“That’s just great,” India mutters.
“Cheer up, that gives us some extra time together.”
“Oliver, Russell isn’t here. Do you think he changed his mind?” she asks.
I don’t want to crush her spirits, so I say, “He will be here. I don’t know, maybe he is stuck in traffic.”
Deep down I feel like I want to dance. Evans freaked out and gave me a free hand. Maybe my life is not going to be miserable after all. I buy India a coffee to go while we wait for the bus. Twenty minutes later I disappear into the men’s room, trying to get my head around India’s behaviour. She cares for Evans but she loves me, even if she says otherwise. My summer is not going to be easy. I do my business in the toilet, thinking about how I’m going to behave around India from now on if Evans shows up.
“So, Morgan, you finally got what you wanted.”
I lift my head and flinch, seeing Evans standing next to me. I wonder what the hell is going on. He was at the terminal after all, so why isn’t he with India?
“I have no idea what you mean, Evans. Your girl is waiting for you up there,” I say, trying to keep my voice even. “Don’t let her wait.”
“And do you think that I’m going to believe you? You’ve been trying to split us apart since she started going out with me. Now you expect me to believe that you spent five days with her and nothing happened between you two?”
He is doing my head in right now, but he has a point. I have two options. I can behave like a real prick and tell him that I went down on her, enjoying every second of it, or I can simply state that I lost my chance when I crushed her, that I don’t deserve her and yes, that she chose him.
“Yeah, I have been an arsehole and sometimes I act on an impulse, but I organised this whole trip to Italy in order to win her trust, Evans, not to split you guys apart.”
He pinches his eyebrows together, taking a step forward. Fuck, I really don’t want to fight with him. He has won. India is his.
“If you’re fucking with—”
“Listen man, stop talking nonsense. India is with you and I respect that. We had a good time together and my only aim was to gain her forgiveness. I did that, so now I’m giving you a free hand. Talk to her, she’ll tell you this herself, and it’s not a game,” I cut him off, annoyed that he’s making me repeat myself.
He drops his shoulders, measuring me for a brief moment. People coming in and out glance at the two of us in confusion. Yeah, this is silly. Evans needs to chill the fuck out.
“So what now?” he asks.
“We’re friends, so get used to seeing me around her, because I’m planning be a good fucking friend. I get it that she’s with you, but we knew each other for years. I can’t lie to you. I do I love her, but I realised this way too late. I’m fed up with lies and games. She is going to spend the summer in Gargle and I’m going to be there, so we might as well start getting along.”
“Did you tell her how you feel about her?” he asks and his question throws me off a little. He doesn’t need to know that. I’ve just given India back to him and he should just leave instead of asking me shit like that.
“No, but I don’t need to; she probably knows. But this is none of your business,” I add and then leave, not willing to discuss this any further. Every muscle in my body is tense and instead of going to India, I go outside for a bit to get some fresh air. Just by the door I turn around and spot Russell; he is walking towards India. They talk for a bit, then he takes her into his arms, spinning her around, and they kiss. I feel stabbing pain in my heart, so I turn around. This fucking hurts more than I anticipated, but I know that this is my punishment.
To calm myself down, I ask some random guy for a cigarette. I don’t smoke, but I need to get distracted. It’s fucking hard to behave like someone else, to hand the love of my life to another man.
When I think that I have some peace and quiet, Dora practically screams into my ear, throwing her small self at me. She probably just arrived because she couldn’t wait to hear the news. Jacob is right behind her.
“Oh my God, Oliver! You’re such a shit. What the hell happened in Sicily? Where is India?”
“Chill, Dor, it’s all right. She has forgiven me. She is with Evans.”
Dora’s face drops as she pulls away. “With Russell? What do you mean? I thought that you guys were going to be back together.”
Chapter Thirty-one
Love trial.
Present
It takes me a while to explain to Dora that I gained what I needed from that trip in Italy. India has finally put the past behind us. Dora starts to argue that this wasn’t our plan and that Evans is not for her. She doesn’t believe that I’m satisfied with the friendship. Eventually she gets pissed off hearing my lame arguments and leaves, determined to talk to India herself.
“So what’s really going on here? You and India, are you really going to be just friends?” Jacob asks.
I finish smoking the cigarette and roll my eyes.
“Yeah, man, that’s all there is to that. Evans confronted me in the restroom, but don’t stress, I didn’t punch him. I just gave him a free hand to take over from here.”
“I bet he was surprised.”
“Yeah, he thought that I was fucking with him,” I reply, laughing. Jacob asks me about Italy and tells me that boys from the team had been placing bets on me, that the campus is still buzzing with gossip.
After some time we get back to the terminal. Michael lets us know that the bus will be here in about half an hour. India glances at me when I approach. Evans is standing next to her. Dora is yapping next to her. It looks like they are still friends.
“We have two spaces in the car. How about you and Russell come with us? Oliver can get the coach,” Dora suggests, realising that it’s going to be a while before we get back to Braxton. Evans gives me a nod. India smiles, probably wondering where I’ve disappeared to for half an hour.
“All right, that’s an awesome idea. Let’s get moving,” Evans says, lifting India’s suitcase. India says something to Evans that I can’t hear. He nods and then strolls after Dora and Jacob.
“You should go, India. The bus is on its way.”
She bites her lip, looking at me like she doesn’t want to leave me. My skin itches for contact with hers, but fuck, I can’t keep doing this to myself. She is off-limits.
“Thank you for this trip. I had an amazing time. I’m going back to Gargle in a week. You should pop in to visit me.”
“Don’t worry. You can’t get rid of me so easily,” I chuckle. Then she hugs me and strolls away, running after Dora and the rest of the pack.
My own fucked-up soul is ripped out and I keep cursing under my breath, trying not to run after her. Is this what I get for being a real fucking gentleman? My girl is walking away with the guy that she doesn’t even love and I’m standing here like a moron, not doing anything to stop her.
“Morgan, hurry up, the bus is here. It’s about time,” Michael shouts after me. I pick up my bag and walk away, following the group. It’s looks like Dora was right. It wasn’t supposed to end like this, but it did.
***
The next couple of days pass in the darkness. Jacob has packed his shit and gone home for a few days, so I’m alone in the house. Thoughts about India are so vivid, they are slowly killing me. I wake up, eat breakfast, work out, and go home to get drunk. This is my new routine. Maybe things will get better, but at the moment I don’t want to see or talk to anyone. My soul has left my body. India turned me into a wreck. As the end of the week approaches I think that it will be easier for me if I get back to Gargle earlier than I planned.
India told me to visit, but I can’t seem to pick myself up and go to her because of Evans. Through the whole trip I kept telling her that I’m fine with him, but screw it, I’m fucking not.
That arrogant, cocky part of me has died, and my emotions are rotten. Fuck, it’s hard to be in love. It’s even harder to keep living.
Somehow I manage to su
rvive until Friday. In the evening I go out to get some more beer. The boys from the team ask me to come over, but I decline their offer.
When I get to the shop, instead of beer I get vodka, then a kebab to keep me going through the night. I’m fucking pathetic, but this is the way I roll. India won’t leave my thoughts; alcohol will make me numb and that’s okay for now. Once I start drinking and my mind transforms into a sponge, I start laughing. Everything seems so funny. India no longer matters; she is part of my fucked-up future. Maybe deep down I know that I can’t be friends with her. There is no way that I can be with her without ever touching her.
When the bottle is half-empty I fall back into the oblivion. My brain is fuzzy and that helps a little until I hear the knocking downstairs. I ignore it, knowing that it’s just in my head. Then I hear it again and again.
“Fuck, I’m coming; quit the banging.” I scowl to myself.
It takes me a moment to find the door handle. Yeah, I’m that drunk. I have no clue who is standing on the other side when I open the door.
“Hello, stranger; long time no see. A little bird told me that you’re alone tonight, so I thought that I would pop over.”
That dreamy voice creates a craving in my stomach, a craving for silky, meaningless sex with someone other than myself. I had thought about other girls and that craving had always been there, but I’d hidden it. Now it’s back. As India pointed out, we are friends now, which means that I can fuck other girls. MacKenzie stands in the doorway, eyeing me with a smile.
“Hey, you, what do you want?” I blurt out, holding on to the door. She has a short dress on and red red heels.
She walks through the door and moves her hand over my chest. Her lips move to my ear.
“I want you to fuck me, darling. I want you to make me the one,” she whispers.
The erection strains my trousers and I have no idea if this is for real, or it’s only happening in my head. Either way, I need to gain some release. Sex, that’s what I need to get rid of thoughts about India. MacKenzie can help.
“Fuck, you’re hot,” I say, but it’s not me talking, but my old self. MacKenzie doesn’t let me think about it. Her lips are on mine already and we’re kissing; my hands trail down her arse. She pushes me back to the wall, laughing. I’m horny, barely holding myself together.
“I knew that I could count on you,” she says, moving her hand down to my boxers. I make a growling sound in the back of my throat, lifting her dress up.
MacKenzie doesn’t waste any time, kissing me furiously and moaning in my mouth. My heart pounds fast and I want to crack up that release. I rip her knickers off, laughing to myself. This is what she wants and this is what I need, to feel like myself again. Waves of heat blaze over me as my mouth devours her. My eyes unfold dark and destructive thoughts, as her hands move down to my crotch.
“Oliver,” she growls, biting my ear.
Then I hear her and my heart crushes in my chest, pressure starts to build and I can’t breathe.
MacKenzie’s hands are moving in my pants and images of my sweet India roll in front of my eyes.
“No, no, get the fuck away from me,” I growl, pushing MacKenzie away.
“What’s wrong, baby? You got me all hot and ready.”
I stumble away, losing my balance and pulling my trousers up. This is so fucked up. “Leave, MacKenzie. Just go. I don’t want to fuck you.”
I get back to the living room and flop on the sofa, mumbling. She follows me, still smiling, pulling her dress down.
“Come on, baby, it’s going to be like before.”
“You need to go. I’m in love with someone else,” I tell her, sobering enough to get that I can’t keep going back to the past. India has someone else, but MacKenzie is just one of those girls from a few months ago, a sex blast.
She narrows her eyes at me.
“You’re a pussy, Morgan, like the rest of them. You will be sorry for treating me like trash,” she hisses and then she is gone.
I hear the door being shut and then I close my eyes. I’m screwed, completely and utterly lost with my emotions. Sleep comes later, after the darkness that fills me up, crushing me to bits and pieces. The punishment hurts and I only just realised that.
***
I’m awakened in the early morning by loud banging, and it takes me a while to get up. Every part of my body screams with pain, and I keep asking myself what the hell I drank last night. Whoever is behind the door is very persistent. As I roll myself out of bed, the memories about MacKenzie slam back to me unexpectedly.
I look at my face in the mirror and flinch. Fuck, I was wasted and she came over. We made up and nearly enough had sex. I stopped myself. Alcohol and grief blinded me, but I managed to push her away. Maybe I’m not a lost cause after all.
My head is banging when I get downstairs. The house is a mess and I don’t even want to think about cleaning up all the shit without Jacob. I’m not expecting any company today, unless it’s MacKenzie again, hoping to get a repeat of the making-out session from last night.
“What? What’s with–” I stop in mid–sentence, seeing India at the door. The bright morning light hurts my eyes, but I know it’s her, wearing a summer dress.
“Oliver, I need to talk to you,” she says.
I open my mouth to ask her what she is doing here, but she doesn’t give me a chance. In the space of a second, she is on me, grabbing my face and kissing me. I’m totally unprepared for this turn of events, and although I love her eagerness, I push her away.
“Wow, India, what’s going on? What are you doing?” I ask, trying to calm my pounding heart. Sweet Lord, she tastes better than I remember and I want more. She locks the door, looking at me with raw passion and desire. Yep, I’m seeing it right there and right now. This time I’m not wrong.
“Russell… he broke up with me a few days ago.”
I take a step back, trying to swallow, but there is a lump in my throat. I don’t think that I’ve woken up yet. India is not really here. I love this fucking dream, but I didn’t realise that my imagination could be that cruel.
“Wow! Hold on, what the fuck do you mean that he broke up with you?”
She paces around the room and I stand there like an idiot, not knowing what to make of her behaviour.
“It was the day after I came back from Italy. He came back in the morning and told me that he can’t fool himself anymore, that he’d had enough being the second guy in my life.”
India flexes her fingers, trying to breathe steadily. It looks like we both have problems with taking in air. Maybe Evans finally understood that he was never going to make her happy, that I would be constantly by him, shadowing his every movement.
“India,” I say, taking her hand, losing the coolness and understanding attitude. “I should say that I’m sorry, but we both know that it’s bullshit. I fucking love you. I loved you since the moment that I saw you outside that class in Gargle and nothing had changed.”
When she finally looks at me, my hearts slams in my chest.
“I love—”
“Enough talking, fuck, you’re driving me insane,” I cut her off and then cup her face and kiss her like I had never ever tasted her before in my life. Wild sensation rushes over me, crawling down to my dick. I keep devouring her mouth like she is my air and I need her to live. A deep sound of pleasure rumbles from her and I press her closer to me. India doesn’t need to tell me that she loves me. I already know. Her mouth isn’t enough. I need and want to have all of her in my bed.
I pull away and then scoop her off her feet and lift her in my arms.
“What are you doing?” she asks.
“We’re going upstairs to have sex. I’ve waited too long for this.”
Chapter Thirty-two
My way
Present
My thoughts are racing and somehow I manage to forget about the hangover when she is in my arms. This is fucking happening—India is mine and I’m going to make love to her. When she is
finally in my bed and her eyes are telling me that she wants me, the happiness swells in my chest.
I take my black T-shirt off and then kiss her deeply, fiercely, for a really long time until she can’t catch her breath. I’m taking her all in and at the same time struggling to take off her dress. Then goes her bra. Once I have her almost naked lying underneath me, my hands shake with anticipation. In the sunlight I have her all in front of me with her perfect breasts in my face. If heaven exists, then this is it. She arches her head back with a loud moan of pleasure as I take her hard nipple into my mouth and begin running my tongue around it.
“Oh God, Oliver.”
It’s getting harder to keep breathing steadily. My hands travel down to her buttocks, and before the desire completely overwhelms my mind, I push her back to the bed and get rid of her knickers. This only gets better and better.
“What about you?” she asks, pointing at my trousers, smiling. Within a moment I jump out of the bed and get rid of my pants and boxers. I take her hand and pull her towards me, feeling every inch of her naked skin.
“What about our friendship?” I ask as she touches the tip of my penis. Heat surges through my bones, filling me up and down. I need to have her, but one wrong move and I could lose her.
“Fuck the friendship,” she says, giggling. I kiss her again, tracing my fingers down between her legs, finally reaching for her wetness. She whimpers, biting my shoulder. Her hand never moves, and between my growls and her moans, India gives me a master class hand job, bringing me to the edge. There is only so much I can take of this, and after some time I have to push her away.
“Slow down. I want to enjoy this, because by the time I’m finished here, you will be too exhausted to leave this room,” I say and then push her back on the bed. She giggles but quickly changes her tone as I start working out her erotic spot with my tongue, massaging it and making sure she doesn’t have a chance to rest. She is so wet for me, but I want to make her remember this morning for years to come. She grips the sheet, crying for a release and it’s not long before she is panting, with her climax approaching. Her nipples are erect and my own body aches for release.
All About Me Page 21
