by Quinn Loftis
“Do not speak his name,” Tenia whispered. She was practically begging him. As if by him speaking his name Skender might bring the attention of Alston or Ludcarab to him. “He is not your concern.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, Tenia.” he practically purred. “Everything about you is my concern. If I do nothing else worthy in my life, I will protect your young.”
The Great Luna help her, she wanted to believe him. She wanted to have someone she could lean on, but this wolf belonged to the Order.
“I belong to you first,” Skender said. “Always you first. From now on.” Tenia swore she felt the soft glide of a finger down her cheek as his words faded.
She wanted to scream, kick, and curl up in a ball and cry. She couldn’t even finish a thought without him there. How had this happened?
“You look tired, mother,” Torion’s voice drew her attention from her momentary strife. “Will you rest?”
Tenia smiled and gathered every ounce of self-control she possessed. She shoved aside the storm of emotions and focused on her most favorite person in the world. As young as he was, only six summers, he was always trying to look after her. “I would like that, but only if you will rest with me.”
“But I’m not tired,” he said with a grin.
“I’m sure you’re not, especially after eating all that cotton candy. But I wonder if you would allow your mother the gift of just holding you close? I’ve missed my Torion.” She’d more than missed him. She’d ached for him. There were times when she had to completely set him out of her mind because if not she would simply freeze in fear. Worried that one wrong movement would put him in harm’s way.
The boy wrapped his arms around her and buried his little face in her neck. “I will hold you while you sleep. That way you know you are safe.”
Tenia blinked away tears as she stood, still holding him in her arms, and carried him over to his small bed. She curled up on her side and held him close to her heart as she closed her eyes. “Thank you, my brave boy,” she whispered. “I fear I would never rest if I didn’t have such a warrior as you to keep watch.”
“I am a warrior, aren’t I mother?”
“You are. Fierce and loyal. The best warrior I know.” Tenia bit her lip to keep her tears at bay as she forced her body to relax. She never let on just how worried she was when she was with Torion. Tenia already knew he was concerned about her, and she didn’t want to give him cause to fret more. So, she tried to swallow it all down and only show him the side of her that was just thankful to have these moments with him.
“Rest, Tenia.” Skender’s voice filled her mind again. She was too exhausted to argue with him this time. “I will keep watch over you both. I swear to keep you safe.”
She didn’t respond, though a bitter part of her wanted to ask him where the hell he’d been two years ago when Alston had taken her and Torion, but that wasn’t a fair question, and she knew it. No matter how much she despised him now for his affiliation with the Order, she couldn’t blame him for her current situation.
She felt Torion’s body relax and knew he was drifting off, despite his previous assurances that he wasn’t tired. Finally, she could relax. She often wondered how much sleep her son got when she wasn’t there. But it was another one of those things she couldn’t let herself dwell on or it would drive her crazy. Instead, she let herself enjoy the fact that he was in her arms now. She had these moments with him, and they would have to be enough … for now.
Skender’s heart pounded painfully in his chest. His eyes never left the door his true mate had just walked through. She was only feet away from him, but there was nothing he could do about it, at least not yet. Any move he made would terrify her, or worse, cause her to try to de-man him.
How long have I been searching?
Much like Fane, Skender had come to the US to find his mate. He’d felt her call, and that call had led to America. The wolf had known without a doubt that she was out there, but no matter how hard he searched, he simply couldn’t find her. Skender had wound up with the Order because his parents had ties with the Order. They’d sucked him in with their arguments, laying the groundwork Alston would later use to convert him. Since joining, he’d made many choices he’d come to regret. He was the reason his former alphas were dead. He’d shown Alston where the stronghold was. He’d handed the Order the Romania wolves on a platter. Now, after seeing into the mind of his mate—his pure, kind mate— he not only regretted his actions, but he was disgusted with himself. She hated him on sight simply because he was a part of the Order. If she knew the things he’d done, she wouldn’t just hate him. She’d likely try to kill him. And Skender would let her, without lifting a finger to defend himself. By aligning with the Order, Skender had sided with everything that was the opposite of her. The fact that Alston was using Tenia’s young to control her only made Skender’s decision even worse. For some reason Skender thought that fae young were safe from Alston’s evil hands. He seemed like a purist. The type that would find his race superior to others and therefore wouldn’t want to harm their young, but that was just Skender showing what a fool he was.
Skender had picked up a great deal from Tenia’s mind before she’d shut him out. Despite what she thought of him, he would use none of it against her. He could never betray her, even if he wanted to. His wolf would not allow it. Even now his beast was fighting him, urging him to kill Alston for doing what he was doing to their mate and her young, which his wolf was already claiming as his own. “We can’t,” Skender told his wolf. “We can’t let Alston know what she means to us or he will use her against us, against the other packs.” This seemed to help calm his wolf, though the beast still paced inside of him.
Skender’s hand, the one that had grabbed her arm, was shaking as he remembered the way she’d felt. The minute he’d touched her he hadn’t wanted to let her go, ever. But he had no right to touch her. He gave that right up when he became a traitor. He lifted his hand to his face and took a deep breath. She smelled of holly berries and honey.
He’d known the second he’d looked at her, the second their minds had connected, that she was his. That knowledge had nearly driven him to his knees. Only decades of hiding his emotions had kept him in control. No one could know she was his. It would put her and Torion at risk. He would not allow that to happen.
Skender ground his teeth together, trying to keep his emotions from overwhelming him. He’d done so many shameful things. And in the name of what? He’d been looking for his mate and willing to do anything to find her—even work with the Order if that might bring him closer to her. But he’d never considered what that might mean when he finally did meet her. He hadn’t contemplated what she might think of his actions. Now he knew. Tenia would never be able to forgive his betrayal. And he didn’t blame her. He, too, had found it very hard to live with himself for the past month. His pack bonds had nearly been completely severed from Vasile and Alina by his own betrayal, but he’d still felt their deaths. And that feeling had almost destroyed him because he’d played a part in it. The alpha pair had done nothing but show him love and loyalty. By right, Vasile could have killed him on sight when Skender returned to the pack, yet the alpha had spared him. There’d been many occasions over the past few months when Skender had wished his former alpha had made a different choice.
But now? Now the wolf was glad Vasile hadn’t killed him. Even if he could never be with his mate, maybe he could at least protect her and her pup. If nothing else, he could figure out a way to shelter Tenia and Torion. He wasn’t certain how, but he would die trying, of that he was sure. Great Luna please, show me what I can do to help her. Skender leaned his back against the door where his mate and her son slept. He assumed they were sleeping because his wolf hearing no longer picked up their soft voices. He wanted to be as close to them as he could, and this was as close as he knew Tenia would ever allow him. It was better than never knowing her at all, but it was also torture. A sweet torture, but torture nonetheless.
“Should I trust them?” Lilly asked Cypher. Again, she knew she wasn’t really speaking to her former mate. But whether it was his soul come to visit or just a hallucination, she didn’t care. He was here, as he had been for the past five nights. She’d decided she was going to enjoy every second she got with him, no matter what that meant for her future emotional state once he stopped showing up.
“What does your gut tell you?” Cypher asked as he played with a piece of her hair. They were laying on their bed. Lilly was on her side, elbow bent and her head propped up in her hand. Cypher mirrored her pose. Much like he’d done in life, this vision of Cypher was constantly touching her, running a finger down her cheek, or playing with her hair.
“My gut tells me they’re being truthful,” Lilly said. “But she murdered someone, Cy.”
“I’ve murdered lots of people,” he replied. Cypher scooted closer to her and took a deep breath. It was weird when he did this because … well ... he didn’t need to breathe.
“Not in cold blood,” she countered.
“Yes, in cold blood.” He leaned in and pressed his lips to her forehead and Lilly groaned. Dammit, she missed him.
“You killed people in battle,” she argued. “That’s different.” Her hand lifted without her permission and rested itself on his chest. He felt strong and real, though there still was no body heat. He was simply a solid object. She’d not allowed herself to touch him much. Most of their touching had been instigated by him.
“Murder is murder, my love,” Cypher murmured as he ran his nose down her jawline and neck. She felt his lips press gently to her collarbone. Her breath caught as his teeth nipped at her skin.
“Why do you do that?” she asked, breathless from his touches.
“Do what?” His voice was a masculine purr that caused her stomach to drop.
“Touch me, sniff me, kiss me?”
“Because I miss you,” he said, his voice filled with so much pain it was a physical ache inside of Lilly’s soul. “You keep insisting that I am something your mind has conjured. But I am the other half of your soul, Lilly. Your soul calls to me and I answer.”
Her eyes widened. “I’m the one doing this? I’m keeping you from being at peace?”
“Who said I wasn’t at peace?” His hand ran up her calf to her thigh, across her hip, and up under her top to rest on the flesh over her rib cage. “I currently feel quite peaceful.” His lips turned up in the sexy smirk she loved.
“Why do you only come to me at night?” she asked, finally giving in to her need to touch him as much as he touched her. She let her fingers trace his strong forearm, up his bicep then his shoulder.
“Because it’s when you need me most,” he said. “And when I need to be with you. I miss holding you at night when we slept, feeling your body against mine.” His voice deepened as he pulled her closer to him. “Look at me.”
Lilly’s eyes rose to meet his. He was going to kiss her. And right or wrong, she was going to let him. She didn’t know if it made her a creeper that she wanted to make out with the soul of her now-dead mate, but she didn’t care.
Cypher’s lips touched hers, first softly, but when she moaned in response, he pressed closer. The air around her seemed to grow hotter, or perhaps it was simply the heat of her own skin as Cypher’s hand ran up and down her body. He nibbled at her lips until she opened her mouth and let him in. As soon as her tongue touched his, Cypher groaned and rolled, pulling her on top of him. He buried both his hands in her hair, crushing the strands in his fists. He turned her head so he could deepen the kiss. Lilly could barely breathe as she let herself get lost in him. His chest was hard against hers, his legs powerful as he wrapped them around her, as if he were trying to trap her and keep her from getting away. Like I’m actually going anywhere.
“Cypher,” she breathed out when he let her up for air.
“Beloved,” he whispered against her lips just before he pulled her down again.
Tears ran down her cheeks as she moved her hands up his neck to his face. When he pulled back and saw her tears, he gently kissed each one, whispering to her in his people’s language.
“Don’t cry, my sweet Lilly,” he said tenderly. “Every tear is like a stab to my heart.”
“I’m sorry,” she sputtered around the tears. “I just want this to be real.”
“It is real. It’s just not forever. Not yet,” he reminded her.
“It’s for now,” she said, repeating what they’d both said the nights before.
“Yes, beloved. It’s for now.” He held her tightly to him as she laid her head against his chest. Lilly felt her eyes drift close even though she didn’t want to sleep. When she woke in the morning, he would be gone, and she would have to wait the entire day to get to be in his arms again.
“You need rest, Lilly,” Cypher’s voice rumbled. “Sleep.”
“Still so bossy,” she murmured as she snuggled in and let herself give into exhaustion.
Chapter 12
“I’m annoyed. I’m pissed. Annoyed and pissed are a very bad combination for me.”
~Perizada
* * *
“Queenie,” Peri’s voice sang out, and Lilly heard it through the bathroom door.
Lilly had not slept well the night before, knowing the high fae would be here today. The queen had spent the day pacing her room, which wasn’t anything new. This time, however, she didn’t pace because she was agonizing over her lost mate, though that pain was ever present. Instead, Lilly had been restless because she knew Peri was going to flip her lid when she found out about Myanin and Tenia. The queen was not looking forward to explaining her previous days unexpected.
Now she was hiding out in the bathroom. If she was lucky, which she wasn’t, Peri would get bored and leave. Lilly had no hope that would happen. Peri never gave up. When she got bored, the fae wouldn’t leave. She’d simply blow down the door.
“I know you’re in there,” Peri’s voice came from just outside the bathroom door.
“Not such a hard deduction, Peri. The door is closed and locked. Where else would I be?”
“Hmm, that sounds a little more like the sassy sprite I know and love.” Suspicion laced her voice. “What have you been up to, queenie?”
“Why do you insist on calling me that ridiculous nickname?” Lilly asked, purposely ignoring the high fae’s question.
“Because I like you. People I like get nicknames.”
“And those you don’t like?”
“Become inanimate objects such as rugs so they can be stepped on like the cockroaches they are. Stop avoiding the question.”
“I’m just having a good day,” Lilly answered. “Woke up on the right side of the bed and all that jazz.”
“I have no idea what ‘all that jazz’ means. I do, however, feel the magic of another fae in this room, one I haven’t seen in a very long time. And the magic of an unknown djinn. Care to enlighten me?”
“Ummm, no. Not really.” Lilly continued to stare at the door, wondering if at any moment it was going to crumble under the weight of the fae’s irritation, which Lilly swore she could feel coming through it.
“Do you know what I had to do this morning before I came to see you?” Peri asked.
“Why no, Peri. I don’t. Please tell me.” Lilly kept her voice light and curious. Maybe if she got Peri talking on her favorite subject, which was anything Peri could gripe about, Lilly could put off the conversation she was dreading.
“You didn’t have to ask,” Peri assured her. “I was going to tell you whether you wanted me to or not.”
“Perfect. I’m all ears.”
“You’re all something,” Peri muttered. “I had to break up five fights at the Romania pack mansion. Five. Five stupid males who thought they have a chance at taking Fane on to claim the alpha position. Do you know how much I like dealing with stupid male Canis lupus?”
“About as much as you like dealing with headstrong healers?”
“Exactly,�
�� Peri agreed. “My patience is officially gone. Fane didn’t let me so much as zap their asses, so I’m feeling a little zappy.”
Lilly pressed her lips together before she asked. “And what exactly does zappy mean?”
“It means that regardless of whether I like you or not, at this point, I’m happy to zap anyone who has an ass to zap.”
Lilly bit her lip to keep from laughing. She couldn’t help it. The high fae sounded so put out, as if being unable to punish the male werewolves was akin to telling her she was weak. Everyone knew Peri was not weak.
The queen sighed, deciding she didn’t want her door destroyed. Lilly slid off the counter and opened the door. She had to take a step back because Peri’s face was inches from her own. “That’s not cool, Peri.” Lilly said, shaking her head at the female. “You can’t start acting weird. I have too much weird going on in my life right now.”
“You sound like your daughter,” Peri said. She took a step back and motioned for Lilly to exit the bathroom.
“Or maybe she sounds like me.” Lilly raised her eyebrows.
Peri shook her head. “No. Jacque is much cooler than you. You definitely get your material from her.”
Lilly walked over to the couch and plopped down in what she was sure was a most un-queen-like fashion. She looked up at Peri, who stared down at her with her hands on her hips.
“Well?”
“What?” Lilly’s eyes widened as she tried for the innocent look she’d seen her daughter and her two best friends use on her over the years.
“Do not ‘what’ me, Lilly Pierce,” the high fae growled.
“Uh-oh,” Lilly grinned. “Bringing out the full name. Things just got real.” When Peri continued to stare at her, Lilly sighed. “Would you believe me if I said that in my grief-crazy state, I got drunk on fairy juice and had a fae and djinn over, and we had a wild orgy?”
“There’s no such thing as fairy juice,” Peri said, waving her off as she moved to sit across from Lilly. “An orgy with two supernaturals would likely cause property damage, and maybe personal damage, too. Your room is fine, and so are you. Not only that, Cypher’s soul would have brought this mountain down on top of everyone.” Peri smiled. “I will, however, give you points for creativity.”
