William’s eyes slid away. ‘Dialysis sucks but death is worse. I guess that keeps me going.’
Such basic equations from an eighteen-year-old made Ailee wince. He shrugged and began to scroll through his phone. Not looking at her. Ailee thanked God that her brother still felt it was worth it.
After talking to Lawrence — had it only been today? — she’d been worried William was becoming morbid, too. She’d noticed a few deviations from his usual happy self and even wondered if they’d lost a little closeness since she’d come home.
‘Come on, Will. Talk to me. What’s going on in that clever head of yours?’
William fiddled with his phone. Gave a heavy sigh. ‘Dialysis keeps me alive. But it’s a pain. Three days a week, at least, tied to a machine for half the day. Watching everything you eat. Can’t go out with my mates and have a few drinks. This horrible fistula—’ he shook his wrist where his veins stood out, scarred and bulging where a grafted artery had strengthened his vein for needle access to his bloodstream ‘—would scare any self-respecting girl away. They’d probably think I’m a drug addict anyway because of the needle marks up my arm.’
‘Oh, Will.’
He held up a hand. Pushing her sympathy away. Curled his mouth up. ‘The day before I go for dialysis, I feel sick because my blood’s filling up with toxins. The day after treatment I need to recover from the strain of the procedure and the cramps ‘cos they have to take extra fluid off. I can’t remember when I last felt really well.’ He sniffed. ‘They tell me all that will change after the op, but the drug regime to stop your kidney being rejected seems pretty heavy. I’m not hanging out for that either.’
Poor Will. ‘I can’t imagine from your side. It must feel never ending.’ Ailee nodded. ‘We’re here for you. I think you’re incredibly brave.’
He shrugged and then looked away. ‘We all know you’re the brave one.’
She couldn’t see his eyes or his expression. For a moment Ailee thought there was a bitter note to her brother’s voice, but then he smiled up at her and she pushed the feeling away. But a tendril of disquiet made her belly hurt.
* * *
On Saturday morning Ailee woke in her lonely bed, and as her dreams faded, she thought of Fergus and the way he’d kissed her yesterday. In the dream his arms had been around her, the warmth and scent and feel of him so close, and she thought back to the way he’d looked with his fingers stroking her body, and she wanted those things again.
But if she wanted those things, she would have to include him in her plans, and her reasons for not doing so remained the same.
Ailee rolled over and pulled the pillow over her head to block out the bright light. She’d slept late because it had taken her so long to get to sleep after that worrying conversation with her brother.
Her phone rang and Ailee scrambled out of bed to disconnect it from the charger before it woke William. She wasn’t on call as co-ordinator so it wouldn’t be work. ‘Hello?’
‘Ailee?’ She recognised Fergus’s voice immediately and her grip tightened.
‘Fergus.’ She glanced to the bedroom door and checked it was shut.
‘Did I wake you?’
There was amusement in Fergus’s voice and she couldn’t help the curve of her own lips. ‘Yes. For some reason it took me ages to get to sleep.’
‘Neither could I. But it’s Saturday.’
‘So?’
‘Simone likes tennis and we have a court here. I suggested she have some friends around and she asked if you would come, too. Any chance?’
‘I’m not very good with a tennis racket.’ It was a lame excuse and nowhere near the definite no she’d meant to say.
‘There’s three other pre-adolescent females coming. I’ll be outnumbered. Help.’
‘I’m sure you’ll manage,’ she responded, but she couldn’t keep the smile from her voice. Imagining big, fearless Fergus brought undone by a gaggle of adolescent females.
‘They’re already here. And I’m not. How about I pick you up in an hour?’
He was railroading her again. She really needed to put a stop to that. But, on the other hand, this might provide a new opportunity to finish her interrupted explanation of why she couldn’t start a relationship with him. ‘You don’t know where I live.’
‘My next question.’
‘No. I’ll drive myself.’ And then I can bring myself home when I want to, she thought. Especially after I tell him about William, I might need that escape.
‘If you insist.’ There was a small pause. ‘See you soon, then.’
Ailee climbed out of bed and wandered down the hallway. ‘Was that you on the phone, darling?’ Helen was on her way to the kitchen.
‘Someone from work, inviting me for a game of tennis.’
‘I hope you said yes.’
Ailee looked at her mother and then she laughed. ‘Yes, Mother. I will go out and play.’
Helen smiled sheepishly. ‘Well, since you got home from Scotland you haven’t left our sides except to go to work. You need to have your own life, especially while you’re well enough.’
Ailee hugged her mother. ‘I’ll be well after this operation, too, so stop worrying.’
* * *
When she arrived at the McVicker house, there was a red sports car and a long saloon parked outside the front door. Two curvy blonde women sailed down the front stairs past Ailee and shook their heads.
‘Better him than us,’ one of them said. She looked Ailee up and down and then smiled. ‘If you’re looking for a wild time, it’s happening in there.’
Ailee smiled bemusedly at the women and climbed
the stairs.
A slightly fazed Martha opened the door and ushered her in warmly. ‘Now, you might be able to sort this, Dr Green. I fear Fergus is out of his depth. In the library.’
Loud music pounded from speakers shaking the windows. She couldn’t remember speakers in the book-lined room.
She walked across and opened the library door, and the music assaulted her ears, along with the visual impact of four short-skirted pre-teens in crop tops, short shorts and tennis shoes gyrating to the rhythm.
At first, she couldn’t see Fergus but then spotted him peering at a mobile phone, obviously searching for the volume control. Simone grinned and waved as Ailee dodged past the dancers with a little gyration of her own until she came up behind Fergus.
‘It’s here,’ Ailee shouted, but it was her finger, not her voice, that drew his attention, as she slid the volume control down to barely painful.
As she did so, she turned to catch Simone’s eye and tapped her ears to explain the change in volume. Simone shrugged and nodded but seemed happy enough.
Ailee pointed to the connecting door to the observatory and Fergus agreed with fervour.
The door shut out almost half of the sound but obviously that wasn’t enough for him. He took Ailee’s hand and steered her to the outside terrace, and when that door was shut as well it was almost peaceful in the warm outside air.
‘Good grief. Thank you for coming.’ He gestured to a white wrought-iron table and chairs and waited until she was seated under the shade of an open umbrella before he sat.
As if by magic, Martha appeared as with orange juice and ice cubes in tall glasses for them and a jug and smaller glasses for the invaders when they came.
‘Much more sensible outside, I agree, Dr Green.’
‘Please, call me Ailee, Martha, and thank you for this.’ She gestured to her glass.
‘I see it’s a little quieter now,’ Martha teased Fergus. He took it good-naturedly as his housekeeper left them.
Ailee laughed. ‘You shouldn’t have bought Simone such big speakers.’
Fergus held up his hands and waved then. ‘Not my fault. One of the little darlings brought it with her this morning.’
‘What an enterprising female. Why so deafening?’
‘Apparently that was Simone’s all-time favourite song and it needs to be “Im
mersive Sound” to be really appreciated.’
‘I was immersed. You were drowning.’
‘Thank you, dear life raft.’ His admiring gaze ran over her T-shirt and long shorts then back to her face. ‘You look gorgeous.’
‘Thank you, kind sir. I don’t own a tennis skirt. You don’t look bad yourself.’ Fergus lounged in cargo shorts and an open-necked white shirt and they smiled at each other in mutual admiration and a sigh into their quiet space.
It didn’t last long. The peace shattered as the girls poured through the conservatory door and circled their table.
‘Hello, Ailee.’ Simone grinned. ‘Have you come to save Dad from us?’
‘How did you guess?’ Ailee grinned right back. ‘So, who have we here?’
‘Demi, Peyton, and Ava.’ Simone pointed out each girl — one with braces, one with bright red nail polish, and one with the sweetest face and smile.
Mentally, Ailee dubbed them dentist, polish, and angel so that she would remember their names.
‘Demi, Peyton and Ava.’ The names matched the prompts and she had them in her memory now. ‘How do you do?’
Chapter 16
Fergus
* * *
After refreshments they all trooped towards the tennis court and Fergus watched his daughter hang back to walk with Ailee.
Simone seemed shy for a second, which sat strangely after the noise with her friends, and made him hope he was doing the right thing by encouraging this friendship.
‘Thanks for coming, Ailee,’ he heard Simone say.
‘Thank you for the invitation.’ She glanced conspiratorially at the young girl. ‘I wouldn’t have missed your father with his hands over his ears. All we need to do now is beat him at tennis and I can go home happy.’
Simone glanced across at him with a smile and Fergus savoured the laughter on both their faces and the fact that he was included in his daughter’s warmth.
‘I may give you a run for your money,’ he said mildly as he put the racket bag he was carrying down on the bench beside the court.
‘You girls have a game first and we’ll watch and then Ailee and I will play the losers.’
* * *
The morning passed with much hilarity, especially when Ailee teased Fergus about his poor level of play.
They’d swapped the teams around several times and Ailee and Simone were now playing against Fergus and Peyton.
‘We win,’ Ailee crowed, as they met at the net to shake hands. She grinned widely at Fergus and he smiled down at her.
‘Will we tell her?’ he asked his daughter.
Simone’s eyes sparkled with laughter as she broke their secret to Ailee. ‘Dad’s been playing with his left hand all morning and he’s right-handed.’
‘That’s terrible. Here I was thinking I wasn’t too bad at all. I won’t have it. Play with your right hand and don’t hold back, Fergus McVicker.’
One more game later, Ailee and Simone walked off without having scored a point and now the other girls wanted to play Fergus with his right hand. Simone and Ailee sat down beside one of Martha’s jugs of iced orange and sparkling water as Ailee pretended to be offended. ‘He’s too good.’
Simone smiled across at her father, who had easily lobbed a shot back to the far corner of the court to have his opponents scrambling. ‘He’s been hilarious today. My friends said he was a crack-up.’ She looked a little surprised to be proud of him.
‘Hmm,’ Ailee said, mock seriously. ‘His sense of humour is a wonderful part of him. Along with his rotten left-handed tennis skills.’
Simone smiled and then her expression turned more serious. ‘We haven’t used the court together since my mum died.’
‘I’m sorry about your mum. Your dad misses her too. You should play together more often. I know he misses being your friend.’ She tested Simone’s reaction to talking about Stella’s death. ‘Your father said it was a shock to everyone when your mother had complications after surgery.’
Simone stared across the grass. ‘It should never have happened. How can a doctor not be able to save his own wife? How could Dad let it happen?’
Ailee slipped her arm around Simone’s shoulders and hugged her before sitting back. ‘Anger is a part of grief but maybe it's hurting you now. Your dad is a very talented surgeon, but I guess they wouldn’t have let him anywhere near your mother. Surgeons aren’t allowed to operate on or look after their own family.’
Simone looked at Ailee. ‘Has anyone died while you were operating?’
‘No, but sometimes I’ve had to operate on people who have just died so they can donate their organs to others.’
Simone shook her head as if to ward off the mental picture. ‘I don’t want to think about that or that part of my dad’s work.’
‘Okay.’ Ailee raised her eyebrows. ‘But transplants are a big part and he’s one of the leaders in Australia. Lots of patients think he’s a hero.’
Ailee refilled both their glasses before continuing. ‘Tell me about when you boarded at school. Is it better as a day student now?’
‘Heaps better. Actually—’ she looked across at her father ‘—I think it made me appreciate Dad more. I missed him when I stayed away all week, even though he’s not here much.’
Ailee smiled. ‘I think he missed you, too.’
‘He must have.’ Simone glanced across at her father, who was shaking hands at the net with her friends. ‘He asked if I’d rather come home again.’
The others joined them.
Fergus poured himself a drink and raised it to his daughter. ‘Great game, Simone. I’m most impressed.’ Simone glowed with the praise and Fergus put the empty glass down and rubbed her back with affection.
Pleasure warmed inside her to see Simone lean back into her father and smile up at him. If there had been a rift then things were definitely getting better there. Fergus met Ailee’s eyes over the top of his daughter’s dark hair and he looked the most relaxed she’d seen him. Except for the time that he’d slept by her side and she’d crept away.
She pushed that thought away. Any positive results for Fergus’s relationship with his daughter made her visit worthwhile – but dangerous. Ailee would leave soon, let them have some time together when the others went home. There wasn’t going to be an opportunity to discuss William today. Her difficult discussion would have to wait.
‘Let’s go up and have lunch.’ Fergus rounded up the rackets and repacked the bag, while Ailee and the girls collected the glasses. They all trooped up to the house where Martha had sandwiches and savoury pies ready to serve.
The other girls left soon after lunch, and Ailee glanced at her watch.
‘I might head off, too.’
Fergus looked up with a frown and Simone pouted.
Ailee smiled at Simone. ‘Have some time with your dad. He doesn’t get you to himself very much and you have all afternoon. I have to do some things at home.’
‘Will you come back another time?’
‘Absolutely.’ She pretended to scowl at Fergus. ‘Right after I have tennis lessons.’
Simone laughed at the tennis reference and they walked Ailee out to her car. Simone hugged Ailee and Ailee encircled the young girl’s slim form and hugged her back. ‘Thanks for asking me, Simone.’
But any future visits would have to wait. The more she saw of Simone, the closer their relationship became, the more she risked distressing the girl with the news of her impending operation. Simone’s behaviour cried out for a female role model and at this point in time Ailee felt she was being dishonest by not disclosing what was going on in her life.
‘I thought Dad might need adult reinforcements.’ Simone narrowed her eyes, her glance going back and forth between the adults. ‘I’ll leave you two to say goodbye.’
‘Thank you, Simone.’ Fergus raised his eyebrows at Ailee and waited until his daughter was out of sight. ‘When do we have this talk, Ailee Green?’
‘Soon.’
‘Early tom
orrow morning?’
‘I run in the mornings.’
‘Ah, yes. I remember. Along Coogee beach.’
* * *
On Sunday morning, Ailee woke to a feeling of relief. The next time she saw Fergus she would explain about William and discuss why she needed to distance herself from Simone, at least until after the operation. Her heart pounded and suddenly the weight of the bedclothes on her chest was too heavy. She threw the covers off and sat up. She needed to get out of there because she couldn’t sit still until it was done.
Dressed and with her hair tied back, the morning air cooled her face as she opened the front door and turned along the path towards the beach. She needed to be as healthy as possible before the operation to help her get over it more quickly. The scar from the nephrectomy would go a third of the way around her body and she would be doing little exercise for the next few weeks. She tried to consciously eat healthy foods and prepare herself to be in optimum fitness for the healing she’d need to do.
She’d been warned that the operation site pain would be considerable but there would be medication she could take for that, although if Fergus performed the operation, the keyhole method was apparently less traumatic and shortened the recovery time.
Dr Harry was old-fashioned and the expert on open excisions. He believed there was less trauma to the donated kidney via the open method and Ailee was happy for William to have her kidney in the best condition it could be in.
The sun rose above the horizon and shone into her eyes.
It was earlier than she usually ran and not many other runners were up, which seemed unusual for the paths around Coogee.
Ahead, a lone figure sat on a bench overlooking the beach and there was something about the set of his shoulders that reminded her of Fergus.
Which, as she drew closer, made sense. Since it was him.
Ailee’s heart began to pound as she came to a stop beside him. ‘Fergus,’ she said, and he turned to look at her.
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