by Kate Stewart
“This could have…” I shake my head, unable to say the words.
“He’s okay. Look at him. He’s okay.”
I tear my eyes away from Troy. “You need to leave.”
“Clarissa, it’s not mine.”
I try to control the heat of my voice as Dante shakes in my arms. “Troy, you need to go home.”
“He’s okay. Look at him, Clarissa, he’s okay.” He moves toward us, and I jerk my head, livid.
“Go.”
“Don’t. Please don’t do this. It’s not mine.”
I grip Dante to me, smoothing his hair as he sobs into my chest. “Just go.” Emotion fills his eyes, his features twisting as he studies his son, who’s wrapped around me, breath hitching, and body shaking from his cries.
“Dante, I’m sorry I scared you,” Troy whispers hoarsely. “I’m so sorry, bud.”
Unable to handle all that I’m feeling, I burst into tears, turning my back on Troy before I make my way into the bedroom and shut the door.
Troy
Troy: Please talk to me. It’s not mine. I would never be that reckless.
Clarissa: Whatever it takes. Isn’t that what you told me?
Troy: That’s not me, and you know it. I’m coming over.
Clarissa: Don’t. I mean it, Troy. Don’t make a scene. I just got him calm. How am I supposed to explain this to him?
Troy: I will, if you let me.
Clarissa: I can’t handle this right now. I don’t know what to think.
Troy: You know me. This isn’t me. I don’t want to leave things like this. Please talk to me.
I dial her number and get voicemail.
“Jesus, fuck!” I hurl my phone at the wall and rip at my hair.
Her reaction was knee-jerk. I know it. I can’t for one second tell her she’s overreacting, because I get it. I felt every ounce of her fear. I felt the same terror when I saw him holding that needle. But this woman knows me, she knows my heart, she knows me. I have to believe that when her anger subsides, she won’t think the worst. But I’m out of time.
“FUCK!”
Lance knocks on my door. “Hey, man, you good?”
“Do I fucking look good?”
“What’s going on?”
“Dante found some juice and a needle in my truck, and Clarissa thinks it’s mine.”
“You don’t juice.”
“I know that, but she’s too pissed off to see the light of day. I need to leave, like now, for Combine. She won’t even talk to me. It’s all fucked.”
Lance crosses his arms. “She’s just freaking out. She’ll calm down.”
“You don’t get it. Her mom went out with a needle. This is a deal-breaker for her.”
“All you can do is plead your case.”
“That’s all I seem to fucking do with this woman.” I’m busting from the inside out. “The cap was on. It didn’t touch him. He’s fine.”
“You’re sure?”
“Yeah. If I weren’t, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. I saw him pull it out of the bag, and then it was in my hand.”
“Then go. You’ll sort this shit when you get back.”
“What the hell am I going to do?”
“Go to camp, man, it’s all you can do.”
“I can’t leave it like this!”
“You’ve got no choice. This is what the league will be like. The game doesn’t give a shit about your personal life. This is your chance, man, don’t blow it.”
“I don’t know,” I scrub my jaw. “You should have seen her. I think she believes it was mine. Fuck, she was supposed to drop me at the airport.”
“I’ve got you.” He pulls up his phone and shoots off a text.
“She’ll come around. You need to go.”
“I don’t know if I can.”
“You’re going. Your boy is alright. I’ll go and check on them both in a bit. I swear to you. I’ve got this handled. Go.”
“Fuck, Lance, if I lose her…” I grab my duffle and head downstairs as an Uber pulls up. The driver, who looks a hell of a lot like a bald Carrot Top, introduces himself as Dave and takes my luggage as I scan Clarissa’s house. A house that encases the whole of my fucking heart.
“I’ve got this,” Lance assures me from where he stands on the porch. “This is just as much for them now as it is for you. You’ll work it out when you get back.”
“Right,” I linger at the open door of a Taurus. “Please, baby,” I whisper as I stare at her front door, praying for a glimpse of her. All my hopes evaporate when the house stays lifeless.
“You gotta go, man,” Lance calls out as I linger.
“Text me?”
“Go.”
Nodding as my heart cracks, I climb into the back seat and shut the door before the car speeds away from the curb.
Sharon’s Broccoli Rice Casserole
PE Teacher, Louisiana
Makes 10-12 servings
1 hour
1 Stick Butter – Melted
½ Cup Chopped Onion
1 Can Cream of Mushroom Soup
1 10 oz. Package Frozen Chopped Broccoli
3 Cups Cooked Rice (2 cups uncooked plus 2 cups water)
1 16 oz. Jar Cheese Whiz
1 8 oz. Package Shredded Cheese
Cook broccoli according to package directions. Drain and set aside.
Sauté onion in butter until soft but not brown. Add soup and heat.
Mix broccoli, rice, soup mixture and Cheese Whiz together.
Pour into a buttered 9x13 casserole pan.
Top with shredded cheese.
Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes.
Clarissa
“Mommy, he’s wearing my Legit Life shirt!” Dante exclaims, watching the highlights of the first day of the Combine.
“That’s so awesome,” Parker says, nudging me. “Isn’t it, Mommy?”
“Yeah, it’s great, baby.”
Dante prances around the living room. “I’m going to be famous like Troy! Oh! I’ll make a video of Troy wearing my merch! I bet I get some orders!”
“Great idea, Duckie,” Parker says as Dante races off to his bedroom.
Parker turns to me as soon as he’s out of earshot. “Hey, enough is enough. It was a freak incident. You need to snap out of it. He’s okay.”
“I’m fine,” I lie.
“Bullshit. You don’t believe him?”
“Would you?”
She sips her wine. “I mean, yeah, I think you should give him the benefit of the doubt. He deserves that much. He’s taken great strides to prove himself.”
“You’re right.”
“But you’re still not convinced.”
“I can’t get the image out of my head.” I rub my forehead with my palm, my eyes stinging with fresh tears. “I’ve always wondered how he does it all. You know? School, work, practice, running on little to no sleep. But it’s just not…I don’t for one second want to believe it.”
“Then don’t.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Has he ever shown aggression? You know, ‘roid rage?”
“No. I mean, he has a temper, but nothing outlandish. He’s never once been aggressive toward Dante.”
“Then, there you go. I think if it’s his, it’s old and he’s too afraid to admit it because he knows he’d lose you over it. Or it’s not his, and he’s being honest, and you’re punishing him for nothing. Either way, something tells me he’s not the type to use. And it wasn’t heroin in that needle, babe.”
“I know. But when I saw Dante with that needle, Parker…God, I’ll never be able to explain how scared I was. I couldn’t move. I’ve never, ever felt fear like that.”
She squeezes my hand. “I can only imagine. But don’t you think you’re overreacting? He was probably terrified too. You haven’t replied to any of his texts.”
“My son was standing in the middle of my living room with certain death in his hands.”
“You know w
hat I mean.”
“I can’t bring myself to feel guilty about Troy right now. That kid is my whole life.”
“And he’s Troy’s whole life, and you and Dante are his world. He needs you right now, and you’ve all but shut him out.”
“I just can’t pretend like I’m okay when I’m not.”
“I get it, but you can fake it.”
“How? Talking to him will only lead to an argument. He needs to concentrate, and I don’t think I can just breeze through a ‘we’ll work it out’ conversation. He’ll see right through me.”
Parker picks up my phone. “His whole future is riding on the next few days. He needs your support, and he’s got to be on top of his game. Just text him, right now and say something supportive. You can hash it out when he gets back.”
“You’re right.”
I lift my phone and hit reply, my fingers hovering over the keys, but the image of Dante holding that needle is all I see, and I can’t manage to find a single reassuring thing to say. I’m still furious. Troy’s needle or not, we could have lost our son. That’s all I can think of. All I can feel. Anger. Outrage. The constant replay of my worst fucking fear.
Parker watches me, reading my hesitation. “Clarissa, his whole life is in your hands right now.”
“Now who’s being dramatic?” I sigh, handing her my phone. “I’m still too angry. His drugs or not. I’m angry. You do it.”
“Are you serious? Clarissa, this is selfish.”
“What if he is using? It will change everything. Not only will we be over, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to trust him with Dante.”
“I’m pretty sure they drug test in the NFL.”
“You think they can’t find ways around that?”
“Clarissa, the man has been nothing short of perfect the last few months and doesn’t have a manipulative bone in his body.”
“Have you forgotten how our son was conceived?”
“Stop it. You’re sabotaging your relationship, your happiness. Don’t use this as an excuse to push him away, or you’ll be fucking up.”
“I’m trying.”
“You’re not trying, you’re running. You’re in love with that man, and you’re terrified of the other shoe dropping.”
“This isn’t a shoe, Parker. This is a kick in the head.”
“It’s not his. I know it isn’t.”
“I hope you’re right,” I stand and shake my head. “I have to get to work. Text him for me. Okay? I just can’t do it right now.”
“Fine.” She takes my phone and starts typing.
“Wait, what are you going to say?”
“That you’re sorry you overreacted, and you’re proud of him. Oh, and that you’re studying at all hours of the day for your realtor’s license as a side gig because you don’t want to count on his future millions. And that you’ve secretly been working nights to make ends meet while he chases his dreams.”
“Don’t you dare.”
“Fine. I’ll leave that part out, but I don’t know why you haven’t told him.”
“Because he’s under enough pressure and I don’t want him feeling guilty. I have to explain this to him myself, or he won’t understand.”
“Yet you don’t mind freezing him out when it’s most crucial.” Parker raises a loaded brow over the top of my phone. “There, sent.”
Dante comes running into the living room with his phone in his hand. “I knewed it. I got two orders already! Can we call Troy?”
“He’s busy, baby,” I say, running my fingers through his hair. “Why don’t you make a video to thank him and text it? He’ll love it.”
“K!”
“He’s replying,” Parker says, lifting the phone to me.
I shake my head. “I can’t, not right now.”
She rolls her eyes reading his response before replying. “I’ll figure out an excuse for you until you get your shit together.”
“Thanks,” I say, shouldering my purse and calling out to Dante. “I’m leaving, Peanut. I’ll be home late, so be good for Parker.”
“K, Mommy!”
Troy
Troy: Morning, baby.
Clarissa: How’s it going?
Troy: I murdered my dash yesterday, thanks to you.
Clarissa: Awesome. We’re so proud of you. Hey, Parker is taking me to the spa for a few days as a late birthday present, because she’s the best friend that ever lived. Your mom is watching Dante so you can reach him there. Kick that ass! I’ll text you when I get back.
Troy: I’ve got a half-hour before I check-in. Can you FaceTime?
Clarissa: We’re boarding.
Troy: Boarding?
Clarissa: The spa is in Arizona. Cell phone use is limited. It’s a cleansing thing, which I need because I’m way too uptight.
Troy: No, you’re not. You had a bad scare. And I’m so fucking sorry. I’ll get down to the bottom of it when I get home.
Clarissa: Okay.
Troy: You believe me, right?
Clarissa: I believe in you. Make us proud.
Troy: I’m working on it. Just keep the home fires burning.
Clarissa: I’ll do my part if you do yours. (Winky face emoji)
Happy and relieved, I toss my napkin down on the room service tray and reach under the covers to give the grand commander a pep talk. Seconds later, I shoot off a text.
Troy: How’s that for my part? (Devil emoji)
Clarissa: Oh, wow. You sent a picture of your dick.
I chuckle.
Troy: What my baby wants my baby gets. I’m so fucking glad we’re okay. Enjoy yourself. You deserve it. Miss you.
Troy: Baby, you there?
Clarissa: Of course. Just enjoying the view. Now, go kick some ass.
Troy: Enjoy your trip.
Clarissa: Taking off. (Kiss face emoji)
“Hey, bud,” I greet Dante as my mother’s face pops up on the screen behind him.
“Hey, baby, well, if you aren’t the toast of the town. They were talking about you on Sports Center last night!”
“I saw. I just signed with my agent. Hey, have you heard from Clarissa? Is she back from Arizona?”
“When was Clarissa in Arizona?”
“She’s not in Arizona,” Dante says, popping a strawberry in his mouth.
“She’s back?”
“She didn’t go to Arizona,” Dante supplies. “Auntie Parker lied to you.”
“What?”
“I heard them talking ‘cause Mommy didn’t want to text you.”
Mom’s brows lift higher and higher with each word. “What’s this about?”
“I found Troy’s medicine, and Mommy got really, really mad, and cried forever.”
Mind racing, I scrub my jaw, emotions running rampant while facing off with my mother.
“What medicine, son?”
“Mom, give me a second. Dante, are you sure you heard that?”
“Uh huh.”
“What else did she say?”
Dante speaks around a mouthful, evident worry on his face. “Are you going to be mad at her?”
“No. Just tell me.”
“She said you wouldn’t know how hard she’s working to make you guilty. Auntie Parker doesn’t like her work friend.”
“What work friend?”
“The man.”
“Okay,” Mom says, interrupting my interrogation. “Dante, go into Nonny’s closet and grab the new puzzle.”
“Okay, Nonny. Bye, Troy, Love you!”
“You too, bud.”
With Dante occupied, Mom walks out onto her porch, shutting the door behind her.
“Troy, what in the hell is going on?”
“I wish I knew.”
“What medicine is he talking about?”
“Right before I left, Dante found a needle and a used bottle of steroids in my truck.”
“Not yours.” It’s not a question, it’s what she thinks, if only Clarissa could believe the same.
“That’s what I told her, but it’s obvious she’s having a hard time believing me. But Mom, it was fucking horrible. Scared the shit out of us both. Clarissa freaked out—”
“Because of her mother,” she nods. “I can only imagine what she was feeling. So, she’s been avoiding you since, and Parker has been texting you instead?”
“I’m guessing that’s the truth of it.” I scrub my face again, angry and irritated. “Fuck.”
“I’ll talk to her,” Mom offers.
“No, Mom, stay out of it. I mean it. She needs to be able to take my word for it. This is between us.”
“And Parker too I guess.”
“Jesus. Do you know what he’s talking about work friends?”
Mom winces, her expression guilty. “Mom? Are you serious? You’ve been covering for her?”
“Yes, but only because I agree with her reasoning. She’s been picking up shifts at night, waitressing.”
“What?” Sinking where I stand in my hotel room, I stare out of the window as the pieces fall into place.
“Don’t give her hell for it. Money got tight when you went to camp, and she just didn’t want you feeling guilty.”
“Who’s the man?”
“I’ll let her explain that. God, you two are total idiots.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
“Hey, at this point in my life, I think anyone under forty is an idiot. Best be getting your ass on the next plane home.”
Alyssa’s Angel Hair Pasta with Chicken
Social Studies Teacher- Minneapolis, MN
Makes 6-8 servings
45 hour
1 Cup Prepared Hidden Valley Ranch Original Ranch Salad dressing **tastes best if you buy the spice packet and make it from scratch.
1/3 Cup Dijon style Mustard
4 Boneless, skinless, chicken breast
1/2 Cup butter
1/3 Cup Dry White Wine
10oz Angel Hair Pasta Cooked and Drained
1oz Parsley
In a small bowl, whisk together salad dressing and mustard, then set aside to thicken—can be prepared a day ahead and refrigerated until ready to use.
