by Mandi Lynn
“What was it?”
“They couldn’t come up with a definite answer.” Shelly was going to continue talking, but she stopped as soon as she felt Avery stiffen beside her.
“What do you mean? That’s their job. To investigate and find the cause,” Avery said. Her voice was rising, and she knew she had to quiet down. “They can find the culprit of a murder with one shred of DNA, but when it comes to finding the source of a fire, they don’t know? What if it was faulty wiring? Shouldn’t we…” but Avery stopped herself. She only hoped it was faulty wiring.
“Sweetie,” Shelly said. She rested her arm against Avery’s back. “There are some things we’ll never be sure of. The fire marshal said it could have been wiring, but it also could have been something as simple as forgetting to turn the stove off.”
She knew the words were coming, but the tears still surfaced. She had hoped the fire was caused by a faulty switch, or lint in the dryer, something simple—a freak accident. But Avery had heard the word oven spoken over the phone, and she knew that the officer considering the oven as the cause wasn’t just a coincidence, it was a possibility, and a strong one at that.
“There has to be more.” Avery stood up from the couch. She was starting to panic. The blame had to be placed somewhere else, anywhere else.
“That’s all the information they have,” Shelly said.
“They need to find out why.” Avery looked from the door to the window and soon that’s the way she began to pace.
“Avery, honey, sometimes they can’t find the answers. They only have so much time in the day and they can’t spend it all looking into the cause of a fire.”
She was angry. Angry at her grandmother for not pushing the officer for more information when she was on the phone, at the fire department for letting the case close, but most of all she was mad because she couldn’t remember if she had turned the stove off that night.
— — — — —
“Shh!” Avery was giggling, and her whisper was hard to conceal. “Everyone is asleep upstairs.”
Eric was laughing when he followed her to the door. He watched the way she skipped through the night and up the steps to her house.
“Come on,” Avery whispered. She led the way through the door.
Eric followed her through the house, keeping the lights off as they wandered. Avery navigated without missing a beat, and Eric held onto her hand hoping he wouldn’t run into a wall.
Once they were in the kitchen, Avery turned on the light and turned the dimmer down until they had just enough light to see, but no more. She opened a drawer next to the oven and pulled out an old pastel apron that her mother had used so much its color was beginning to fade away.
“What would you like?” she said, putting on her best grin while Eric leaned against the counter.
“What does the chef recommend?” he said. He was tempted to touch Avery, but he was afraid if he did he would break the spell of the moment. Avery produced her own light in the room, even with an apron that was covered in stains.
“Grilled cheese a-la-mode,” she said. She tried to smile in that sexy-flirty way that Sam was always talking about when they watched romantic comedies, but it felt a little forced. Forced or not, Eric seemed to smile just a little wider.
“Sounds delicious,” he said.
Avery tried to be quiet as she tip-toed around the kitchen for cheese, bread, butter, and of course a pan. She noticed out of the corner of her eye that the clock on the microwave said 1:53am, and although she could feel the long hours of the day beginning to creep up on her, she pushed the threat of sleep away.
“Make sure you kiss him! I want details in the morning!” That’s what Sam had just about shouted to her as she left the house to meet Eric at his car. She was terrified he might have overheard, but if he had, he showed no signs when she had gotten into his car.
“Want any help?” Eric said, watching her from the other side of the kitchen.
She turned on the stove and could picture Sam nagging her in the morning. A dim-lit grilled cheese dinner was the perfect opportunity for a first-date kiss.
She bit her lip while her back was turned before holding the tub of butter out to Eric.
“Why don’t I teach you?” she offered. She hoped her nerves weren’t evident in her smile.
He smirked. “Are you sure you want burnt grilled cheese?”
“I’ll guide you.”
In her head, she imagined the moment would be more romantic. She stood by his side as she let her hand linger over his, guiding the butter over the bread and placing it on the pan.
“So will your parents be mad if they found us down here?” Eric asked.
“My dad might be. My mom is just like my sister. She wants to know all the details. If she knew you were down here right now…” She trailed off, a blush creeping up on her.
“What?” he said. He turned to her and she could feel her face heating more.
“Flip it,” Avery said, gripping his hand with the spatula to flip the grilled-cheese. She was going to pull her hand away, but she could still feel Eric’s eyes on her.
“What are you going to tell your sister?” Eric looked at her, his eyebrows raised and smile at his fullest. Avery pulled her hand away and cocked her head to the side, raising her eyebrow. He laughed. “I have two older sisters. I’ve seen them gossip after every date they’ve been on.”
“Oh, that must have been fun,” she said.
“A little awkward, yes.”
They both smiled, and Eric pulled the grilled-cheese off the pan and set it on a plate.
“You eat. I’ll make a second one,” she said.
Avery picked up the loaf of bread sitting on the counter, but Eric took her by the hand. He wrapped a single arm around her waist and pulled her closer, just by an inch, but it surprised her enough that she dropped the bread.
“Sorry,” he said, but he was laughing a breathless, nervous laugh.
They were looking at each other, neither sure of what to do. Avery let one hand linger on Eric’s arm. They were both gripping the counter, as if it was the only thing holding them in place. When Eric lifted his hand from the counter and cupped her cheek, Avery felt something release. She leaned forward, terrified and awake, and kissed him.
He didn’t seem at all surprised when she kissed him. It was like he was waiting for her, and when she was finally there, he embraced her. They pulled away only when they heard footsteps above their heads.
“Remember how I asked if your parents would be mad if they found us down here?” Eric said.
“Let’s not find out what would actually happen,” she said. Avery took the grilled cheese from off the plate and carried it out to the hall and to the front door. Eric followed close behind and stepped out the front door. She thought she heard someone upstairs and froze. Eric was already through the threshold and standing outside, watching her and waiting. She thought she heard a door close. Did someone get up to go to the bathroom?
Avery slipped out into the night.
“I’ll talk to you later,” Avery said quickly. She took Eric’s hands and gave him the grilled-cheese before he could protest. She flashed him a smile before she leaned in a final time for a brisk kiss, and this time Eric did seem surprised. “Goodnight!”
She thought he was laughing when she closed the door, but she wasn’t sure. By the time she was up the stairs, the bathroom door creaked open.
“Avery?” the voice was hushed.
Her mom’s eyes were squinting as she turned off the bathroom light and entered the darkness. She wrapped her arms around herself as she walked, her hair sticking out in all directions.
“Sorry,” Avery said. She was afraid to say why she was apologizing. Did she hear them downstairs? Is that why she woke up? Or could she actually get away with sneaking a boy into the house at 1am?
“Were you downstairs?” she asked.
“Yeah, I just got hungry. Midnight snack. Made some grilled cheese.”
“I thought I heard someone in the kitchen.”
“Just me,” she said, trying to hide her smile as she started to walk to her room. “Goodnight.”
She let a small smile form as her mom walked back to bed and she realized she got away with it. Avery slipped into her bedroom and once she hit the pillows she finally let sleep take her. Normally, it would take a few minutes, sometimes an hour, for Avery to fall asleep, but that night she slept fast and without any dreams.
The oven continued to burn in the kitchen, a loaf of bread too close heating in the dark night. A few minutes passed before the plastic around the bread melted and caught on fire. The kitchen burned, inch by inch, until the inches turned to feet and the feet turned to yards.
Chapter 16
“Your date of birth?”
Sam looked at the nurse, but the nurse wasn’t looking back at her. Her eyes were on a laptop filled with Sam’s health records. Sam knew her birthday was in December, but now the date was lost to her.
“December,” she said.
“Date and year?”
The nurse was waiting. It was a safety measure for patient identification, but for some reason Sam couldn’t identify herself.
“December,” she paused, bite her lip. “First?”
The nurse’s eyebrows came together. The clipboard in her hand dropped a few inches, and she looked out into the hallway.
Was she wrong? Did Sam forget her birthday?
“I’ll be right back, okay?”
When the nurse left, she seemed worried. Sam had never said what year she was born in, and she was happy the nurse didn’t push because she couldn’t remember, but had she messed up?
More than anything, Sam wanted to go home. Everything about being in the hospital felt wrong. She wanted to go home to her mom, dad, and Avery, but the more she thought of them, themore her stomach seemed to drop and ache.
In the back of her mind, she remembered Avery at her hospital bed, telling her that their parents were dead, but that couldn’t be true, could it? She couldn’t grasp at the memory fully, and the more she thought about it, the more terrified she grew. It was like she was waking up from a dream, but she still wasn’t sure if it had been a dream or not.
Sam’s eyes were darting around the room, begging to find some object that would upturn a memory when the doctor walked in.
“Good morning, Sam,” Dr. Ash said.
He closed the door behind him when he walked in. The click of the door was soft, but Sam jumped at the sound. Her mind rolled over memories, trying to find fact from fiction, death from life. What was real?
“How did you sleep last night?”
He was sitting on a rolling stool, casual, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. The picture of ease.
Sam felt like she was blinking too much. Could Dr. Ash see that?
The moment held in the air before Sam finally spoke.
“Fine,” she said.
“Well, a little birdie told me you had some adventures.”
She could feel her face crumple in confusion. Dr. Ash pulled his chair forward and checked Sam’s right hand. Her skin was dark purple were there had once been an IV. In the center was a small, almost unnoticeable scab.
“There doesn’t seem to be too much damage here, and you’ve got your new IV on your other hand I see.” He nodded to Sam’s left hand, freshly tapped. She stared at the tubing until, just vaguely, she could remember a nurse coming in during the night to put it in, but why had she come in so late?
“So tell me, Sam, when’s your birthday? We like to have little parties around here for the inpatients,” Dr. Ash said.
She was thrown. Was she going to be in the hospital for her birthday? It occurred to her she didn’t know what month it was.
“What’s today’s date?” she asked.
“Sam,” he said. His voice was soft, but firm. “I need you to tell me that, okay?”
She felt herself starting to blink too much again. She was waiting for Dr. Ash to get frustrated with her, but instead he seemed to shy away from her and give her space. She tried to come up with an answer, but it was like something was blocking her from accessing it. The longer she tried to unearth the information, the more she felt like she was fighting herself.
“Do you know what month it is?”
She looked around for clues, expecting a calendar to be hung in the room somewhere, but it seemed bare except for the machinery and tubes.
“June?” It didn’t feel like a complete guess, but she knew the answer was supposed to come easier than that. As much as she wanted to believe she was okay, that the confusion of time was just because she was in a hospital, any hope seemed lost when Dr. Ash shifted in his chair. He didn’t have to say it. She knew her answer was wrong.
“How about we skip dates? Do you like to draw?”
“I’m not very good at it,” she said, but Dr. Ash was already getting up from his seat and grabbing his clipboard that he had put on the counter. He took the first page out and flipped it over so it was blank. He drew a large circle on the page and handled the clipboard to Sam, along with a pen. He took his phone out of his pocket and looked at it quickly before putting it away.
“It’s about 9:15 in the morning. Pretend that the circle is the face of a clock. I want you to draw the big hand and the little hand and make it say 9:15.”
She didn’t understand the premise of the exercise, but she obeyed without much difficulty. Dr. Ash watched as she drew the hands on the clock without needing much thought.
“Good, now can you name three words that begin with the letter S?”
“Snack, Salt, Sugar,” she said.
He laughed a little bit. “Got food on the brain?”
She smiled and relaxed when she realized that these questions she could answer.
“Someone will be in soon with food. Why don’t we take a break so you can relax and eat? I’ll be back later today, but press the call button if you need anything.”
The button was next to her bed, but she dreaded ever having to touch it. The more the nurses and Dr. Ash seemed to see her, the more confused she got. She was living in a haze, and she wasn’t sure how to escape it.
“Are my parents going to visit today?”
Dr. Ash was about to slip out of the room, but he turned around when he heard Sam speak. Her voice was clear and her eyes were tired, but her question rattled through the walls. He took a moment to jog his memory, looking over her file. Parents: deceased.
He wondered if he was having a lapse in his memory. Hadn’t he been there when she was told? And there it was, in his own writing in her file.
Notified of parent’s death before arrival at hospital. Woke up from induced coma, wasn’t aware of parents’ death. Family had to explain.
It was normal for some memory loss after traumatic events or stress, but her symptoms didn’t fit that type of memory loss. If she had been told once that her family had passed away after waking up, why did she forget again? She exhibited signs of short-term memory loss, rather than the long-term that is commonly seen.
“Sam?” When he looked at her he couldn’t help but see the eyes of someone innocent, having no idea of the harm that the world can ensue. “Do you remember why you’re here?”
She blinked when she spoke. Maybe because it was a question she’d never been asked before, or maybe because she had simply never thought of the answer herself.
She looked around the room for signs. There was a blood pressure monitor clipped to her finger, an IV on her hand, but what else? She hadn’t broken any bones, nothing hurt, but she didn’t feel right. She couldn’t fully remember her life before the hospital, but she knew something was wrong. Sometimes it felt like there was something stopping her from accessing part of memories to find answers, but most of all she could never get rid of the feeling of knowing the answer to a question, but not being able to grasp it.
“I know something’s wrong,” she said.
Dr. Ash pulled his chair back over and sat beside her.
“Can you tell me about it?”
“I can’t…remember things. I know I’m in a hospital, and I know who my family is. I know Avery came, but I don’t know why my parents won’t come. And sometimes, if someone asks me something, I know I have the answer but I just can’t…find it. I know I should remember, but for whatever reason I don’t. Sometimes my body feels weird, like there’s this electricity following through me. Whenever that happens I can’t sit still, and I’m afraid to be alone because I don’t know what’s happening, but I know that it’s not normal.”
“Do you think that’s why you’ve been wandering around at night?” he asked.
“I don’t remember doing that. I just remember a nurse came in to change my IV.”
“She changed it because you had pulled the other IV out of your hand because you wanted to get up. The nurse found you in the hallway in the middle of the night.”
Sam didn’t want to believe him. For a moment, she tried to entertain herself with the fact that maybe he was just trying to play a sick joke on her. She hoped that was the case, but the longer she waited for him to say something else, the more she realized this was her reality.
“Where’s Avery?” she said.
“She visited you yesterday with your grandparents.”
“And she’s not hurt?”
“No.”
A wave of relief washed over her, but there was still an ache in her chest. “And my parents?” she asked.
Dr. Ash looked back at her, his hands shook as he stood in front of her. He didn’t want to tell her. “They died in the fire.”
She wanted to cry, but her body was betraying her. The tears never came, and she felt herself shutting down.
Dr. Ash watched her as she closed in on herself. Her face was wiped clean. He knew she heard and understood him, but shock was taking over. He could hope for a tear, but instead she seemed only to close herself away from the world that was
surrounding her. Her face was stone as she looked around the room.
