by Nina Milne
Now she’d swear Luca looked...discomfited, uncomfortable, hesitant. Emily propped herself up, her forehead creased in a small frown. ‘Is something wrong? You are nervous, aren’t you?’
Quickly she swung her legs out of bed, walked towards him, even now revelled in the fact she wore one of his T-shirts, the idea both sexy and intimate. ‘Hey. You don’t need to worry. I know this endorsement is important to you but I bet you’ll nail it.’ She reached him and placed her hand on his arm, looked up at him, wanted her words to matter, touched at this unexpected vulnerability. ‘Truly. Your chocolate is fabulous and endorsing it will give the royal family and Jalpura some great publicity. All you need to do is tell the truth.’
She’d swear he flinched, the idea confirmed as he took a step back, away from her touch, and a sudden hurt mingled with foreboding.
‘Luca? Did I say something wrong?’
A succinct curse dropped from his lips. ‘No. You said nothing wrong at all. You’re right,’ he said. ‘I do need to tell the truth. To you.’
‘What do you mean?’
He gestured to the table by the window. ‘Why don’t we sit?’
Emily frowned and the temptation to refuse, to simply cover her ears and go la-la-la, nigh on overwhelmed her. But instead she leant down, scooped up the trousers she’d discarded the night before and pulled them on, suddenly feeling at a disadvantage in the T-shirt.
She followed him to the table and sat in the wicker chair opposite him.
‘I don’t understand. What truth?’
‘My meeting with the royal representative. I didn’t make it to get an endorsement for my chocolate.’ His voice was even, matter of fact, as if now he had decided to tell the truth, whatever that meant, he would do so calmly. The only tell was the clench of his jaw, and the hand through his hair. ‘Or rather that isn’t my prime objective.’
‘Then what is?’ Emily closed her eyes for a second, tried to figure out what the hell was going on. A sense of foreboding rippled in her gut, one she tried to calm. There would be an explanation for this, a good one, one that would assuage the sense of doom.
‘I want to find out some information about Jodi.’
‘Your sister Jodi? I’m still not with you.’ What did Jodi have to do with anything?
‘Jodi was badly impacted by our father’s death. She decided to take some time out and go travelling and to begin with she loved it. She kept in touch, sent photos, we called regularly. Then she came to Jalpura, visited the cocoa farm, and got involved in organising the film festival. Then everything changed, her messages became less frequent and she sounded different. I can’t explain it, but I knew something was wrong even if she wouldn’t admit it. Then she left Jalpura and pretty much went incommunicado. She said she needed some space and I shouldn’t worry or pull any big-brother shit.’
Now concern for Jodi outweighed her own confusion. ‘So have you found out anything about Jodi? When did you last hear from her?’
‘All I found out was that whilst she was working on the film festival she made friends with royalty. A princess.’
Emily raised her eyebrows. ‘So either Princess Alisha or Princess Riya. I did some research partly to help you with the endorsement, but also as part of my plan to bring a flavour of royalty into the campaign.’
‘Yes, that’s what I figure. So I was hoping Pradesh Patankar could shed some light, maybe give me an idea of what happened to Jodi.’
The idea that he was willing to do all this for his sister touched her, more so because she knew no one in her family would ever do that for her. ‘So you came to Jalpura to find out what happened.’ Her voice was small, because, however much she lauded his concern for his sister, Luca had lied to her by omission. Worse. ‘The advertising campaign was a cover.’
‘No. The campaign is real.’
‘But you only did it now because it gave you a reason to come to Jalpura.’
He hesitated, rocked back on his feet as he looked away from her and then back. ‘Yes.’
‘Why didn’t you tell me?’
‘Because I couldn’t betray Jodi’s trust; she would hate for me to discuss her private stuff with anyone, let alone...’
‘Ava’s best friend,’ Emily completed. And in a way she could see that, understood that he couldn’t possibly have told her about this when he first met her. But it still didn’t make sense. ‘In which case, why me? Why did you bring me here? Why would you employ Ava’s best friend? Then bring me here.’
She stared at him, saw the discomfort in his stance, in his expression, and once again he looked away.
‘Luca?’
Now cold hard premonition froze inside her and she wrapped her arms around herself, knew that, bad as this already was, it was about to become worse.
‘I thought your name would help.’
‘My name?’ The penny dropped with a resounding leaden clang as everything fell into place. It all made sense now. Why Luca was neither bothered about seeing her portfolio nor cared about her lack of experience. ‘You hired me for my name.’ She started to pace, needed to move, to stoke the anger that she knew preceded the burn of utter, complete humiliation. ‘It wouldn’t have mattered how useless a photographer I was, you needed me here, on Jalpura, because of my name. You thought it would open doors for you.’ Hurt began to cascade through her along with mortification. Luca hadn’t believed in her talent, hadn’t hired her because of her photography skills. He’d hired her because her name might have helped in his quest for Jodi.
Her brain clouded, fogged with hurt, and she tried to cleave through. Luca had decided to come to Jalpura to look for his sister, had decided to come here under cover of a photo shoot and bring Emily Khatri with him. In case she could be of use. Correction. In case her name could be of use. However, he’d failed to apprise her of the fact and she hadn’t realised that was part of the deal.
What a fool she was, to have believed the whole spiel. Had she really believed that Luca’s judgement was correct, could miraculously negate Howard’s? Howard had been a cheat and a liar, turned out so was Luca.
‘Why?’ she asked quietly now. ‘Why did you sleep with me, Luca? What was that? Some sort of bonus, a way of passing time in between your investigations? A way of distracting me in case I figured something out?’ Because with hindsight she could see that he hadn’t ever really engaged with the campaign. They’d visited locations but they’d never sat down and discussed ideas or brainstormed. Instead they’d spent their time talking, getting up close and personal.
‘No. This. Us. It’s real.’ He gestured between them, his voice taut.
She shook her head, as a memory engulfed her of Howard being confronted with his infidelity and the way he had dismissed it. ‘Lucille was an interim woman. Whilst you’re pregnant. She doesn’t mean anything. You. Me. We’re real.’
Disbelief at her own stupidity churned her tummy. Again—she’d done it again. Been taken in by an illusion. With Howard she’d believed he loved her for herself. With Luca she’d believed he’d employed her because he had faith in her talent, in her photographic skills. Had also believed he cared, that these days were magical. In reality they had been just another arrangement.
With Howard she’d believed in their marriage, been worried about how he was adjusting to fatherhood, run around trying to make things right. Whilst all the time he’d been sleeping with someone else. With Luca she’d believed in his ad campaign, was convinced he’d believed in her. Humiliation, mortification at her own stupidity, roiled over her skin, tinged and patched it with cold, and she rubbed her hands up and down her arms. Oh, God, she’d confided in him, slept with him...trusted him with her deepest emotions. Told him about her baby. She came to a halt in front of where he stood.
‘No, it’s not real, Luca.’ Any more than her marriage had been. ‘Everything, all of this, what happened between us, is fake. Founde
d on a lie.’ She shook her head. ‘I need to go.’ She’d reached the door when she heard his voice.
‘Emily. No. Wait. Please.’
* * *
From somewhere Luca found his voice. For the past minutes he’d been rooted to the spot, frozen as her words punched into him, each one a sucker punch to his ribs, his chest, his heart. Regret, panic and a fear he couldn’t understand all churned inside him as the impact of his actions washed over him in a cold wave.
Slowly she turned and he took a step towards her, stopped at her instinctive recoil. How could he blame her? He’d messed up big time and he had no idea how to put it right.
‘I am sorry. So sorry. But when I met you and you came up with the idea for the ad to be shot on Jalpura it seemed like a brilliant idea. A win-win situation. A way to help Jodi and achieve an amazing ad campaign. That was always real, and I did believe you were the perfect person for the job.’
‘Because of my name.’ The bitterness in her voice was justified. And unanswerable and that knowledge unleashed a sense of panic inside him, a realisation that this was sliding out of his control. Had it been just hours ago that they had been lying entwined, she with her head on his chest, cocooned in his arms? Enough. Somehow he had to explain his actions, convince Emily what they had was real, that the bubble was intact.
‘Yes, your name mattered, but the ad campaign is real—your talent is real.’
‘But you wouldn’t have hired me if it wasn’t for my name.’
He could see the dullness in her eyes and he wished, how he wished, he could turn the clock back and make this right.
He exhaled, knew he owed her that truth. ‘I don’t know the answer to that. But if I hadn’t it would have been because you are Ava’s friend—not because I didn’t believe you could do the job.’
‘That makes it worse, Luca. All my life I’ve been someone’s something. My parents’ daughter, Howard’s wife. Ava’s friend. I thought—’ She broke off and lifted her hands to her cheeks.
He knew what she’d thought. ‘You thought that with me you were yourself.’
‘Yes, and now I know I wasn’t.’
‘But you were. The past few days—they have been magical. What happened between us is nothing to do with your name. Every word I said about your talent is the God’s honest truth.’
‘I want to believe you, but I don’t. Not when the whole trip here was based on a lie.’ She shook her head. ‘I can just about understand why you did what you did at the start. I understand you love your sister and you put her first.’ The words a stark reminder to him that no one ever put her first. Not her mother, or her father. Certainly not Howard. Had she believed Luca would? ‘If you were going to keep that from me, then you shouldn’t have got involved with me, shouldn’t have let me think this was something it never was. I bared my soul to you—and the whole time you were lying to me.’
‘I told you things I have never shared with anyone. The only thing I did not tell you about was Jodi.’
‘But that omission made all the difference.’
She was right and the knowledge that he’d hurt a woman who was already hurting so much, added to the burden she already carried, twisted inside him. The realization he’d done it again—once again he’d pushed away a person he loved through his own misguided actions. Only this time he knew exactly what he’d done wrong and no amount of wishing could undo that.
Whoa. Love? The realisation caused him to let out a small sigh of disbelief even as he knew it to be true. He loved Emily and he’d screwed it up. Of course, he had. Cold, clammy awareness roiled. This was exactly why he’d made rules and regulations, had only committed to those immutable long-term arrangements. Where he couldn’t hurt anyone or get hurt himself. Because he’d known all along that he could not manage love, had no idea how to keep it, navigate it.
He’d already hurt Emily, in a few ‘magical days’. Because now the magic had turned dark and God only knew what harm and pain he’d manage to inflict over time. This had to end, and end now.
‘You’re right. I messed up and I’m sorry. Sorry I hurt you and sorry I failed you. I know there is no need for you to believe this, but I do believe in your talent. I believe in you. Please don’t let my stupidity hurt you and please take care of yourself.’
She nodded, ran her hands up and down her arms and he had to fight not to step forward and pull her into his arms.
‘I hope you find Jodi and that she is OK.’ She took a deep breath. ‘If you need to use my name, use it. If you need me to do something to help you gain access to the royal family, then please let me know.’ The idea that she would make this offer flayed him and he knew that not even for Jodi would he ask Emily to do that. The knowledge was both ironic and surprising. ‘I will write up my ideas and a report for your marketing department to file away, should you ever decide to go ahead with the campaign.’ Her words were as jerky and stilted as his had been and he clenched his hands into fists. ‘There are plenty of photographers who will jump at the chance.’
He stood frozen to the spot as the door clicked shut and his heart cracked. Part of him wanted to run after her, to beg forgiveness, declare his love, but he knew there was no point. That way could only end in more hurt to Emily. And he’d hurt her enough. With his inadequacy, his sheer selfishness,. There was no defence for what he’d done. Yes, he had prioritised Jodi, because he had vowed he would never let his sister down as his father had done. But in so doing he had let Emily down instead—a knowledge that seared him even as his whole being yearned for her. But there was no point. People he loved left him. End of.
He didn’t know how long he remained there still and silent inhaling her elusive scent, the evocative floral tang that lingered in the air and filled him with an ache of regret and guilt. Fool. At some point he turned his head, caught a glimpse of her hairbrush on the bedside table and an image of her pulling it through the sheer satin of her hair caught his breath in bereft that he’d never see that again.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Five days later, Turin
LUCA SAT BEHIND his office desk and looked at the email, read it again.
Dear Luca
I wanted to let you know that I have found out some information about Jodi. After our conversation I contacted the royal representative and used my name to gain access to the Queen, who is a huge fan of my father. Whilst I was there I also met with the younger members of the family. I asked about Jodi but they all claimed not to have met her.
However, the following day Princess Alisha contacted me to tell me that in fact she does know Jodi. She was going under a different name of Gemma Lewes. The Princess only knows her real name because she sneaked a look at her passport. She says she and Jodi became good friends, but she left Jalpura very abruptly and has only responded to messages to thank Alisha for her friendship, apologise for leaving without saying goodbye and to say she will be in touch.
I hope Jodi is OK. I have posted you a report outlining my ideas for the ad campaign, a storyboard and a selection of photographs.
Emily
As he gazed down at the screen instead of the text he could see Emily’s face, could picture her expression as she typed, the fierce stare as she weighed each word, the way she’d tuck her hair behind her ear. And now memories streamed: the sweetness of her smile, the way her eyes lit up with laughter, sparked with anger or desire. The way she crinkled her nose in question or doubt. And then the memory of her face on that final morning zinged into his mind, the hurt, the way she had wrapped her arms around herself for protection. From the hurt he’d caused.
Come on, Luca. Focus.
He forced his mind to Jodi, to his sister. To his meeting with the royal representative. Pradesh Patankar had said he’d never heard of Jodi Petrovelli. That would be explained by the alias that Jodi had for some reason assumed. But whatever his sister was doing it was clear she wanted to be left alo
ne by friends and family alike. Exactly as she had said all along. Because Jodi knew she could count on him, on their mother. If she needed them, they would be there.
Emily didn’t have that. Her parents were useless, prioritised others over her. She had Ava but she couldn’t turn to her because she’d promised not to tell Ava about them and instinctively Luca knew she would keep that promise.
Rising, he picked up his jacket and headed for the door, phone in hand as he called an airline to book a flight to London. A few hours later he approached Dolci headquarters, entered and was shown up to Ava’s office.
‘Luca?’ Ava rose from behind her desk and walked round, a smile on her face, but worry in her eyes. ‘Is everything OK? You said it was urgent.’
‘It is to me. Thank you for seeing me at such short notice.’
‘It’s not a problem. You’re family. Why don’t you sit down? I’ll grab us a coffee and you can tell me what is going on.’
Luca sat, knew that his own pride was a small price to pay. Ava was Emily’s best friend and Emily deserved to have support from her. ‘I messed up,’ he told his sister. ‘And I want to put it right. But now please go to Emily. I think she needs a friend.’
* * *
Emily sat at her desk in her London apartment and looked down at the photos spread out in front of her. The photos she’d taken in Jalpura. Taken after the last time with Luca, when she’d moved into a hostel for a few days, met with the royal representative, before she’d returned to London. In that time she’d taken refuge in photography, had taken photos to try and distract herself from the pain. To try to make her stop missing Luca.
Memories caused tears to sting her eyes and she tried for at least the millionth time to banish Luca from her mind. Didn’t understand how Luca seemed to have distilled into her whole being. Why images of him continued to pervade her mind, waking and sleeping, memories to cascade through her. Of his smile, his touch, the spikiness of his hair, the feel of him... Enough. No more thoughts of Luca. He was not for her; he had lied to her.
