He shifted as if planning to move away. She rested her hand on his arm. The warmth of him against her palm gave her a jolt, reminding her of him holding her. Kissing her. He refused to admit it, but those actions showed he did feel something for her, something much more than the same sympathy and compassion she felt for him.
“Do me the favor of hearing me out this time.” She dropped her hand and stared up at him. “You know what happened to me with...with everything. What you don’t know is why I came to Cowboy Creek. Of course, I wanted to visit Andi and her family. But that’s not the only reason.”
She paused, gathering strength. His face wore last night’s blank expression, but at least he wasn’t backing away. Yet.
“When I first got here, there wasn’t much of anything left in my life. There still isn’t, if you consider I haven’t found that job and apartment. Worse, after losing the baby, there wasn’t much of me left.”
This time, he reached out to her, a quick brush of his fingertip to wipe away the tear from her cheek.
“Now I’ve learned the joy and happiness of loving my baby will always stay with me, because my baby will always be part of me. That’s given me the courage to move on, to think about the future. And to tell you how I feel.” She took a deep breath. “I needed to heal my heart, not lose it. Since meeting you and the kids, I’ve done both. I didn’t come looking for a family to love, but that’s exactly what I’ve found.”
She blinked away another tear. “I’ve been where you are, Wes, falling apart after a tragedy that changes everything. You helped me deal with my loss. I wish I could be here to help you work through yours. For your sake and, I’ll admit, mine. But mostly for Mark and Tracey.”
His eyes hadn’t left hers. She only hoped her words were registering.
“There’s something else. When I lost my baby, I struggled with more than grief. There was so much guilt that came along with it. Guilt from getting pregnant with a man who wasn’t who I thought he was. From believing I’d done something to bring on the miscarriage. From thinking I wasn’t capable of carrying a baby at all. I recognized those feelings in me and finally let go of them.”
What she said next would make him want to run. “I know you’re dealing with some guilt, too. I don’t understand exactly where your feelings come from, but I know you need to find a way to resolve whatever is weighing you down.”
“You can’t know that.”
“Oh, yes, I can. Because I see them in your face and hear them in your voice.” She tried to smile. “It’s thanks to you I’ve finally figured all this out. I hope you can at least try to let what I’m saying help you.”
Realizing Mark could come back into the room at any minute pushed her to share everything she needed to tell him. “I love you, Wes. And you care about me, too. Maybe it’s not love now. Maybe it can’t ever be. I don’t know. But if there’s one thing I can tell for sure, it’s how much you love Mark and Tracey. You said they’re your priority, and of course they should be. If you didn’t feel that way I wouldn’t love you as much as I do.” She took another deep breath, then blurted, “Just promise me one thing.”
“What?”
“I’m leaving because you asked me to, for their sake. But that’s just a small part of the solution. You’re the much bigger part. The most important part. You need to do something for their sake, too. Please promise me you won’t go backward. Back to being a hermit isolating yourself and the kids. It’s not fair to you, and it’s not fair to Mark and Tracey.”
“I wouldn’t do that.”
“You already have,” she said softly. “At dinner last night, you barely spoke at all. It wasn’t because you had nothing to say. You just retreated into your shell.”
Your crab shell. Once, they had both laughed at that silly joke. Now she would give anything to have one of those—to have something—to make her smile.
As if in answer to her silent plea, Mark ran into the kitchen, showing off his just-brushed teeth in a gleaming grin.
* * *
LATE THAT AFTERNOON, seeing Lizzie and Kyle arrive at the store holding hands finally gave Cara another reason to smile. Their linked fingers had to prove they’d found a way to work things out.
If she could only say the same about herself and Wes...
“Wow!” Lizzie eyed the stacked storage containers and piles of plastic bags lining the walls in the display room. “What’re all these?”
“Inventory for the store.” Once Wes left to take the kids to Rhea’s, Cara had spent a long, active and busy day. “These are the clothes and crafts I told you about, from Wes Daniels’s house.”
“There’s so much!”
“Tell me about it. It took me most of the day to load up the car and drive back and forth to bring it all into town in batches.”
“But your car’s so small. Why didn’t you ask Wes to help?”
“Yeah,” Kyle agreed, “he probably could have filled up the back of his pickup a few times and saved you a lot of trips.”
“He wasn’t around,” Cara said truthfully.
Each time she returned to the house for another load, she made sure to check that his truck wasn’t in the driveway. She made up her mind not to go downstairs or even to call out to him if he stopped by while she was there. But all her care and planning had been for nothing since he hadn’t come home...hadn’t come back to the house at all.
He’d either found a reason to stay in town or gone directly to work somewhere on the ranch. Obviously, he wanted to stay away from her as much as she wanted to avoid seeing him.
Then all day, why had she ridden a roller coaster from relief to irritation to sadness to regret?
“Is Andi going to want me to start working soon?” Lizzie asked. “To help get all this set up?”
“I think so. But you’ll have to check in with her.”
“Yeah, I know. The budget.”
Kyle gestured over his shoulder. “I’m gonna run to the L-G for a soda. Anybody want anything?”
“Not me, thanks,” Cara said.
Lizzie looked at her. “Do you have time for a cup of tea?”
She smiled. “I thought you’d never ask.”
“Then I’ll stay here.”
When Kyle left, the two of them moved into the back room. Cara filled the kettle to heat water.
As Lizzie took a seat, she laughed. “Talking about budgets must’ve reminded Kyle he should have his soda while he can. We’re both giving them up. Once we get our next paychecks, we need to start saving.”
That could mean for anything from a baby to prom night.
“Saving’s a good habit.” One Cara had to get back to as soon as she found a job. Which now, unfortunately, might happen much sooner than she expected. “Nickels and dimes and pennies add up.”
“Yeah, they do, and that’s why I hope Andi will give me lots of hours. I’m going to need them.” Lizzie crossed her arms on the tabletop and leaned forward. “My new test came back positive, too, Cara. Kyle and I are really having a baby! We talked to my parents and his parents together, and everybody’s okay with it. No, everybody’s good with it.”
Lizzie’s face glowed with her own happiness and excitement. She had gone back to her usual chatty self, speaking even more quickly than usual, barely pausing for breath. “When the baby comes, we’re going to live with my parents for a while, and both moms said they’ll babysit when Kyle and I start college next fall. And we’re going to get married. Soon. We don’t know when yet, because we just started talking about all this last night!” Lizzie laughed again. “You’ll be here for the wedding, right?”
“How can I answer that when I don’t know the date?” Cara teased. Then she smiled. “You know I’ll want to be here for it.”
She set Paz’s cookie tin on the table and went to the counter to pour water for their tea.
“Mmm.
Are these from the Hitching Post?” Lizzie asked. When Cara nodded, she said, “I’ll just take two. The doctor said I can have sweets if I don’t overdo it. But I’m not just giving up soda. I’m going to stop eating fried chicken and a bunch of other things. And take these huge vitamins. There are so many rules you have to follow when you’re having a baby. Wait till you get pregnant, Cara. You’ll see. But first you can learn all about it from me. I’ll let you in on everything.”
“Thanks.” She turned back, hoping her smile looked natural. “I’m sure I’ll need all that info, too. Someday...”
Everything was working out for Lizzie and Kyle and their new life, and Cara couldn’t be happier for them both.
Or more dismayed by the comparison to her own situation.
The first day she had come to this store, Lizzie—teenage, talkative, excitable Lizzie—had shared words of wisdom with her about finding the one. Cara had found the man she loved, right here in Cowboy Creek.
And he had made it all too clear she had no future with him.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
“LOOKS LIKE I’M the last to pick up my kids tonight,” Wes said to Rhea when she came up to him at the day care holding Tracey.
He needed to get back on track. All this week, he’d left the house later than he had before. Before Cara. In such a brief space of time, he’d gotten used to working longer hours since he could rely on her to bring the kids home. A luxury he didn’t have anymore.
Pushing away memories of their last two conversations, he made a joke of his late arrival. Not as corny as the ones Cara said they both liked, but still... “You know how wild Canyon Road gets at rush hour on Friday night.”
Rhea laughed. “That might actually happen once they open the highway exit. Can you imagine Cowboy Creek in gridlock?”
“No. And let’s hope it doesn’t come to that. We’re not the big city here.” If they were, maybe Cara wouldn’t be going home to Phoenix.
Not that he’d given her a reason to stay.
By the time he had returned home on Tuesday, she had left the house. To be honest, he’d stayed away after bringing the kids here to Rhea’s. He’d gone back to the ranch but nowhere near the house until late afternoon. Considering everything Cara had said to him and knowing everything he couldn’t say to her, what point would there have been in talking again?
But of course she would be back.
She’d need to come by to pick up all the bins and bags of crafts she’d organized in the office. Maybe he ought to contact her and volunteer to drop them off on one of his trips to town to pick up the kids. Not that he wanted to see her. But no sense having her come to the house, running the risk of Mark and Tracey thinking she’d returned for good, then getting upset when she left again.
No sense running the risk she might bring up all those thoughts and feelings of her he could do nothing about.
Across the room, Mark knelt beside the kids’ table stuffing papers into his backpack.
Rhea handed Tracey over to Wes. He tickled his baby under her chin. She squirmed, turning her face away, then slumped against his shoulder. Frowning, he looked down at the top of her head.
“Actually,” Rhea said, “I’m glad you’re here later tonight. With everyone else gone, we can chat for a minute. If you have time, that is.”
“No problem.” But a request from the sitter for a chat normally meant just that. A problem. “Is it Tracey or Mark?”
“Both,” she said promptly. “Tracey’s been cranky all this week, not sitting still long enough to eat much of anything, and restless during nap time. Well, she’s never been a good midday sleeper, you know that. She likes her late afternoons.”
“Yeah. In a moving vehicle or at the supper table.” Yet night after night, his little girl had managed to stay awake almost until the end of story time.
“But the rest of it’s not like her.” Rhea shook her head. “And then Mark. He’s not mixing much with the other kids, not interested in his drawing and just dragging himself around all day. Is he getting enough rest at home?”
“As far as I know. He’s not waking up during the night for water or bathroom trips.” Or nightmares, fortunately. “And whenever I check on the kids, he’s sound asleep. Too sound asleep,” Wes admitted. “Some mornings, I’ve had trouble getting him moving.”
Rhea sighed. “You know, Tracey was so young when you lost Patty, we didn’t see much change in her personality. But Mark’s acting like he did around the time his mother passed away.”
Because now his Miss Cara had gone away?
As if she’d read his mind, Rhea said, “I noticed Cara’s stopped coming for the kids at the end of the day.”
“That was just a temporary arrangement. She won’t be picking them up anymore.”
“What a shame. She’s a nice, friendly girl, and pretty, too. I’ll bet both the kids got attached to her.”
Yeah. The kids and their daddy.
And you care about me, too. Maybe it’s not love now...
It was love on Cara’s part, or so she said. But she’d also said she’d broken up with her boyfriend not long ago. How could she even know yet how she really felt?
“Sometimes children don’t react well to change,” Rhea went on. “I’m sure that’s what’s got them both out of sorts this week.”
“Probably,” Wes agreed. What else could he say?
To tell the truth, he’d had his own issues lately, feeling crankier than his son had been when he’d acted out at the supper table earlier in the week. Naturally, Wes managed to keep himself from having a full-out tantrum. But it worried him to hear how listless both kids had been.
Mark crossed the room toward them.
“Hey, buddy.” Wes smiled. “Ready to go home?”
Mark shrugged. “Okay.”
Once they said their goodbyes and went outside to the truck, Mark looked up at him. “Do we have to go home, Daddy?”
He frowned. “Well, sure we do. We need to get supper going. And you need to help me set the table, right?”
“Right,” Mark agreed, though he didn’t sound at all interested.
Wes swallowed a sigh. He didn’t much like the idea of going home to an empty house, either.
* * *
AS CARA CAME DOWN the stairs to the first floor, she saw Jed near the registration desk in the otherwise deserted lobby. He held his Stetson in one hand and jiggled a key ring in the other. He smiled when he saw her, almost as though he’d been waiting for her to arrive.
“Are you going or coming?” she asked.
“Going.”
So was she, just a couple of days from now, though she doubted Jed was on his way to Phoenix.
“I’m having supper at Sugar’s with Sugar and Mo before we head over to the town council meeting. I’ve got time for a chat before I go. The porch swing ought to be empty at this hour. How about it?”
“Sure. I’m ahead of schedule for dinner.”
Outside, she took a seat beside Jed on the swing. She had joined Andi here the first night she’d come back from Wes’s house.
Frowning, Cara mentally pushed the reminder away. She’d last seen Wes just a few days ago and hadn’t been able to get him out of her mind. Was his name forever going to pop into her head as part of almost every thought?
“You’ve been less of a stranger around here lately. Andi tells me you’re getting all those crafts from Wes’s in order.”
And was Wes going to be the topic of her every conversation?
“The inventory’s done. I’m at the pricing stage now.”
“Sounds like it won’t be long before Andi will be able to open up the store. You know she’s got her heart set on you working it with her.”
“I know.”
“But she tells me you’re determined to go home again. She’ll miss having you here. We all
will. I suspect you realize that, as well.”
“I do. I’ll miss you all, too. It’s been a... It’s been great to see everyone. And, Jed, I really do appreciate the room and the meals.”
He waved one hand as if swatting her words away. “You’re always welcome. You have a funny way of repaying your debts, though.”
Her jaw dropped. “Repaying? But Andi said—”
“I don’t mean the room or the meals. I’m talking about you and Wes. Between the pair of you, you’re ruining my reputation.”
Her laugh sounded more like a sob. “I’m not sure what to say.”
“Yeah, plenty of folks around here get struck that way.”
Including Wes—the day Mark had been so upset about the recital and his daddy hadn’t known how to handle the situation.
“Fortunately,” Jed continued, “talking’s never been a problem for me. Getting people to listen can present a challenge at times, though. Some folks would rather run for the hills than take advice.”
“I know what you mean.” Or who you mean. Wes, when she’d tried to talk to him about his feelings. Or was Jed thinking about anyone foolish enough not to take him up on his matchmaking services?
“Then there are the folks who would rather run than face up to a problem.”
He meant Wes again.
He couldn’t be referring to her. Yes, she had run from Phoenix to Cowboy Creek. Now she was going in the opposite direction. Going. Not running. Resolving a problem, not avoiding one.
Getting her life back on track.
As Wes had said.
* * *
ALMOST DONE CLEARING the dishes, Wes looked over his shoulder at Mark, alone at the table.
Thanks to his delayed arrival at the day care and his conversation with Rhea, Wes had gotten supper ready later than usual. Halfway through, Tracey had nearly fallen asleep over her tray, and he’d taken her upstairs to tuck her into her crib.
Over the past few nights, with Cara gone and only him and the kids at the table again, their meals had gotten lonelier. He made sure they hadn’t gotten quieter. Or at least, he tried. Most of the time Mark barely spoke, just poked at his plate with his fork as if he’d never seen food, while Tracey babbled to herself and mashed vegetables with her hands instead of chewing them.
The Rancher's Family--A Clean Romance Page 21
