I don’t stop. I keep walking, down the Strip, forcing Peter to run after me like a kid. He catches me at a stoplight a few blocks down, panting and out of breath.
“Did you think you were going to walk to the mansion? In this heat?” Peter wheezes, laughing nervously and wiping his brow on the back of his hand. “Logan, wait – I’ll call for the limo right here, we don’t have to walk back, do we?”
“I’m not going,” I tell him simply.
“What? You’re joking, right? How was dinner? Isn’t Stella just a doll?”
“I’m not going, and I’m not doing the show.”
Peter’s eyes grow wide and then he clutches his chest and emits another nervous burst of laughter.
“You’re kidding,” Peter says.
“Absolutely not. I’m done,” I tell him. “With everything.”
“Logan ...”
I take a deep breath and put both hands on Peter’s shoulders. “I’m not,” I say, shaking my head. “I’ve spent – wasted, really – so much fucking time trying to make everyone happy but myself. And I’m fucking done.”
I can’t explain it, but something about Stella’s weird little story has suddenly made me realize just how much of my life I’ve spent doing things that I haven’t actually wanted to do. And I don’t want to be that guy, I don’t want to be the person who is lying on his deathbed, regretting not having been more selfish.
“I ... I don’t know what to say. Are you feeling unwell?” Peter asks, his voice rising in pitch. Normally, this would be around the time for him to start screaming at me and putting on a histrionic show.
“No,” I say. “In fact, I feel better than I have in my entire life.”
“And you’re surely not quitting everything,” Peter says.
“I am,” I tell him. “I’ll buy out the rest of my contract from the Bandits, and go from there.”
“But, what will you do?” Peter demands. “What the hell is going on?”
“I’ll figure it out,” I say. “And one more thing.”
“What’s that?”
“You’re fired,” I say cheerfully. “Good luck, Peter. I hope the next person you work with is a lot easier than me.”
And then, just like that, I leave my handler standing on a street corner in Vegas.
For the first time in my life, I feel truly free.
Chapter 19
Alyssa
In the last week, I’ve somehow managed to get a lot done.
Going over the AngelDate app mock-ups was the easy part.
Well, that and talking with Ned and Jeff as Caro and I plan to figure out the next steps. The app is set to launch at the end of the month, in just a few days, and I rush around trying to make things right. Caro and I are even planning a launch party at the Luxor Casino, and we’ve invited a ton of press.
Everything is going so well, at least on the outside.
The hard part, well, that was firing the programmers and getting rid of what Caro called ‘the fat’ of the operation. I don’t quite feel the same way – in my eyes, AngelDate was just getting the right kind of team together, and now that I’ve had to fire almost half my staff, I feel sick to my stomach.
“But we can do it on our own,” Caro says. “I know we can. Hell, we’ve been through worse.”
She doesn’t mention Logan.
I wish I could say the same for myself. Because even moving at a frantic pace and staying on my feet for twelve hours stretches hasn’t been enough to keep Logan from my mind. Every time I close my eyes, I think about him.
Foolishly, I had hoped that after I’d sent the money back, he’d get in touch with me. I’d even dreaded it – deliberately leaving my phone at home while meeting Caro and avoiding my email.
Nothing.
Which, I guess, is proof that he never really cared about me.
“You guys had hot sex,” Caro says one night. We’re sitting in my condo after a long day, drinking wine on the couch. “Sometimes things don’t need to be anything more than just sex.”
I look down into my wine. I don’t know how to tell her that it felt like so much more.
Every time I was with Logan, I felt like I had bared my soul to him.
“It felt ... well, it felt like a lot more than just sex,” I finally say.
“Alyssa, honey, then you need to be having a lot more sex,” Caro counters. “Speaking of, I have an old friend coming into town for the launch party. You’d like him. He’s smart, hot. Different. Kind of nerdy, but in a fun way.”
I wrinkle my nose. “I don’t know. I probably shouldn’t have any distractions that night, you know?”
“Now you’re just being boring,” Caro says.
“I mean it,” I say. “The event is supposed to make women feel like the entire world is their safe space. How hypocritical would it be if I met a blind date there?”
Caro laughs. “Well, you’d meet him before, ideally,” she says. “He’ll be here for a week, after all.”
“If he’s so great, you should date him,” I mumble.
Caro throws me a weird look. I’m about to apologize when I hear a knock on the door.
“It’s probably some delivery thing,” I say. Putting my glass on the table, I cram my feet into slippers and head towards the door with a yawn, already racking my brain. I think that I’ve already signed off on everything that I need, but for all I know, it’s some courier with a new crisis: floral arrangements for the launch party have been canceled, there’s been a hack, something, anything that could and will go wrong.
When I open the door, Logan Hart is standing on the other side.
“Alyssa,” Logan says, putting his foot in the frame so I can’t close the door in his face. “I need to talk to you.”
Despite his foot, his stupid quarterback foot, I desperately want to slam the door on him. Just standing there, he manages to look like a Greek god with his hair brushed back. His skin is healthy and tanned and glowing, and his blue eyes look like they’ve aged a dozen years since I last saw him. He’s wearing a nondescript pair of black jeans and a black t-shirt that somehow just makes him look even hotter.
I hate him.
“You probably don’t want to be hanging around here,” I snap snidely. “Your girlfriend might see you. Or worse, a photographer.”
Logan looks pained, and my heart lurches to the side at the sight of pain in his blue eyes.
“What do you want?” I ask, trying to maintain my defensive edge.
It’s hard, though. In front of Logan, I can’t help but flash back to better times between the two of us. The two of us, naked and tangled and sweaty and moaning.
Fuck.
You hate him, you hate him, come on, you hate him, I think, narrowing my eyes and crossing my arms over my chest.
“Lyss,” Caro calls from the living room. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing,” I yell back.
Logan narrows his eyes at me. “I really need to talk to you,” he says. “Can you please let me in?”
“I’m in the middle of something,” I lie. “Something really important. You’ll have to make an appointment.”
Logan looks me up and down from head to toe and I immediately realize just how flimsy my lie was. Slippers aside, I’m wearing sweatpants and a stained college hoodie. My hair is tied up in a lank bun and my face is greasy.
I’ve never looked more unattractive in front of Logan than I do right now, and his blue eyes are still searching mine, still flickering over my body with obvious interest.
Clearly, this guy is more desperate than I thought.
I swallow hard, determined not to be a pussy.
“Anything you have to say to me, you can say it right there,” I say loudly.
Logan blinks at me, then stands taller and squares his shoulders.
“Alyssa,” he says in a gravelly voice. “I have something to ask you.”
“Here it comes,” I reply tartly. “You’ve come to make sure that I never expose you, t
hat you’re willing to pay me off so I never tell some reporter what you’re really like.”
“No.”
Now it’s my turn to blink in confusion.
“What, then,” I ask. I can’t keep my voice from shaking and I’m very afraid that I’m going to cry. Being in Logan’s presence again is doing all kinds of unwelcome things to me, and I alternate between wanting to cry and wanting to throw myself into his arms and apologize for being such a bitch. I hate myself for still loving him, for still wanting him.
I wish that he’d never come back into my life like this.
But it’s clear he doesn’t give a shit about any of that. He’s standing there, with no obvious intention to leave, and my scotch-taped, super-glued heart fragments are threatening to fall apart all over again.
“Would you still have wanted to be with me, even without the money?” Logan finally asks.
I stare at him. “What kind of a question is that?” I demand. “Are you kidding?”
“No,” Logan says. There’s no trace of humor in his blue eyes. He braces himself with a hand on the door and leans in, staring into my gaze so that I feel naked and vulnerable.
I want to say no. I want to tell him that I hate him, that I wish I’d never gotten involved with him, that I took pleasure in giving his stupid money back.
But only one part of that would be true. As much as I wish I’d never gotten together with Logan, I can’t blame him for that. He’s too wonderful, too sexy, too amazing.
If anything, I’m the one who got in over her head because I caught feelings.
And I can’t lie to him – I can’t lie anymore, I can’t pretend that I don’t love him when I so clearly do.
“I ...”
“Just tell me the truth, Alyssa,” Logan growls. The sound of his voice sends a chill down my spine and I nearly gasp with desire as he leans closer. A wave of his cologne washes over me and I feel weak in the knees.
Why can’t this be a dream, I think, my mind running all over the place as Logan stares further into the depths of my eyes. Why can’t I be making this all up?
“Alyssa, what the hell is going on out there,” Caro yells.
“I’ll be back in a minute!” I call shrilly over my shoulder.
When I turn back to Logan, I shiver.
“Yes,” I say simply. “Of course.”
Logan frowns at me. His eyes narrow and he’s breathing hard, almost panting.
“Are you sure?”
“Don’t keep asking me stupid questions,” I yell. “Don’t you know how hard this is for me? To see you like this, standing in front of me? Like we were never together? Like I don’t love you?”
Silence falls in the hallway, so deafening and so quiet at the same time. I bite my lip, freezing in place as I realize I’ve admitted the one thing that I wanted to keep close to my chest.
Tears come to my eyes and I blink them away.
“I love you,” I say quietly. “And I feel like a huge asshole because of it, but I wasn’t able to stop myself from developing feelings for you. And then you broke my heart, and I wish you’d just leave me alone for the rest of my life!”
Logan slips a finger under my chin. Just the touch of his skin on mine is enough to make my heart flutter, and I want to push him away and slam the door but he tilts my chin up so that we’re facing each other properly.
“Alyssa,” he says, in a deep voice that makes me tremble. “I love you.”
And just like that, I’m full on sobbing. I throw myself into his arms and throw my arms around his neck as he pulls me close and kisses me. The world spins and blurs until it’s just the two of us, like it always does when we’re together, and I moan softly into his mouth as his tongue finds mine. I wish that I could stop crying but Logan is brushing my tears away before they can even make it down my cheeks and he’s holding me and suddenly, everything is perfect and good again and it’s like my heart was never broken at all.
“I love you so fucking much,” Logan says in a deep growl when he pulls away. “And I tried to tell you the truth – that other girl, Stella, it was just for show. My fucking handler wanted it to look like we were dating before the show, but that doesn’t matter. I quit, I quit the show and I quit the NFL and I don’t give a shit about anything in my life but you.”
“I ... I don’t know what to say,” I admit softly. “Is all of that true?”
Logan’s blue eyes are burning with intense fire. “I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t,” he says. “Don’t you know that? Don’t you know me?”
“I want to,” I say finally. Logan takes my hand and laces my fingers with his, squeezing hard.
“You wanna let me inside now?” Logan asks. He chuckles a little and my heart does a nervous flip. “I have something for you,” he teases. “And I bet you’d want to see it.”
“Okay.” It sounds lame, it sounds like I don’t care, but the truth is that my heart is pounding so hard in my chest and my head is spinning so fast than I can hardly think. I lead Logan inside, where a confused Caro is standing in the kitchen with her mouth agape.
“He quit,” I tell her. “The show.”
“And the NFL,” Logan adds. He turns to me and raises an eyebrow. “I’m going to have to get you to hire me before I’m out on my ass.”
Caro raises an eyebrow and I look at her, hoping that she’ll behave.
“Well, that’s nice to hear,” she says faintly. “I should leave the two of you alone.”
“Wait,” Logan says. “Before you go. I want you to see this.” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a folded slip of white paper, handing it over to me and raising an eyebrow. “That’s yours,” he says. “Well, sort of.”
I frown as I take the folded paper from him and open it. It’s a check – for fifteen million dollars – except my name is nowhere to be seen.
Instead, it’s addressed to Caroline Rodriguez.
“AngelDate is a great idea,” Logan says. “And it’ll succeed if given the right help, which I want to do. But I’m not trying to buy your love.”
I stare at him, then pass the check to Caro. She’s mute for a moment, then lets out a sheer whoop of joy and throws her arms around me in a tight hug. As soon as she recovers, she flushes and takes the check.
“I’ll put it to good use, Lyss,” she says, winking at me and slipping it into her pocket. “I promise.”
Caro gives me one last hug and Logan a handshake before leaving my apartment.
As soon as Logan and I are alone together, he takes my hands in his.
“Alyssa, I don’t care what my life looks like, not as long as we’re together,” he says. “Will you give me another chance?”
I pretend to think about it, biting my lip and rolling my eyes flirtatiously in the air. Logan groans, then pulls me into his arms and kisses me. The touch of his mouth on mine is enough to make me swoon against his muscular chest and I sigh happily as we break apart.
“Yes,” I tease, running my hand down his chest. “But there’s one thing.”
“Oh?” Logan raises an eyebrow. “The lady has demands now, does she?”
I nod. “Yes,” I tell him.
“And what’s that?”
A grin crosses my face. “You’re never allowed to tell me what to do, ever again.” I pause as Logan stares at me.
“Except in the bedroom.”
Logan smirks. He kisses me, catching my lower lip in his teeth and sending a tremor of lust through my body.
“I think I can handle that.”
Epilogue
Alyssa – One Year Later
I’m hard at work in the condo I share with Logan when I hear the sound of the front door open and close. As always, knowing my boyfriend is home is enough to make my heart race.
“In here!” I yell.
Logan saunters into my office with a grin on his face.
“Hungry?” I ask as he comes close for a kiss.
“For something,” he teases, running a hand down my body and
squeezing my ass. Desire blossoms in my lower belly and I moan softly as he kisses me again. Even though we’ve been together for a year, I can’t imagine getting tired of Logan and his caresses. We moved to Silicon Valley a little over six months ago, and even with constant work, I always want him. It’s like just seeing Logan flicks a switch in my body to ‘on’, to ‘lust’, to ‘passion’.
Logan leads me into the bedroom and strips me out of my clothes. Standing naked in front of him, my nipples are hard and I can feel myself getting wet. I squirm as he blindfolds me, then takes my hand and cautiously leads me over to the walk-in closet.
“I have a surprise for you,” Logan says. His breath tickles my ear and I moan again, softly this time, as I feel his teeth scraping the delicate skin of my neck.
“Anything for you,” I whisper hotly. I hear the sound of doors opening, and Logan leads me inside. It’s dark behind my blindfold and I gasp with excitement as Logan takes my wrist and tethers it to something in the air. Cool leather presses against my back as Logan takes my other wrist and cuffs it. Soon, I’m standing with my back against a leather beam in the shape of an ‘X’ that meets in the middle of my back. Logan crouches down – I feel his breath on my lower belly – then gently takes my ankles and spreads my legs until they’re a shoulder’s width apart. He cuffs my ankles, splaying my legs and leaving me vulnerable.
I can’t move, save to writhe and strain against the leather. The cuffs are soft on my skin and I moan as I feel Logan’s hand moving between my legs, tangling in my curls of pubic hair. He teases my pussy lips, touching and pinching them, then slips a finger inside of my wetness and beckons towards my G-spot.
“You’re so wet for me, little girl,” Logan growls. Arching my back, I try closing my thighs, closing my legs to the teasing sensation of his hand, but it’s pointless.
“I want to do something I’ve never done with you before,” Logan says. He’s standing in front of me now, breathing in my face, and a shiver runs down my spine.
We’ve been together for a year – we’ve done so much together. Every toy in the book, every position, every kink.
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