by A. J. Moran
Veronica leaned back in her chair with a slight shake of her head. Her arms crossed over her chest. I couldn’t tell what she was trying to say with that movement. Was she pissed?
“What?” Samantha exploded a half smile on her face as if it was all a joke that she wasn’t completely buying.
“Wait a minute? Not really dating?” Quentin looked from me to Wade, who slid into a chair next to me, my silent backup. “What are you doing then?”
“It was all fake. I pushed her into it.” I was a dick. I dropped my head down to my hands unable to look at her friend’s shocked faces.
“How would that even be possible?” Quentin fired another question at me. “I mean that would mean that she agreed to it. Taylor wouldn’t agree to something like that. Unless it was something she wanted.”
“She didn’t.” I admitted. Each of my words makes me feel even more like a dick. “I had something over her. I wanted her to ‘break up’ with me and prove to the whole school what a bitch she was.”
“Taylor isn’t a bitch Marcus but you may be an asshole.” Samantha snapped at me, fire in her words.
I could only nod at her truth. I glanced at Veronica and she was studying me with narrowed eyes. It made me squirm in my seat. Yet, she stayed silent.
“So, what do you have over her?” Quentin ends his silence with another question. He would make a good interrogator.
Closing my eyes I sighed. If I tell them this it might ruin everything. But it might help everything. Her friends care about her. They would understand. “That day that you all showed up. The day Taylor wanted you to come over after school to tell you something—“ I look up at them taking in each of their faces.
Quentin had a look on his face that would kill me on the spot if looks could kill. Samantha leaned back in her chair, arms crossed securely across her chest. Veronica her head cocked with a slight smile on her face.
“It wasn’t that we were dating. I don’t think she thought I would be there. I’m pretty sure she was going to tell you about us.” I gestured to Wade and back at myself.
“What about you?” The question came quietly from Veronica after the silence rang over our table once again.
“We live in her house, because our parents are together. Our mom fell in love with her dad.” I tugged my fingers through my hair and let out a sigh. “She was going to tell you, and I basically made her say we were dating instead.”
Quentin holds up a hand with a shake of his head, “Uh-uh, she went along with it because she wanted too. Nobody makes Taylor do anything she doesn’t want to do.”
Quentin was still defending Taylor. Mixed emotions flooded my chest, happy because she had someone like him to defend her, yet sad because I was the cause of her needing to be defended.
“Well, I for one, don’t blame her at all for not telling us about you guys living with her. Not if this is what she had to put up with. No wonder she never wanted to talk about you.” Samantha huffed, her words accusing. “Why would you do something so pigheaded?”
It was like a firing squad. Samantha had turned into quite the protective friend too. Which is how I had imagined Veronica to react. So far she had been pretty quiet. Was it the quiet before the storm?
“Look, you’re right I’m a dick. I messed with her on purpose. But that was before I knew her.” I admitted. “I just wanted to let you all know that it was all my fault. This isn’t Taylor’s fault. If I wasn’t such an ass to her when we first moved in then maybe she wouldn’t have hid us and it would have turned out differently. Just don’t be mad at her.”
“Okay, pretty boy, you don’t get to tell us how to react.” Quentin replied, jumping onto Samantha’s train of fury. “What you did was crappy and I still say she wouldn’t have done it if she didn’t want too. But whatever, either way, she is a part of this.” His chair scraped across the floor and he gestured for Samantha to follow him and they both quickly left the table.
My eyes fell on Veronica still at the table with us. I wasn’t sure what to say to her. She wasn’t giving any indication on how she was taking it all.
“So, why did you really tell us all this?” Veronica leaned forward in her seat, her arms crossed on the table in front of her.
“I told you. I wanted you to know it was my fault. I pushed her into it all.”
She let out a soft noise that could almost be called a chuckle and shook her head. “So it wasn’t to hurt her? Or to drive all her friends away?”
“What? No!” I exploded, almost flying out of my chair. “Why would I do that?”
She drew a shape with her finger on the table, her eyes focused on her invisible work before she looked up at me, “Because I knew everything already. She told me. And yeah, I was pissed, at first, but then I realized Taylor hasn’t let anyone in since her mom died. She has built her walls so high that it has been almost impossible to reach her. She turned into a shell of herself. Even her relationship with Derrick had fizzled out. Then you happened.”
“I know, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to happen this way. I can’t help how I feel now.” My eyes focus on the table, on the walls, on the doors, anywhere but at Veronica. Wade is no help as he just listens to the conversation and stays silent. Not that he could offer much help to me right now.
“You’re sorry? No. Don’t be. You have started to wake her up. Sure she has a bit to go until that wall of hers is broken down, but I think you can do it. That’s what this is all about, right? You are in love with her, right?” A slight smile spreading across her face, she leaned forward. “If so I can help.”
Help? Had I heard her right? The fact that she already knew and hadn’t killed me had to mean something. It had to mean that Taylor didn’t hate me. I felt a little lightheaded and after a beat my heart felt like it was going to pound out of my chest.
“I don’t think I heard you right.”
“You heard it right Marc, she wants to help too.” Wade leaned forward a wide grin spread across his face, anticipation shining from his eyes.
“I do.” Her eyes gleamed with a spark of something I couldn’t read and her grin matched my brothers. I was struck speechless as they leaned forward, and started to talk quickly between them.
It wasn’t until much later when I couldn’t stop tossing the football from hand to hand, and couldn’t keep my concentration on the scrimmage we were having that I realized I was looking forward to winning Taylor over. I looked over at the scoreboard for the time for at least the tenth time in that many minutes. It seemed to slow to a crawl the more I anticipated going home and finding Taylor.
In a perfect world I would tell her how I feel, and she would return my feelings and fall into my arms. I could picture many scenarios showing me that very thing. I could feel my pulse beat quickly as I thought of her smile, and sparkling dark eyes. A sneaking fear that it wasn’t going to be that easy made my stomach clench, and my chest ache slightly. I rubbed the spot below my pads trying to ease some of the pressure the ache was causing.
“Frost.” Coach bellowed from across the field. “Get your damn head in the game.”
With a nod I tossed the football to Miller, and shook out my hands one at a time before facing my team. I could do this and then go home and put Veronica and Wade’s plan into place. They looked at me expectantly as I called off a random play. I needed to focus on this. Scouts would be at one of the next home games and impressing them would pave the way for college ball. Since it was a team sport, teamwork is needed, and you can’t get teamwork if they think you are a flake.
Chapter 42
Taylor
My phone bounced off of my bedspread. Quentin had stopped texting an hour ago and switched to calling instead. Something had happened after I left the lunch room.
Something bad.
His ring tone stopped only to start back up again moments later. He was like a bull dog with a bone, determined. Picking up Cheshire I hug the stuffed animal to my chest and curl my legs under me as I climb up on my bed next
to my still ringing phone.
This is what I hated about myself. This is what I wanted to change. Avoidance of things wasn’t good for me. With those thoughts swirling around in my head I reached for the phone to answer it.
“Hello?” I tried to force a normal tone.
“Taylor? We need to talk.” Quentin’s voice was clipped and serious. My stomach plummeted.
“Yeah, we do.” My heart raced in fear of what was to come. “You want to come over?”
“Already on my way.” I heard the line disconnect after his words and looked at my phone to verify I had heard it correctly. Quentin had never hung up on me without saying goodbye.
Less than five minutes later Quentin was at the door, his persistent knock ringing through the entryway. I swung open the door a mixture of emotions in the pit of my stomach, I felt like I was going to throw up.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” He looked like his dog had died. The sadness clouded his eyes.
I knew what he meant. I wasn’t going to make him explain it or play dumb. “I was afraid.”
“Of what?” He wrapped his arms around himself as if shielding himself from anymore hurt.
“This,” I gestured at him as if that was an explanation. I didn’t want to hurt any of my friends. Once the lie had gone on so long I couldn’t find my way out of it.
He barked out a bitter laugh, “Yeah? I know you Taylor. I knew something was wrong. I also know that you wouldn’t have gone along with Marcus if you didn’t want to.”
“You’re right. I wanted to go along with Marcus. I wanted to prove to him that he was wrong. I wanted to make him break. It was twisted and dark.” I stepped back from him, shaking my head. All the moisture in my mouth dried up and when I tried to swallow it felt like a dessert in my mouth.
This could be made right. Just like with Vee, I could make him understand. I just had to explain it.
When Quentin remained silent I licked my dry lips and stepped forward again. “I am sorry, Quentin. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was in so deep. One lie turned into another.”
He shook his head in denial. “You could have told us. You could have told me. Do you even care about how much damage you did to your friends? I mean Derrick alone—“ he trailed off a bitterness coloring his tone.
I swallowed, and blinked back tears. My eyes blurred, and I felt them fall anyway. My throat felt too full for words. I opened my mouth to respond and then closed it again without making a sound. With a shake of my head I brushed away the tears that had fallen, and turned away from Quentin. He was right. I knew he was right. I had even known that was the path I was taking when I didn’t tell them Marcus wasn’t my boyfriend, that he was a roommate due to his mom dating my dad.
My eyes focused on my bare feet and I let my hair fall in front of my face to block my tear stained face. I didn’t deserve to cry. Marcus had gotten his wish; I was going to lose all of my friends. And the worst part was that I deserved it all. Every little bit of pain, every moment of loneliness. I had brought it all on myself. I had no one else to blame.
“You’re right, Quentin.” I choked the words out of my aching throat. A sob broke out along with the words.
“I didn’t come here to make you cry.” He sighed, his warm arms wrap around me pulling me in for a comforting hug. “I’m still mad and really hurt, but you are my Taylor and that isn’t going to change.”
I made a sniffling noise trying to pull back in my crying. Quentin’s shirt was now wet with my tears and his hand was rubbing my back in a soothing circle. A small ray of hope broke through the clouds of my sadness.
“So, why did you do it?” He held me at arms length. He still sounded a little upset.
Closing my eyes I covered them with my hands and shook my head. I didn’t know anymore.
“What part?” I asked as I pushed away another stray tear and sucked in a deep breath.
“Go along with Marcus.” He could have added duh to the end with the way he sounded.
“Stupid pride.”
“Yeah. Pride is a bitch.” He laughs, crinkles appearing next to his eyes, some of the sadness fading. “But you are still going along with it as far as the rest of the school, so why are you still doing it?”
“I—“ I don’t actually know. Looking away from him I pull my lip between my teeth and worry on it. “I guess I did the stupid thing and kind of fell for him.”
“Kind of?” His eyebrow rose and he smirked, “or kind of? If you think you aren’t going to spill everything right now then you are crazy.”
Shrugging lamely I looked everywhere but at Quentin. “It really doesn’t matter because he doesn’t like me like that.” Having this conversation with him was pointless. Marcus went so far as to tell my friends what I was doing and the lies I was telling there was no way he felt anything for me. He just got tired of the game.
“You sure?”
“Uh, yeah, I think I would know.” I pushed back my hair and then crossed my arms loosely over my chest.
“Well, like I’ve said before, find the one that makes you feel those real feelings.” He leaned against the table in the foyer and I realized that we were standing in the worst possible place for this conversation. They could be home at any moment.
“Want to go grab something to eat?” I glanced at the closed door and then back at Quentin as I waited for him to respond.
“Afraid of Marcus coming home?” He looked over at the door too.
“Something like that.”
“Okay, but buying me a milkshake doesn’t get you out of telling me everything.”
The evening was spent sharing almost every detail with Quentin. He was like a bulldog with a bone and wouldn’t let up until he had wrung every little thing out of me. At least he didn’t hate me.
Chapter 43
Taylor
The paper crushed between my fingers as I read the words Samantha had written. She had told the school everything. She hadn’t come to me first. She had gone directly to her paper. I knew she was the gossip queen. It shouldn’t be such a shock. Quentin had said she seemed okay with it. But this, this was the opposite of okay. Samantha hadn’t even waited 24-hours before she printed it in this week's newsletter. She hadn’t even said one word to me about it.
Since ringing her neck wasn’t an option I tossed the paper into the nearest garbage can. Ignoring the stare’s of everyone around me. I tried to ignore the whispers but they got to me.
“It explains everything.”
“Yeah, why else would those boys give her the time of day?”
“She probably paid him to be her boyfriend.” The last one came from Renee and I wanted to punch her. I came to a dead stop in the middle of the hallway and turned on my heel to face her.
“What did you just say?” I was done running from this. I needed to face it head on, the way I should have from the beginning.
“I said you probably paid Marcus to be your boyfriend.” She repeats slowly like she is talking to a child that wasn’t listening. She steps forward, her bag dropping to the ground and I realize I was probably going to be in the first fight of my life.
Mirroring her actions I drop my bag to the floor and step forward. We are less than a foot apart when she shoves me back. The air pushes from my chest in a harsh gasp. I lunge for her. I’m going to claw her eyes out. Something holds me back and Wade steps between us motioning for Renee to back up. I struggle against the hands holding my shoulders, my focus on getting to Renee.
“Let go of me, I’m going to kill her.” I growled, never taking my eyes off of Renee’s sneering face.
“Hey, hey, hey, calm down.” Marcus’s warm low voice washes over me and the fight leaves me. He turns me around to face him and my gaze focuses on his shoes. I would not look at him. My emotions couldn’t be trusted. I could almost feel the ghost of his soft kiss brushing my lips and wanting that was impossible. “What’s wrong?”
“What’s wrong?” I repeat. Everything. Nothing. Everything and nothing was
wrong.
“Taylor, look at me.” His fingers come up under my chin and angle my face towards him. Everyone around us fades away as I finally look at him. Why was he here? Hadn’t he gotten his wish? Yet his voice was soft in a way I didn’t expect. His eyes seemed to shine with an emotion I couldn’t place. “What happened?”
When he breaks eye contact to look over my shoulder everything crashes back into me. Hurtful words. The lies. His lies. My lies. Shaking off his touch I backup a step. If I was facing this I needed to just face it.
“You got what you wanted, Marcus.” I shrug like it isn’t a big deal. “Everyone knows I’m a fraud. A liar. You win.”
“No, that isn’t what I wanted.” He tries to reach for me and I dodge his hands. “We can’t have this conversation here.” He looks around at all the curious faces, phones held in front of them ready to record it all. A fight. Some gossip. It was all the same to the masses. Why not give them it?
“Stop lying. Everyone knows.” I step away again making the distance between us greater. The thump, thump, thump of my heart so loud, I’m surprised everyone can’t hear it.
“Wait, Taylor.” Marcus holds up his hands palms up as I back into Wade. “We need to talk about this.”
“There is nothing to talk about.”
“Maybe you should just hear him out,” Wade suggests quietly behind me.
“You are in on this too?” It was too much. I had thought Wade and I had become friends. Sure, not best friends, but closer than that.
“What?” Wade explodes. He cocks his head at me, and studies me like I’ve lost my mind, and maybe I have. I felt raw. “I’m not sure what you think you know, but I can guarantee you that it’s wrong.”
“I doubt that.” I cross my arms over my chest ignoring everyone else in the hallway. Now that there wasn’t going to be a physical fight most of the crowd had moved away. The interest had been lost. Though there were still a few ears hanging on every word we said.
