by E. M. Fitch
Cassie stopped short. Laney and Corey beamed up at her, sitting on the bench by the slightly green water, holding hands and looking like the happiest honeymooners in the world. Both were dressed casually, faded jeans and long-sleeved shirts. Laney wore a long, flowing tunic, something that looked warm and comfortable, it hung in folds around her petite frame. She smiled up at Cassie, nodding to the seat beside her.
Cassie’s breath froze, her eyes drinking them in. In her peripheral vision, she saw the family reach the parking lot. Behind her she could hear an older couple exiting the trails. There were people by the volleyball court and bags still left at the pavilion. Cassie moved forward cautiously, her eyes darting to the tree line. If Corey was here, wouldn’t Aidan be close behind?
“He won’t be here, Cass,” Laney said. Her voice was different, musical, though that could have just been the happiness saturating her tone. “He promised to let us see you. Haven’t you noticed that he backed off?” Cassie ignored her question.
“You came back,” she said. It wasn’t a question, and she couldn’t make it become one. Her chest caved in with conflicting emotions, the struggle of anger that was fast becoming unimaginably overshadowed by joy. Cassie was at once terrified to step forward—scared that with movement, this illusion might evaporate—and restraining herself from flinging her body at her lost best friend.
Corey seemed to sense the struggle. He gestured to the empty space beside Laney. “Sit, Cassie, please.”
She moved forward on wooden legs, sitting gingerly on the edge of the bench. Laney beamed.
“So you do see us?” Corey asked politely, a faint hint of musing in his tone. “Laney had always insisted that you did.”
“You tricked me,” Laney said in an undertone, pouting. “That wasn’t nice. It really hurt.”
“I don’t want to see you,” Cassie answered Corey, unable to take her eyes from Laney to look toward her partner. He laughed softly.
Laney looked so much the same as Cassie remembered and yet just different enough as well. Her skin glowed pale, though with vibrant health, shining in the weak sunlight. Her dark hair swung in curtains, falling in glossy curls down her back. Her eyes were darker, as Cassie had remembered them becoming. Her lips were as well, a deep wine red, though maybe that was because there was such a contrast against her pale skin.
“You look good,” she murmured to Laney.
“You don’t,” Laney shot back, her brow drawing in concern. Cassie shrugged but the pit of her stomach hollowed out. It was more than just Laney’s observation. Loss, sharp and acute, hit her again, just like on the day she had to walk away from Laney in the rain after her own wake. Laney, who always saw through Cassie’s defenses, who called her out each and every time she needed her to. That day, she had lost not just a friend, but another part of herself, the part that propped her up when she needed it or kicked her into action when it was necessary.
Her chest clenched with tension and she felt exposed, vulnerable. Because, she was. Laney knew already that Cassie was miserable, there was no hiding how she was feeling from her.
“Is it Aidan?” Corey asked, leaning over Laney. “Or is it everybody else?”
Cassie felt her brow scrunch as his question sunk in. Of course, it was Aidan. But really, it was everyone else, too. She had been a mess, she knew that. No one believed her. Ryan had left. Aidan would never leave. She felt trapped, and alone, and panicky, and she had no real way to answer this question. If she said both, which was the truth, she was afraid at how Aidan may take that.
“What does everyone else see?” she asked instead, looking from the couple on the bench beside her and then toward the rest of the park. An Ultimate Frisbee game had started up by the beach volleyball court. A group of middle school kids ran and laughed as they shot the plastic disc back and forth between them. A few of their parents sat in the pavilion, next to another family and their set of dogs. No one was within earshot, but they were all close enough to hear screams. Corey laughed again, putting his arm around Laney.
“Could be anything really,” he said. “Believers might see us for what we truly are, like you do. But everyone sees something else, depending on a variety of things. Could be that we’re an old, cute couple, sitting on the benches and feeding the ducks.”
“Oh, I like that one,” Laney said, shifting toward him. She moved her body in a strange way, overprotected almost, her motions careful. “Us as the old, sweet couple.”
“Well, one of us is, anyway,” Corey said, leaning forward to press a kiss to the tip of her nose.
“Old or sweet?”
“I’m old, you be sweet,” Corey said playfully.
“Done,” Laney bantered back. She stretched back to place a kiss on his lips, twisting on the bench as she did so. Her tunic spread open at the waist, her belly, round and protruding, peeked out from behind the warm folds.
And then it moved, like something inside her was kicking to get out.
Cassie gasped and leaned back. Laney shot her a quick, apologetic grimace and pulled the folds of her tunic closed. Neither spoke for a long moment, both staring at the other. In some small part of her brain, Cassie was relieved to see that they could still communicate like this, that the connection she had shared with her best friend hadn’t been all imagined by her in the throes of grief and loss. But eventually, she had to say the words.
“You’re pregnant,” she whispered. Laney nodded slowly, her hands spreading in a protective gesture over her stomach.
“Almost full term now,” Corey said. His hands flit to Laney’s face and he drew her back for a kiss, this time more ardent and full of passion. Cassie was glad, it gave her a moment to get herself together.
“I … I don’t even know what to say,” she murmured when Laney broke free, her cheeks flushed with heat. Cassie watched her friend swallow hard.
“There’s nothing to say but that you’re happy for us,” Corey said, speaking again for Laney. Cassie looked into her friend’s face, searching for the trepidation, the fear. She found none. Only an anxiety that Cassie might not approve. Cassie took a deep breath, steeling herself.
“Are you okay?” she asked Laney, ignoring the drawn brows of Corey behind her.
“Yes,” she said in a rush, a slow smile taking over her features. “Very much so.”
Cassie swallowed hard and nodded. “And the baby?”
“Perfectly healthy,” Laney said through her smile, looking back at Corey once more. “But as much as I love to talk about me, as you know, we’re here to ask about you. Aidan was glowing when he came to find us, so excited—”
“He needs to stop,” Cassie rushed to say, halting Laney’s speech.
“Stop gushing?” Corey asked. “Or stop seeing you?”
“You say that like we’re dating,” Cassie bit out. “He needs to stop everything. He needs to go!”
“See, the problem is,” Corey started slowly, “he doesn’t want to. And my brother is very, very persistent.”
“Like Jude was with Jessica?” Cassie asked, speaking through the fear that had lodged itself in her throat. She saw Corey’s back straighten, his jaw muscles clench and jump. Laney pressed her lips together, her hands rubbing slow circles on her swollen belly.
“No,” Corey said, locking eyes with Cassie. “He’s worse.”
“Will I see you there?” Rebecca asked, stopping Cassie at her gym locker. The shorter girl’s hair was wet; she had just gotten out of the shower. Cassie hadn’t bothered, planning on going straight home anyway. She had come right from hiking, from seeing Laney and Corey entwined together on a bench in the woods, to softball practice. Rebecca was still talking, something about volunteering to pick up supplies. She must have noticed Cassie’s blank stare. She stopped speaking, frowning at her friend.
Cassie blinked, dragging her eyes from the dark locker space her clothing hung in to her friend’s expectant face. Corey’s words lingered in her brain.
&nb
sp; “The party, Cass. It’s tonight. Remember?” Rebecca reminded.
“Oh, yeah,” Cassie answered. “I’m not sure I can make it.”
“You forgot,” Rebecca accused, her brow furrowed. “What’s up with you lately?”
“Nothing.” Cassie hadn’t forgotten. She just had no desire to go.
“You don’t talk to me anymore. Even at the beginning of the year, with everything … We talked then. You were the only one … ” Rebecca trailed off, sighing. Cassie heard her words, but with only half an ear. Rebecca was right. Cassie couldn’t focus.
“I’m sorry,” Cassie murmured. She didn’t think Rebecca really believed her.
“I heard Ryan was going, too. And Jon,” Rebecca continued, ignoring Cassie. “Is that the problem?”
Cassie didn’t answer. It wasn’t the entire problem. Cassie didn’t want to go anywhere really, not with the humming entourage she had gathered recently. She knew Gwen Spiro’s house. It was beautiful, surrounded by woods. Cassie wasn’t sure she could stand it.
She wasn’t sure who she would unwittingly bring with her either. Which of the creatures would follow her to the party? Would any of them bother?
It wasn’t so much that she was afraid. Somehow, in the desire to act unafraid, she had actually lost some of her terror. It was just that she didn’t want to deal with it. She wasn’t sure she could put on a brave face for that long, mingling with other kids and pretending there wasn’t a malevolent force in the woods watching her every movement.
Rebecca hadn’t let go of her arm. She stared at her, very much pleading. Cassie felt herself relenting and her friend must have seen it, too.
“I’ll pick you up at seven,” Rebecca said through a grin. “Don’t flake on me, all right?”
Cassie nodded unwillingly.
The party was in full swing by the time Cassie and Rebecca arrived. Rebecca had shown up late at Cassie’s door, not getting there until nearly eight. Cassie had thought that maybe her friend had decided to let her off the hook. Her pajamas were upstairs, waiting for her on the end of her bed, and Cassie had decided to skip it and head to bed. If Rebecca showed later, Cassie planned to ask her parents to say she had a headache; but then the doorbell rang.
“Not too late!” her father called from the living room as Cassie headed out the door. Both girls waved. Cassie’s mother wouldn’t be home until midnight. Her father didn’t care too much how late she stayed out, Cassie knew that from experience, but her mother would. Which meant she needed to be home before midnight or else incur the wrath of Cathy Harris.
There were at least fifty kids running around the Spiro residence. Some were outside, as Cassie had anticipated, but most were still inside the house. A couple of coolers had been set out on the back deck, most likely filled with beer or wine coolers. Cassie decided she wasn’t going to bother checking tonight. Getting drunk certainly wouldn’t help the whispers in her head.
Rebecca dragged Cassie around the living room before gently shoving her into a seat on the large sectional sofa. She plopped down next to her, grinning at the boy across the coffee table. There was a card game going on, one that required drinking. Someone tossed Rebecca a closed can and she popped the top to join in. Cassie declined and sunk back into the squishy couch.
The music was loud, the base thumping. Nearby figurines trembled on the fireplace mantle. A group of boys Cassie didn’t know, strangely all wearing dusky pink baseball hats, converged around the stereo. They gestured wildly with their hands, obviously enjoying the music. The hats caught Cassie’s attention. The high school colors were blue and gold, these boys must be from a neighboring high school. Or, Cassie peered from around Rebecca, possibly a middle school. They seemed really young. Though what school in their area had pink as a color, Cassie wasn’t sure. Gwen popped over the back of the couch, suddenly blocking Cassie’s view, and smiled at her and Rebecca.
“Didn’t see you two come in!” she crooned, a slight slur to her words. She grinned as though Cassie and Rebecca sitting on her sofa was the best thing she’d ever seen. Cassie couldn’t help but smile in return. “I wasn’t sure you would, Cassie. You know, with Ryan Buckner.”
The last was whispered so loudly that Cassie was pretty sure half the room heard her. A couple girls across the coffee table giggled. Gwen seemed oblivious to this though, concern painting her features. She straightened up a bit, holding steady to the back of the couch for balance. “Where did Ryan go?”
“Not sure, Gwen,” Rebecca answered. “But I think the kitchen. Maybe you should go check on him?”
“I should, shouldn’t I?” she murmured before adding brightly, “Be back soon!”
The group laughed as Gwen dashed away, pausing halfway toward the kitchen to dance with a sophomore whose name Cassie didn’t even know. She forced a smile when Rebecca looked over at her; but her friend frowned, seeing through her facade.
“What? I figured you’d want her gone.”
“I do, yeah … ” Cassie said, shrugging. She couldn’t voice that little fear that had just popped up, a niggling in the pit of her stomach that snarled that she did not want a drunk Gwen Spiro checking in on Ryan’s welfare. It must have been written all over her face however because Rebecca’s eyebrows rose dramatically.
“Oh,” she murmured, looking apologetic. “I should have realized. I’m sorry, Cass.”
“It’s fine,” Cassie insisted, trying to brush it off. “It’s not really any of my business, is it?”
The lump in her throat made it a struggle to get the words out. Rebecca looked upset. She put her cards down on the coffee table, placing them right on top of a scattering of crushed chips and next to her nearly full can of beer.
“Where you going?” one of the other players called out as Rebecca stood.
“We’re gonna make the rounds,” she answered. “C’mon, Cassie.”
She let Rebecca steer her around the party. A baseball game was playing on the big screen above the fireplace; a group of guys shouted at the television. The Spiro’s had a beautiful bar in one corner of the room. A senior from the baseball team was playing mixologist and serving up brown shots. A couple of the pink-hat boys converged on him, laughing after they downed a strange looking concoction that Cassie was sure had just been invented that moment.
Cassie ducked her head in the kitchen because she couldn’t help herself. She found Gwen making out with someone who was decidedly not Ryan, easily discernible because it was one of the boys with the pink hats, and she felt a little bit better.
They found Ryan and Jon on the back deck, sitting with Samantha, Lara, and Joanie, their Varsity freshman. Rebecca strode right up to them with ease, tugging Cassie along reluctantly behind her.
“Joanie!” Rebecca exclaimed. “Didn’t know you would be here.”
“Lara picked me up,” she said, apologetically. She held up the can of soda in her hand, smiling nervously at her Captains.
“And she’s having a blast, aren’t you?” Samantha said, laughing. She pitched forward and Jon steadied her with outstretched hands as Joanie nodded, looking uncomfortable.
“You too, huh?” Rebecca asked, smirking. Samantha nodded, tears in her eyes as she giggled. Jon grabbed her up, wrapping his arms around her as he sat her on his lap. She burrowed her nose against his collarbone and started hiccupping uncontrollably.
“Don’t worry, ladies,” Jon said over the hiccup-induced laughter of his girlfriend. “I’m the DD tonight. I’ll get you home safe, Joanie.”
Cassie did feel better about that. Jon was impulsive and risky at times, but he really did care about Samantha. He wouldn’t do anything to endanger her. Her freshman should be safe in his sober hands.
Ryan had yet to say a word. He sat behind Jon and Samantha, rocking a deck chair on its two back legs, a bottle of beer hanging from his fingertips. He took a quick swallow and looked up, catching Cassie’s eye. She felt her brow furrow as she looked at him, wishing he could see
just how much his animosity toward her was killing her.
He probably did see it, he was just still so angry with her that it didn’t seem to matter.
“You here alone?” he asked, cutting across the quiet talk that had started up between Joanie, Lara, and Rebecca. Jon whistled low, and looked from his friend to Cassie.
“Yes,” she answered, a slight edge to her voice.
“Huh,” he grunted, taking another sip.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Cassie asked, flaring up. Ryan’s jaw muscle jumped as he stared back. Cassie saw Joanie take another nervous sip of her ginger ale.
“Nothing, forget it,” Ryan muttered, looking like he wanted to say more. Cassie gritted her teeth, ready to press the subject.
“I told you before, Ry—” she started.
“That there’s someone else,” he interrupted. “Yeah, I know.”
“That I don’t want anyone but you!” Cassie hissed. “And I could explain it all to you if only you’d—”
“You know what?” Jon said, going to stand. Samantha shifted in his lap but Jon kept firm arms around her. “I’m gonna take a walk. Anyone want to come with me?”
Joanie’s hand shot up and so did Rebecca’s. Lara looked back and forth before muttering, “No way.” Ryan beat them all to it. He put his hands on Jon’s shoulders and pushed him back into his seat. Samantha grumbled a bit with the adjustment.
“No, you stay,” Ryan said. “I’ll go.”
“Ryan!” Cassie called out. But it was too late, he was already walking away, down the stairs to the backyard and into the woods. She could hear splashing coming from the river down below and the whoops and hollering of other classmates. She couldn’t see it in the darkness, but she knew he was heading toward the river. Cassie swallowed hard, her eyes tracing the wood patterns on the deck below her feet.
“I’ll keep an eye on him, Cass,” Lara said, patting Cassie’s back as she took off down the stairs. Her teammate’s footsteps faded into the night, followed by a rough voice calling out, “Hey, Buckner! Wait up!”
