In Another World With My Smartphone: Volume 17

by Patora Fuyuhara

  I returned from Mr. Sancho’s store and found Yae and Fizz sitting at the table.

  “Mm... Ah, Touya-dono! It seems you are back, you are.”

  “Yup, I’m back. What’s this?”

  I looked at Yae’s plate and saw macaroni beneath white sauce and a layer of cheese and breadcrumbs. Is that gratin? Man, that looks real good...

  “Ms. Lu made this! It’s very nice!”

  Fizz smiled broadly as Lu walked back out of the kitchen. She wore oven mitts, and carried between them a new baking tray of gratin. I assumed Lu had brought the ingredients out from the [Storage] spell in her engagement ring.

  “I was thinking up new dishes for the restaurant, so I decided to make this one.”

  Gratin was a good idea, I approved. It’d probably turn some heads if it appeared on a signpost menu outside. It’d be ideal if it came with a photograph, as well.

  As I thought about that, Nina appeared from the kitchen with yet more gratin.

  “Lu’s dishes are certainly unusual, but I love them... She’s taught me much while you were away. I’m sure our customers will love this.”

  “Come now, Nina. I was happy to teach you, and you showed me plenty of local recipes as well!”

  It seemed like the two had become fast friends, bonding over various recipes together.

  “The only issue is whether or not customers will come, it is. I am not sure what we should do, I am not. Perhaps we should invest in advertising.”

  Advertising, huh? That’d be one way to catch some attention. The golden, gaudy place across the street never fails to turn heads, after all... Maybe we should redecorate in silver... Nah, no need to stoop to their level.

  Hmm... I’m out of good ideas...

  “I have a way to draw attention. A simple and fun method, actually.”

  “You do?”

  Lu smiled widely. I was curious about what she had in mind.

  ◇　◇　◇

  “...I can’t believe I’m wearing this again...”

  A day later, I let out a resigned sigh. I was in a mascot costume, handing out balloons to kids.

  I was in the giant mascot outfit we’d based on Kohaku... They decided that handing out flyers while dressed as the Mr. Kohaku character was the best thing for it. At the very least, we’d improved the outfit, so it had cold air circulating through the suit. I called it the Mr. Kohaku Mk. II.

  Lu was right, it definitely caught people’s eyes. We’d had customer after customer come over toward me... But it was definitely hard work.

  I looked through the store window and saw Yae, Yumina, Linze, and Sakura all running around as they served customers. They’d been called in for waitressing duty, and wore matching uniforms. Lu was helping Nina in the kitchen, while Fizz was handing out flyers with me.

  We had a decent amount of customers coming in, so things were going well.

  As I continued my work, two rough-looking men came over from across the street. It was the duo that had accompanied the golden pig guy the day before.

  “Hey, what’s up with all the people, huh? Wanna explain yourself?”

  “I’d suggest you two move along. I don’t want you to disturb our advertising campaign. Unless you’re looking to be sent off on your own.”

  The Mr. Kohaku Mk. II was outfitted with a [Silence] spell that I could toggle off and on. Fizz hid behind me, but glared up at the men.

  “Think you can threaten me, huh?!”

  One of the men lunged at me, but he was immediately smacked in the face by one of the mascot outfit’s log-like arms. Then, I followed it up with an uppercut using the hand that was holding balloons.

  “Gueh?!”

  Crap, one of the balloons flew away... It’s kinda hard to keep a grip with this thing.

  The man staggered back. I wanted to jump up for the balloons, but I figured it was best to just leave it.

  “B-Bastard! No shitty cat’s gonna get the jump on us!”

  “I’m not a cat, I’m a tiger.”

  The next man lunged in, so I spun around and counterattacked. He went down like a sack of bricks.

  “...Man, this stuff gets in the way.”

  I handed the rest of the balloons to Fizz before dragging the unconscious men to the doorway of the Golden Pig. Then, I looked into the store and saw the golden pig himself staring at me with a furious glare. I didn’t much care for his false accusations, so I turned around and left.

  Once I got back, Linze stopped waitressing for a moment and came out to check on me.

  “Um, is it okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine. Just a little trouble...”

  “No, I meant the costume... Did you damage it?”

  “Oh, no. That’s all fine...”

  Seemed like Linze was nervous since the outfit wasn’t designed for the swift motions I’d just performed. Still, it was all good.

  “If they keep coming it’ll be a pain, though. I don’t think they’re gonna stop, either.”

  They weren’t the types to leave well enough alone. All I was doing was fighting back against them, though.

  After I handed out enough flyers and ran out of balloons, I retired from Mr. Kohaku duty for a bit and cooled off in the back garden. It was pretty exhausting...

  Fortunately, my waiter uniform didn’t get sweaty because of the new airflow system in the suit. That was a smart move on my part.

  “Urgh! What the hell is this?!”

  I suddenly heard a voice from inside the restaurant. Tsk... Seems like my work’s never over...

  When I entered the restaurant, I saw a man standing up from his chair and walking toward one of the waitresses. This particular waitress was Sakura.

  “There was a bug in my food! Is this the kind of restaurant that serves bugs in its food?!”

  The man started waving his arms around, addressing the other customers. Sakura simply stared at him without moving.

  “Where is the bug...?”

  “Where?! Right here on my plate, look at... Huh?”

  The man pointed at the plate, but there was no bug there at all. He used his fork to sift through it, but couldn’t find any such insect.

  “Wh-Where’d it go? I made sure to put it down right there...”

  “Hey, customer. Tell your friends that was a nice try.”

  “Gaugh!”

  I triggered [Power Rise], picked up the man by the scruff of his neck, and then threw him out the door. I had no time for his made-up crap, so I wanted him out as soon as possible.

  We gave some free wine to the customers who were bothered by the commotion, and it seemed like everyone was aware the guy was an obvious plant.

  I wondered what Sakura had done, though... I hadn’t made the bug vanish.

  “I didn’t do much... Just used [Teleport] to send the insect away...”

  “Oh, I get it. But where’d you send it...?” After I asked that, I suddenly heard yelling and uproar from the restaurant across the street.

  Oh... I get it... Good job.

  They were just getting what was coming to them. If they wanted to mess with us, then we’d mess with them right back.

  Still, it really seemed like they weren’t going to let up. I wondered why they were persisting so much...

  ◇　◇　◇

  “Ya fucked up!”

  After hearing the report from his subordinate, the Golden Pig’s owner slammed his fists down on his desk. His name was Hogsworth Von Buffett, and he was pretty mad.

  He didn’t think the tiny restaurant would pose much of an issue, but it had suddenly become a much larger deal than it was supposed to be.

  Even though he’d taken underhanded methods into his own hands and prevented them from accessing fresh ingredients, they’d somehow found another source.

  They ended up hiring a weird group of people, and had seen an influx of customers lately. Every single plan he’d poured into ruining them had now come undone. That also meant the money he’d spent on them was wasted, too. He couldn�
�t let that slide.

  “Use force if ya have to, but get rid of ’em!”

  “W-We would, but there’s this giant stuffed animal over there! He can beat multiple of us at once, sir!”

  Since the first attempt, there’d been a few attacks on the enemy restaurant, but each had been repelled by the mysterious mascot character. As a result, the Golden Pig’s manager was at a loss.

  “Use yer head, idiots! Ya don’t hafta just beat the guard, see? Let’s rely on some of our underground contacts. We can prepare a Gollem carriage with a wild animal on it. Ya dig?”

  “...What do we do with the animal?”

  Hogsworth’s underlings raised their brows in confusion. They had no idea what was being implied.

  “Ugh. Ain’t it obvious? We crash it into their building!”

  “Ohhh, I get it.”

  It was a devious plan. All they had to do was have the carriage crash into the store, and then the wild animal it was transporting would be let loose. It would look just like an accident, too. The Gollem that caused the accident would be trashed, too, which would allow for careful recovery of the G-Cube that could be used as evidence.

  “Go do it already, idiots!”

  “G-Got it!”

  Little did the men know that the entire exchange had been observed by a red bird outside their window.

  ◇　◇　◇

  The Little Bunny’s business was booming. They’d hired part-timers, so they could carry on without my help. I didn’t think they needed to worry about losing business now. There was just one last issue to deal with.

  I sat at the table and looked through the window at the Golden Pig.

  “Think they’ll do it?”

  “I do. That jerk is hellbent on ruining this place. He’s one persistent bad guy, I’ll give him that.”

  Lu was seated next to me, glancing out the window. Nothing was happening yet, but we were sitting prepared for their next strike. Yae was just kinda eating like normal, though...

  “Ah.”

  I saw Kougyoku approaching the window, so I opened it up and allowed her to perch herself there.

  “The Gollem carriage is inbound.”

  “So it finally showed up...” Kougyoku had reported to me earlier, and I learned the basic gist of their intentions. That was why we were sitting, prepared for it to come in.

  I quickly heard a loud voice from down the street.

  “Look ouuut! The Gollem carriage went out of controool!”

  I was expecting one or two animals tops, but when I headed outside and saw the carriage headed down the street, it was more like a four-ton truck. It was loaded with horses, deer, cows, and wild boar.

  If those things rushed into the building, then it wouldn’t matter if everyone got out safely. They’d completely demolish the place.

  The six-legged Gollem pulling the cargo raised a roar as it charged through the streets. It wasn’t going at an incredible speed, but it was still moving fast enough that it couldn’t be stopped by people.

  I moved to the main street with [Teleport], just narrowly avoiding being hit by it.

  Then, I made sure it was in my sights as I prepared my next spell.

  “[Cracking]!”

  I cast it on the Gollem. [Cracking] was a spell that allowed me to interfere with how magical tools and artifacts functioned, but it could also be applied to magitechnological creations like Gollems.

  I wasn’t quite as learned on Gollems as Doctor Babylon or Elluka, but I was able to control basic functions. For example, I could make this Gollem turn left instead of right.

  I grinned, and the Gollem suddenly made a sharp left turn. It was headed right for the Golden Pig.

  “L-Look out! Run away!”

  The customers lined up outside the restaurant began to scatter like a cluster of spiders, leaving behind the manager and his cronies.

  “Wh-What the... Why’s it headed our way?!”

  “I-I don’t know! This isn’t what we had programmed!”

  They argued with each other as the Gollem carriage advanced toward them. As it got closer, they realized their position before screaming and running away. The carriage smashed through the restaurant’s window.

  “N-No! Stop! Stop!” The six-legged Gollem completely ignored the man’s pleas and continued driving its way through the inner walls of the building until it broke down.

  The cargo carriage fell to its side, causing quite the loud crash. The tremor unlocked the cage, and the frightened animals were all turned loose.

  Cows, deer, horses, and boars all came flooding out into the building, rampaging wildly. There was nothing he could do.

  “M-My restaurant! My restauraaant!”

  The manager’s yells rang out into the street. Evil deeds bring evil outcomes, buddy. Accept your punishment and be thankful it wasn’t worse.

  Eventually, the knight order appeared on the scene, clad in their holy white armor.

  “Ah! About time you showed up! Take care of those wild beasts!”

  “We’re actually here for you, Hogsworth Von Buffett. You’re wanted on charges of bribery, market exclusivity, illicit dealings with the black guild, and other petty crimes. You have the right to remain silent.”

  “No!”

  The knights dragged the blubbering mass of blubber up from his knees. I glanced over and saw Mr. Sancho with the knights, and he smiled and winked my way. I knew he’d pull through for me. What a great guy.

  “Enough of this joking around! I have ties to the nobility in this area, you can’t arrest me! These are baseless claims!”

  “We can assure you that we have evidence. There’s nowhere for you to escape to. Take him away, boys.”

  The golden pig, former owner of the Golden Pig, was dragged away kicking and screaming. The animals were safely recovered by a group of knight Gollems, and placed back in holding pens.

  “All’s well that ends well?”

  “I’ll agree with that.”

  “I think Nina and Fizz will be able to live peacefully now.”

  We watched the knights leave and heaved sighs of relief.

  I looked at the customers enjoying their food at the Little Rabbit, and I smiled. I was really glad that I could protect this place.

  “Sorry! Mom’s really busy in there, can you help us out?!”

  Fizz, clad in a waitress outfit, rushed out of the store. Lu and Yae went in to help out for the rest of the shift. I figured I’d join them.

  “Alright, you can hand out flyers again!”

  Just as I was about to re-enter the store, Fizz appeared and gave me that dreaded order. A small sigh of resignation leaked past my lips.

  I opened up [Storage] and pulled out the Mr. Kohaku Mk. II costume... I had a long day ahead of me.

  Chapter II: The Great Marriage Caper

  “The Kingdom of Horn is on the verge of civil war...?”

  “It is. There are two factions. One supports the grandson of the king, and the other supports the younger brother of the king.”

  I groaned out in irritation as Tsubaki gave her report.

  The Kingdom of Horn was a country to the east of Felsen, and to the south of where Yulong once was.

  It was a fertile land that had the blessing of various spirits, and a mighty king that managed his nation well. It was probably the best country in the world when it came to agriculture and financial prosperity.

  Culture-wise, it was kind of similar to Eashen, but also a little bit different. If it were a country on earth, it would be one of the many nations that factored into Asia’s cultural sphere.

  Unfortunately, tragedy struck the kingdom only a year ago. Their brilliant king died without warning.

  Typically, the crown prince would just succeed the throne, and life would go on... But there was an issue.

  The crown prince of Horn had suddenly died only a week before his father did. He was only twenty-one years old, but apparently it was caused by an accident.

  The king had no ot
her male heirs, but the prince did have a son. In other words, the dead king’s grandson was eligible for the throne.

  Or he would’ve been eligible, if not for the fact that he was a literal infant at only one year old. And so, the prime minister took over as regent in his stead.

  But while things seemed to be moving smoothly, the process was suddenly stalled when the late king’s younger brother raised an objection.

  The prime minister of the nation happened to be the father of the dead prince’s wife. The king’s younger brother claimed that something smelled foul, and it was a clear plot by the prime minister’s family to usurp the country. He claimed that only he could carry on his brother’s will.

  It seemed that when he was alive, the king had disagreed with his son often. The late king preferred traditional, less risky methods and wanted to keep the country focused on what worked for it. The son, however, was industrious and wanted to lead Horn into several new fields and focuses.

  It was a shame that the two of them, who clearly cared in different ways about their country, died within the same week.

  The king’s younger brother publicly stated that the late king was always planning on cutting the crown prince out of the line of succession due to his ‘dangerous’ new-age way of thinking and that he should be king instead.

  The prime minister, however, stated that although the king and the prince had argued often, they understood that they had the best interests of the country in mind and managed to keep an open mind with each other. He even stated that he often acted as a mediator between the two parties, and helped them come to an understanding about several issues over the course of their lives.

  Unfortunately, neither side listened to the other, and tensions mounted until civil war seemed about ready to break out.

  “Seems more like a conflict between the prime minister and the king’s brother than the king’s grandson and the king’s brother...”

  “Quite, yes. The brother of the late king is named Ganossa Da Horn, and the prime minister is named Schwein Adante. The grandson of the late king is named Kuoh Da Horn, and he is also the grandson of the prime minister due to his mother.”

  Tsubaki nodded at Kousaka, who gave his take on the situation.

  This certainly sounded like a whole heap of trouble to me. Succession issues like this did sprout up now and then, so it wasn’t like I could really do much.