by L. J. Hamlin
“I think we have it,” Brenton says.
Jed nods. “Seems good. I think we’re ready for the show.”
“Calling it a day then?” Drew asks.
“I think so, if everyone feels ready.” Jed glances at Donnie. He’s the only one here who hasn’t played these songs live before, but he’s been doing a great job in rehearsal.
“I feel ready. Do I sound okay?” Donnie asks, a hint of nerves in his voice.
“You sound great. You’d never know you’ve only been playing the songs for a month,” Jed says firmly, because it’s true. So far Donnie seems to be fitting in with them perfectly. He’s a part of Black Lace. Sometimes he’s a bit quiet, and Jed doesn’t know everything about him like he does the rest of the band, but that’s just a question of time.
“Relax, babe. You’re doing a great job,” Penny says, leaving her keyboard to go over and bump her shoulder against Donnie’s.
Jed smiles at them. They’ve become good friends pretty quickly. Penny is a warm, open person, and she’s taken Donnie under her wing. Jed remembers a week ago, the day after the party at his house, when he’d gone to wake Penny and Donnie up the next day. They’d been cuddled up under the covers, both their hair a mess. They’d looked sweet.
He’d had a moment of jealousy at seeing Donnie snuggled up with Penny. He’d wondered if Donnie would crush on Penny, even though she’s a lesbian. But he’d shaken those thoughts away because Jed didn’t like feeling negative things about his friends. He’d sucked it up and woken them. Donnie had opened sleepy eyes, rubbed his face, showing off chipped black nail polish, and then he’d smiled at Jed, said good morning, and Jed had felt his stomach dip at the sweetness.
“You guys sure? If you want me to stay a little longer after you leave, I can go over the songs for the show a few more times,” Donnie says, bringing Jed back to the present.
“Penny’s right. You can relax. You’re doing a great job,” Drew replies.
Jed goes to tell the technicians they’re done so that the equipment can be dealt with. He still finds it weird that they’re a big enough band that they have people do such things for them. They don’t clean up. They only take instruments home if they want to. When Jed gets back, everyone else has already cleared out, apart from Donnie, who is throwing his things in a bag that he swings over his shoulder just as Jed reaches him.
“Want a ride?” Jed asks. Donnie had been talking earlier about how he’d taken the bus here because he’d loaned Kelly his car while hers was in the shop.
“Are you sure? It’s kind of out your way,” Donnie asks.
“No problem. I’m in no rush to get home.” Jed shrugs. He has no plans today other than this rehearsal, so he’s free for the rest of the day, and Jed always finds free time boring. He’s not designed to do nothing or be alone for too long.
“That’d be great, then. I hate the bus.” Donnie smiles. And it’s funny. He has this kind of hardcore look, lots of black, piercings, tattoos, dyed hair, but he has this boyish smile that’s kind of adorable.
“Let’s get going then.” Jed starts walking, but slows down to let Donnie, with his shorter legs, catch up.
They leave the rehearsal space and head to where Jed parked his car. Jed spots a piece of white paper tucked under the windshield wiper. It doesn’t look like a parking ticket, so Jed relaxes and goes over to take it off. It’s probably someone advertising something. Jed unfolds it, seeing right away that it’s not a flyer, but a typed note. The few words make Jed feel a little cold.
You will die alone.
It’s not signed. Jed turns it over to see if there is anything to indicate who it’s from, but there’s nothing.
“What is it?” Donnie asks, standing beside him.
Jed hesitates, then shows Donnie the note.
Donnie scowls. “That’s sick. Have you gotten a note like this before?”
“No. Well, I’ve had hate mail. A lot of ‘die faggot,’ but that’s nothing unusual. I’ve never had a note left on my car before. Not that exact wording, either. I mean, it’s probably just a crazy fan I’ve pissed off, right? It’s not a big deal.” Jed’s not sure who he’s trying to convince.
He doesn’t see much hate mail these days. All his mail goes to the studio, and they have someone look through everything, forwarding him anything relevant or important, and keeping files on possibly dangerous fans.
Sometimes Jed gets handed letters when he does signings and meet-and-greets, but those are usually nice letters. Sometimes a little bit full on, but the sentiments behind them are always positive. It’s been a while since Jed’s received a negative threat.
“It’s probably nothing, but you should tell someone,” Donnie says, handing Jed back the note.
“You think so?”
“I’m not saying call the police, but at least tell Jamie. She’ll know who to tell. They can check to see if you’ve been sent anything weird recently, tighten your security for a bit.”
Jed groans. “I don’t need more security.” He hates that half his time is spent being guarded.
“This person might be harmless, but they know where you rehearse, maybe they’re on camera. I think you should be careful.”
“Okay, I’ll show the note to Jamie and let her deal with it. But I don’t want to worry the band, so please don’t tell anyone, not even Penny,” Jed says.
“I won’t tell the band, as long as you tell Jamie,” Donnie says as Jed opens the car.
“It’s a deal,” Jed says, and they both get into the car. He puts the folded note in the center console.
“I’m sorry if I’m being pushy. It’s just, you hear a lot of crazy stories about bands. I wouldn’t want you to get hurt,” Donnie says, a slight blush to his cheeks.
“Don’t be sorry. It’s nice that you care,” Jed replies. He pulls the car out of his space and out of the parking lot. He already knows where Donnie lives from talking to him about it before, so he just heads off in that direction.
“I’m probably worrying about nothing, but I don’t like the idea of you just leaving things. Jamie will know what to do. She seems to know what she’s doing,” Donnie comments.
“Yeah, Jamie’s the best. She’s a great manager. Telling her is the best idea,” Jed agrees.
“Tell me to fuck off if this is too much of a personal question, but is it weird working with your ex-wife?” Donnie asks, looking uncertain.
“No, it’s okay. We’ve all been asking you a ton of questions since you first auditioned. You’d think it’d be weird, but it’s not. Jamie has always been my best friend. We got married when Jamie was eighteen and I was twenty, divorced seven years later. It’s been nine years since we got divorced. A lot has changed.”
Jed had once thought he loved her as much as a person could love another, and maybe he had. But it wasn’t the kind of love that should be between a husband and wife. Jed had been young and confused. He’d thought being with Jamie was the right thing. He’d had an idea that he might like men, but he’d never thought he could be in a band and be gay.
He had been happy with Jamie. She was his best friend. He married his best friend. He was never unhappy, even if he’d always known something was missing. The passion hadn’t been there for him. He loved her, but he didn’t truly desire her.
“So you’re not bisexual? Even though you were married to Jamie for seven years? All the stories I’ve seen call you gay,” Donnie says.
“I was lying to myself for a long time. I didn’t think I could be gay and be in a rock band. All the bands I knew were so macho, and the media love a lady’s man.” Jed laughs a bit. “I was wrong.”
“It’s not easy to be out and in a band. I’ve been in a lot of bands, some better than others, but in the rock scene, a lot of people had a problem with my sexuality. Sometimes liking girls made it easier. Having a girlfriend, it made me one of them. When people found out I was bisexual, it didn’t always go well.” Donnie sighs.
“I thought me being gay wo
uld destroy what Black Lace had. Even though I was pretty sure none of the band were homophobic. When they found out, Brenton and Drew were great. They said I was still like a brother to them, that nothing would change that. And Penny said, ‘Sorry to steal your thunder, but I’m a lesbian.’ None of us had a clue.” Jed laughs again, shaking his head.
Donnie smiles. “They’re two of the coolest straight guys I’ve met. I don’t have to tell you. They’re really into rock music. I’ve met people who say they’re fine with my sexuality, but then you’ll see them flinch when you mention a guy’s attractive or whatever. They aren’t like that.”
“They’re the best. I wish everyone was like them. Hell, everyone should be like them. It shouldn’t be a big deal. That’s the message I try and promote these days, that sexuality doesn’t matter. Queer people, we’re no different from straight people, right?” Jed gets sick of being referred to as the ‘gay rock star’ constantly. He loves being called a rock star, but it pisses him off that people focus on his sexuality so much, and not his music.
“I totally agree. I looked you up when I was coming to the audition. I’d already heard of you, but I wanted to know more before I came to the audition. I read some interviews. Even though you’ve been out all these years, people still ask you about it incessantly. I’d get sick of it.” Donnie shakes his head.
“You know you’re going to get the same thing, right? Once everyone knows you’re replacing Cherry Lee, you’ll get hundreds of questions. Your sexual orientation will be at the top of the list. Are you going to be honest?” Jed hadn’t really thought about if Donnie would want to be open about his sexuality.
“I’m not going back into the closet. I’ve been out since I was fourteen. I have no plans on hiding the fact that I’m bi. I’m just the guitarist. Do you think people will care as much about me as they do you? I mean, you’re the front man. Penny doesn’t seem to get hassled as much as you,” Donnie points out.
“I’m not sure how much attention your sexuality will get, compared to mine and Penny’s. But I want you to be prepared for how it could be,” Jed warns. He wishes he could protect Donnie from the sort of attention he’s probably going to get. There have been times when Jed has wanted to tear his hair out, it was so frustrating.
Penny’s had it somewhat easier though, so maybe Donnie won’t get it as bad. Sure, if Penny is so much as pictured talking to a woman she’ll get asked a thousand times if they’re dating. She can’t go somewhere with a friend without being linked romantically to them. She doesn’t get it easy, but they do focus more on Jed’s sexuality than that of anyone else in the band.
“I’m prepared. I think I am, anyway. I’ve had plenty of bad reactions in the past, so it’s not like I’ll be shocked if someone’s a douche.” Donnie sighs, and he looks kind of sad.
“It can get pretty bad. I’m not trying to scare you off. But that note isn’t the first death threat I’ve gotten since people found out I was gay. Strangers wishing you dead leaves you with a pretty weird feeling.” Jed wants Donnie to be prepared. In a few days they’ll be on TV. The world will find out about Donnie being in the band, and he’ll be launched into the public eye.
“I can handle strangers hating me. It’s easier than the people who are meant to love you hating you,” Donnie says bitterly.
“Your parents?” Jed asks hesitantly.
Donnie had mentioned being helped by a LGBT charity for homeless youths. He hasn’t mentioned his parents at all since Jed has known him, not even at the party last week, where a lot of people had brought family along.
“My whole family. And it’s a big family.” Donnie shrugs.
“How big?” Jed asks curiously.
“Six aunts, nine uncles, ten cousins, two sets of grandparents, five siblings, and my parents.”
“Do you talk to any of them?” Jed asks.
“No. Not since I was fourteen.” Donnie bites his lip.
Jed reaches out and touches Donnie’s hand for a second, wishing he could give Donnie a hug.
“I’m sorry. That’s horrible.”
“Thanks. I’m over it,” Donnie says, and Jed thinks he’s lying, but he doesn’t call Donnie out on it.
“Well, then I’m sure you’ll be able to handle some shit from the public,” Jed says, steering the conversation back to safer ground.
“I’m sure it won’t be that bad. I don’t think I’m an asshole or anything, so that should help.” Donnie smiles.
“Drew and Brenton tease me about all the screaming girls that I’m not interested in. They’ll be happy that you go both ways, knowing they have a chance,” Jed smirks.
“I don’t think I’ll have girls screaming for me,” Donnie says bashfully.
“Oh, come on. You’ve been on stage before. You saying you never attracted groupies?” Jed asks. He’s pretty damn sure he knows the answer. Donnie is really attractive, and when he plays, it’s hard not to stare at him.
“I guess I get some attention from girls when I’m performing. It’s weird. I know I’m not ugly. I just…It feels weird to have people you’ve never talked to wanting you. I’ve never been that comfortable with it.” Donnie scrunches up his nose, and Jed thinks it’s cute.
He pulls up outside of Donnie’s apartment block and parks his car.
“You’re going to get a lot of attention going forward. Don’t tell me you’re shy?” Jed teases.
“I guess maybe I am a little shy. I’ve dated a lot, but I’m not good at making the first move.” Donnie shrugs.
“Don’t worry. When it comes to fans, you won’t have to make the first move.” Jed doesn’t add that Donnie really won’t need to make the first move, band or no band. He’s so handsome and such a sweet guy. Jed isn’t surprised that he’s dated a lot.
“Could be fun. Anyway, thanks for the ride.” Donnie smiles.
“No problem. Any time,” Jed says, and he means it. He likes spending time with Donnie, and not just because he’s hot. He’s a nice guy, fun to be around.
“I’ll see you at the show, on Friday. I’m kind of nervous. I’ve never been on TV before,” Donnie admits.
“It’ll be great. We open the show with a song, answer a few questions, then close the show with another song. The rest of us have been on the show before. The host is a nice woman,” Jed assures Donnie.
“Okay. I’m going to go. But let me know if anything happens about the note? Don’t forget to tell Jamie,” Donnie says, and Jed had almost forgotten about the note.
“I’ll tell her right away, I promise. But it’ll be fine. It’s just some crank.” Jed smiles at Donnie as he opens the car door.
“See you soon,” Donnie says as he gets out of the car.
“See you soon, and don’t stress about the show,” Jed says firmly, and Donnie nods in agreement before he shuts the door.
Jed watches Donnie cross the street and go into his building before he pulls away. He drives home, singing along to the radio. Once he gets home, he calls Jamie about the note. “I think it’s nothing, but Donnie wanted me to tell you.”
“I’ll get studio security to look into it. They can look at the cameras in the parking lot and see if it shows anything. Donnie was with you?” Jamie asks.
“I gave him a ride home.” Jed shrugs, then remembers that Jamie can’t see him.
“Oh really?” Jamie asks, and there’s judgment in her tone.
“Come on, Jamie. He loaned his car to his roommate because hers is in the shop. I was just saving him taking the bus.”
“I didn’t say anything,” Jamie says, but that tone is still in her voice.
“Yeah, but I know what you’re thinking. Nothing’s going on between me and Donnie. I’d drive any of the band home if they didn’t have a car,” Jed says, and it’s true.
“Just be careful. You don’t want him getting the wrong idea,” Jamie says firmly.
“He won’t get the wrong idea. There’s no idea to get.” Jed groans, flopping down on his couch.
“You haven’t been on a date in forever,” Jamie replies.
“It’s hard to date in the limelight. It puts pressure on a relationship. And when I’m looking for someone, I never know if they really want me. But if me going out and getting laid will get you off my back about Donnie, I’ll do it happily.” Jed rolls his eyes.
“No redheads,” Jamie tuts.
“I’m not going to sleep with someone who looks like Donnie,” Jed says firmly.
“Just making sure. If things go according to plan, you’ll be doing a mini tour of a few states soon. You’ll need to be able to handle being around Donnie all the time.”
“Christ, I know he’s pretty, but I have some control over my dick. I won’t lay a finger on him. I swear,” Jed promises, and he means it, he really does.
Chapter 3
Donnie is sitting on a couch with the rest of Black Lace, feeling painfully out of place. They just finished a song that was broadcast live, and now he’s sitting in front of a studio audience, dressed up, listening carefully.
It’s been a weird day already, being led around a TV studio, given a dressing room. Donnie’s had his makeup done before by friends, but today he had it done by a professional. The fact that Penny told him how gorgeous he looked helped his one worry that he was going to look stupid.
The interview is going well. Jed is charming. He’s clearly used to being interviewed. All of Black Lace seem to be good at it, and Donnie’s terrified that he’s going to mess up and show the band up. Why did his first time on TV have to be live?
Suddenly, the interviewer, Anna, turns her attention from Jed and focuses on Donnie. He braces himself for what he might be asked.
“How is being the baby of the group and are you ready to tour?”
Donnie thinks for a second “The band don’t treat me like a baby, and I’m excited to tour.”
“Not going to miss anything?” She presses.
“Not really.” Donnie doesn’t want to mention his family.
“So, Donnie, do you have a girlfriend? Boyfriend? I’m sure our audience would love to know.” Anna smiles.
