by Donna Jay
Katie dragged her eyes off the scene just as David said, “Wow, did you see that?” He slapped his thigh. “Damn fine arse.”
“Charming,” Katie deadpanned.
The light turned green and they were off again.
“Lighten up, Katie. They’re having fun.”
She didn’t reply. There was no point.
When her street came into view, Katie wanted to do a happy dance. She was beginning to wonder if this night would never end.
Two lights were on. One in the living room and the outside light. She had a key to get in, which served as a reminder she hadn’t planned on being home before her parents were in bed. Now she’d have to face them and the questions about why she was home so early.
David turned off the ignition. The rumble of the engine died, and the silence in the car was deafening.
Resisting the urge to bolt, Katie grabbed the door handle. “Thanks again.”
The click of David’s door followed hers. “I’ll walk you to the door.”
Shit, why wouldn’t he just go home?
“You don’t have to do that. I’ll be fine.”
“What kind of gentleman would I be if I didn’t see you safely inside?”
Placating him, Katie held up her hands. “Okay. Okay. If you need to practice your gentlemanly charms, I can live with that.”
Once they were out of the car, David took her hand and led her over to the path running along the side of the house. A few feet from the front door he came to an abrupt stop.
The look in his eyes wasn’t one Katie had been on the receiving end of before, but there was no mistaking it for what it was. He wanted to kiss her. His gaze dropped to her lips then back to her eyes.
“May I?”
The fact he asked counted for something didn’t it? Her brain screamed, just do it, get it over with. Who knows kissing a boy might not be so bad, and who better to discover that with than someone you know? And on her home turf where she could scream for help if he didn’t back off.
Swallowing her apprehension, Katie tilted her head and screwed her eyes shut.
David chuckled. “Keep that up and I might actually believe you were feeling sick.”
Busted. Her eyes flew open. “What…”
“Shh.” He pressed a finger to her lips and then it was happening.
His finger moved, and his lips were on hers. They were warm and soft, and a little dry. The kiss was…nice. No sparks but bile didn’t rise in her throat, not right away, anyway. That came later.
His tongue entered her mouth, then snaked in further until their teeth banged together and she felt like she was choking.
Breathing hard, Katie staggered backward. She put her hand on his chest and shoved him away.
“What the hell is wrong with you.” He was angry.
“I didn’t like what you were doing.”
“Jesus, Katie. You’re colder than a fucking fridge. I was a gentleman all night, took my time with you, and here you are acting like a fucking virgin.”
The tone of his voice took Katie back, way back to the river. Fear gripped her insides and her legs trembled.
His anger turned to alarm. “Oh my God, you’re scared of me. Fuck.” He tugged on the roots of his hair. “I’ve had some fucked-up nights, but this takes the cake.”
The click of the front door was like a gun going off. Silence descended. They froze.
When her dad poked his head outside, Katie wanted to run to him. She pictured him wrapping his arms around her and keeping her safe from all the evils in the world. Real or perceived.
David wasn’t a bad guy, he was just a teenager driven by hormones. She was an idiot for event thinking the kiss might go well.
“I thought I heard voices,” her father said.
David recovered his equilibrium far quicker than Katie. “Hi, Mr Parker. Just seeing your daughter safely inside.”
“I’ll give you a minute, but don’t be long.” Her dad gave David a look Katie couldn’t decipher.
She didn’t know if it was one of knowing, boys will be boys, or a warning. Regardless, there was no way she was spending another second alone with David.
Just thinking about his tongue stuck down her throat induced another wave of nausea.
“We’re all good.” She practically sprinted toward the door. “Night, David.” She stepped into the safety of her home.
She heard her dad exchange a few words with David, before he stepped back inside. He locked the door, pulled the curtain, and flicked off the outside light.
Her mum came strolling into the room. “I take it the night didn’t go so well?”
“Not if the way Katie bolted from David’s any indication.” Her dad shook his head.
The disappointment in his eyes made her want to cry. Then anger set in and she lashed out.
“I asked him along as friends, but, oh no, he couldn’t accept that could he? He had to go stick his tongue down my throat. I could’ve stayed out there and let him put his hand up my skirt, you know, so I didn’t hurt his feelings. Is that what I should’ve done, Dad?”
“Katie,” her mother said in warning, and that was all it took.
Emotionally exhausted, Katie slid down the dining room wall and let the tears flow. She cried for her inability to like boys, she cried for Ron who didn’t deserve to be judged, she cried for disappointing her parents, but most of all she cried for the woman she could never be.
Her mum sat beside her, stroking her hair. Her dad handed her a glass of water. No one said a word until Katie hiccupped a final sob.
“That bad, huh?”
“No.” Katie gave her dad a sheepish smile. “Sorry.”
He held out his hands. Her mum took one, she took the other and he pulled them to their feet.
“Go and sit in the living room.”
“I just want to go to bed,” Katie said. The sooner she was asleep, the sooner this day would be over.
“Go.” Her father pointed, having none of it.
The five minutes it took for her father to re-join them felt like forever, but there was no point in talking about what caused her meltdown without all three people present.
Her dad walked into the room and handed her a steaming cup of Milo. She felt like a little girl again, having a warm cup of milky hot chocolate before bedtime, and in some ways, she wished she was. Life had been so much simpler.
“Want to tell us what that was about?” Her dad leaned forward in his chair, elbows on his knees.
“David was rude and obnoxious. He made fun of Ron and his boyfriend. It was embarrassing.”
“I didn’t know Ron was gay,” her mum said. “You talk about him so much, I just assumed he was normal.”
Katie bristled. “He is normal.”
“That’s like saying someone in a wheelchair is normal,” her dad interjected.
The fight to remain calm was becoming harder by the second. “Are you saying being gay is a disability?”
“Of course it is.”
Katie opened her mouth to protest, but her father held up a hand. “Not in a physical way, but as in the obstacles anyone else perceived as different, for whatever reason, has to face.”
With her interest piqued, she relaxed her shoulders and leaned back. “How so?”
“Like tonight. That man…”
“Ron,” Katie said trying to humanize ‘that man.’
“…and every other gay man is going to face prejudice, because they’re not normal.”
“You really believe that,” Katie asked, despite knowing he did.
“I do. They can’t marry, they can’t have kids.”
“Not having kids isn’t the end of the world,” Katie said, sounding like a petulant child.
Her dad’s lips twitched. “Times like this, I’d have to agree with you.”
“Howard,” her mother shrieked. “That’s a horrible thing to say.”
“He was kidding, Mum. And right now, I don’t like me much either, so I get it.�
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“Do you kinda see where David was coming from now?” her dad asked.
“Yes and no.” Katie sighed. “He’s ignorant but also insensitive. No matter what his beliefs are, he shouldn’t have made such nasty comments with the person they were directed at sitting opposite us.”
Katie’s lip kicked up. “It’s a bit like we all know Nana’s a dried-up old prune. But if you heard anyone else call her that, I bet you’d punch them in the nose, wouldn’t you, Dad?”
Grinning, he held up a hand. “Leave me out of this.”
Finally, the heavy atmosphere in the room lifted. Hoping that was the last of it, Katie stood. She crossed the room to her dad and wrapped her arms around his neck. “I’m sorry for the way I spoke to you.” She kissed his cheek.
Her mum’s arms were open before she even reached her chair. “Try to get a good night’s sleep.”
Katie looked at the Christmas tree in the corner, hoping the magic of this time of year would one day miraculously reappear. A year ago, she’d barely escaped her tormentors with her virginity intact. Now, here she was once again defending her honour.
She pulled out of her mum’s arms. “Night.”
“Katie.” Her father’s voice brought her up short before she made it out the lounge door.
“Yes.”
“And the answer’s no.”
Confused, she scrunched up her face.
“I wouldn’t have preferred you let David grope you. Never go along with something you’re uncomfortable with just to please another person.”
In that moment, she wished she had the strength to come out. Instead, she blinked back tears and nodded.
Chapter 14
Sunday morning, after downing a bowl of muesli, Katie hopped in her car and headed out to Simon’s.
Vibrations shook the car and rattled her bones as she drove over the cattle stop. A cow in a nearby paddock glanced up then went back to drinking from a trough. Macrocarpa trees provided plenty of shade, but the grass had turned brown long ago.
Coming to a stop in the gravel driveway, Katie shut off the engine. Simon waved to her from the window of his one-bedroom cottage.
Rent, telephone, and electricity were paid for as part of his income package. Grocery shopping and cleaning were on him. He’d always been a decent cook, getting better grades than Katie in Home Economics, so he’d never starve. But when it came to housework, he could be downright lazy.
“Mm, mm.” Katie inhaled the aroma of bacon and eggs as she stepped inside.
“You could’ve come for breakfast,” Simon said, rinsing out a frying pan.
Katie tossed her car keys on the bench. “I’m counting calories.” It wouldn’t take much to undo the hard work she’d done.
“Who you trying to look good for?” Simon waggled his eyebrows. “Davey boy. Is that what you came to tell me, you two an item now?”
Cringing inwardly, Katie grabbed the tea towel off Simon and started drying dishes. “No, that’s not what I came to tell you.”
Hearing a click, click, click on the hardwood floor, she glanced around expecting to see one of the farm dogs had snuck inside. She was wrong. What she did see made her burst out laughing. “You have a chicken in your house.”
“Henrietta.” Simon clapped his hands chasing her around the kitchen. “Out.”
With a squawk, she flapped her wings and darted outside.
“You’re lucky she didn’t peck you.” Katie shook her head in amusement.
“Nah. She was just looking for scraps. I made the mistake of tossing her the crust off my toast one morning, now she comes calling.”
He pulled open the fridge and retrieved a jug. “Juice?”
“Please. Half a glass.”
He quirked an eyebrow but did as he was told. After taking the half-filled glass, she turned to the sink and topped it up with water.
“Sit.” Simon pulled out two chairs at the small table under the kitchen window. A gentle breeze lifted the net curtain, and the aroma of hay and Pohutukawa trees wafted inside.
“Unless you came here to talk about chickens and cow patties, give me the dirt.” He reached for his packet of cigarettes and retracted his hand when Katie gave him the stink eye.
It wouldn’t kill him to wait until she’d gone, and even though smoking might, she wasn’t there to lecture him.
“David was a douchebag.”
Simon balled up a fist. “Do I need to punch him in the nose?”
When Katie didn’t laugh, his smile fell. “What happened?”
Feeling silly, Katie stared at a scratch on the linoleum floor. The more she thought about it, David hadn’t acted any differently to numerous other teenagers in the face of a gay person, hence being deep in the closet herself.
“Talk to me, Sis. Come on, what could be worse than…”
“Don’t say it.” She held up a hand, they hadn’t spoken about the day at the river since she first told him. And to this day, he didn’t know about what she’d done to Cherie. He would be proud of her, no doubt. So proud he’d probably tell his mates, and she couldn’t risk that. So, for the time being, she chose to keep that information to herself.
“He’s a homophobe.”
Simon’s eyes went wide. He put his glass on the table and wiped the juice smile off his mouth. “Did you tell him you might be gay?”
The very idea of it was horrifying. “God, no!” Katie’s voice bounced off the kitchen walls. “Fuck, he’s the last person I’d tell.”
Simon flicked invisible ash off his unlit cigarette and put it back in his mouth. “I’m lost. How did he embarrass you?”
“I work with a guy who’s gay. He’s the best.” A smile spread across her face, just like it always did when she thought of Ron. “Everyone went to dance, and it was just the four of us left at the table. David leaned in close and said…” she lowered her voice as if someone else might hear, even though there wasn’t another person within a country mile. “Is that guy a pooh pincher.”
Grinning, Simon corrected her. “Turd burglar.”
“Ugh.” She plugged her ears. “That’s such a horrible thing to say. Why are you grinning, it’s not fucking funny!”
“You have to admit, it is a little.” He held his thumb and forefinger an inch apart.
Finding nothing funny about it, Katie jumped to her feet. “I can’t believe you said that.”
“Chill out, sis.” He swiped a match and took a hefty drag on his cigarette. He didn’t speak until he’d blown out two thick plumes of smoke, which Katie batted away.
“The saying’s so ludicrous, I find it funny.” His lip twitched. “Think about it. How do you burgle a…”
She scowled.
“Okay, maybe not.”
“Would you laugh if someone referred to a lesbian as a carpet muncher?”
“Honestly?”
Dreading the answer, she nodded anyway.
“I would, because it’s a ridiculous thing to say.” His smile faded. “I’m not saying I agree with name shaming, but it’s life, Katie. There are more homophobes than homos.”
“Must you?” Katie cringed, hating the word homo.
“I don’t get it. Why choose to be different, life’s hard enough?”
With a heavy heart, she shook her head. “It’s not a choice, bro.”
“I guess not. That was a stupid thing to say.” He shook his head. “At least he didn’t put the moves on.”
“There’s more.” Katie diverted her gaze.
“What?” Simon’s tone was deathly quiet.
“David kissed me goodnight.”
He cocked an eyebrow. “And?”
“When he stuck his tongue down my throat, I didn’t like it, so I pushed him away.”
Simon’s nostrils flared but he held his tongue.
“He called me frigid.”
“He fuckin’ what?” Simon pounded his fist on the kitchen table.
“Not in so many words, but he got angry and I got scared.”<
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“Did you knee him in the balls?”
Even though he was serious, a snort huffed out of Katie. “Didn’t have to. Dad came to the door and saved his arse.” She mustered up a triumphant smile, one that eluded her that night.
“Did you tell Dad?”
“Yep, had a complete meltdown.” Far from a proud moment, but one she’d never forget.
“I’m sorry, Katie. I did warn you to be careful. He’s a dude, but that doesn’t excuse his behaviour. I think you should stick with girls.”
He gave her a huge smile and she wanted to hug the life out of him. He hadn’t outright said he was okay with her being gay, but she’d received the message loud and clear.
Done with talking about David, she eyed up the pile of washing on the sofa. “Come on, let’s clean this place up. Then we can go and check on the cattle.”
He gave her an impish smile. “Can I talk you into making my bed? You know for old times’ sake?”
“Doubtful.” Unlike when he was a kid, she had no idea who else he might’ve had between the sheets.
“Seeing anyone?” she asked, no longer wrapped up in her own misery.
“Yep. Jodie.” His eyes sparkled. “It’s only early days. But, well, perhaps if you met someone, we could all get together. I’ll cook.”
“Deal. But don’t hold your breath.”
“Katie.” Simon pulled the towel she was folding out of her hand. “You will find someone great, you just need to believe it. No matter what you decide, I’ll back you up one-hundred percent.”
Swallowing the lump in her throat, she nodded. “I know.”
Chapter 15
August 1987
After the company Christmas party, a night Katie wanted to forget, she resigned herself to the fact she’d grow old alone…but not lonely. She took her father’s words on board and held them close. Never again would she do something that made her uncomfortable just to please another, and that included a guy.
Other than telling Ron he’d never see David again, to which he replied, “I know,” his name was never mentioned again.
Her glory box was almost full, and it wouldn’t be long before she could go flatting. Flatmates, family, and workmates would be enough for her. Or so she’d told herself.
