My pack.
A surging swell of utter belonging and pride and goodness filled me. I loved my pack. I had never loved anything this way. I had never known there was this kind of love in the world. I gasped, rolling over, pulling my skirt over my nakedness, and I shuddered.
Then I looked up at Judah, who was struggling to remove the condom.
I loved him, too, but… well, it was the same love as the pack. It wasn’t… should there be something more between us? Was this all there was? It was enough, I thought, but I had hoped…
He saw me looking at him again and blushed again. He held up a finger and turned his back on me.
I sat up on the bed.
He tied off the condom and put it in a trash can and when he rejoined me, he was zipped up again.
I smiled at him.
He smiled back. “It’s done,” he said.
“Yes,” I said. “The pack, I can feel them. It’s amazing.”
His smile widened into something genuine and pleased. “It is amazing. The first time that I felt the pack, it was the most wonderful thing that I ever thought I could feel.”
“I love the pack,” I said. “I would do anything for the pack. They’re mine. They’re…” I looked at him. “They’re ours.”
“Yes,” he said, and he was practically beaming.
I got up off the bed and kissed him again.
He kissed back, and there was eagerness there, but it didn’t feel that much different than before.
We broke away, and I could see disappointment in his eyes as well.
He cleared his throat. “I’m sure that… with time…”
“Yes,” I said. “I’m sure you’re right.” Because now, having felt my pack, I would never give it up. If being mated to Judah was part of the package, fine, whatever. It was worth it, even if we never did fall in love.
He gave me another smile.
“When do we go to the pack?” I said.
He chuckled. “Soon. I… well, you’ll probably need some time to pack your things and say goodbye to your friends. How long would you need?”
“Not long,” I said. “Although I suppose I would like some time with Sinead. Perhaps another day.”
“All right,” he said. “Then the day after tomorrow, we’ll go. I know they’ll be happy to meet you.”
“I can’t wait to meet them.”
We were quiet again, then.
Judah shoved his hands in his pockets.
“I… would you mind if I went back to my room?” I said. “Or do we need to sleep in this bed together?”
“I don’t see why we should have to do that,” he said. “You’d probably be more comfortable that way, anyway. I’m a horrible bedmate. I steal all the covers.”
“Right,” I said, laughing a little. So, he had shared beds with others before then? Oddly, I never had. Even Parker had rarely slept over. He would usually leave after sex. Would I be sleeping in the same bed with Judah when we got to the pack? What would that be like? I did feel more comfortable around him now. There was a bond. He’d been right about that. And I thought that I wouldn’t mind sharing his bed, cuddling up with someone for warmth. That sounded perfect, in fact.
But not tonight. Tonight, my own bed. Solitude.
CHAPTER TEN
But I couldn’t sleep.
I tossed and turned in bed for an hour. I kept turning over in my head the experience I’d just had. It was probably the worst sex I’d ever had. Not that I had a lot of experience, but even with Parker, I’d felt as if there was more… interest on both sides. With Judah and me, that hadn’t been sex, it had been two people doing a duty. It was awful.
Now that we were bonded, surely things would go better between us.
Except I found that I didn’t much relish the idea of a repeat performance, and I wasn’t entirely sure why. I still felt that Judah was attractive, and I felt closer to him now than I had. If I wanted, I could even key in to him, find him where he slept in the basement, alone on that big bed. I could tell that he was dreaming, and that his dreams were troubled. We were bonded, just as he’d promised. But whatever this bond was, it didn’t make me feel a romantic tie to him, or even a sexual one. He was my mate, shouldn’t I want him?
Why didn’t I want him?
There were other things about the entire process that disturbed me on reflection. Sure, the mechanics of it hadn’t been pleasurable, but the basic principle of how it came together bothered me.
Why was the bond cemented when Judah climaxed? Not upon penetration, no, but on his climax.
And I didn’t have to climax at all.
The whole process was something that was done to me, not something I even necessarily participated in. Hadn’t Judah said that packs could be taken from male alphas by lone alpha wolves forcing themselves on female alphas? Why would that be? Why would nature do that?
I supposed, when I thought about it, nature was full of those kinds of idiosyncrasies, and they never did seem to be in the favor of women. So, surprise. The werewolf world was sexist. Great. Perfect.
I was so worked up about it that I couldn’t stand being in bed anymore. I got up, got dressed in a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt. I put on my coat and I went for a walk out on the grounds.
But it didn’t make any difference out here. It was clean, cold air, and the sky was dark, and the half-moon above me was comforting, but I was still alone with my thoughts.
I walked into the woods and I clutched one of the tree trunks and I tried to make sense of it.
I was changed, just as changed as I’d been the first time I felt the call. I had a pack, my pack, and I was fiercely protective of them, and I finally, actually belonged somewhere. I had a home and I wanted to be there. And yet, it was all still wrong in some way, and I couldn’t put my finger on what was wrong, and—
“What are you doing out here?” came a voice.
I tensed. “Who is that?”
Landon materialized out the darkness. He was all furry sinews and sharp teeth, but his blue eyes glittered, and they seemed so blue. So very, very blue.
My breath caught in my throat. “What are you doing out here?”
“Eh, you know, I get bored sometimes wandering all alone in exile in the forest,” he said in a nonchalant tone. “So sometimes I like to, uh, check up on you, make sure you’re okay.”
“Check up on me?”
“You know, climb a tree, look in your window, watch you sleep, that kind of thing.”
My eyes widened. “You’re stalking me?”
He laughed. “Oh, don’t get your panties in a bunch, Camber. I’m joking.” He came closer to me, sniffing the air. “You smell different.”
“What?”
“I’m a bloodhound, we have very strong senses of smell. You probably do too, that is in your wolf form. I think we get the sense of smell from the wolves. Anyway, when I left you here, you smelled one way, and now you smell different. Did something happen? Why are you wandering around in the cold at night, anyway? You running away?”
“I’m…” I folded my arms over my chest. “I thought you were done with me. You delivered me here for Desta and that was that.”
“Mmm,” he said, nodding. He gave me a lopsided grin. “Why do you smell different?”
“I don’t know.” I shrugged. “Maybe it’s because I’m mated or something.”
“You’re what?” Suddenly, he was right next to me, his face in mine, his teeth bared. His voice came out like a growl.
I stepped backward, colliding with the tree trunk. “What the heck is wrong with you?”
He rested a hand on the tree trunk, above my head. His face was inches from mine. “Mated?”
“It’s not any of your business, but it turns out, I’m an alpha, and so then I have a mate, and we have a pack, and—”
“Pack?” He seethed, shaking his head. “You’re not supposed to be in a pack. A pack will ruin you. I brought you here to keep you safe from all that bullshit.”
“I guess you’re so happy about it, you decided you needed to go walking in the middle of the night when it’s freezing outside.” He was sarcastic.
I glared at him. “It doesn’t matter. It’s done.”
“Oh, it can be undone,” he said, and he took me by the arm. “Come on.”
“Let go of me,” I said, trying to shake him off.
He was strong. He didn’t let go, and now he was dragging me out of the woods and across the grounds, back towards the house.
“What is your problem? Let me go now.”
He ignored me.
I tried to fight him off, but it was no use, so I just gave in and walked with him across the lawn to the door of the house.
Once we were there, he didn’t knock or anything. He just opened the door and dragged me across the threshold. Then he threw back his head and bellowed, “Vivia! You get your ass down here.”
“Shut up,” I said. “You’re going to wake up everyone.”
“Vivia!” he yelled again.
Everyone appeared.
Sinead appeared at the top of the steps, looking down. Alan, Rachel, and Nick came to see what was going on. Judah came up from the basement. When he saw that Landon was holding onto me, Judah’s eyes flashed. He was wearing the remains of his outfit from last night—his linen shirt barely buttoned and untucked, as if he’d dressed hurriedly.
“Judah,” I said, feeling from him what he was going to do before he moved. I shook my head.
But Judah dove across the room and caught Landon by the throat. “Let go of her.”
Landon was surprised. He did let go of me. He plucked Judah’s hand away from his throat like it was nothing. “Who’s this? Wait, let me guess. This is your mate?” He glanced at me over his shoulder.
“Landon, just…” I folded my arms over my chest.
Landon looked Judah over. “You could do better, Camber. You’re totally settling.”
“What is going on?” rang out Vivia’s voice. She appeared at the top of the steps, behind Sinead. She pushed past Sinead and began to descend the steps.
“Vivia,” said Landon. “What’s this about a pack? That’s not why I brought her here.”
Vivia pointed at the open door. “Let’s speak outside, bloodhound.”
“Oh, right,” said Landon. “Wouldn’t want my kind indoors, would you? Maybe I’m not house trained.”
Vivia didn’t respond to this. Instead, she walked right past Landon onto the front porch.
Landon muttered something unintelligible and then he turned and followed her.
I followed Landon, and Judah followed me.
Once we were on the porch, Vivia gestured, and the door closed behind us. She put a finger in Landon’s face. “You don’t come into my house. You don’t show up whenever you want. If you think I won’t modify my enchantments to keep you out—”
“Try it,” said Landon, spreading his hands in invitation. “You think I can’t get through them again?”
She clenched her hands into fists and released them.
“I brought Camber to you because this isn’t a pack,” said Landon. “The last thing I want for her is to be tied up in all that submissive crap.”
“She’s an alpha,” said Vivia. “So she’s dominant. She’ll be fine.”
“It’s the same thing,” said Landon. “It’s an obligation. It’s a magical tie that will get her killed.”
“Listen, who the hell are you?” said Judah. “What are you doing here? I’ve never seen a bloodhound out on his own before. Fur and teeth, I’ve never heard a bloodhound speak.”
“Oh, you didn’t mention me?” said Landon to me. “I’m really hurt. I thought I made more of an impression on you, Camber.”
“He’s my sister’s ex-boyfriend,” I said.
“Your sister’s ex-blood slave,” countered Landon.
“Well, whatever,” I said. “I don’t understand it, but they had some deal. He would get me safely to Vivia in exchange for his freedom from the bloodhounds.”
“Right,” said Judah. “Your sister the vampire. Which was supposed to be an advantage, wasn’t it, Vivia?” He turned on the witch, eyebrows raised.
“Why are you with the bloodhound on this night of all nights?” said Vivia to me. “Why weren’t you with your mate?”
“Why indeed?” said Landon, folding his arms over his chest. He turned to Vivia. “She was in the woods. She was running away.”
“I was not,” I said.
Judah furrowed his brow. “Camber, were you—”
“No,” I said to Judah.
Judah cleared his throat. “Because I know that things between us aren’t exactly…”
“Aren’t exactly what?” said Landon. “Got to say, Camber, he seems like a prince.”
I rounded on Landon. “I don’t know what it is you want. Why are you even here?”
Landon pointed at Vivia. “You get her unmated. You get her out of this pack and free. And then I’ll take her somewhere else, away from you, so that she’ll actually be safe.”
“You can’t unmate,” said Judah. “It’s not how it works.”
“I bet there’s a way,” said Landon. “And I bet Vivia knows it.”
“Who says she wants to be unmated?” said Judah.
“Oh, come on,” said Landon. “I can tell from the way she looks at you. The body language between the two of you, it’s—”
“Shut up,” said Judah, nostrils flaring. He took a step toward Landon.
“Can you call off your dog?” said Landon to me. “I wouldn’t want to hurt him.”
“You have to leave, bloodhound,” said Vivia.
“I’m not going anywhere,” said Landon.
“This is what Camber wants,” said Vivia. “This is her destiny.”
Landon turned to me. “I’d rather hear that from her. Is this your destiny, Camber? Is that your destiny?” He pointed at Judah.
“What do you have against Judah?” I said.
“What do you have against him?” said Landon. “If you tell me that you’re deeply in love with him and he’s everything you ever wanted, then I’ll back off and leave you to your mated existence.”
I glared at Landon. “Judah and I have only just met. It’s a little soon for… for all that.”
“You just met and you’re mated?” Landon nodded. “Got it. That makes sense. That’s very healthy. That’s a really great idea.”
“You don’t understand,” I said, and my voice broke. “I want you to leave.”
“Did you hear what she said?” said Judah. “She wants you to leave.”
“Go, bloodhound,” said Vivia.
Landon hesitated. He looked at me and then he looked at Vivia. And then he took a step toward me and lowered his voice. “Listen, is this really what you want? Because if there is any part of you that isn’t positive, any part of you that needs my help, say the word.” He took my hand. “I won’t let you—”
“Don’t touch her,” said Judah, and his voice had gone deep and menacing.
“I’ll do whatever I want,” said Landon, eyes flashing.
Judah ripped open his shirt and the change flowed over him. One minute, he was Judah, and the next, he was a huge, reddish brown wolf, snarling and growling. He leaped on top of Landon, knocking him away from me.
They fought for brief minutes, moving so quickly that I could hardly see what was happening. There were growls and howls and fur and movement and a yip of pain.
And then they weren’t moving.
Judah was pinned, belly exposed, and Landon had his claws at the wolf’s throat.
“Stop!” I screamed, rushing forward, grabbing onto Landon, trying to pull him off, not that it mattered, because I wasn’t strong enough. I needed to shift too. I needed—
Landon backed away, letting Judah up. He looked me over.
“Don’t hurt him,” I panted.
“Okay,” he said
softly.
“Landon, what the—”
“Hey, he attacked me.” Landon’s blue eyes flashed.
Judah righted himself. He stood on all fours, growling at Landon.
“Judah, no,” I said, and I pumped my emotions through our bond, begging him to stand down. I wasn’t sure what was going on here, but I didn’t want any more fighting.
“This is what you want?” said Landon. “This is really what you want?”
“Yes,” I said, even though I wasn’t sure. I just needed Landon to go.
“Fine,” said Landon. “Fine, then. You want to live this way, you want to be ruined, far be it from me to stand in your way.” He backed away, shaking his head. Then he turned and started back for the woods. “Have a nice life, Camber,” he yelled up at the night sky.
I watched him go, and something inside my heart squeezed as he was swallowed up in the woods. Why did I give a flying fang about Landon? Why did he care about me?
Damn it.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Judah was pacing in the sitting room, the place where we had first met. Had that really been less than a week ago? It felt like an age. His black slacks had been ruined when he shifted. He was wearing a pair of jogging pants from the wardrobe. His linen shirt hung unbuttoned over his chest, which I hadn’t seen when we mated. He had a nicely defined chest, accented with curly dark hair. He was an attractive man.
I was attracted to him.
I really was.
Why did I feel like I was trying to convince myself of that?
“Who the hell is that and what does he want with you?” Judah was saying.
I didn’t answer. I was sitting on a couch, hugging my knees to my chest.
“He’s a bloodhound,” said Vivia.
“Yes, I noticed that,” said Judah sharply.
“He’s not with the bloodhound packs,” Vivia said. “He’s free from that somehow. He wanders the woods on his own like a lone wolf. He’s a half-beast as far as I can tell. I made an alliance with him once to get some supplies for spells, and I wish I’d never opened the door to anything with him. He’s unstable and too powerful for his own good. Whatever they do to the bloodhounds, it makes their emotions volatile. You’ve seen what they can do.”
A Symphony of Howls Page 9
