You and me, we got business,” he said.
Then the door banged open again, hitting the same tile Lamar had broken seconds before.
Dust and pieces of tile fell to the floor.
Ice Breaker Joe jumped into the rest room, grabbed Lamar’s arm, and jerked him out.
Sirens broke the morning air.
I had forgotten that when you dial 911 and leave the phone off the hook, computers give the location to the police department.
Tires squealed outside.
Sirens grew louder, then more distant. I guessed the cops were chasing the blue Olds. I waited with Mina. I didn’t know what to do.
Mina solved the problem.
“I have to go to the bathroom,” she said.
“Now?” I asked. Dumb question. “Okay. I’ll wait.”
I figured if I left the women’s rest room now, I’d be in trouble anyway.
Mina entered a stall, and I sat on the sink counter.
I began to think maybe I was imagining all kinds of things. Was it just an overactive imagination? Did Lamar really ask me about Jimmy’s business? What did that mean?
What kind of business did he have with me?
Maybe the words didn’t mean what I thought they meant. Gangbangers make up new meanings to words. That way no one but their own gang members can understand what they’re talking about.
The door to the women’s rest room opened.
I’d forgotten where I was. I jumped off the counter and was face to face with Lisa Tosca.
“Oh, excuse me,” Lisa said and walked back out. She looked at the door and came back in.
“Hi,” I said like this was perfectly normal. I had never planned on meeting her in the women’s rest room in Big Molly’s Diner.
How could my life get more messed up?
Mina flushed the toilet.
Lisa stared at me while I helped Mina wash her hands. Even with her mouth wide open, Lisa looked pretty.
“’Bye,” I said; then we left.
When we got outside, I screamed with frustration.
Mina jumped.
I didn’t mean to frighten her.
“Sorry, Mina,” I said. How could I explain it to her?
One block from school, Gus jumped from
an alley and grabbed my backpack.
“Give it back, Gus,” I said.
“It’s mine now,” Gus said.
He teased me, holding my backpack away from me like he wanted me to chase him for it. He hadn’t done something that stupid since first grade.
“Give me back my backpack,” I said.
I wasn’t going to chase him.
Finally he came back.
“Here,” he said, and handed it to me.
I swung the backpack over my shoulder. It felt really heavy.
I unzipped it and looked inside.
A gun sat on top of the peanut-butter-and-pickle sandwiches I had made that morning.
“You know what to do with it,” Gus said. “You got to get revenge for Jimmy.”
My hands started shaking.
“Take it back,” I said. “I don’t want it.”
“You’ll need it when the guys in the black Chevy come looking for you again,” Gus said. “It’s a gift from me and my homies. With Jimmy gone, you need us. Use the gun to show us what you got.”
I shook my head. I felt like my heart was pounding so fast that my lungs couldn’t breathe. “I don’t want it, Gus.”
“You don’t want people treating you like you’re nothing. You need a family,” Gus said. “Being in a gang, it’s the flying-est feeling.” Then he started running down the block.
I ran after him, but I was afraid to run too fast. What if the gun went off?
I lost him.
I zipped the backpack closed.
“What did Gus put in your bag?” Mina asked when she caught up with me.
She reached for my backpack.
I slapped her hand really hard.
She looked at me, shocked. I had never hit her. Ever. Not even when we were little.
She started to cry.
“I’m sorry, Mina.” I didn’t put my arms around her like I would have any other time.
I couldn’t.
I was afraid the gun might go off. I had heard too many stories about kids shooting their friends because they didn’t know how to handle a gun. I didn’t know anything about guns.
Maybe I imagined it.
I unzipped the backpack and looked inside again. There it was, a big cold metal gun.
I zipped the backpack closed and looked for Mina. She’d run off. We were close to school. I hoped she’d gone on to her kindergarten class.
There was no way I was going to go looking for her now. I had big problems of my own.
Someone tapped my shoulder.
I screamed and turned around.
Lisa Tosca stood behind me.
“Why did you scream?” she asked.
“It’s something guys do to get ready for football season,” I lied, hoping she didn’t have any brothers.
“Oh,” she said.
Then she added, “I think it’s sweet the way you take care of your sister.”
She had a neat smile.
“Want to walk me to school?” she said.
Of course I wanted to walk her to school, but I kept thinking about the gun.
“Did you hear me?” she asked.
“Not today,” I said.
She stopped smiling. She still looked pretty.
“Sorry,” I said.
She started walking away like she couldn’t get far enough from me.
“Tomorrow,” I yelled after her. “Tomorrow I’ll walk you to school. I promise.”
I knew she thought I was nuts.
If anything more happened I would be nuts.
13
The day was bad.
First I thought I’d give the gun to the principal, but he wasn’t going to be at school for another hour. He had a meeting at the district office. I said I’d wait, but as I sat in his office, I kept thinking how much trouble Gus was going to get into. Then I started worrying that the principal wouldn’t believe me and I’d be the one in trouble.
Jimmy was right. I’m nothing but a worry toad.
Finally I left the principal’s office and went to class.
“You’re late,” Mrs. Bilky said.
“Sorry,” I said, and handed her my pass.
She looked at it, then put it in her roll book.
Gus gave me a really angry look when I got to class. I think he knew what I was doing. When I sat down, he took my backpack and lifted it. I guess he could tell by the weight that I still had the gun.
He smiled and turned back to Mrs. Bilky.
Mrs. Bilky stood in front of the class showing how light passes through prisms. Like we hadn’t seen that a million times before.
She yelled at me twice for not paying attention.
Later she came by my desk. She apologized and told me she was giving me a referral to a grief counselor.
Some days I go home for lunch, but other days I stay at school so I can work on the computers. On those days I eat lunch at school. Today was my day to work on the computers, but I couldn’t eat the sandwiches I had packed. I didn’t want to take any chances pulling out my sandwiches and having the gun go off.
My stomach grumbled all afternoon.
Kids in the front rows turned around and gave me funny looks.
Finally, Gus handed me some sunflower seeds. It’s really hard to eat sunflower seeds in Mrs. Bilky’s class, but I did that day.
When I got home, the house smelled like freshly baked apple pie.
“Do you want a piece of apple pie?” Mrs. Washington asked.
“Yes, please,” I shouted.
I went upstairs. I took the gun from my backpack and hid it in the bottom of one of Jimmy’s boxes; then I shoved the box under the bed and placed the other box in front of that. I hoped Mom didn’t decide she had to go through Jimmy’s things again.
Then I remembered Detective Howard gave me his card. I had it someplace. I found it in my drawer. I could tell Detective Howard about the gun. I’d tell him I found it in the alley.
I ran downstairs. I was about to pick up the phone when I saw Mina on Mrs. Washington’s lap.
She was crying.
“What’s wrong with Mina?” I asked. I thought she was still upset with me.
“Spider ran away because we’re too sad,” Mina said. “No one pays any attention to him, and he’s lonely and misses Jimmy.”
“He must have jumped the fence in the backyard,” Mrs. Washington said.
“I’ll help you find Spider,” I said.
“What about your pie?” Mrs. Washington asked.
“I’ll eat it when I get back,” I said.
My stomach growled in protest.
I crammed one bite into my mouth. Mina headed for the door.
Mina and I walked up and down the streets. We asked everyone we saw if they had seen a dog that looked like a spider. People laughed until they looked at Mina. Then they got serious and tried to help.
“We’re going to have to go back, Mina,” I said. “It’s getting late.”
“One more block,” Mina said. “Please.”
“Okay,” I said.
We turned down a side street and then another.
Then we were lost.
Now I know how Mina feels when she wanders off and gets lost and why she’s always crying when I find her.
Nighttime was no time to be on the street.
Mina and I walked to the corner. I looked both ways down the street. Traffic crossed at an intersection several blocks away. We walked down there; then I looked both ways again, trying to find a street with more traffic than this one. I knew if I kept following traffic, sooner or later I would find a street I knew.
I tried to cheer up Mina.
“Spider is probably home by now,” I said. “I bet he’s barking and wondering where you are. I hope he doesn’t jump the fence again and go looking for you.”
She smiled then.
The moon had risen, huge and ivory yellow, by the time we got home.
The backyard was empty. I could feel how disappointed Mina was. I wa
lked up the back steps feeling defeated.
Mom was talking quietly to Mrs. Washington.
“Those boys just came in the backyard and took Spider,” Mrs. Washington said.
“Don’t tell the kids,” Mom said.
I knew something bad had happened to Spider then, but I didn’t want Mina to know. She was still in the backyard thinking Spider would come out and play with the Frisbee she held in her hand.
We ate dinner in silence, me knowing their secret.
They weren’t the only ones with a secret.
I kept thinking about the gun and what I was going to say to Detective Howard so he would think I found the gun in the alley.
That night I couldn’t sleep. I was in bed, staring at the ceiling and watching the way car lights push shadows across the ceiling.
I guess Mom figured I was asleep, because her crying started again.
When Mom stopped crying, the house was quiet for a long time.
I was drifting off to sleep when I heard footsteps in the hallway.
Someone stood in my doorway.
“Tito.”
I nearly fell out of bed.
“Mina, why are you up?” I said.
“I hear noises in the backyard,” Mina said. “Go see if Spider’s back.”
“You stay here. I don’t want you catching a cold on top of everything else.”
I tucked her into my bed, pulled on my jeans, and carried Jimmy’s sneakers downstairs, then put them on.
The moon colored the backyard an odd icy gray. Shadows looked like huge monsters crouching against the garage and house. It felt too silent outside, as if everyone had disappeared and I was alone in the world.
I started across the lawn to the doghouse when I heard footsteps coming across the wet grass behind me.
14
I turned.
Gus stood behind me holding a can of spray paint. He smiled.
I was still angry with him about the gun.
I glanced at Mrs. Washington’s house, ready to fight if I saw any graffiti on the weathered stucco.
“Relax, man,” Gus said, like he knew what I was thinking. “I came over to see if you wanted to join our tagging party.”
“I already told you I’m not joining any gang.”
Only a summer back we’d camped out in the backyard in a stupid tent we made with blankets. Now he was going one way and I was going another, and it was like we both knew it but didn’t want to say it, so we just stood there in the backyard, knowing this was it.
