by Sienna Grant
“I’ll order us some food. What do you want? Chinese? Italian? Indian?”
“I don’t care.”
I was starving, but also so exhausted with everything. My head was a total mess, and my eyes were stinging.
“Okay, I’ll get a Chinese. Chicken chow mein?”
I nodded, and he smiled at me, but it was off. I knew I was hurting him. I knew he didn’t mean to hurt me, but he did, and I couldn’t just let it go. His voice broke the silence between us that was so thick it felt like I was suffocating.
“You want to go to the guest room and get settled while we wait?”
“Yeah, please.”
It was as though we were strangers, and when he opened the door and stepped aside, I knew something was fundamentally broken inside me and between us.
“Cals, I’ll… I’ll call you when the food arrives.”
He stepped away after a sad glance at me, and I closed the door, leaning against it and wishing I could say something to him. I appreciated him being there and trying to protect me, but I wasn’t sure if he was doing it because he cared about me or because he felt guilty. I couldn’t trust his motives. I walked to the single bed in Chris’s spare room and let my eyes dart around the dark grey and cream swirling wallpaper and the grey writing desk and office chair. My gaze wandered to the old picture on the wall that I made him get because I thought it was quirky, and that was when my tears started to fall.
I cried over everything, sobbing into my hands, and stuffed a pillow over my face as the pictures flashed back inside my head.
I sat on the edge of the couch and my knee bounced as I had to sit there and listen to her muffled cries. I had no idea how to fix this, if I even could. I made a snap decision when Lou got hurt, and there was no evidence to lead me to believe there was anyone else in that room. Of course, deep down I knew it couldn’t have been Callie. I was an idiot, and this was the price I was paying. She fucking hated me, and it was killing me.
A rhythmic rap on the door disturbed my self-loathing, and I got up and trudged through the room to answer it. I took the white bag from the takeaway driver and handed him a twenty, telling him to keep the change.
Closing the door, I slid the bolt across and dumped the bag on the kitchen counter then went to her room. I knocked softly and waited for her to answer. When it didn’t come, I opened the door and peered around it. Her shoulders shook and her pillow was over her face.
With soft steps along the floor, I bent down and placed my hand on her shoulder. “Callie?” She jumped under my touch. That bastard had her petrified. The last thing I wanted was for her to be scared of me. “It’s just me, Cal. Shhh.”
She shrugged my hand off. That slice of rejection hurt more than any words. I sighed and stood. “Your dinner is in the kitchen. Would you like me to bring it in here to you?”
“No.”
I nodded, but she couldn’t see because she still had that fucking pillow over her face. I turned away and left the room, leaving the door open, and went back to grab my own. Picking up my own foil tray of special chow mein, I pulled two forks from the drawer and left one on the side for Callie. I took off the lid and walked with it to the couch, turning the TV on.
I managed to catch the end of the footy, so I sat back and tucked into my Chinese. I wasn’t a huge football fan, but I liked to watch it every now and then. For times like these, mind-numbing was all I need.
Callie tiptoed through the living room and through the door without speaking a word to me. Her already small frame looked like she’d lost weight, and her normally sparkling blue eyes were dull and had dark circles beneath them. All that ran through my mind at that moment was that she was broken.
Did I help to break her?
I should have done things differently.
She walked past again, casting her sullen gaze across to me before quickly looking away and going back to the bedroom with a bottle of water tucked under her arm.
The last time she was in my space was after Beth and Charlie’s wedding. Jesus, Beth and Charlie… I wondered if she'd even told Beth. Charlie would probably kick my arse if he knew I’d hurt her and hadn’t protected her through all this. She disappeared through the door and I turned back to the TV just as Chelsea sank one into the back of the net.
I scoffed down the last of my food and threw the tray on the floor beside me as I stretched out on the couch.
After a couple of hours, I was bored and arguing with myself about whether I should have gone to see if Callie was okay. She hadn’t come back out of her room since she’d gotten her dinner, and I was getting worried about her. But then I remembered how she rejected me earlier and thought it would be best if I left her.
I flicked through the channels instead, finding a Fast film on the movie channels with Vin Diesel and decided to watch that until I felt my eyelids beginning to droop. I was exhausted, and the last few days had begun to take their toll. I switched off the TV with the remote, made sure the door was bolted, and turned off the lights before going to bed.
Once I was stripped down to my boxers, I got inside, placing my phone on the drawers beside me. I cradled my head in my hands and stared at the ceiling. My thoughts were rampant in my mind as I tried to find a way of keeping Callie safe.
I didn’t come up with much, and it wasn’t long before I drifted to sleep.
The bed dipped at the side of me, and I could have sworn I heard my name being whispered. I was either dreaming or my mind was playing tricks on me. Why not? Everything else was against me.
“Chris?”
There it was again.
I forced my eyes to open and turned toward the whispered voice. My eyes opened wider when I saw Callie sitting on her knees on the bed, tears staining her cheeks as she wrung her hands in her lap.
“Cal?”
I rubbed my eyes and dragged myself up.
“I'm so… sorry.” Her breath hitched, “I didn’t mean to wake you, but…”
“Hey. It’s fine.” I tapped the mattress and she moved from her knees onto her arse and wrapped her arms around her legs.
“I had a nightmare. I tried to stay in bed, but I couldn't. I was too scared.”
She lifted her gaze to mine. Her face was pale with sleep deprivation. I wanted to bundle her into my arms and hold her just so she could sleep.
Slowly, I reached my hand out and placed it on hers. She didn’t back away or shrug me off.
“I’m here for you, Calliebear.”
A fresh set of tears streamed down her cheeks, and I moved my hand up to her cheek. She leaned into my touch and I gently smoothed away the moisture from her face. I wouldn’t push it; I was lucky to have this. Knowing that she came to me was a start.
Her sobs tore through her and she crept toward me. “Why me, Chris? Why is he doing this to me? I don’t understand.”
I curled my arm around her shoulders and gently pulled her closer until she was in the crook of my arm.
“Can I stay in here with you?”
On the inside, I was smiling. On the outside, I kept my feelings hidden and just nodded. She pushed her legs out in front of her and slid down until she was under the covers. I held my arm out again and she shuffled over until she had her head on my chest.
“I promise I’ll keep you safe, Callie.” Dipping my head, I placed my lips on her head and kissed her softly before I let myself drift back off to sleep with Callie where she was supposed to be; in my arms.
The next few days passed with me cold and distant with Chris during the day but seeking his warmth at night. I couldn’t get over how he treated me, but I knew I was safe in his arms, so at night, I caved and crawled into bed beside him. Some nights he’d wake, and others he’d stay sleeping, but I always woke up with his arms around me.
Finley was still out there. They hadn’t been able to locate him, so Chris had taken a few days holiday from work to look after me. He was itching to get back to work, and when he gave me updates on my case, I just nodded blandly a
nd walked away. I didn’t want to hear it. He tried to talk to me about Lou and told me she was out of the ICU, but she was still in HDU since he’d punctured her stomach and lung. She wasn’t up for speaking, but she at least corroborated that he assaulted her before that night. Like me, her memory was hazy at best.
Every day I sat and stared at myself, wishing I could let myself feel what I used to feel for Chris. I wanted him to love me like he did before, not like some wounded bird who needed saving, but as the girl who drank too much tequila and had sex in the hotel pool with him. I wanted him to remember me and not the pale imitation of me, but I also wanted to hate him because he didn’t believe in me when I most needed him too.
My head was a screwed-up mess, and knowing Finley was still out there wasn’t doing much to improve my moods or my anxiety. I tried every night to go to sleep on my own, but I felt Finley’s hands crawling all over me and pushing into me, and I woke up panting in terror, until I saw where I was.
The fourth night I’d spent at his was the night he woke up and wanted to talk, but I’d just had an awful nightmare and woke up with my heart pounding and my body covered in a cold sweat. I’d showered before tiptoeing across the room and slipping under the covers beside him.
“Hey, Cals,” he muttered from beside me as he curled his body around mine. For a few moments, there was silence, and then he sighed, tugging me closer so I was flush against him. His toned chest was naked, and the feel of his skin against my exposed back where my tank didn’t cover almost made me lose my mind.
I lay breathing slowly and was starting to relax when he spoke softly from behind me.
“I miss you so much. I know I messed up. Fuck, I get why you hate me, but I didn’t know it would hurt this much.”
I didn’t say a word because what was there for me to say? His lips brushed against my neck, and I tried to ignore the tingling sensation his lips elicited from me.
“I’ve always known there was a possibility of us, and now I don’t have that anymore, I’m lost. I wanna fix us, fix this, but I don’t know how. I’m so scared of losing you. I’m so fucking scared, Cals.”
His arms tightened for a moment as a small droplet of moisture hit my shoulder, and he held me tightly before he let go. It was painful to lie and pretend to be asleep while he cried, but it would be worse of me to give him false hope for us when there was none.
As his sobs stopped, he slipped back to sleep, and I lay awake for a long time wondering what to do.
Should I try to stay away from Chris? Yes.
Could I keep my distance from him and let him heal? I wasn’t sure, but I knew one thing, hurting him wasn’t an option.
Before I could decide what to do, my exhaustion overwhelmed me and I slipped off to sleep, waking when I felt the bed shift as Chris got up.
I rolled over and saw him dressing in the dark. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. He was so freaking gorgeous, but few people got to see the real him. To them, he was all sculpted abs, toned legs, and sexy as sin. To me, he was so much more.
I closed my eyes, wishing I could make him stay, but he’d taken enough time off on my account. It was time for him to get back to his world, even if that meant going without me.
I lay with my eyes closed as he moved softly around the room, going out to the living room and closing the door over.
My tired body began to slip back to sleep when the light in the hall clicked on, but I didn’t move. I just lay still and hoped I’d drift back to sleep. My heart beat raced when I heard his footsteps in the hall, and he came into the room. His eyes scanned the room, and I could see they were duller, more subdued than before, but he still smiled briefly when he caught me watching him.
“Go back to sleep, Cals. It’s five a.m. I’m going to the gym and then to work.”
He scooped his cell up from the table and leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to my forehead that ended too quickly and made me feel worse about what was going on.
“You’ll be safe. Damon across the hall is going to keep an ear out, and if you need anything, his number is pinned to the fridge in the kitchen.”
His eyes drifted to my lips before he caught himself and glanced away.
“I’ve gotta go. My shift starts at half seven, so I’ll bring some dinner home about six.”
I nodded, but he couldn’t see me because he was still staring at his phone. When he stood up to walk away, something in my armour cracked.
“C...Chris,” I stammered, and he turned back to look at me with a blank expression.
“I’m…” I wanted to say I was sorry, that I didn’t want to hurt him, but my words would be shallow and meaningless because I didn’t know how to fix us. I sucked in a deep breath and swallowed the pain and anxiety I was feeling to try to put us back on an even keel. “I’ll be fine. Have a good day.”
He nodded without meeting my eyes and left, clicking the door closed. I lay back in the bed and wrapped my arms around his pillow, drifting off to sleep and not waking for several hours.
Chris had got me a new phone the day before because every time mine went, I flinched and could barely stand to look at it. I’d text my family and friends my new number, but I was very careful who I gave it too since I didn’t want the psycho chasing me to have it. My new phone buzzed at one and woke me up, but it was a message from Beth, not Chris. The fact he hadn’t text me or called stung, but maybe it was what we both needed.
I quickly read the message from Beth and smiled.
Hey, Cals, you’ll never believe this, but Charlie has landed an audition to be in a new Netflix show so after our honeymoon we’re flying to LA to meet the director and if it goes well, it starts taping next week. I didn’t have to be back at work for two more weeks, so Charlie suggested we extend our trip and have two weeks in LA. I’m desperate to see you, but I can’t let him pass this opportunity up, so I said yes. Can’t wait to see you.
Love B xxx
I was so excited for her and for Charlie. He so deserved it, but I missed them. I still hadn’t told her what had happened, but I knew she’d flip and demand to come home, and after all the shit with Warren the Wanker, I couldn’t tell her.
I got up and made myself a coffee, which I drank at the coffee table, but I wasn’t in any rush to move or do anything. I just wanted to sleep, to forget about my life for a few more hours, but I knew that would be impossible, so I grabbed a few snacks and went to sit on the sofa.
I put Outlander on since Beth had been on at me to watch it and wiled away a few hours.
As four p.m. hit, I was starving, and I got up to get something to eat when something by the door caught my attention. My body was tense as I walked over to it and I saw it was a slim parcel, addressed to me.
My hands shook hard as I picked it up and flipped it over, seeing some fabric peeking out of the top of it. Inside was a pair of my panties and one of my bras, but they were all cut up and ruined.
There was also a note inside, but I didn’t bother reading it. I set it down on the counter to wait for Chris to get back. I’d check out the rest when he got home, but my head was fuzzy, so I quickly went to the kitchen and washed my hands, sitting down on the bar stool in Chris’s kitchen as my legs shuddered too much to hold me up.
I picked up my cell to send Chris a message when a call flashed up on my mobile. I wasn’t too worried about answering it because it was a new number, but it still scared me.
“Hello,” I said in a hoarse voice, but there was nothing. No sound, no words. I decided to end the call after a few seconds, but as I muttered, “Okay, bye then,” a distorted voice spoke, and I tensed.
“You shouldn’t be there with him. Don’t you know I’ll hurt him too? Anyone who tries to keep you from me is in danger.”
His voice was low, menacing, but I wouldn’t let him scare me into leaving.
“What do you want from me?”
“I just want you. I want to know how you feel when my cock is buried in you. I want to taste you again, taste your fear,
your submission, and most of all, I want you under my control.”
My ears were ringing as I tried to stop the pure terror of his words taking over me.
“That’s not going to happen. Not in this lifetime.”
“Aww, listen to you trying to be brave.”
There was silence for a second before he spoke again, but his next words made me cold all over because I knew this game of his was far from over.
“You’ll regret not giving in to me. I have something to turn Chris against you. Don’t believe me, just wait and see. They have it now. It won’t be long before they come for you, and you only have yourself to blame.”
The call ended, and I sat shivering on the chair, wishing Chris was there so I could wrap my arms around him and have him tell me it was okay. I tried to call him, but after one ring, it went to voicemail, and when I tried again, he text back a message that hurt so badly I put my cell down and didn’t look at it again.
Not now, Calindra. I’m busy
He didn’t come home for dinner. He didn’t come home until well after midnight, and he ignored me completely as I lay asleep in the guest room. I knew he’d come in, but he didn’t approach me or even look at me, and when I woke up the next morning, he was gone.
He didn’t speak to me at all that day, and when he came home at eight that night, he was cold with me.
I tried to talk to him, but he completely blanked me and went into his room, locking the door behind him. I tried texting him, but he didn’t reply.
Chris, I know you’re mad at me, but please didn’t shut me out. I need you.
The third day of his silence, I was sitting on the sofa, scrolling through Netflix when he came in with Reynolds. He wouldn’t look at me, and his cold disdain as she asked me to accompany them to the station hurt.
I shoved the package that had arrived earlier that day into my bag as I went with them, but neither of them said much as they led me to the car. I scooted into the back and Chris got behind the wheel, driving us in an uncomfortable silence. I tried to meet his eyes in the mirror, but he refused to look at me. Once we were at the station, I was led back into the interrogation room and left sitting there alone.
