by Eva Muñoz
Back in my hospital room, I suffered through Gaige’s fiery lecture. He yelled about how my body wasn’t well enough to be outside and that I should have waited until morning. Blah. Blah, blah. Blah, blah.
He sounded like a clucking chicken scolding an unruly chick. I sat on the bed, staring at the crisp sheets, and pretended to listen. I watched Troyan from my periphery. He leaned against the wall, arms crossed, watching his brother with disinterest. I expected him to leave, but when Gaige told him to leave my room, he said he would sit outside my door.
Finally alone I studied the ceiling and tried not to think of Troyan. But my thoughts kept coming back to the balcony. I let him kiss me. Me. I let him touch me, let him do what he wanted. I wanted to blame the formula and the connection my bite had created, but if I had to be honest, I only had myself to blame. I lost control. I let my urges takeover. Whatever happened to behaving myself?
I closed my eyes and attempted to sleep, but the knowledge of Troyan sitting yards away wouldn’t let me. I pushed aside my blanket, got out of bed, and strode to the door. As I reached for the knob, I hesitated. I whirled around and leaned my back against the cold fiberglass.
“Camron?” Troyan called from outside.
I slid down to the floor and hugged my knees to my chest.
“Camron, are you all right?”
I sighed. “How can you ask me that after the way I treated you?”
A long pause stretched between us before Troyan said, “I will not force you into anything. You have not grown up as Inshari, so you have no understanding of the feelings that come with the kind of connection we have with each other.”
“You stayed anyway.” I shoved my fingers into my hair. “You don’t have to. You can leave, you know.”
“None of this is your fault.”
“But it is.” I thumped the back of my head on the door. “I’m the one who said I wanted to behave, and yet I couldn’t.”
“Believe me, it is not all your fault. I pushed you into giving in. Unlike you, I understand the urges that course through my body. I apologize. I should have known better.”
Seeing no other way out of my decision, I said, “There’s something I want to tell you.”
“Hmm?”
“First,” I took a breath, “you have to promise not to interrupt until I’m done or else I might not be able to finish.”
Another long silence.
“Do you promise?” I whispered.
“I promise,” he said, soft and gentle.
I closed my eyes and gathered my thoughts. A part of me rebelled against the idea, but another part—one that had changed the moment I agreed to help Gaige—wanted to share a little of myself with the Inshari sitting outside my room.
“When I was little,” I began, staring at the city lights slanting into my room through the closed blinds, “my mother woke me up early one morning and said she was going to teach me how to make snow angels. At first, I didn’t want to go because it was too early and too cold. All I wanted was to go back to bed.” A small smile crept onto my lips. “But Mom bundled me up, still half-asleep and totally surly, and rushed me outside. We made snow angels all over the snow-covered ground. That was the last good memory I have of her.”
“Why?” Troyan asked.
“What happened to not interrupting?”
“I apologize. Continue.”
After swallowing the nasty lump in my throat, I said, “She got sick. For years she wasted away in a hospital room, and the doctors didn’t know what was wrong with her. Every day I watched her get sicker and sicker.” I paused. “And then, one day, she was gone. That was eighteen months ago.”
“Camron.”
“The day she was buried, I didn’t cry. I don’t know why, but I didn’t cry. I’ve cried since, but there was something about that day. Shock, maybe. And my dad? He grew distant. After I came out to him, he completely shut me out. It was like he wanted nothing to do with me.” I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from tearing up. “Basically, what I’m trying to say—and I don’t even know why I’m telling you this—is I don’t know how to handle what I’m feeling. It’s all so intense.” I barked a sad, little laugh.
“Is that why you agreed to help Gaige with his experiment?”
His question hit me square on the chest. “A part of me still wonders if I could have done something to save my mother. But it’s not just that. When I was growing up, my dad taught me never to say no to someone who asked for my help. Even if he doesn’t talk to me anymore, he’s still my dad. So, I guess Gaige has him to thank for all this.”
“Camron, may I interject?” Troyan asked.
Even muffled, his voice still held royal confidence. When he wanted to get his point across, he didn’t hesitate. I shook my head, suppressing a smile. I had to give him props for trying hard not to interrupt.
“Camron?”
“Yeah?”
“I may be overstepping my bounds, but….”
“Just say it.” I hugged myself, forcing the need to have him hold me out of my mind.
“Could it be that the reason your father pushes you away is because he is afraid that if he lets you in he would lose the last thing he holds dear in his life?”
The scene from the throne room played over in my mind. I bit the tip of my thumb. “I’m about to tell you something, but you have to promise not to get mad, okay?” I said.
A long pause followed. When I thought Troyan wasn’t going to say anything, his voice came through the door.
“I will not get mad.”
“You promise?”
“I promise.”
“Well….” I thought about it for a second, but there was no backing out now. “When Lev was supposed to escort me to my room, I managed to lose him and I snuck back to the throne room. I heard you and your father talking about needing to keep your family safe and that you should take the throne after Darius passes.”
“I shall have words with that Regalia liaison,” Troyan said, his tone clipped.
“Don’t be mad at him. I’m the one who—”
“But you made me promise not to be mad at you, so—”
“Oh, just be mad at me, then.”
There was another long pause before Troyan asked, “What else did you hear?”
My heartbeats redoubled. I knew what he was referring to. “If you want to travel the world, I don’t think it makes you less of a leader if you go. There’s no use forcing yourself into something you aren’t happy about. You’re more than just the future king, Troyan. You can do anything you want.”
Another stretch of silence spread between us. I waited and waited, but Troyan didn’t say anything. I thought he was angry with me for suggesting he travel, and I almost took back my words.
“Camron?”
“What?” I hated that my voice hitched.
“Can I open the door?”
I blinked in surprise. “Why?”
“Because I want to hold you.”
I got up so quickly that I practically stumbled forward. “No!”
“Please let me hold you.”
“I said no, and that’s that. I swear, if you come in here….”
I climbed into bed and buried myself in its sheets. If he touched me now, who knew what would happen between us.
Chapter Fifteen: Struggle
I SAT in bed the next morning staring at the white sheet covering my legs. I closed my eyes and concentrated on Troyan’s steady heartbeat. He stayed with me all night. I blushed at the thought of what happened between us at the balcony. He knew more about me now than I ever thought of sharing with him, and I wasn’t exactly sure how I felt about that.
Gaige entered my room with a loud “Good morning!”
I jerked in surprise. “What’s the matter with you? Are you really trying to kill me?”
Gaige unceremoniously dumped a black tracksuit and rubber shoes on my bed.
“Put these on. We have a long day ahead of us,” he said, then left.
/>
I blinked at the tracksuit and pouted in dismay. He was way too cheerful for comfort. I was almost too afraid to find out what my outfit change involved, but if I didn’t dress I had a sinking suspicion he would return and force the clothes on me anyway.
After slipping into the tracksuit and shoes, I exited the room to find Gaige and Troyan waiting for me. Gaige smiled while Troyan remained tight-lipped. His eyes raked over me like a caress. I shivered, avoiding his gaze.
“What now?” I asked.
The wicked enthusiasm in Gaige’s face made me nervous. He said something about needing me well for what he had planned.
“The lab,” Gaige said. He smiled, all teeth.
He’d never looked more like a mad scientist than right then. He led the way while Troyan followed behind me. The quiver running up my back told me he was staring, and I had a feeling he was tracing the lines of my body with his eyes. I squirmed.
In Gaige’s lab, watching his assistants run around like panicked chickens, I pretended to ignore Troyan while stealing glances at him, like some middle schooler with a crush. I still felt drawn to him. The need to touch him or be close to him tugged at me every time I glanced in his direction.
“Camron.” Gaige pinched my arm.
“Ow!” I scowled at him. “What was that for?”
“Stop ogling my brother and pay attention.”
I snorted and did as he asked. He took out another hypodermic needle from his pocket. Sweat dotted my upper lip.
“Another shot? Seriously?” I stared at the needle filled halfway with clear liquid. “How many of those do you have in there?”
“I need to give you another booster,” Gaige said.
“What’s in it?”
He looked at the needle and then at me. “The same as yesterday’s, but without the sedative.”
“The synthesized version of your blood.”
He nodded. “Our blood has really high amounts of antioxidants and strong regenerative properties. Our cell replication is a thousand times that of a human’s.”
“That’s why you heal so fast.”
“Yes. And a synthesized version of it quadruples the healing.” He removed the cap and tapped the syringe. “I need you close to 100 percent for the tests.”
“Why not a hundred?”
He blanched. “That’s what I’m trying to find out. Now hold still.”
I had no time to flinch. A small prick, a quick push of the plunger, and the job was done. In seconds my heart pumped with renewed energy. A buzz zinged through my body like I’d downed espresso and energy drinks.
“Will you at least warn me next time?” I rubbed the injection spot with the cotton ball he handed me. Then I shook my hands and shifted my body weight from foot to foot to dissipate some of the energy rocketing through me.
Gaige pocketed the spent needle and said, “It’s easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission. Now, this way, please.” He indicated a row of dumbbells. “What can you usually lift as a human?”
Lower lip jutting out, I moved to the beginning of the line. “I don’t really know. Thirty pounds, maybe? I’m not the gym-bunny type.”
I lifted the dumbbells. They weighed less than toothpicks, so I moved to the forty. No real difference. Up the scale I went until I reached a one-ton block.
“Is that it?” I looked to Gaige for confirmation before putting the block down.
Gaige waved at me to follow him to another room. My brows shot up. More weights lined up against the wall, from three to ten tons.
“You expect me to carry three tons? You’ve got to be kidding.”
He gave me a cheeky grin. “Just until you reach your limit. We need to determine what you can lift comfortably.”
“You mean someone can lift ten tons?”
Without losing his grin, Gaige pointed at the three-ton weight.
Shoulders slumping in defeat, I stomped over to the 3D trapezoid and slipped my fingers into the holes on its sides, like picking up a bowling ball. Gritted teeth and all, I lifted with my knees.
My limit? Five tons, which I lifted about an inch off the floor. Superstrength rocked! I could lift a car if I wanted to, maybe even two—one in each arm.
I put the weight down. “What?”
Gaige rubbed his forehead. “To be honest I didn’t expect you to be able to lift that much.”
“Why can’t you look me in the eye?”
He relented a few seconds into my glare. “I lost a bet, okay!”
I raised an eyebrow. “With whom?”
“Zaire.”
A small jolt of panic went through me. When did he speak to Gaige? How much did he know about my involvement with the experiment? The fact that they had taken bets about how well I’d do annoyed me the most.
Gaige dropped his hand and continued, “He said you’d do superb during the tests.”
“What did you say?”
“I said you wouldn’t.”
I wanted to clobber him, but my competitive nature pushed me to say “What’s next?”
For the next couple of hours, I concentrated so hard on what Gaige asked of me—holding my breath, pull-ups, push-ups, throwing a ball—that when Gaige called for a break, I finally noticed someone missing.
“Where’d Troyan go?” Thinking of him brought a rush inside my veins. What did I expect? He had already stayed with me all night. Surely, he had better things to do.
“Lev took him,” Gaige said as he handed me a bowl of yusha and a goblet of water while we sat at a small table in a corner of his lab. “And thank goodness for it. His presence was disturbing my mojo.”
I grinned. “Where’d the glorified assistant take him?”
“Assembly. And don’t let Lev catch you calling him that. He’s scary when pissed. Vindictive too.” Gaige popped yusha into his mouth like candy. “Zaire must have missed Silencing someone who had been at the market because there’s talk of a human in the colony.”
Concern pricked my insides. “Is everything okay?”
“There are always rumors of humans in the colony,” he replied dismissively. “Nothing to worry about.”
My gaze settled on the goblet I clutched with both hands. Last night with Troyan played through my mind again. We had this connection because I bit him, and yet when Gaige asked if I had bitten him, Troyan wanted me to keep it a secret.
“Gaige? I’m curious,” I said.
“You always are.”
“Ha, ha.” I squinted at him. “You promised me answers, remember?”
He nodded reluctantly.
I paused. I knew I had to ask the right questions if I wanted real answers. “Why did you find it odd when I said I didn’t want to bite Troyan?”
His eyebrows rose. A wave of panic hit me. Maybe I made a mistake in asking him? I prayed he didn’t ask why.
He replied slowly. “Inshari are driven by the hunger. The young need to learn to control this urge to feed or else we end up gorging ourselves. Slaves to the hunger even when sated. Those who don’t learn control grow feral. As far as we know, the feral ones have been where the vampire origins began. Think of our situation in the Freudian sense.”
“You mean the id, ego, superego?”
“Exactly. Only much, much worse. The id acts according to the pleasure principle, hence our need to sate the hunger we feel inside. The ego looks for realistic ways to satisfy the id. This means avoiding the mass slaughter of humans. It takes a lot of guidance from the adults to get the younger ones to transition from their id to their ego state. But we Inshari aim for the state of the superego, which allows us to set aside our baser instincts in order to achieve perfection. Some take longer than others to transition, while others don’t. Anima has made things easier in terms of dealing with one or two humans. We end up slipping into the id when there are too many of you around.”
“Zaire mentioned something about that.” I considered our conversation in the library. “Is that why you still go to school?”
�
��That’s part of the reason. We like to learn.” Gaige shrugged. “You should have seen Zaire and Troyan when they were younger.”
I sat up straighter. “Oh yeah?”
“Zaire loved being in the state of id, loved to hunt, enjoying the act of stalking his prey and relishing the satisfaction of the feed.”
I cringed at this.
Gaige was quick to say “All young Inshari are this way. While Troyan—as Darius used to tease—had been born in the state of the superego. Troyan quickly learned, even at a young age, that he needed to serve his people. Zaire found this attitude tedious, always daring Troyan to do something reckless for the sake of having fun.”
“Once,” Gaige continued, “Zaire managed to convince Troyan to hide the Excelsior’s ceremonial robes. The Excelsior cannot sit on the throne without wearing his robes.”
The urge to chuckle tickled my throat. “What happened?”
Gaige grinned. “About halfway through the prank, Troyan got so guilty that he confessed to hiding the robes. Unfortunately, in his need to please, Troyan managed to drag Zaire down with him. In the end after much bickering between Troyan and Zaire, they were sent to train with the Bogatyr for a year. That’s equivalent to hard labor in human terms.”
I laughed. They must have looked so cute. Zaire still had that sense of mischief in him, but I sobered when I recalled the sadness he held on to. What could have happened to cause him moments of quiet melancholy?
It pinched my heart just thinking about how heartbreaking he looked sometimes, so I moved on to a different question.
“You said you’re forbidden to eat humans, right?”
Again, Gaige nodded, staring at the bowl of yusha between us.
“What happened more than six hundred years ago that led you to forbid it?”
“Correction.” He raised a finger. “I didn’t forbid it.”
“You know what I mean,” I said, totally vexed.
He gave me a smile that disappeared so fast, I had to convince myself it actually happened.
“Around the fourteenth century, the Black Death decimated the human population in Europe,” he said. “This was before we lived underground. Healthy humans became difficult to come by. The plague caused oozing boils filled with pus and blood on the skin. None of the Inshari wanted anything to do with humans back then.” He grimaced. “With our food supply dwindling, we starved to death. Those who were hungry enough to try the diseased skin contracted the plague and died a painful death. They withered away, flesh rotting until nothing was left. Even now, no one is sure why our bodies can’t heal from an infection of the bubonic plague.”
