Chapter 9
Before he left town, Harper took me back to West Mountain on his bike. We found the clearing and the log and sat on it just like before.
“Push-ups?” I suggested, only half serious.
Harper just smiled.
“If you want.”
“Sure,” I said.
That was the only way I knew to get his shirt off of him. I hadn’t seen him shirtless since we had built the fence together, and I missed it. I’m not sure he knew what I was up to. It’s possible. Even if he knew, he wouldn’t have minded doing that for me. I knew that by now.
So Harper did his push-ups, and I watched until he told me to join him, just like the first time. Then after a while we took turns doing sit-ups, spotting each other, same as before. There was no kiss this time, and neither of us mentioned that incident. There was just a kind of sadness that this was going to be the last time we were together until at least Christmas.
I just kept staring at his body and his face. He was doing the same to me I noticed.
When we got tired, we lay down next to each other, our heads on the log. For almost an hour we lay there taking in the sky and the smell of mosses and other aromatic plants I could not identify. What must this place look like from space? Darkness and blind mazes? One day, Harper would know.
I felt sure of that.
Suddenly, I was surprised by the taste of salt in my mouth then realized my face was wet. I wiped my face, but not without Harper noticing. He stood up. I did the same. He grabbed me in a bear hug and said, “I’m gonna miss you, buddy.”
“I’ll miss you too.”
“I can see that.”
“Sorry.”
“No problem. Always be honest with me. Nothing wrong with honest tears. I feel almost like crying myself.”
We got back on the bike and headed home. When we parted, we didn’t say much. Our parting had taken place on the mountain, and we were both smart enough to leave it at that.
Chapter 10
I met John Parker in Sunday school the first weekend we were in our new home. Harper had offered to help us move in his truck, but Mom couldn’t make the arrangements until after he was gone. Harper took off for Colorado on a Wednesday. On Saturday, friends and relatives helped us move to Weston. The next day, I met John.
I had looked up and down the street on Saturday, not seeing anyone my age. But at the bottom of the hill was a house that must have had a guy close to my age living there. Basketball goal. Dirt bike. Scruffed-up yard. There were signs all over the place. And sure enough, a man from that house had come up the street to welcome us to the neighborhood and see if he could lend us a hand with our stuff, and he looked at me and said he had a son about my age. He was right about that. John and I were born one month apart on the same day of the month. And he and his family went to the same church that Mom intended to give a try the following day.
I was sitting in the Sunday school room by myself. No one was being rude. The adult who showed me where to go had introduced me as a new guy and asked everyone to make me feel welcome. They did their best for a few minutes, then returned to their own conversations. It was mostly girls. I was wondering if the guy down the street would be there. Then, there he was. Before I even knew he was in the room—the door was behind me—he sat down beside me, looked me in the eye, and asked, “What’s your name?”
“Nathan,” I said somehow. I could barely speak.
“I’m John,” he replied. “I live on your street, just down the hill.”
I barely heard him. I was staring back into his eyes not believing what I saw there. I felt the most beautiful sensation sweep over me. I knew he was saying something to me, but I didn’t know what. The most handsome boy my age I had ever seen in my life had just come up and sat beside me. He wanted to get to know me. He lived on my street. And his beauty overwhelmed me. I could feel it surround me. It was much the same feeling I had when I first saw Harper. Although I would soon find out that they had almost polar opposite personalities, their physical appeal was much the same. If you were attracted to one, like me, chances are you would be attracted to the other. There was just something about both of them I loved at first sight. The only difference was that John was my age.
And then I noticed that John, like Harper, was even wearing dog tags.
After Sunday school John invited me to sit with him. I didn’t want to leave Mom by herself, so he sat with us instead.
He wanted to sit with me, I kept thinking to myself, sitting beside him through the service. We were practically friends already. Didn’t he have a lot of friends here? This was his church. Why did he want to sit with me? But I thought I knew, and I thought he must have known it too.
He had found his disciple.
And this dude only needed one.
Chapter 11
John and I were best friends in no time. It happened so easily because from the moment we met, we both wanted it and we both knew it. I have no idea what he saw in me. I think he just knew that I loved him unconditionally and that was enough for him. I think he would have adjusted to whatever personality I threw at him. It turned out we were very compatible, although different. Our interests weren’t entirely the same, especially when it came to girls, but our thought processes often were a lot alike. We definitely got each other, understood each other’s jokes, shared much of the same opinions about life as we knew it.
I fell in love not only with John but his family as well. His mother and father are the kindest people I’d ever met. It is pretty clear where John’s goodness comes from. His brother is different, and I was going to say the usual cliché, “not necessarily in a bad way,” but when compared with his parents and John, any difference was going to be in a bad way because you just couldn’t get any better than his family.
Matt was more like me: flawed. He wasn’t as generous in spirit as was John or their parents. He wasn’t as kind. He was, however, his own man. He didn’t like the church—any church, I came to find out—and didn’t care who knew it. He was selfish in that way because it hurt his parents that he obviously disdained their religious beliefs. What really got me though was that he didn’t seem interested in being friends with his own brother. He had demanded his own room and gotten it. John only saw him in passing and had no close relationship with him. I knew this hurt John deeply. In fact, I think it was the deepest hurt in his life. He had wanted a brother and his brother had not wanted him. Now I was his brother. But back to Matt, he wasn’t much like the rest of his family, but yeah, I liked Matt too.
This is important to the story.
Chapter 12
I was still thirteen when I wiped out on my bike. I have no idea what happened. Maybe I was doing something stupid. Maybe I wasn’t paying attention. Maybe some driver nicked me and just kept driving. All I know is I woke up in the hospital, Mom at my side. I had a concussion. The doctor kept me overnight for observation then released me the next day. His orders were to stay in bed for at least three days.
I managed two. Mom wanted to be there with me, of course, but she had a job that was hard to get away from. She was the only person in her office who knew how to do what she did.
John had come over to see me, and we could both hear Mom’s end of the conversation with her boss about taking a couple of days off. It wasn’t going too well. John got up and walked into the room where she was talking.
“I can stay with him,” John said.
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I don’t mind.”
“All day?”
“Sure. I’ll sleep on his floor tonight so I’ll already be here in the morning when you have to leave.”
And that’s how it happened. Only John stayed the next night and day too. Two nights and two days taking care of me, cooking bacon and eggs or pancakes for me, heating up soup for me, reading to me, trying to make me laugh.
He’s just solid, that guy.
That first night I woke up in the middle of the night a little dis
oriented. I had to pee, and when I put a foot over the bed to get up, it touched something that wasn’t usually there. John. I woke him up.
“You need something?”
“Sorry. I just have to pee.”
“Here, I’ll help you.”
“I can manage.”
But when I tried to take a step, I began to swerve. John was up and by my side immediately, taking the weight of my body on his shoulders.
I managed to stand straight, and he led me to the bathroom.
“Now I can manage,” I told him at the door.
“You sure? I don’t mind.”
“I’m sure.”
When I came out, he was there waiting for me to help me back to bed.
“Thanks,” I said.
“Anytime, man. You need anything, you wake me up. Just step on me like you did this time.”
We both laughed.
“Your foot right in my face. Nice.”
We laughed some more.
I got back into bed, and John lay down again on the quilts Mom had spread for him on the floor. At least my room was carpeted. My bed was a single or else I would have asked him to just crawl in beside me. I was tempted to ask him anyway. I wouldn’t have minded. But it would have been cramped, and I suspected he would mind.
He was back to sleep in no time. I could see him now that I knew he was there. There was just enough light coming through the cracks of my curtains and blinds for me to make out his face in the dark, that handsome face I longed to kiss just like I had kissed Harper that time. I wondered what John would think about that. I felt almost like I was betraying him even thinking such thoughts. Here he was camped out on my floor to take care of me like a good soldier, and all I could do was fantasize about how incredible it would be to kiss him.
Jeez.
I would do anything for him.
Chapter 13
I wasn’t the only person who found John attractive. The girls at school were ridiculous about both of us, but especially him. After several months of having no luck with me, the new guy, they began to leave me alone. John was puzzled by it all at first, and I had to endure his persistent attempts to set me up.
“Hey, I think Shana likes you.”
“Nathan, Karissa wants you to ask her out.”
“Why don’t you ask Melissa out and we can double date this Saturday? I’m going out with Stacy.”
I thought it would never end, but gradually the girls began to give up on me, and even John began to get a clue. Of course that was after I had pretty much told him to leave me alone about it.
“Just stop trying to hook me up,” I told him. “I don’t need that. I could get my own girl if I wanted one.”
“I know that. I just thought maybe you were shy or something. I mean, you are shy. Just trying to help.”
“I know. I’m sorry. But just let it rest.”
John thought over what I’d said.
“So you’re telling me you don’t want a girl?”
“Not at the moment. No.”
“O-kay.”
“Just drop it.”
“Okay. No problem.”
And he did drop it, or at least stopped trying to fix me up. I still had to listen to all of his exploits. John was plenty interested in girls and started getting what most guys our age want from them at an early age. I had to listen to the stories, and at first I hated it, but then I figured out that if I just pretended I was the girl he was talking about, it was interesting. I couldn’t help but feel that if I really had been one of his girls, I would feel used. But I also think I would have let him do what he wanted with me anyway, hoping he just might discover something he wasn’t expecting that might make him stick around. I guess that must have been what those girls were thinking too. John did have girlfriends, but mostly he just had sex. None of the girls particularly seemed to mind.
Me, I dug him in that way too, but also in a completely different way. John could be full of himself, sure, and the way he treated girls showed that. But he could also be the best guy on the planet. And he proved that soon enough.
Once the girls gave up on me, it didn’t take long for them to start the rumors. Nothing wrong with them, I suppose they were thinking, so there must be something wrong with me. I must not like girls.
I heard the rumors in various ways and tried to ignore them. A couple of jerks asked me if I was gay, and I told them to fuck off. I was sent to the assistant principal’s office for saying “fuck” within earshot of a teacher. I knew John must be hearing the rumors too, but he never said anything, never questioned me about it. He already knew I was different from other guys in a lot of ways, and he had never let that bother him. I think he liked me the way I was. Most guys our age would have been too afraid of what others would think about them to even hang out with me. But John never abandoned me, and my admiration, appreciation, and love for him grew as I realized he never would over something like that. He did suggest a girlfriend again, but he was only trying to help. I shot him down, felt bad about it, and decided it was time to give him the truth. So I more or less told him that the rumor was true. I can’t remember exactly how I said it, but I know I made it obvious. John didn’t react. We just kept talking, but not about that. Life went on. We were still best friends.
But he did end up getting suspended for messing up this guy who was calling me a fag. I felt bad about his suspension, but I have to admit, I thought what he did for me was totally awesome.
Chapter 14
“Hello?”
“Nathan?”
“Harper!”
“You busy?”
“No.”
“Want to hang out?”
“You know I do! When?”
“Now?”
“Absolutely!”
“Give me your address. I’ll come get you.”
It was Christmas. Harper was back in town for a couple of weeks. We had exchanged a few messages since last summer, but not as many as I thought we would. I guess meeting John took away some of the need on my part, and no doubt Harper was meeting new people too, not to mention keeping up with his new routines as a college student and a cadet.
Standing at our door, he looked better than ever, big grin on his face, happy to see me. Mom greeted him, and he came in, sat down, and chatted for a while with both of us.
“Mind if I take Nathan out for pizza?” he asked Mom.
She said “I guess not” and sounded like she didn’t mind at all. Harper was a class act, and Mom seemed to know it.
“Hey, buddy!” Harper said again in his truck, as if all the preceding greetings and conversation had never taken place—as if our time together only counted if we were alone.
He was smiling at me like no one I’d ever seen before.
“Hey.”
I said it too casual, like I was trying not to show how excited I was. This was stupid. I tried it again.
“Hey!”
Harper looked at me like I was mental.
“I’ve missed you,” he said then, and I could see that he had.
I had missed him too, though not even half as much as I would have missed him if John hadn’t been around. I was thinking about that on the way to the pizza joint, how he must not have met anyone in Colorado to adequately replace me, but I had been lucky enough to meet John. I thought about how much I had missed Harper then thought about how much more I would have missed him had John not been there for me, and it was unfathomable.
“I missed you too,” I said, feeling it wasn’t adequate.
God, he smelled good, and looked even better. I wanted to eat him. I can’t express how much I loved that man, how much it filled me with extreme pleasure just to look at him.
“You’re looking good,” he said.
“I am?”
“You are.”
“So are you.”
“You’re growing too. And filling out. You weren’t lying to me about your exercise routine. I can see the results.”
“I don’t
suppose I would ever lie to you.”
I wanted to take my shirt off and give him a better look. I was proud of the difference in my body since the last time he had seen me. But it was winter, cold.
That would have to wait.
Chapter 15
After pizza, we got back in Harper’s truck and drove around aimlessly for a while, just talking. We ended up at the lake, and Harper drove down some bumpy dirt roads until we were completely isolated. Actually, we had been isolated as soon as we arrived at the lake. No one went there this time of year.
The truck in park, but still running, the heater still going, Harper unsnapped his seatbelt and shifted his weight so that he was more or less leaning against the driver-side door, facing me. I turned to face him too.
We had already gone over our new schools, our new routines, our new lives. I had asked a lot of questions about the cadet corps. I was interested. I told him about John. He was interested in my new friend, too.
“I’m glad you met someone you like,” he said. “That always helps a lot.”
“How about you?” I asked. “You got new friends?”
“I guess so,” he said, not sounding all that excited about them.
“I’m sure the girls have been interested in you,” I said, feeling a ting of jealousy at the thought, even as I said it.
“Some,” he said.
“I would think almost all of them.”
“A lot of them are lesbians.”
I hadn’t thought of that.
“But I like them,” he added. “When they’re nice to me, I know it’s because they like me as a human being, they’re not just doing it because they want something from me.”
Nathan's Story Page 3
