He sat down next to her, relieved when he reached for her hand and she didn’t pull away. “I’m sorry. Not telling Lucas wasn’t intentional, it just slipped my mind.”
He studied their linked hands. “I have a lot of baggage when it comes to this place and I didn’t want to burden you with it. Especially since Lisa doesn’t mean anything to me anymore. Being engaged to her was just a stupid mistake that I’d like to forget.”
“Ethel told me about your baseball career,” she said.
He muttered a curse and stared down at their linked hands.
“You should have told me that,” she said. “Why didn’t you?”
“Because I fucked up,” he said. “I had a chance to be somebody and I fucked it up. I’m ashamed of that.”
She cupped his face and made him look at her. “You are somebody, Connor. Just because you’re not a famous baseball player, doesn’t make your life meaningless.”
“I’m a dentist, Kira,” he said.
“A damn good one. Being a dentist takes brains and determination, and don’t you dare let anyone make you feel less for being one. If my parents were alive, you have no idea how thrilled they’d be that I was dating a dentist. They would have loved you, Connor. They really would have. Hell, my brother likes you. Do you know how rare that is? Gideon is hard to win over, and you did it in a single conversation.”
She reached up and cupped his face. “I know it’s hard being back here, I know it has terrible memories for you, but do not let it make you feel less. You are amazing.”
He kissed her gently before resting his forehead against hers. “You’re the amazing one.”
“I am pretty great,” she said.
He laughed and kissed her again. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about my past, it’s just… it’s still difficult.”
“I get that,” she said. “But you know that you can tell me anything, right? I’m not going to judge you for anything.”
“I know,” he said as guilt seeped into his belly. “I’ll try to be more open with you.”
“Good. What did Lisa say that upset you?”
He hesitated and she gave him a gentle poke in the chest. “This is an excellent time for you to work on being more open with me.”
He smiled a little. “She wanted to get back together with me.”
“What?” Her look of indignation was adorable. “She actually said that to you?”
“Yes.”
“With me right there?”
“Yep.”
“I thought she was so sweet,” Kira said, “and then she tried to steal my man right out from under my nose. She’s lucky we’re not still at that wedding. I’d punch her right in her gorgeous face.”
He laughed and she wrinkled her nose at him. “I’ve got a cop brother. I know how to punch someone.”
“Fine, but what do you think Gideon would say if I called him and told him you were sitting in a jail cell in Willington for assault.”
“She would be the type to press charges, wouldn’t she?” Kira said.
“If you messed up her face, yep.”
Kira sighed. “I hate that she’s so beautiful.”
“She’s not nearly as beautiful as you.” He stroked his thumb across her bottom lip. “She’s dog food and you’re prime rib.”
She burst into laughter. “Seriously? You’re comparing my looks to meat? Connor, I love you, but you have got to work on your compliments.”
He sucked in a breath. “You love me?”
Her face flushed and she stared at her lap. He cupped the back of her neck and tugged her head up, staring intently at her. “Do you love me, Kira?”
“Yes,” she whispered. “I do.”
His chest tightened and happiness flowed through him like a tsunami. “I love you too.”
Her smile lit up the room and she mashed her mouth against his. He angled his mouth over hers, licking the seam of her lips until she opened her mouth and he could taste her sweetness with his tongue.
She pulled back, gasping a little, and tore at his tie. “Get naked, now.”
He grinned and shrugged out of his jacket. “Whatever you say, little Kira.”
* * *
“You wanna grab a drink at the Beaver?” Gideon asked. “It’s still early.”
“Sure.” Connor pulled out his phone. “Just let me text Kira and let her know I’ll be a little while. I told her we were just going to the movies.”
He sent off a quick text to Kira as Gideon drove toward the pub. “How’s work going?”
Gideon shrugged. “Fine. Lots of domestic calls this weekend. How was the wedding? I haven’t really talked to Kira since you got back.”
“It was a wedding,” Connor said. “My cousin was happy, so I guess that’s what matters.”
“You and Kira pretty serious now?” Gideon pulled into the parking lot and parked before staring at Connor.
“We are.” He didn’t look way from Gideon’s gaze.
The big man nodded. “I’m glad. You’re good for her. Let’s get that drink.”
Connor followed him into the Thirsty Beaver. He had a feeling that was about all the praise he’d get from the sheriff, but oddly it was enough.
The pub was fairly full for a Wednesday night, but they found a table easily enough. They sat down and ordered a couple of beers. Connor glanced around the pub, scowling a little when he saw Daniel sitting at the bar. He was drinking a beer and staring at the television behind the bar.
“Is Daniel drinking alone?” he asked Gideon.
Gideon just shrugged. “Don’t know, don’t care. The guy’s an idiot. I’m gonna hit the head, I’ll be right back.”
As Gideon walked away, Connor’s cell phone buzzed. He read the reply from Kira and, smiling a little, texted her back before stuffing his phone into his pocket. He reached for his beer, pausing when he realized Daniel was standing in front of his table.
“Hey, doc.” The firefighter was swaying, and his eyes were bloodshot. He took another drink of beer before gripping the back of the chair for support.
“Hello, Daniel.”
“How’s it going?”
“Fine,” Connor said. “You?”
Daniel shrugged and took another drink of beer. “Where’s Kira?”
“She’s at home.”
“You living with her now?”
Connor didn’t reply and Daniel cocked an eyebrow at him. “Why so quiet, doc?”
“I guess I have nothing to say to you,” Connor said.
“Is there a reason you hate me?” Daniel asked.
“You mean other than because of the way you used Kira for years?”
Daniel snorted loudly. “You don’t know shit about me and Kira.”
“I know you took advantage of her kindness. I know you used her and didn’t think once about her feelings.”
Daniel leaned forward, swaying unsteadily. “Kira and I have a special relationship. One that worked just fine until you showed up.”
“It wasn’t special,” Connor said. He was trying not to be pissed, but something about Daniel poked every one of his buttons.
“Yeah it was. Maybe you just don’t like the fact that your girl loved me before she ever loved you.”
“It wasn’t love. It was a crush and you didn’t mean that much to her,” he said.
“No?” Daniel straightened. “’Cause just this morning, I heard Addie talking on the phone to Harper. Guess they haven’t talked for a while because she had a lot to say. Especially about Kira. “
Connor’s nostrils flared as Daniel gave him a drunken grin. “Turns out that sweet little Kira was holding on to her virginity for me. For years she waited, doc. That kind of sounds like I meant a little something to her. Don’t you think?”
Connor stood, his hands in tight fists at his side. “Shut your fucking mouth, Daniel.”
“I’m just sayin’, if a woman is waiting for a man to be her first, it means something. Of course, according to my sister, you came a
long and convinced her to give up her v-card. Pretty bold move, doc.”
His urge to punch Daniel was almost too great to ignore. Afraid he would act on it, he shoved past the firefighter, his body going tense when Daniel grabbed his arm.
“Let go of me, Daniel.”
Daniel leaned closer, the scent of beer clinging to him. “How did it feel, doc? Taking something that belonged to me.”
Connor snarled with anger and punched Daniel in the face. There was immediate pain in his hand, so strong it made him feel sick, but he ignored it as Daniel fell backwards onto the table. Blood gushed from his nose, it was canting to the left, and there were startled shouts and cries from the people closest to them.
Connor leaned over and grabbed Daniel by the collar. More pain flared in his hand, it felt like the bones were grinding together, and he grunted with pain before glaring at the bleeding firefighter.
“Get off me,” Daniel’s voice was thick from the blood that had flowed into his mouth.
“If you say one more word about her, if you even say her name, I’ll knock every one of your goddamn teeth out. Do you hear me, you son of a bitch?” Connor said.
An arm hooked around his throat and he was dragged back. He clawed at the arm with his good hand and was shaken roughly for his trouble.
“Enough.” Gideon’s voice spoke into his ear. Connor relaxed and Gideon released him before stepping between him and Daniel. “What the fuck is going on here?”
“He started it.” Daniel spit out some blood and pressed his t-shirt to his nose.
“Fuck you,” Connor said. He shook out his hand, wincing when it sent pain flaring straight up his arm.
Gideon stared at Connor’s rapidly swelling hand. “Well, that’s broken.”
“It’s fine,” Connor said.
“It isn’t,” Gideon said. “Trust me, I’ve seen enough broken hands to know.” He turned and studied Daniel’s face. “And your nose is definitely broken. C’mon, both of you need to go to the hospital.”
“No fucking way,” Connor said.
“I’m not going with him,” Daniel said.
“Both of you shut the fuck up and get in my car,” Gideon said as he threw some bills on the table. “You’re fucking lucky I’m taking you to the hospital and not a damn jail cell. Move your asses, now.”
* * *
“You should have called me earlier, Gideon.” Connor could hear Kira’s voice even over the noises in the ER.
“He didn’t want me to,” Gideon protested.
The curtain whipped open and Kira hurried to the bed, staring down at Connor’s hand. “Oh, Connor.”
He stared at the ceiling as Kira pressed a kiss against his mouth. “Honey, your poor hand.”
“It’s fine,” he said.
Kira glanced at Gideon who said, “Pretty sure it’s broken. He had an X-ray about twenty minutes ago. We’re just waiting for the results.”
“The results are in.” Jack ducked behind the curtain and Connor’s throat tightened as the ER doctor gave him a grave look.
“Is it broken?” Kira asked.
“Spectacularly,” Jack said. “You’re gonna need surgery, Connor.”
“Fuck,” Connor spat.
Kira squeezed his good hand as Jack said, “If it makes you feel any better, that firefighter’s nose may never be the same.”
Kira stiffened. “What firefighter?”
When Connor didn’t reply, she glanced at Gideon. “What’s going on?”
Gideon sighed. “Connor and Daniel got into a fight. Connor punched Daniel in the face.”
Kira stared at Connor. “Why did you punch him?”
“He pissed me off,” Connor said.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Okay. We’ll circle back to this later.” She glanced at Jack. “When will he have surgery?”
“Lucky for him, the orthopedic surgeon had a cancellation tomorrow morning.” Jack stuck Connor’s chart into the holder at the end of the bed. “We’ll keep you here overnight, fast you and prep you for surgery.”
“I’d rather go home and come back in the morning,” Connor said.
“Yeah, well, I’d rather be sitting on some beach with a drink in my hand, but here we are,” Jack said. “We’ll move you to a room in about half an hour. Until then, sit tight.”
Jack left and Kira smoothed her hand over Connor’s forehead. “Can I get you anything?”
He shook his head. “No, you should go home.”
She frowned. “I’m not going home. I’ll stay with you until -”
“I’d rather you just go,” he said. “I need to call Grant and somehow explain to him that I won’t be able to do my fucking job for the next six weeks.”
“Connor, it’s okay. Grant will understand.”
“Please, I don’t want a pep talk right now,” Connor said. “Can you just go? I’m tired and in pain and don’t feel like being around anyone.”
Kira glanced at Gideon before nodding. “Yeah, okay. I’ll text you later.”
She pressed a kiss against his mouth. “Are you sure you want me to go?”
“Yes.” He couldn’t look at her. If he saw the hurt in her eyes, he’d ask her to stay and what good would that do? She didn’t need to watch him stress and panic over fucking up yet again. If she stayed, he might say or do something that would drive her away for good.
“All right. I love you.”
“Love you too.” He closed his eyes, only opening them when he was sure she was gone.
He stared down at his swollen hand, panic swooping through him and stealing the air from his lungs.
He really was fucked.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Panic.
Panic, thick and heavy in his belly like a stone.
He sat on the couch in his living room, staring blankly at the wall as Kira flickered in and out of his peripheral vision like a nervous butterfly.
Her soft hand lifting his cast up and sliding a pillow under it. Warm breath as she kissed his forehead before disappearing again. The muted sound of her voice as she spoke to him.
He couldn’t hear it. Not past the panic.
He dropped his gaze to his hand, the thick heavy cast concealing the sutures under it. Three pins and a metal plate in his hand. Six weeks in a cast, physical therapy afterward.
May lose dexterity.
May experience numbness.
The surgeon’s voice in his head egged the panic on. Made it bigger. Brighter.
“Connor? Look at me.”
Kira’s soft voice dampened the edge of panic enough for him to take a deep breath. Enough so he could almost think normally. Almost.
“Yeah?”
“Honey, is the pain really bad?”
He shook his head. It wasn’t. The pain meds had taken care of it. His hand felt numb, nothing more. Maybe that was the panic’s work though.
“I wish you would have come back to my place,” she said.
He shrugged. He knew what he had to do, and it would be easier on her if he did it here. He didn’t want to break her heart in her own goddamn home.
“Everything’s going to be fine,” she said.
He stared at Kira’s sweet face. She actually believed it. Even though she was there when Connor woke up after surgery this morning. Even though she heard what the surgeon said. She believed it.
The bitter laughter spilled out of him, harsh and horrific and unstoppable. “You can’t be serious.”
“I am,” she said. “Your hand will heal, and you’ll be back to work in no time.”
“You heard what the surgeon said. It’s bad, Kira. Really bad. Even with physical therapy, I may not be able to move my fingers. I can’t exactly be a dentist if I can’t move my fucking fingers.”
The panic was making him shout. Kira didn’t flinch. She sat beside him and rested her hand on his thigh. “It’s okay. That was a worse case scenario. He thinks it’ll be fine.”
“Thinks. Great. That’s just grea
t. The surgeon thinking I’ll be fine makes me feel so much better,” he said.
“I know you’re scared, but I promise you that it will work out.”
“I can’t work for six weeks, Kira. And after the cast comes off… I may never be able to work as a dentist again. What part of that is working out? I have fucked my life.”
He took a deep breath. Even worse, he had fucked Kira’s life. Just like he’d fucked up Lisa’s. He’d done something incredibly stupid and now Kira was going to pay for it.
“You haven’t,” she said. “Grant is a good guy and he’s not going to end the partnership just because of an accident.”
More bitter laughter spilled out. “It wasn’t an accident, Kira. I fucked up because I’m an idiot. You’d think I would have learned, but apparently, I’m just a goddamn moron. I’ve ruined my life and yours.”
“Mine?” Kira blinked at him. “How on earth have you ruined my life?”
“Don’t act dumb,” he snapped. “If I can’t work as a dentist, what the hell am I gonna do? Work at goddamn Walmart? You really wanna be with a guy who can’t keep a career? What do you think your friends, your brother, will say when I’m working at a gas station because I blew my chance at a career again?”
“They don’t care what you do for a living. I don’t care,” Kira said. “I love you and I’ll love you whether you’re a dentist or not. It doesn’t matter to me, Connor. People make mistakes and -”
“I won’t drag you down with me. Lisa spent years with me being miserable and unhappy because I made a dumb mistake and because I was too weak to let her go. I won’t do the same thing to you.”
“I am not Lisa,” Kira said. “Don’t compare her to me, Connor. It isn’t fair.”
“What isn’t fair, is expecting you to live with the consequences of my stupid mistakes.”
“Stop it,” Kira said. “I love you and I’m with you through the good and the bad. That’s the way love works.”
He shook his head, staring numbly at the cast. “I’m not destroying your life the way I destroyed Lisa’s. You should go.”
“No,” she said. “You need me.”
Sweet Harmony (Harmony Falls, Book One) Page 26
