by CJ Embers
Staring up at the palace, the beauty of it was overridden by jealousy and irritation. I wanted to go up those stairs and stand at the top to look upon the village below. I wanted to have the power that the Tehji did. I didn’t want my life ruled by them anymore. I wanted a choice.
Chapter 4
W hen I realized darkness had fallen, I had a moment of panic and scrambled down from the statue. I ran down the street towards my home, worried I had missed the celebration. Even though I didn’t particularly want to be there, it would not only hurt my mother if I missed it, but it would also be suspicious.
I turned onto my street and when I saw my mother walking towards home with a bouquet of flowers, I slowed to a jog. She must have heard me, because she turned around.
When she saw me frazzled, she looked confused and waited for me to catch up.
“What’s wrong?” she asked when I got there.
“I lost track of time and worried I had missed the celebration,” I answered, trying to catch my breath.
“Oh, no,” she said, chuckling. “It hasn’t even started. I’m almost done preparing. Come back in about an hour, okay?”
I agreed and puttered around the village for a while. When I realized I could have had time to meet with Rorik, I felt a flicker of frustration. Now, I would have to wait to hear his explanation.
When it had been about an hour, I went back to my house. I could hear laughter and music before I even got there, and my stomach twisted uncomfortably.
Standing outside the door, I couldn’t muster up the courage to open it. Having to face those people, wear a fake smile and lie through my teeth, I knew it would be dreadful.
“Kena!”
Recognizing Enari’s voice, I turned to see her coming down the street holding a small box. She reached me and wrapped her arms around me.
My friend pulled back and looked me up and down with a shake of her head and a grin. “I never thought I would see the day!”
I chuckled and tried to return the smile, but I was sure it came off as more of a grimace. “Well, you shouldn’t be that surprised; it had to happen eventually.”
Enari lifted her shoulder in a shrug and leaned a bit closer to whisper dramatically, “Honestly, I kind of wouldn’t have been surprised if you had chosen to run off rather than decide to contribute.”
I scoffed and tried to force out another chuckle. “We all have to grow up eventually.”
“True, but it sure is weird hearing those words come out of your mouth,” she said, shaking her head again as her eyes glittered in amusement.
The door opened and my mother stood there. “I thought I heard some chattering! Come in!”
My friend motioned for me to go first. Inside, there were a handful of my mother’s closest female friends. As far as I knew, men were never invited to these types of celebrations. The fact that all these women thought I had sex was embarrassing, but I had to keep reminding myself that was just how our culture was.
My mother’s friends crowded around me, showering me in compliments and congratulatory remarks. I forced myself to act genuine, because if there was even the slightest of suspicions, it would not end well.
After we all talked for a bit, my mother ushered us all to the table. It was covered in a variety of delicious-looking dishes, and I felt a twinge of guilt again. My mother must have either paid a lot for this food or taken hours to make it all.
Despite my appetite being basically non-existent, I ate anyway. The entire meal, it felt like I was on the verge of both throwing up and having a panic attack.
When it was finally over with, we all helped clear the table, then my mother mentioned gifts. She and a couple of others disappeared into her room to retrieve the presents. When they returned, they deposited them on the table, and I noticed Enari added her small box to the mix.
One by one, each woman at the celebration handed me their gift. As I opened them, they continued to be baby items, such as clothing, bottles, and toys, and seeing each one made my stomach churn.
When I got to Enari’s box, the last gift, I tried to still my trembling hands. Unwrapping the thin ribbon, I pulled off the lid. Seeing the elegant necklace sitting upon the velvet, all the guilt burst forth like a geyser. Clutching the box, I covered my face with my hands as tears flooded my eyes.
The women hushed in their cheery conversations and murmured sympathies while someone’s arms wrapped around my shoulders.
“What’s wrong, Kena?” Enari’s voice asked gently near my ear as she rubbed my shoulder. “Is the necklace ugly?” she asked in a light tone, clearly trying to brighten the mood.
I fought to push down the guilt and tears enough to respond. “No,” I responded, lowering my hands and wiping at my cheeks. “The necklace is beautiful. I’m just… I don’t know. Overwhelmed, I guess. This celebration, and the gifts, it’s all so wonderful. But knowing my life will be changing so drastically in not too much time, it’s just a lot to digest.”
All the women nodded knowingly, and the warmth in their eyes told me they didn’t suspect the true reasons of my tears.
Enari gave me a squeeze and went back to her seat, saying, “I can imagine, Kena; I’m nervous for my first time. But I’ll be with you every step of the way. And I’m sure if you have any questions, one of these lovely women will be willing and able to answer with their experience.”
My mother and her friends agreed vigorously and tried to reassure me that they were all completely willing to help me if I needed.
I thanked them all and as the gift-giving came to an end and the games came out, I tried my best to lock away my guilt for the time being and enjoy myself.
As the night wore on, the games managed to distract me just enough for me to have a little bit of fun. One by one, the women got tired and left to head off back to their own home. When the last one was gone, my mother and I said goodnight, too tired to clean up.
The next morning, I awoke to Mazi curled up next to me, and I didn’t want to move to disturb her. After some time, I needed to go to the bathroom, however, so I slowly made my way off the bed. After giving her a soft kiss on the cheek, I got ready for the day.
Before leaving my room, I spotted the necklace I had received from Enari. It was a beautiful piece, and I wanted to wear it because of that and because it was from my friend, but the reason behind it turned me off. However, I put it on anyway. If she saw me without it, it would hurt her and she would question why.
Standing by my door about to leave, I was psyching myself up. From now on, I needed to take my acting more seriously. I had no idea yet where my path would go from here, so for now, I needed to be one hundred percent believable.
Grasping the doorknob and swinging the door open, I took a deep breath and stepped out. In the kitchen, my mother was making breakfast, and I gave her a big smile.
She returned it, looking happy but surprised. “Someone’s having a good morning, then?”
I shrugged and started setting the table. “Last night was really nice. It really helped to reassure me, knowing all of you are willing to help me. The delicious food and the wonderful gifts helped, too,” I said with a silly smile.
My mother chuckled as she continued cooking. “Well, I’m glad.”
After breakfast, I helped her clean up the mess from the night before, then did things to pass the hours until it would be time to meet with Rorik outside of Shekri.
When the sun was nearing the horizon, I went into the forest. Even though dusk was still at least two hours away, I figured it wouldn’t be smart for the both of us to be seen going into the forest at the same time. I had brought a book from home— one of the few we had— and passed the time reading near a berry bush while munching on the delicious fruit.
When the sun was close to disappearing below the horizon, it was too dark to continue reading. Rorik still hadn’t shown up, and I was beginning to get concerned.
I walked around a bit, thinking he might be waiting in a different area, but I found not
hing. I settled back into my spot by the berry bush and started munching again, but this time from the worry.
The minutes ticked by, and the world continued getting darker. When I could barely see the trees in front of me, I resigned to giving up waiting and going back. I stepped out of the forest and froze.
By the main gate, Rorik was walking out of the village towards the forest. Hastily, I ducked back into the shadows of the trees and waited. When the man had reached the forest, I quietly followed him until he stopped. He looked around, and when he spotted me, he jumped.
“Were you here the whole time?” he asked, looking spooked.
“Well, I’ve been in the forest for a while, yeah. Not in this exact spot, though. I saw you coming from the gate and followed you once you got into the forest.”
“Huh, you’re quiet on your feet, then,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck.
In the darkness, I couldn’t see if his face had a bruise from my punch.
“Sorry for making you wait, regardless. I wanted to come earlier, but I was being held up. I’m glad you waited.”
I wasn’t sure where to start, so I simply asked the first thing that came to mind. “So, you lied to my mom?”
“Not really,” he answered. “I just didn’t divulge in the truth.”
“That’s a form of lying though, is it not?”
He gave me a look. “Don’t be semantic. Would you rather I go divulge in the truth?”
“Of course not,” I said quickly. “So why’d you not rat me out?”
He thought for a moment, like he was trying to figure out how to word what he wanted to say. “Because… of the punch, I guess.”
When I looked confused, he continued, “I have been chosen by the Tehji other times, and sometimes, the woman is scared, like you were; but they always ended up relaxing. I guess I figured, if you were scared enough to actually risk punching me in the face, I should probably just let you go and not mention it.”
I was surprised to hear it was the punch that saved me instead of it being the thing that got me into even more trouble. “Well, thank you, Rorik.”
He gave me a nod. “You’re welcome. But Kena, you obviously know what will happen in a few weeks, right?”
“Yes,” I answered, trying not to show my worries.
“So you know that once the Tehji find out the first time ‘didn’t work’, they’re going to want us to try again. And Kena, I’m not willing to risk my place and value in Shekri. If you don’t figure out how to deal with this by then, I won’t be so lenient; you’ll either have to follow through, or I will let the Tehji know you backed out.”
Angry at the ultimatum, I glared at him. “And what exactly am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to ‘figure out how to deal with it’?”
“I don’t know, fake being pregnant? This is your problem, Kena. You’re the one who backed out.”
The idea of faking being pregnant caught my interest. It would inevitably back me even further into a corner, but at least then it would give me a lot more time to try to think of a more permanent solution. Instead of a few weeks, I would have many months, depending on how well I could convince people.
“You have an expression on your face like you’re conspiring,” Rorik said. “Wait— are you actually going to fake being pregnant?”
“Of course not,” I scoffed, suddenly worried talking to Rorik about my lying would backfire. What if he was only pretending to be nice, and would go to the Tehji first thing tomorrow morning with the news of my disobedience?
“Don’t lie,” he said. “I don’t care if you do that. That will be all on you, and I will deny knowing if it ever comes back around to me. As long as you keep me out of it, I won’t mention it.”
“I don’t think you would even be mentioned considering men obviously don’t have anything to do with the childrearing.”
“Then it’s settled. I gotta get back before someone notices I’m gone.”
“Me too.”
Rorik went first, and I decided to risk going over the wall, away from the prying eyes of the gate guards.
Back at home, my mother was asleep already, and I tiptoed around quietly to get ready for bed. Once I was in my room and snuggled cozily under the covers, I thought about the suggestion Rorik had given. I didn’t know if faking a pregnancy was possible, so I would have to do a little digging to see if it was.
When morning came, the worries of my situation had lessened. Although I still was, knowing that if I could pull it off, I would have many months to think of a better plan made me feel relieved.
At the table while eating breakfast, I asked my mother when symptoms would start to show if my first time did work.
She set down her fork to answer. “It depends. It varies between women. Some show symptoms within a few weeks, and others only have some months later.”
“What are the symptoms?”
“Oh, there are a lot,” she chuckled. “But the most common are mood swings, increased amount of bathroom breaks, weird cravings…” She motioned to her chest. “These might be sore. The earliest symptom women tend to notice is that they missed their period. But, that doesn’t necessarily give a for sure answer, because they can skip or be late for all sorts of reasons.”
As she continued talking about symptoms, I listened intently. My mother had no idea that all the information she was giving was to help me build up the biggest lie I had ever attempted in my life.
When breakfast was over and the table was cleaned, I went outside and was immediately filled with excitement. The Ascension Ceremony preparations were coming along well. Paper lanterns were strung up along my street, and colourful tapestries hung from many buildings.
As I walked throughout the village looking at the decorations, I thought back to last year and how the warrior who had been chosen to Ascend didn’t make it through the Trial. His body had returned with burn marks and the killing blow had seemed to be a sword through the stomach.
When that happened— the chosen dying instead of succeeding— the Ascension Ceremony turned into the Ascension Vigil. The Vigil was spent grieving for the lost man and celebrating his attempt.
Even though the Ceremony could lead to death and a funeral, I was still excited for it every single year, because the way I saw it, those men still got a chance and a choice to Ascend. I would give anything to be given the same chance, and I got to live vicariously through them, even just a little bit.
My daydreaming was interrupted when my mother came up to me. She pulled me away from the street, saying she wanted to talk a bit more privately.
My stomach twisted with apprehension as she brought me into an alley, but she looked concerned rather than angry.
“Kena, I was told by one of the guards that last night, he saw Rorik meeting you in the forest.”
My mind jumped back to when I had given up on waiting for Rorik and had stepped out of the forest for just a moment before slipping back in after seeing the man was on his way.
I kept my face blank despite the paranoia, and the frustration that the guards had seen me in such a short period of time.
“Are you two… starting something?” she asked before I could speak.
I groaned and rolled my eyes. “No, Mom! I was out for a walk and when I saw him coming in my direction on my way back, I went a different way. I know the implications of getting attached, and I didn’t want to pass by him in case he wanted to talk. You know how much I like men,” I chuckled. “I’m just protecting myself so I don’t cross that line. It might’ve been a bit excessive, but…”
The concern left her eyes, being replaced by warmth. “I understand. I’m glad you are acknowledging your weaknesses and taking precautions.” She put her arms around me and rubbed my back. “You’re growing up so fast.”
“Better late than never, right?”
My mother laughed. “Right. Anyway, I have to go, so I’ll let you get back to what you were doing.”
We said goodbye, then went our separ
ate ways. Relief was swirling in me. I seemed to be a good enough actress to be able to pull this off. But I would need to be more careful about things like Rorik. From now on, it would be best to not talk to each other at all, just in case someone saw again and asked more questions.
I continued walking throughout the village, and after a while came across a house that was empty. If I succeeded in faking a pregnancy, I would be given a house like this.
While women were only given one once they became pregnant for the first time, the male kids got theirs as soon as they became of age. They didn’t need to do anything besides grow to adulthood to get a house, and it irritated me beyond belief.
Enari was the only woman I knew of who got a house to herself without ‘earning’ it, but that was a rare exception to the Tehji’s rules. Her mother had passed away years ago, leaving my friend as an orphan. Since then, Enari continued living in her childhood home, but did so alone since she had no siblings.
Feeling compelled to seek out other empty houses, I took myself on a small tour of the village. There ended up being three as far as I could tell, and each one looked beautiful from the outside.
When I thought about being given a house despite not actually contributing, I felt smug instead of guilty. The lie would catch up to me eventually, but at least I would be giving a metaphorical middle finger to the Tehji for months before that happened.
Chapter 5
A s the days continued ticking by, I made sure to do as much as I could to help build up my lie. I visited my mother’s friends under the guise of wanting advice, when really it was just to gather information to help me fake everything.
I also slowly started incorporating fake symptoms, complaining about fatigue and headaches, and going to the bathroom a bit more than usual.
When my period eventually came, I had to be meticulous with hiding the evidence. Faking going to the bathroom more often helped with that, and I always waited until my mother was asleep to clean the cloth pads.
