by CJ Embers
My mother’s bottom lip trembled as she said, “Kena… you tarnished our family name, and I don’t know if the Tehji will allow me to continue to serve them anymore after you turned out so rebellious.”
I stiffened, realizing the hurt in my mother’s eyes was purely selfish. She wasn’t worried about me, but of herself and her ability to bear more children for Karua.
Before I could respond, she added, “Shame on you. You not only ruined your own life, but mine as well and the life of your unborn child. May the Tehji be willing to forgive the transgressions of your child’s mother, and let him or her live in Shekri freely.”
Gritting my teeth, I growled at her to get out.
Surprise crossed her face, and when she hesitated, I yelled, “Get out!”
The force of my words brought forth another wave of pain, and I could feel fresh blood seeping into my shirt, but my anger smothered it until my mother left the building.
I sunk back onto the hard bed and curled up, body trembling fiercely. Although I knew what I had done was extreme, and although I knew my mother valued Karua’s laws, I didn’t expect her to completely dismiss me. She would have had to know how severe my wounds were and the fact that I almost died, and yet she still only cared about her own image.
The thoughts of my faked pregnancy wormed its way into my mind. If my mother thought my actions were bad now, I couldn’t imagine her reaction after finding out there was no unborn child growing in my womb.
I stayed lying there for a while, not moving until the sound of the door opening again reached my ears. I turned, hoping to see Enari, but it was just a guard with a tray of food.
He opened a small hatch in the cell bars and slid the tray through onto the small ledge on my side. The man glanced at me, but it was hard to make out his expression. It looked like a mixture of interest, disgust, disapproving, and maybe awe.
When he left without a word, I debated getting up to go grab the food. I hadn’t eaten since the Ascension Ceremony, so I was sure I was hungry, but it didn’t feel like I was and I knew moving would be painful.
As I continued considering the decision, my belly growled. Sighing, I tried to sit up. Sharp shocks of pain lanced down my body and I groaned.
When I stood, I immediately fell, my legs rubbery. Crying out, I landed on my hands and knees. The burning pain in my side told me I had torn open the large wound, but I tried to ignore it. Picking myself up, I gingerly walked to the tray of food.
Once I was safely back on the bed, I removed my shirt to take a look at my wounds. I pulled off the bandage on my chest, moving aside part of my bra to get a full look at it. The wound was red and angry, but the stitches were still in place.
A voice came from somewhere nearby. “You shouldn’t be removing your bandages.”
I looked up to see Oren, another of Shekri’s guards, and I curled my lip at him and continued doing what I was doing.
Pulling the bandage off the wound on my side was worse, and I sunk my teeth in my cheek to stop from whimpering. The gash was open, bloody, and deep. I knew it needed to be closed again, but I had no idea whether the Tehji would allow me to be fixed up again.
The scratches on my face and head seemed fine as far as I could tell with my fingers. They seemed deep enough that they might leave scars, but they apparently didn’t need stitches and had some sort of ointment on them.
Calling out to Oren, I asked for a needle and thread. Even if they were willing, I didn’t want them to touch me; I’d rather do it myself than have their fingers on me.
“What for?” he asked.
“I need to close this wound again.”
“By yourself?” he questioned dubiously.
I answered him with a glare and silence, and he sighed and went to the door. After a quick word with the guard outside, the man went back to his post.
The pain was making me a bit woozy, but I nibbled on a piece of bread anyway, knowing I needed to keep my strength up. When the building door opened, Shekri’s doctor had arrived with a metal tray which held a few medical instruments.
“I’ve been told one of your wounds opened?”
“Yes. You can leave the equipment here, thanks.”
He gave me a peculiar look. “You’re wanting to close it yourself?”
“Yes.”
“I… I don’t think I can let you do that. As a medical professional, it would be much safer for me to—”
“Either you let me do it myself or I let myself die before the Tehji decide what to do with me,” I interrupted.
The doctor sighed and hesitated. “Will you at least let me check on your child? After the ordeal you went through, I want to ensure your baby is still healthy.”
“No.”
After a few more moments of looking unsure, he slid the supplies through, then turned and left. The guard came forward and stood by the bars, no doubt to ensure I wasn’t going to off myself with the tools.
I prepared the equipment, and when I was ready to pierce my flesh with the needle, my hands were shaking. I knew this would hurt, and the thought of shoving a needle through already painful skin made me feel faint.
“You sure you don’t want help?” Oren asked as he saw me hesitating.
“Yeah, you can help by shutting up.”
That elicited a chuckle from him, then he got more serious and asked, “Why’d you do it?”
As I finally got the nerve to stick the needle in, I answered him through gritted teeth. “I want a better life.”
“Serving the—”
“No,” I snapped, continuing to thread the needle through my skin. “If other women are okay with providing Karua with children their entire lives, that’s their choice. But I want a choice of what to do with my life, rather than just having a choice of whether to be okay with the Tehji’s rules or not.”
He was silent for a moment. “Well… you certainly chose.”
“Uh huh. And now I’m sure I will be executed.”
“You sound so okay with it,” he said, curiosity clear in his voice.
“I’d rather die having gotten a small taste of freedom than to live my entire life being forced to carry the burden of something I don’t want.”
“Maybe your actions will incite change in Shekri and Karua in general.”
I snorted. “I didn’t do this to become a martyr or hero.” Fully realizing what he said, I paused in my stitching for a moment to look up at him. “Wait, why would you say that? Do you not agree with the patriarchy?”
The man lifted one shoulder in a small shrug. “I don’t know… I don’t necessarily think it would be a bad thing if things changed around here.”
“So, Oren, you have a problem with your easy life? Get to have sex and knock up women and then have no responsibilities in regards to the child, and you can do whatever you want in life… and yet there’s a small part of you that wants that responsibility and wants rules being imposed on you?”
“Having an easier life doesn’t mean I can’t want the women in our country to be treated better. I’d gladly shoulder some of their burden.”
A huff of laughter escaped my lips. “Don’t let the Tehji hear that, otherwise they’ll castrate you and send you off to live as the women you like so much.”
Oren chuckled, then changed the topic. “Are you sure you don’t want help with that?”
“I’m almost done. Mind your business.”
True to my word, I finished about a minute later. I gingerly carried the tray of equipment over to the little table, then washed my bloody hands in the small sink and slipped my shirt back on.
Oren opened the hatch and pulled the medical tools out, then went to give them to the guard outside before going back to his post.
Carefully lying down, I pulled the thin blanket over me and nibbled on some more food as my mind wandered.
What would the Tehji do with me? Surely they couldn’t just let me off with a warning or small punishment; I stole Eldrik’s chance at Ascending, and I doubted
that would be taken lightly… But at the same time, I was now an Adeptus. How would they punish an Adeptus?
My mind drifted to Helis and I thought back to how I had gotten distracted by him almost immediately. Although the thought of appearing weak and single-minded made me cringe, I still couldn’t help but think of the feel of his fingers trailing the edge of my jaw and the sheer power radiating from him.
Ugh, not only did he almost kill me, but he’s also a misogynist, and I’m stupid enough to be daydreaming about him… Pathetic.
When sleep came, it was peaceful and uninterrupted by dreams.
A few days passed, and my wounds were ever so slowly healing. My mother didn’t come see me again, and Enari still hadn’t visited. My friend’s lack of appearance seemed to hurt more than my mother’s reaction.
Oren continued to talk with me more and more, ignoring my half-hearted requests for him to leave me be. Although having someone to talk to was nice, it was annoying that my only source of conversation was from a man I barely even knew.
When the day finally came that the Tehji made their decision of what to do with me, I knew it by the fact that a handful of guards arrived.
Two came into my cell and each one took a side, grasping an arm. I didn’t bother fighting, not wanting to risk my wounds opening up when they had finally started healing.
The remaining guards surrounded me, and they all marched me out the building and down the street. People were walking down the road in the same direction as us, and they glanced at me with expressions of disgust and anger.
I was led to the same place where the Ascension Ceremony had taken place. It seemed like the entire village was there, and for a moment I wondered why they were all gathered for my sentencing before I figured it only made sense. The crime I committed was huge, and I was sure everyone in Shekri called for justice.
The guards stopped and took their places beside me, the two holding me still firm in their grip. We were facing the crowd, who were jeering at me and slinging insults.
When the Tehji arrived, everyone fell silent. The only sound were their footsteps and the whispers of their silk robes trailing across the stone.
A Tehjin stepped forward. “Thank you for your patience during this past week. The decision we came to has not been an easy one, and that is why it took so long.” He turned a bit and gestured to me. “The crime of usurping the Ascension calls for death.”
Many in the crowd cheered before the man raised a hand to quiet them. “However, by winning the Trial and becoming an Adeptus, Kena has become protected.”
Someone in the crowd yelled out, “So she gets a free pass for spitting in the face of Karua’s rules and our god?”
The man’s words sparked anger in the villagers, and I saw it ripple through the crowd. It took a while for the leaders to calm them.
“In answer to your question, no,” he said. “While an execution is beyond what is allowed for an Adeptus, we know that Kena must still be punished.”
“Therefore, we have decided that she will be branded, so as to forever be reminded— and remind others— of her crime. And then, she will be cast out and become an Iuni.”
Chapter 8
S ilence hovered in the air at the Tehjin’s words while shock filled me. I wasn’t sure whether their decision was better than or worse than death.
The man turned to me. “Do you have any last words before you are cast out?”
For some reason, my laughter rang through the air. “Yeah, I do.” I locked eyes with the man. “I’d do it all over again. I’d rather be an Iuni than to be forced to live life shackled as just another woman in your breeding stock.”
Gasps ripped through the crowd and anger crossed the man’s face.
Wanting to dish out one last blow to the Tehji and the others, I said, “And since I’m being cast out anyway, I can finally come clean about the biggest lie of my life… My pregnancy? Completely. Made. Up.”
The gasps of horror were music to my ears, and I smiled. After all this time, admitting it felt like both a weight off my shoulders and a victory at the same time.
The shock in the air was tangible. I met my mother’s gaze from where she stood in the crowd, and my smile widened when I saw the dread and betrayal in her eyes. Her face was pale, and the woman beside her had to help keep her steady.
My eyes passed over the crowd as they started hurling insults at me. When I saw Rorik, my gaze locked on him. With my confession, I briefly wondered what would happen to him, but I didn’t care enough to wish I hadn’t done it.
The Tehjin who had spoken motioned for someone to come up, and I turned to see another with a branding iron. It was white-hot and the air around it swirled from the sheer heat.
Fear whaled against my skull, but I forced my head to stay straight. When the man raised it to my face, however, my resolve wavered and I pulled away.
“Keep her still!”
More guards swarmed me, grasping my head in an iron lock.
When the metal touched my cheek, I shut my eyes and bit the inside of my cheek so hard that blood flooded my mouth. Although I wanted to scream in agony, I did everything I could to stay silent. The pain was all I could think of. It invaded my mind, scratching and whaling against my skull as it tried to escape.
When the branding iron was moved away, the guards let go of my head and my eyes shot open. In the crowd, people’s eyes were glued to me like they were watching their favourite festival. All except one person. A woman with blonde hair was leaving, and I knew it Enari.
I wanted to scream at her, to demand why she abandoned me, but I knew. Deep down, I knew… She hadn’t come to see me in jail because she accepted the patriarchy.
I locked eyes with Oren, who was stationed near the crowd. The sunlight glistened off his tear-stained cheeks, and he lowered his gaze, unable to meet my eyes any longer.
The Tehji ordered the guards to escort me out of Shekri. When we passed the man who had done the talking, I spat at him, covering his face with blood.
Fury filled his eyes, but he did nothing besides wipe his face as the guards continued walking me in the direction of the village’s outskirts.
My cheek burned fiercely from the branding. When we got to the perimeter of the village, the guards pushed me farther along while they stayed back and aimed their spears at me.
“As an Iuni, you are forbidden from coming back into Shekri or any other settlements in Karua. Your term is for life, and any attempts at coming back will result in your death.”
“Thought you didn’t want to kill an Adeptus?” I sneered.
“We don’t, but we have been given orders to do it if you give us no other choice. Now move along.”
Without another word, I turned and immersed into the forest. The first thing I went to do was to grab the sparring sword I had stowed in the clearing where I went to train in secret. With the forest now being my home, I needed a weapon to help fend off any predators. I figured my still-healing wounds would also put me more at risk, which was why grabbing it would be a smart thing to do.
When I got there and took the sword, its smooth wood and familiar feel was a comfort. Even though I knew I needed to get started on shelter before nightfall, I could barely focus through the pain radiating from the branding mark. Not only that, but this was the most movement I had done since almost dying, and my body was already feeling the effects.
I sat with my back against the rough bark of a tree, trying to shut out the agony. I traced my fingers along the whorls in the wood of my weapon, trying to steady my breathing.
“Well, Helis, it went about how I expected it to go… Well, I didn’t expect to be turned into an Iuni, but still. Even with the way things went, I’m still happy with my decision. Would be nice if my face didn’t hurt like hell, though.”
I grimaced as it stung. “There’s a big possibility of me dying out here, or going crazy from the isolation… but that’s okay. I don’t regret anything I did. I’m free now, even if it’s only for
a short while.”
I sighed and leaned my head back against the tree trunk. “You fought well.”
I closed my eyes, trying to focus on the whisper of the wind rustling the leaves instead of the fierce burning from the branding mark. Even though it would be hard, living life as an Iuni, my sentence felt almost… relieving.
It would take some time to get over not seeing my mother or Enari despite their betrayal, but eventually I would be okay with living alone. Not having the ability to be with a man on my own terms stung, but I hoped that eventually I would get over that, too.
Taking a deep breath, I opened my eyes and got to my feet. I was thankful that in my time of shunning Karua’s traditions and rules, I had a fair bit more knowledge on wilderness survival than most women.
My main concern right now was my wounds. Although the ones from the Trial were healing, they would still be susceptible to infection if I would be unable to keep them clean. Plus, the wound on my cheek was fresh and would need care.
Figuring dealing with that was the most important right now, I went in the direction of the stream. When I got there, I knelt by the bank. Gently splashing water onto my cheek, I bit the inside of my cheek to distract myself from the pain. When I was satisfied that it was clean enough, I went in search of medicinal plants.
A couple of hours later, I finally found one. It had feathery leaves and tiny white flowers. After gathering a bunch as well as a small stone, I found a boulder and ground the plants into a poultice.
Spreading the mush onto my face hurt, and I was relieved when I was done. By this time, the sun was making its way to the horizon. I doubted I would have time to find both shelter and food before night fell, so I opted for shelter; wild fruit and vegetables were plentiful, so I wasn’t concerned about finding them.
The rest of the day was tiring. There were no places nearby with a natural form of shelter that I could fit in, so I had to resort to building. It wasn’t easy, as every time I’d twist just slightly the wrong way, the wound in my side would give off a sharp burst of pain.
