by Jayden Woods
*
The time she slept with another man was the night Thorkell changed his attitude. She had been gone for several days and nights again, as happened somewhat often. But this time had been different. This time, not every night had been spent in the woods.
Thorkell knew. In a sense she had planned on it. She had slept with a man dumb enough to brag about bedding the wife of Thorkell the Tall.
She strolled through the door feeling as proud as a cat. Thorkell sat next to the hearth-fire, his large shoulders slouched, his eyes staring deep into the blaze. The flames illuminated his hair like threads of copper. She yearned for him suddenly, but she stayed away, and her blood quickly grew cold again.
“Runa ...” He took a deep breath, and she was surprised to hear it shudder as he exhaled. “Did I do something wrong?”
This reaction surprised her. She had expected an argument. Her mouth flopped opened and closed a few times before she could form her own words. “You broke my bow.”
“You hurt Canute. You leave my bed cold whenever you feel like it. And now ...” She thought that he, too, was trying to be angry. But his beard quivered. “Now you’ve betrayed me.”
All of her defiance, anger, and rebellion melted immediately away. She trembled from head to foot and struggled not to fall and splash at his feet like a puddle. “Oh Thorkell ...”
“I don’t understand, Runa. I tried to give you anything you wanted. I tried to let you do what you want. But … this ...”
She cocked her head as high as she could. But he wasn’t even looking. “And what will you do about it?”
“I already killed him.”
She stiffened again.
“I had to. Everyone knew. Someone had to be punished: either him or you. Now that he’s dead, all they’ll need to do at the next husting is pardon me. And they will.”
She felt her anger strengthening her once more. “You’re the one who wanted to marry. Did you think I would change? Did you think I would become a different woman than the one that tackled you in the woods? Well I won’t. No one can change me. No one can restrain me!”
“Then perhaps we should divorce.”
His words shocked her. She had expected a greater argument, she realized. She had expected him to explode, to become violent, or perhaps to attempt to enact some sort of restraint on her. She thought perhaps she would provoke him to some sort of evil. Had she actually hoped for as much? The revelation made her sick to her stomach. She had wanted to prove to Thorkell that he was a bad person; that by making her his wife, somehow, he had trapped her. She clutched her own arms, as if suddenly cold. How often did she cause trouble simply to provoke other people into believing the world was as dark as she thought?
“I … I ...” She forced a swallow from her dry mouth. “I don’t want a divorce.”
“Then what do you want?” For the first time since her return, he looked at her. His gaze undulated with emotion. The sight broke her heart. “I love you, Runa. I don’t want to change you. But … I can’t let you keep doing this.”
Restrained tears burned in her nose. “You won’t let me.”
His gaze became simple, pure. “Divorce me,” he said, “or stay. But if you stay, have a baby with me.” His voice grated with bitterness. “A baby we’ll know is mine. And if you ever think you’re pregnant by another man, you’ll kill it.”
She covered her mouth to stifle a gasp. So this mattered to him most? Or was it simply a desperate request? Somehow she suspected the former. Perhaps she had hurt him a great deal more than he could ever hurt her. And if he had figured out that she knew how to “kill” a pregnancy ...
Something within her gave way. She fell against him, pressing her cheek to the sharp edges of his beard, raking her fingers along his biceps. “I’ll try.” A sob wracked her frame. “I’ll try. I’ll try ...”
At last he reached up and held her, and she wondered whether she had lost the argument, or won something greater.
