by Ken Kwek
“Where are your parents?” Rudy asked Timothy.
“Still talking to Miss Chin. And I mean, actually talking,” replied Timothy. “I think she’s forgiven Dad. Mum said we should go on ahead with Uncle Russ Tee ’cos Miss Chin has a lot to say.”
At the mention of Miss Chin, Uncle Russ Tee cleared his throat and stroked his goatee. “She seems like a pretty fine lady, your form teacher,” he said. “I invited her out for a coffee.”
A silence descended on the group as they exchanged looks.
“Well, er, shall we go?” said Rudy finally. “Time to celebrate with tea and mouldy biscuits.”
“We’re gonna stick around and play capteh,” said Gilbert. “I’m pretty good at it now.”
“Yeah, he can do two kicks instead of one,” said Wacky, rolling her eyes.
After saying their goodbyes to Gilbert and Wacky, Timothy and Rudy climbed into the car with Uncle Russ Tee.
“Well, that was ‘sick’, as you boys would say,” said Uncle Russ Tee, turning the key in the ignition. The car made a gurgling sound and then stalled.
“It needs a minute, we just have to be patient,” said Uncle Russ Tee. He reached into the glove compartment and took out a pack of Fisherman’s Friend, whom he believed to be everyone’s friend. He offered the boys a Friend each and the three sat in silence, sucking on their mints.
Something caught Timothy’s eye through the back window. Big Burt, Tsai Koh and Darren were standing a few metres behind the car. Big Burt smacked his hands together as he repeatedly mouthed “cha-pa-ti”. Tsai Koh stared at Timothy and drew an imaginary line across his throat with a finger. Darren held up his phone and took a picture of them in the car.
“How are we gonna survive next year?” Timothy grimaced.
“Surely we’ll have hit puberty by then,” said Rudy.
Uncle Russ Tee looked in his rearview mirror. “Don’t you worry, kiddos,” he said. “We’ll get ’em next time. I promise we will.” And he turned the key in the ignition.
VRRRUUUM! PFFF! VRRRUUUM!
As Uncle Russ Tee yanked the gear stick and slammed his foot on the accelerator, a giant cloud of smoke shot out of the exhaust pipe, covering Darren in a thick coat of black grime.
Pooooooooooooof!
Timothy and Rudy’s jaws dropped.
“Well…er…there’s no time like the present,” said Uncle Russ Tee, as he looked in his mirror at Darren, who was wiping blobs of black muck from his hair, and cursing his friends for snickering at him.
As Uncle Russ Tee put the car into gear again, Timothy and Rudy flashed toothy grins and peace signs at the bullies. Then they yawped as the Beetle lurched forward and chugged out of the school gates.
Thank yous:
To my publisher, Edmund Wee, thanks for believing in this little book and giving it life.
To my amazing editor, Lydia Dugand, thanks for your patience, encouragement and humour. You’ve been a great joy and inspiration to work with.
To my talented illustrator, Lolita Chiong, you were hard to find and boy were we chuffed when you came on board.
To designers Marco and Qin Yi, as well as the rest of the Epigram team, thanks for reading this before anyone else and working weeks and months to turn it into something beautiful made of actual paper.
Finally, to my family and close friends – especially Mum and Dad, Pam, Kev, Kim, Kel, Jon, Malc, Noel, Dave, the Chibabos, the Chye Tows and Jessica – thanks for your ceaseless support and stubborn love as I continue to stumble across this most quixotic of trades, better known as “making stuff up”.
Ken Kwek is a screenwriter, film director and playwright. He spent his childhood watching movies on an ancient machine called a VHS player. Ken studied literature at the University of Cambridge and dramatic writing at New York University. He worked as a journalist and a cook for a few years, then wrote and directed several movies that (unfortunately) cannot be viewed on a VHS player. Timothy and the Phubbers is his first children’s novel.
Lolita Chiong is currently studying illustration with animation at Nanyang Academy of Fine Arts in Singapore. She loves drawing cartoons, pixel art and comics. In her spare time, Lolita loves going to the bird park to draw the birds, and the prawning pools to catch prawns. She also loves eating chicken nuggets with her boyfriend. Lolita lives at home with her parents, sister, maid and two terrapins.
