by Zac Strong
She does that often. She has this way of slowing everything down, this way of making everything simple, yet mystical. I’ve struggled with most concepts she easily understands. That’s probably the reason I work in the plant and she in the infirmary.
Kalli was right though. One side of me realizes that we are nothing more than biological droids programmed by our genetic code and the environmental stimuli we are constantly being subjected to – nature and nurture. We go through life doing exactly what our code tells us to, survive and reproduce. What happens when our code stops? Would we desire life if that part of the code was to be deleted somehow? Reproduction is almost an extinct act thanks to evolution or Lethe, I don’t know exactly. It does make sense though. Without death, the need to produce offspring isn’t essential. Of course, you can’t trust the network, but the number they keep tossing around is ninety-seven percent infertility, yet I still see love. Surely there must be something more to this life, or was I merely reborn to work twenty-five years then fade away again?
If people are no longer programmed to find a mate to reproduce, then shouldn’t we see an equal decline in love, lust, sexual desire? Perhaps these emotions are a part of our genetic code but become something else when we experience them. The other side of me believes, almost madly, that we are solely responsible for our destinies. I am in charge of my universe and nothing - not nature, nor the Lethe Corporation, can stop me. How can she be so at ease believing she’s some mindless bot?
“Hey Kalli,” I whisper as my arms wrap around her tighter.
“Yeah, she answers half awake.
“Whatever this is, program or free-will… I’m happy it’s brought you into my life.”
She adjusts her warm body under the comforter and nestles closer into me.
My lips press against the back of her head, and my hand finds hers, as we drift into each other’s dreams under the crescent midnight moonlight.
Wait.
Where am I?
My head spins wildly as the visual stimuli all comes rushing into me at once. It’s too much to handle. The distinct taste of my stomach splashes the back of my throat as a cold sweat knocks me off balance.
Fuck… It must’ve happened again.
The beaming sun reflecting off the vending machine in front of me scalds my eyes as I search frantically for the shattered pieces of my memory. How long was I gone for? Think.
My eyes jerk left to right, searching for clues, anything solid to stand on. In front of me, a blurred version of myself gleaming off the half-rusted machine. It’s weird seeing my smeared reflection. Lethe outlawed mirrors a few cycles ago and no one really knows why or cares enough to question. Mirrors are the last thing we need to worry about. My hair looks longer than I imagined, still dark. It’s usually shaven, but I haven’t had the time nor energy lately. The bags under my brown eyes scream my story despite which mask I try on in the reflection. My clothes, a grey t-shirt, and blue jeans are half soaked with sweat. The ringing in my ear fades in and out with the sway of disorientation. Think, Palin. Think.
Glancing up, tall metal buildings, dripping with corrosion and apathy, surround me. Each a failed shade of white. Windowless portholes cut to a circle wrap the structures alongside the blues, reds, and yellows of time’s stain. They reach far into the sky like rusted relics from a time when things were better. The cracked asphalt seems to glow in the morning sun as a frail breeze blows some crinkled trash past my feet. A holo-image flickers Archer Lethe’s face on a billboard overhead. Thank you for your service and your dedication fades in from the left of his salute.
People with blurry faces stare as they pass by me in a haze of their own. From across the street, two dark silhouettes are gathered around one of the benches under their apartment tower’s awning. From the shade, they argue amongst each other just out of range of my ear.
“You’re lucky I’m late!” shouts a Lethe officer, bumping into me from behind. I catch myself and turn slowly around. Eagle tattoos cover his massive arms. His neck, nonexistent. Just head mashed into shoulders. He mutters something from under his breath and carries on down the broken sidewalk.
Lucky? Right. The love of my life will be reborn today, not remembering me or any moment we’ve shared the past two decades. On top of that, my own mental state is quickly deteriorating. Another few months until I’m reborn again just so I can waste away another twenty-five years for Lethe. Lucky is something I am not.
The sun seemed to make itself noticeable right then. Unmerciful is the only fitting way to describe it. Every day feels hotter than the last. No sign of it getting better any time soon either. I wipe the sweat from my brow. An electric bus roars by me filled to capacity with disgruntled, employees.
Fuck.
I frantically check the time radiating from the screen attached to my wrist. I’m late. I’ve got to get to the plant. I can’t afford another strike and Lethe doesn’t excuse what they call stress-induced episodes. Too many people faking for a chance at an off day.
Wait a second, I know this place. The newly constructed building triggers my fragile memory like an internal alarm. That red-tinted glass, the sleekness of the black metal plating, the impossibly thin corners... noticeable by anyone here, no matter how close to rebirth they are. The Delta Project facility sticks out like a sore thumb amongst the backdrop of what Kalli and I call Soot City. This entire area of the city has an extra layer of filth after centuries of proximity to the plant. Somehow the newness of this architectural monument remains unscathed.
A beggar pleads from his knees to its locked glass door, begging to volunteer for the Delta Project, to have his memories attempted to be preserved. The dude must be desperate
trusting experimental Lethe tech with his consciousness like that. If it’s coming from them, it’s not in our best interests.
The plant is only a few miles from here. Hurriedly, I purchase my morning dosage of Lethe poison from the vending machine, swallow dry, and begin a little jog to start my already shitty day.
After a few blocks, I intersect with my usual path just in time to see a morning landmark. Phryne. A tan-skinned woman usually wearing the least possible. Her eyes are delicately narrow, tilted upward at the ends. Her long, black hair is typically braided, but today is loosely sprawled over her bra that’s cupped around her breasts.
“For you, Palin, fifty credits, and everything you see here is yours, baby.” She made a little jiggle motion as she licked the top of her lips with her best attempt at seduction.
“Not this cycle,” I replied coldly and continued my jog towards my expected ass-chewing.
Phryne is actually pretty cute for what she does. It’s just sad she has to turn tricks in between shifts to pay to keep her husband alive. He was banished from 34 a few months ago for stealing some machinery from the solar station. Now he’s trying to survive outside the walls in the Outlands. She takes what she earns on the side and uses it for extra Lethe pills and clean water for him. Now that’s love. They meet once a week at the south gate. Kalli saw them once. She said she heard a rumor that he was trying to build a way out of here before he was caught. I can’t say I blame him.
Another block and I arrive at the plant to begin trading the hours of my life for credits, just to keep myself alive so I can continue the process again tomorrow. Seconds before I step through the static field of the entry gate, I’m suddenly frozen by the presence of that bus stop, the place where I first met her. My mind immediately sees the most beautiful girl wearing the purest shade of white sitting patiently, waiting.
Our eyes meet.
She sends a smile in my direction.
I was so nervous that day I could barely string a sentence out to ask her name. I can’t wait until this is all behind us. It will never be, though. After I get her back, I’ll eventually lose my memory, and we’ll be right back to square one. This is life now. Endless cycles of pain and suffering speckled with brief moments of absolute happiness.
I regain focus seconds b
efore I’m lost in the depths of my own thoughts. My station manager is the first sign of reality that comes bursting through my bloodshot eyes. He’s probably lecturing me on my tardiness right now. His lips move, but I can’t hear what he’s saying. If you look closely in between his face, void of emotion, and the monotone words leaving his dry and cracked lips you can just barely see a tiny freckle above his pupil in his right eye.. almost like he’s human. That can’t be true though. No real human would willingly do the things he has done. No real human would ever banish others from the only sanctuary this world has to offer. No real human would betray his own people and watch as they are sent to a fate as good as death for things as trivial as attendance or petty theft. This is no human. Lethe must be making the detail amazing on these Machina. I entertain it for a few more minutes, then sluggishly begin my workday.
They have me on the belt this week. Like every day recently my hands handle the tedious mechanical labor that allows my continual existence while my mind goes over the process for Kalli.
As soon as she is awakened and brought back to the infirmary, she’ll undergo some memory and muscle exercises, the nurses will run some tests, then she’ll watch the video just like everyone else.
Greetings from our capital, Olympia! We want to welcome you back and personally thank you for your sacrifice to the Lethe Corporation. We are all that remains of humanity. The future relies on us. We must remain unified as we will adapt and overcome life’s trials. This is life now. This is your opportunity to help the world.
Archer Lethe, CEO
LETHE CORPORATION
That video is a joke. I barely remember it, but even as a fresh born I remember seeing through the fakeness and bullshit they push on you. It’s nothing short of slave propaganda. After their little pep talk, it begins with the meteor. They want you scared into submission before you even start, ensuring their power will never be threatened. It’s survival of the fittest, and the Lethe Corporation is the last man standing. Once their recordings of the destruction and chaos paralyze you with fear, they show brave and valiant workers strategically stamped with the Lethe Corp logo working effortlessly to save what’s left of the world. A mythical eagle, head snapped to its side, clutches an arrow in its right talon and wheat leaf in its left. Its wings and head are solid soulless black. You can’t live a day in the city without that seal of corruption eyeing you at every turn, watching your every move, perched on the chipped paint of the walls, embedded in the city like cancer.
Once the brainwashing session ends, Jacee promised she would explain everything to Kalli again in person and answer any questions she may have about the manual. Afterward, I’ll take her to our spot on the city’s wall if she’ll have me. I’ll answer all her questions, filling her in on every detail. We’ll camp out and watch the sunset over the black sand-covered hills. Lose track of time and lay under the stars all night laughing and telling old stories of her past life. I can’t live without her. I don’t want to. I’ll do whatever it takes to make her fall in love with me again.
The second I’m able to clock out, I jog to the transit stop that occupied my worrisome mind most of the day. The remnants of a bench stand lonely under the shade of the rusty metal awning. It’s old. Tired. Stained with layers of sand and soot. The bus is dressed in the same fashion and on time as usual. I don’t think it’s ever been late. The squealing of its brakes only adds to the nervous anticipation that’s been building in the pit of my stomach ever since she was sedated.
Inserting my IDC card into the receptacle, I board and scan for a seat. Of course, it’s packed. The smell of sweat and awkwardness punches me right in the face. I coast down the aisle thinking the day has gone by faster than expected. I’m almost to her. Three more stops.
My heart aches as sorrow momentarily pulls my attention to the other side of the dust-stained window I catch myself staring at. A younger couple with a child living on trash-littered streets. I can’t remember the last time I saw a child. They aren’t common these days. Why anyone would want to curse a kid like that is beyond me. She can’t be older than seven - dirty face and starving from the looks of it. They sit motionless on a lumpy mattress. The three of them stare vacantly into the heat, waiting for their shifts. This isn’t a way to live, but we’re powerless. There are people everywhere like them. This is the world we live in. This is why the city has no name, only a number plastered on the air purification building overhead, 34. There is no pride in suffering.
Lethe has more than enough resources to ensure no person lives this way, but greed has no moral compass. Their lavish lifestyle is more important than the lives of their people. One day they are going to pay for what they’ve done. For who they’ve harmed. Hopefully, I’ll be around to see it when it happens.
On arrival at my stop, I stand to exit like I have every day recently, but something is different this time. Something’s not right.
I look around to see confused blank faces staring back at me. They sense it too.
What the fuck is happening to me?
Everything begins to spin. My legs soften beneath me. Panic plays on repeat across my mind, over and over, and over and over. My weight collapses back into the seat as I chaotically search for what has escaped me. The bus roars on.
It’s my brain. An entire gap of my memory… gone…. Again. This is twice in the same day. I’m fucking losing it, much faster than I thought. The added stress probably doesn’t help.
I feel their penetrating eyes with every inch of my body, but it no longer bothers me. Scrambling to find something, anything, to mend my mangled mind, the water filtration tanks towering above the smog catches my eye. I’m not too far from the infirmary, only lost a few minutes this time.
I rise back up with purpose and dash for the bus door as quickly as these legs will let me. Still a little unsteady, hands trembling uncontrollably now, neurons misfiring, I continue fighting through the weakness, stumbling off the bus as if it were my first day walking.
The fresh air is welcoming but does nothing to calm my nerves. The wind has picked up. It’s blowing harder than usual. The distinct smell of rain wisps past my nose as I notice hints of a storm brewing in the clouds in the distance. From just behind the city wall a streak of lightning cracks through the sky. My heart pounds my chest as violently as the thunder scattering above.
My brain in overdrive automatically attempts to calculate what stage of the process she might be in, but I’m deafened by the continuous internal siren of panic, competing side by side with the high-pitched frequency ringing throughout my ears. Anxiety strikes again, crippling me.
Am I too late? What if she doesn’t want to remember me? I force my lungs to submit to the final few meters of concrete, and at last burst through the infirmary doors.
I’m here Kalli. For whatever you decide, I am here.
Up the stairs, racing down the hallway to the nurses’ station, I see Jacee somberly walking from around the corner. She slowly lifts her face to meet mine. Her eyes brimming with cold dread. Her absent-mindedness replaced with sorrow.
Something isn’t right.
My legs merge with the ghostly grey tile beneath me.
Heart beating louder.
I can’t move.
“Palin.. She’s dead. Kalli didn’t make it.”
Chapter 2
“Are you going to stay on that stupid thing all day, Eros?”
A woman that I don’t immediately recognize stands in front of me with her arms securely crossed. Her golden, silky hair bounces a few inches above her slender shoulders as she storms to the edge of my loft. Lips pursed, the expression on her face is one I’d be happy never seeing again.
“H-How long have you been here?” I ask tossing the network cable on the desk in front of me.
“What the hell, E? Do I mean nothing to you!?” she shrieks, stomping her way down the stairs and into the dining room.
“I guess not?”
“Gah! I am so stupid.”
Out of
nowhere, her voice shifts from enraged to intrigued in less than a second as she gathers her belongings noticeably dramatic. It’s remarkable how quickly her tone changes.
She stops. “So.. What are we, then?” she asks batting her electric pink eyes at me like she has a moon’s chance on earth. Every hint of her rage now completely evaporated. Gone. Fucking psycho.
“We,” pointing to the pair of us, “are nothing.” She starts to interject, but I cut her off. “You,” pointing at her, “are now leaving.” I make the finger motion of a person walking in case she can’t understand me.
“So, last night meant absolutely nothing to you? I waited for you all day while you were on that stupid game, and this is how you repay me?” she cries out on the verge of tears.
“No one asked you to wait on me. That was your choice, you decided, all by yourself. Look, I’m going to give it to you straight. I’m not the dating type, sweetie. I will break your heart faster than I’ll forget your name - these are facts. You should know this, I’m a DeltaCraft pilot for crying out loud and a damn good one. I’ve got no business with a ball and chain holding me back.. I’m really not trying to be rude, but I have someone waiting on me and I’m already late.
She pauses, looks up wearing a devious little half-smile. “So, we’re friends with benefits?”
“Nope,” I quickly reply. “I’m not trying to be your friend.”
Her shoulders deflate.
“We are just fucking. That is it. That’s all it has ever been. That’s all it will ever be. Again, not the dating type.”
Hand to the small of her back, I physically guide her to the door. With one foot out, she looks up at me as if nothing I said had any effect whatsoever. Her lips part. “Well, hit me up when you get your mind right, E. Maybe we can hang out or something.” One of the straps of her blouse subtly slips off her shoulder. My upgraded eye spots my own bite mark on her neck.
