‘Sounds promising. Keep me posted. Well done, both of you.’ The entourage moved on and William was next.
‘Not been well, William?’
William shook his head and closed lacklustre eyes.
‘Let’s have a look at you, then.’ Rita stepped in and pulled the curtains around Fergus, William and herself.
Ailee sighed and stared at the screens around her brother and she could hear Fergus murmuring. When the curtains opened she looked up to see the verdict.
‘If we can get him a little better, I think we’ll be fine for next week. But a lot of that will be up to you, William.’
Ailee sighed with relief and then Fergus went on, ‘Contact his donor.’ He scanned down the page for the donor’s name, it was right at the back, and his fingers stilled. His face froze. He closed his eyes. When he opened them there was an arctic wind blowing straight at her.
‘Any relation?’ The question ignored everyone else in the room and it seemed time slowed to a frame at a time as Fergus’s eyes bored into hers.
Ailee felt as though she was on the witness stand but she’d done nothing wrong. She lifted her chin. ‘Me. I’m the donor.’
‘And William?’ Fergus’s eyes burned into hers.
Ailee looked at William sitting up in bed, pale and listless and watching both of them. ‘Is my only brother.’
Chapter 17
Fergus
* * *
Fergus felt as though all the air had been sucked out of the room and a tight band across his chest wouldn’t allow him to breathe in again. The hospital walls seemed whiter, the faces around him faded as he gazed into Ailee’s green eyes. Fear gripped him and his mouth grew tight to hold it in.
He looked away from the woman he’d only recently admitted to himself he loved, and breathed, dragged his gaze to focus on her brother.
He tried to think. It all made sense. ‘I see.’
But how had he not seen?
William had Ailee’s colouring but had missed out on her height. He had a similar smile to his sister, though, and now that he really looked he could see a likeness in the set of their chins.
This made it even harder for Fergus to grapple with what he’d just learned, but now wasn’t the time for him. The whole team watched and to frogmarch Ailee into his office would not be a good look. The rest of the group did not give the impression this was startling news so he gathered he’d been the only one in the dark.
Fergus turned to Rita, who was trying valiantly to appear uninterested in the byplay between Ailee and himself. ‘Make sure Dr Green has the final blood tests and cross-match attended.’
Rita nodded in response.
He turned back to William and met his eyes. ‘I’ll be keeping an eye on your results, too, young man. You’d better stay in hospital tonight as well.’
‘If I have to.’ The words were quiet but almost sullen as if he wanted to leave the place for ever.
William wasn’t happy... well, he wasn’t the only one. Fergus hoped he could see that it wasn’t up for negotiation.
Ailee stood biting her lip and he resisted the ridiculous impulse to put his hand up to stop her.
Regret shone from her eyes as she searched his face, but he knew it wasn’t her fault he’d found out this way. He hadn’t given her a chance to tell him. He’d been too focused on getting her into his arms, into his bed, into his life.
But still shock rattled through him. He’d have to worry about that later because he was moving on to the next room and he needed this round done so he could think.
The next couple beamed at him. Peter and Emma were both doing well and served to redirect the focus.
‘How are you, Emma?’ Fergus forced his lips up in acknowledgement of the young woman’s improvement. Emma already had more colour in her cheeks.
‘So much better. This would have been my dialysis day and I didn’t have to go.’
‘New kidneys are clever organs.’ This time the smile came easier and Fergus glanced through her chart. Good scenarios did happen. ‘Everything is perfect. Just get your strength back. You should be able to go home next week if all goes well.’
‘What about you, Peter?’ In fact, the young man looked pale. Fergus concentrated on the donor more than he might have ten minutes ago. Dark insight into his own shortcomings?
Fergus realised he’d always been concerned that the donor recovered well but his obsession had been the recipient. From the donor’s point of view, they’d done the job. With the news of Ailee’s plan to be a donor that thought process had already begun a shift in focus.
‘I’m fine, Mr McVicker. When can I go home?’
Fergus narrowed his eyes. The young man seemed to be quite exhausted and was in obvious discomfort. ‘Is there a rush?’
Peter smiled weakly. ‘Not really. It’s just my dad is finding it hard to run the shop and if I even went in and sat there, I could help a little.’
‘You can’t do a lot for a few weeks at the very least, Peter. You’ve had a major operation and at a guess,’ Fergus narrowed his gaze, ‘you’re not taking enough pain medication.’ Fergus glanced at Rita, who confirmed his suspicion with a nod.
Peter said, ‘It makes me sleepy.’
‘That’s right. Take it. Sleep. Recover. That’s an order.’
Peter looked sheepishly at Fergus and smiled slightly. ‘If you say so.’
Fergus turned to Rita. ‘Please ensure Peter takes his analgesics on a regular basis. The weight of the world will wait till he’s a little better.’ He looked at the distance between the two beds. ‘And can we push those beds together the next time they get up so they can hold hands?’
Everybody smiled at Fergus’s directive.
Peter asked, ‘How long do you reckon we’ll be holding hands here?’
‘Home at the end of this week if all goes well.’
Fergus didn’t feel like bonhomie but it wasn’t anyone else’s fault except his. But and as soon as the round was over he intended to have a little chat with Dr Ailee Green.
* * *
A few minutes later the group broke up and Fergus took Ailee’s arm and steered her into the office. He ignored the furtive looks from the others and shut the door to the ward.
The air in the room seemed to shimmer in front of his eyes as he tried to remain calm and collected.
‘Let’s go back to when we spent time together in Singapore.’ He waited for a moment, as if she needed time to recall, before he went on. ‘Why didn’t you tell me you were booked as a live donor and that was the reason you didn’t want to see me in Sydney?’
Ailee brushed hair from her eyes. He’d wanted to do that himself but didn’t trust himself to touch her.
A pulse beat in her throat and he puffed out a breath. It wasn’t her fault. She’d tried to tell him yesterday and he’d distracted her from the conversation.
He turned away. Hiding his own conflicted emotions. Anger, frustration, culpability, protectiveness, fear.
She stepped around him so she could see his face. Lifted her chin in that fearless way she had that made him want to bury his face in her hair and pull her to him. To draw strength and courage that she had in spades.
Her eyes met his. ‘If I’d known you were a leading renal specialist in Sydney, then Singapore would have been a very different experience.’ She tilted her chin. ‘You avoided the information. As I did! In Singapore my impending operation wasn’t something I discussed with passing strangers.’
Fergus shook his head. ‘We were more than strangers!’
Ailee raised her chin higher. ‘Passing holiday romance, you mean?’
He looked away and he knew that what she’d said was true.
Her hand reached out and gently she poked him in the chest. ‘I had to be here to support my mother and William, to be the strong one and not divert their attention from any effects on me for the next few months. I chose to deal with one issue at a time and if that put paid to a liaison with a man I met on the plane,
then so be it.’
‘This is why you’re doing a temporary job,’ he said as this realisation struck. ‘Because you’ll be off work for the next couple of months, recovering?’
‘Every job in this unit matters. They had no one for coordinator at short notice. I was still technically on leave, and if I filled that position I could see the unit from another important angle. It’s the least I can do for the unit that has saved my brother and taught me so much.’
‘And the last week you couldn’t tell me?’
‘I’ve been trying for the last three days.’
‘Earlier would have been better.’ But he knew that wasn’t fair. Said more mildly, ‘When I met William as a patient the first time would have been the perfect time.’
‘Yes, but sadly I was still reeling from your appointment.’
He laughed without humour. ‘Define irony. A kidney surgeon falls for a live donor and she’s reluctant to risk a relationship because she’s donating a kidney.’
‘The main concern was that you and your daughter don’t need another tragedy in your lives.’
His face twisted into a cynical smile. ‘Simone is definitely a concern. I understand we need to respect the boundary between work and personal matters and I apologise for not doing that in the past.’ He thought of that office kiss, way out of line! ‘But we do need to talk, Ailee. When we finish at five?’
She inclined her head.
‘Perhaps leave your car here and drive somewhere? Then I’ll drop you back?’
‘Fine.’ His Ailee looked pale but composed and his heart ached.
‘Thank you.’ Now for the harder part. ‘I want a repeat psychological and psychiatric assessment done on William A.S.A.P.’
She frowned. ‘This could slow everything down again. He’s already had one, a few months ago.’
Perhaps she wasn’t seeing what he was. ‘And he can have another. I have concerns he may not be mentally ready for this.’
Two spots of colour appeared on her cheeks. ‘I can’t believe what I’m hearing. You can’t postpone our operations!’
‘I’ll pretend you didn’t say that, Doctor,’ Fergus said very quietly.
He walked out of the room, and then the ward, around the side of the hospital and down to the shady area reserved for smokers. Thankfully, the area was deserted, and he could have a few moments to himself.
Lord knew, he needed time to come to grips with this.
Live donor. People did it all the time. He advocated it. He’d travelled halfway across the world in a flimsy metal cylinder to discover new ways to promote live donations in Australia.
Now he had one on his own doorstep that he actively wanted to halt. Ailee’s gift to her brother was everything he encouraged and it was ripping his heart out, tearing against everything he believed in.
“Tragic irony” weren’t big enough words. Would it have been better if he’d known this yesterday before he’d taken Ailee home to his bed? Would he have distanced himself from her because of this?
No. That was inevitable. Undeniable.
It was the shock and he could even begin to see her side of the dilemma with his profession. His life’s work. He knew the risks, understood now why she left his hotel room, why’d she’d tried to deny their fierce attraction. But she might as well have tried to flap her arms back to Sydney because he doubted anything could have prevented their desire from igniting.
He’d been totally smitten by Ailee since Singapore and this enormous bump in their road to happiness didn’t change the way he felt about her.
But this sure as hell complicated things.
Especially with Simone.
Concern about Ailee’s operation was the last thing his daughter needed now she’d started to trust him again.
Simone was going to be a mess.
And he’d be a mess right alongside her.
Until all of this was over.
Chapter 18
Ailee
* * *
Ailee sagged back against the wall of the office as Fergus left the room. And it felt as if he took all of the air with him.
Everything she’d tried to prevent since Singapore had happened anyway. Fergus had been hurt by her lack of disclosure, they’d still fallen deeply for each other and now he was frightened for her. Would be frightened for Simone as soon as he had time to think about it. She’d seen it in his eyes. Had wanted to comfort him.
Until he’d said William needed a new psychological assessment. And yes, she’d been silly to rear up at that. Talk about an emotional morning. Fergus was the lead surgeon and had full rights to ask for any test he wanted.
But that didn’t change the fact Fergus had found out in the worst possible way and now he was angry with her. But despite everything, she knew he wouldn’t take it out on William. That thought was just as unfair as this whole situation was to both of them. She’d seen what a fine human being he was. How much he cared for his patients. She shook her head. No.
He wouldn’t.
Ailee walked out of the office and straight into Rita.
Rita took one look at her and glanced around to see if anyone else had noticed Ailee’s pallor. ‘You okay, kiddo?’
‘I’m fine.’ Such a trite word and so untrue.
‘So he wasn’t thrilled to find you were the donor?’
How much did Rita guess? ‘I think he’s just disappointed I didn’t tell him beforehand, seeing as I work here and everyone else knew.’
‘Disappointment?’ Rita snorted. ‘Is that what it was?’
‘He does have a point, given our working relationship.’ And our private one.
Rita didn’t look convinced by her lame attempt at an explanation but she didn’t labour the point. ‘What time is your appointment with the Ellises?’
Ailee looked at her watch. ‘Another half-hour, but before then I need to check on one last recipient. Oh, and Rita, we need to arrange another psychological and psychiatric assessment of William on Mr McVicker’s orders.’
‘I’ll do that.’
Rita didn’t seem to think it unusual that Fergus had requested a repeat assessment. Maybe she was being paranoid.
She heard herself say “Mr McVicker” when she thought of him as Fergus and that sounded strange, too. It wasn’t the only thing weird about her relationship with Fergus but one of many.
She didn’t have time or the headspace to worry about it. Separating workspace and personal issues was important, if difficult, given how the boundaries had been crossed with William/her operations even without the developing relationship (if that’s what it was) with Fergus. She’d find out where she stood soon enough. Five o’clock, to be exact.
‘If you hear any more about Jody, let me know, will you?’ Ailee glanced at her watch again. It was time she headed back to her office. Her problems were nothing compared to those of the couple she was about to see.
* * *
The Ellises looked worn down by grief, and Ailee hugged them both before directing them to the two chairs in front of her desk. ‘Thank you so much for coming.’
With a heavy sigh, Marion sat. ‘I know you said you’d come to us, Ailee, but we needed to get out. This visit gave us some purpose today.’
Mr Ellis rubbed his hand over his lips back and forward. Back and forward, as he sat beside his wife. Ailee could see the skin had peeled with his actions. ‘We’re finding it hard to start the day at the moment. Everyone tells us that in time we’ll remember more good times, but we’re not there yet.’
Ailee felt helpless in the face of their grief. There was so little she could do to ease their pain. ‘Nobody expects you to be able to function normally.’
Marion said, ‘We don’t even have an idea what normal is anymore.’
‘No. I’m so sorry.’ Ailee shuffled the papers in her hand. ‘Would you like to know about the recipients? I do have three letters here from the families of recipients whose lives have been changed. Please, don’t read them until you feel you’re a
ble to.’
Marion looked at her husband and then back at Ailee and nodded. ‘Tell us a little if you can, please, Ailee. We’ll read them later.’
‘I can tell you that Eva has saved the life of a fifteen- year-old-girl with cystic fibrosis. This young woman would have died within the next week or two if not for Eva. Her parents are beside themselves with joy that she will now get better.’
Marion smiled with great effort. ‘That is wonderful news. Isn’t it, John?’
John nodded, unable to speak, and reached into his pocket for his handkerchief.
Marion sniffed and lifted her chin a little higher. ‘Is there more you can tell us?’
‘One of Eva’s kidneys and her pancreas went to a twenty-two-year-old woman in Melbourne who is studying to be a doctor and had been sick for two years. She was also a diabetic, like the girl I told you about last week, so had the double transplant. She is doing so well she may go home at the end of next week. Hopefully Eva’s gift will mean she will save more lives well into the future.’
They were all silent for a moment as they tried to envisage what it meant to the recipient.
Ailee went on because she decided it would be better to get it all over as soon as possible. ‘The other kidney went to a twenty-five-year-old man whose wife had died. He has two little boys, so the difference to that family is incredible.’
Marion looked at her husband. ‘Imagine if we hadn’t agreed and all that good was wasted.’
Mr Ellis nodded. His eyes red.
‘It’s such a hard and incredibly brave decision,’ Ailee said.
‘Are they the only ones?’ John had recovered his composure and was trying hard to support his wife.
‘There is one more. The other person is a thirty-year- old woman, struck down with keratoconus, which is an eye disease where the central cornea bulges forward and prevents light from being focused correctly into the eye.’
Ailee sketched a quick diagram of an eye to explain the problem. ‘The only substitute for replacing a human cornea is a human cornea.’ She looked up to see that they understood.
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