by Scott, S. L.
“I didn’t need to. The image was enough to do me in.”
“God, I love you.” I hear Jet inside the house again. “Are you hungry?”
“Famished.”
“Let’s get some beers and go hang out. We’re not going to solve anything by talking about it anyway.” I give her a hand and pull her against me because, selfishly, I just want to. It’s been too fucking long since I had her in my arms. “I can’t wait to be alone with you tonight and to sleep in with you in the morning.” I can’t wait to hold her all night, slip inside her whenever I wake, hear her moans and sighs. Then I’ll wake her in the morning with my tongue inside her. Sorry, Nik, there won’t be much sleeping tonight.
“That sounds like a dream.” She’s my dream come true, but she’s more—so much more.
“Not a dream. This is our life together.”
When she leans her head against my chest and sighs happily, I hold her tighter, grateful that no matter what happens around us, we have each other. Who the fuck cares if Berk Cartwright is my biological father? He’s never been a part of my life, and he never will be. I have my family. I have my home. I find peace of mind in her love. One of the reasons I want her with me, always.
29
Tulsa
“Nothing.” I toss the remainder of the papers back in the box.
Jet pulls the box across the coffee table and starts digging through it. “Are you sure?”
“I just went through everything. There’s not much here.”
Rivers sets his beer down and starts searching. “There has to be more. She had a house full of stuff.”
“We cleaned out the house after she died,” Jet adds. “Most of the stuff we got rid of.”
Nikki has been sitting across the room watching for the past hour. She doesn’t look bored, but I’m sure it’s hard to sit in on a conversation you know nothing about. I don’t want her to feel excluded. “When my mom died, we stayed in the house until I graduated from high school. When you put three teenage boys in charge of cleaning out a house . . . well, a lot of stuff got thrown out. We sold most of it, needing the money.” Guilt consumes me. I was too blind for sentimentality back then, too hurt, too sad, too wild to care. Our history was probably set on the curb on trash pickup day. Guess we’ll never know.
Hannah sits next to me and props her feet up on the coffee table. “When I was cleaning out Jet’s closet for the move, I found a photo album but not a box. I’m sorry. Hopefully, there’s something in there.” She tries to push herself up off the couch, but with that baby belly, she’s struggling.
“I can get it,” I offer. “Where is it?”
“Top shelf on the right side. It’s dark blue.”
Nikki stands, and says, “I’ll help you.” She follows me to the back bedroom but waits while I look in the closet. “Hannah tells me they’re moving to LA.”
Not a question, but I hear it in the uptick of her words. “With another album signed by Outlaw Records, the studio being in Ojai, and the baby on the way, she wants the family together.”
“And you?” I don’t like how softly she’s speaking, as if tiptoeing around what she really wants to know.
Leaning back, I catch sight of her near the bed, and say, “You can always ask me anything. We’re in this together now.” We haven’t talked about where we’re going to live or planned our future past Chicago. Everything has been about the here and now. What about the there and then? I grab the album from the shelf and walk back into the bedroom. “I guess that’s something we should talk about in the next few weeks.”
“Where do you want to live?” she presses, her voice stronger this time.
I feel hollow when she’s not around, homeless until I see her again. I need her to fill my soul with her sunshine. I want to bask in the warmth of her love. “If I have to choose, I choose you.”
Relief washes over her fine features. “I don’t think I’m ready to leave California.” I hadn’t thought I’d be ready to leave Austin, but I don’t care where we live as long as we’re together.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to be. Once the tour’s over, and we have some time to settle into our regular lives again, we can decide. We can live anywhere we want. I just want to be together.”
“So do I.” Hurt swallows her smile.
Reaching out to touch her arm, I ask, “What’s wrong?”
Clouds take over her blue skies, and she briefly lowers her gaze. “You turned away from me earlier at your apartment. You said you needed your brothers. I get that, but you turned away from me.”
“No. I turned to my brothers. That’s not the same thing.”
“You blocked me out.”
“Nikki, this isn’t about us. This is about me being blindsided by a man who claims to be my father.”
“Right. As I said, I get it. But we just got married. There is no you or me anymore. It’s supposed to be us now.” Of course, she’s right, but I can’t take that on at the moment.
“This is doing my head in.” I set the album on the bed and rub my temples. Fucking headache. “I just found out my dad might not be my dad.”
“Father.”
My gaze darts to hers. “What?”
“Not your dad. Your father.”
“Right.” Fuck. “Father. I can’t even think straight.” The fucker came into my life when he wasn’t welcome. I’m fucking pissed off. Why the hell now? How did he even know I’d be home? Has he been stalking me? Us? “Can you cut me some slack?”
Even though I shouldn’t have said it, especially with the anger it came out with, the second the words left my mouth, I wanted to take them back. Shit.
“Guess what?” I know a trick question when I hear one, so I remain silent. “I can cut you so much slack you won’t even see me.”
She turns on her heel, but I catch her wrist before she has a chance to storm out. “That’s not what I meant.”
“I don’t give a damn what you meant.” Yanking her arm away from me, she argues, “What you said was to give you space. I can do that, no problem. I’m going home.”
“Nikki, stop. I don’t want to fight with you.”
“Then don’t.”
“Fuck. Why don’t you get it?”
“Get what?”
I can’t keep the anger out of my tone anymore. “I just gave you a name that might not be mine to give.”
Two light knocks on the door draw our attention away from each other. “I came to see if you found the album.” Jet’s standing in the doorway. “Also, the whole house can hear you. You woke up Alfie.”
“I’m sorry,” Nikki says, her face turning red. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. I can close the door if you need more time.” It’s not okay, but Jet would never want someone to feel bad.
Out of the corners of my eyes, I see Nikki’s head drop down. Fuck. I say, “I think it’s time we go home.” He looks at me, not saying a word, but his thoughts on the matter are heard loud and clear. We’ve exposed ourselves. “Give us a minute, okay?”
He closes the door, and I go to her, holding her to me, hoping it’s as tightly as she needs. “I’m sorry,” I whisper into her hair. “I love you.”
“I know you do, Tulsa. But I need you to trust me, to let me in, or we’ll never make it.” She pushes back just enough to look up at me. “I want us to make it.”
“I do too.” My throat feels thick with regret. “I’ve somehow managed to give you the shittiest honeymoon ever, when all I want to do is give you the universe.”
But like she always does, she makes my world better simply by existing in it. “It’s not your fault. I blame that man. He has really shitty timing showing up on our honeymoon like this.” That he does. Asshole.
Her little pout causes me to chuckle and start to feel better. “Yeah, he does.” I pick up the album and open the door. “Let’s look through this and then get out of here. I’m ready to be home alone with you.”
When we return to the living room, Ri
vers and Jet are sitting—one in the chair and the other on the couch. By the bouncing leg on both, I’d guess not so patiently waiting.
Hannah comes in after us, and I say, “Sorry about waking Alfie.”
Just like she always does, she comforts me. “It’s okay. He’s fine and fell right back asleep.”
Jet stands as if he’s been waiting to do it all day. “What did you mean when you said you gave Nikki a name that’s not yours to give?”
The movement is slight, but I catch Nikki shifting behind me. Hannah sits on the couch, and Rivers gets up to walk to the window, looking out, avoiding my face. He knows we’re together, but my other brother is coming in blind to the situation.
Checking over my shoulder, I try to catch Nikki’s eyes, hoping she’s okay under the interrogation light. It’s a lot more intense than the spotlight she’s used to. I reach around and take her hand because I caused this. I planned it, and she went along with my idea, so I’ll shield her from the blame. She gives the minutest of nods, giving me permission to spill the beans. “Nikki and I got married in Vegas.”
If I thought it was quiet before, the silence is deafening now. It takes a few awkward seconds before Hannah cuts the tension. “Congratulations. That’s wonderful. Right, Jet? Congratulations, guys.”
“Thanks,” replies Nikki, and she and Hannah hug.
With a kind smile, Hannah turns to me. “Congratulations, Tulsa.” She hugs me and pats me on the back. My eyes stay on my brothers because it doesn’t matter how old I am, I still need their approval. I’m not sure I’m going to get it this time.
“Thanks, Han.”
Rivers smiles and looks down, shaking his head. “Well, shit.” I’m glad to see him smile. It’s been a while.
Jet’s gaze goes to Nikki first and then to me. When he grins, the remaining tension lifts. “I knew you were getting together, but I didn’t know it’d gotten so heavy so fast.”
Nikki is holding my hand between both of hers. “It just felt right.” I pull her beside me and wrap my arm around her waist. “I’m in love with her.” I don’t defend my decision because it was mine to make.
He looks at Nikki again, and this time, he wears his emotions for all to see. Squeezing the bridge of his nose is really a cover for the tears that popped into his eyes. He won’t let them fall, but it’s good to see. Happy tears. He’s a lot like our mom, which sometimes makes me miss her more. “Congratulations and welcome to the family.” He hugs her, and when she hugs him in return, I can see the sentiment is genuine. Turning to me, he squeezes my shoulder. “Guess I’m not the boss around here anymore.”
I chuckle and signal to Nikki. “There’s a new sheriff in town.”
When I get choked up, I shove his shoulder for getting me all emotional. Fucker. Grabbing me into a hold, he says, “I don’t know how you got so damn lucky.” Once again so fucking lucky to call these guys my brothers.
“Me either, but I’ll thank my lucky stars every night for bringing her.”
“I’m happy for you, Tulsa. Congrats, man.”
“Thanks.”
Rivers is already hugging on my beautiful wife when Jet goes to Hannah and puts his arm around her. When he kisses her on the head, I now understand why such a simple act matters so much—connection and chemistry.
My brother, my roommate, my bandmate, and former wingman holds out his hand. Two slow slides, three fist bumps, and a quick chest hit, and we bring it in to pat each other on the back. “Congrats, brother.”
“Thanks, Riv.”
Hannah’s little burst of giddiness startles me and makes me laugh. She claps her hands together, and says, “You should be on your honeymoon, not hanging out with us.”
Clapping her hands together too, Nikki squeals. “Now that you guys know, we can finally breathe easier.” Draping herself on me, she adds, “I’m in love with him, and it’s torture to hide it.”
Rivers sits on the couch. “You guys should get a room for a few days, not our dingy apartment. Treat yourselves.”
“That’s the problem. We can’t be seen together.”
Rubbing his temples, Jet mutters. “Laird doesn’t know, does he?”
Nikki shakes her head. “Neither does Shane, or Johnny.”
“Who knows so I don’t fuck this up?”
I answer, “Dex, Rochelle, Tommy, and you guys.”
Hannah and Jet sit down on the couch, and she kicks her feet up on his lap. He starts rubbing without even being asked. Damn, that’s love. “That’s quite a secret you were keeping. How long did you plan on hiding this?”
Sitting next to her, Nikki sighs. “Through the tour.”
“Two weeks left,” Jet says. “Are you sticking with that plan?”
Planting myself on the arm of the couch, I ask, “What do you think?”
Rivers takes the photo album and starts flipping through the pages. “For the tour, I’d say hide it. From the press, I’ll wish you luck.” Looking back at us, he adds, “Welcome to the family, Nikki.” Then something catches his eye when he turns back.
Pointing at a page, River says, “This is him. Berk Cartwright.”
I get to my feet and look at the photos. There are three on the page, but my eyes stay fixed on the top one. Shep, Berk, and our mom. “They look happy here.” Turning my head, I see the year printed on the side of the photo. “This was before I was born.”
The plastic page crinkles when I turn it, much like a warning. All the happiness I felt disappears into smoke as the illusion I’d contentedly resided in all my life collapses. There, in a photo I’ve probably seen before and never once gave any thought to, is Berk Cartwright holding me while my mother looks on with a big smile.
I don’t know how much time passes or what conversations occur around me. I just know that the man who claims to be my father just might be.
“You’re a Crow, Tulsa. Through and through. Thick and thin. You’re a Crow,” Jet says as if saying it will make it true.
Backing away from the photo, I stumble into a chair. “I think I should . . . we should. . . go. I’m tired. Need a clear head.”
Nikki rushes to me. “It’s okay, babe. It will all be okay.”
I walk around her. “It sure as shit doesn’t feel okay.” Opening the door, I hear Nikki making apologies for leaving, her voice trailing off as I walk down the path to the Bronco. “Dinner was delish. Thank you again.”
Her door opens as soon as mine does, and then I realize what an asshole I am. “I should have opened it for you.”
“It’s okay. I got it.”
Climbing inside, I reach across for her seat belt when she settles in, stealing a kiss while I’m there. “Some honeymoon this is. I’m sorry.”
“Stop apologizing. It’s about being together. We’re together. I can’t ask for anything more.” Pressing her hand against my leg, she leverages herself closer and puts her lips to my ear. “Now take me home and have your wicked way with me.”
The ignition is cranked, and the engine purrs like I want her to do once I get her in my bed. The sexy sound of Nikki Faris, Nikki Crow, coming is sweet music to my ears. Now that changes the mood completely. Focus on that. Focus on her. Let the rest go until tomorrow. There’s nothing I can do about it tonight anyway.
I buckle her in and then sit back while I click mine. “Hang on tight, darlin’. It’s about to get rough.”
“The road or once we get home?”
“Both,” I say, winking.
30
Nikki
The second the front door closes, our clothes fly off our bodies like we’re allergic to the fabric they’re made of. I kiss Tulsa, wanting him to forget the bad and only feel how good we are together.
I hate all the hours wasted while our bodies weren’t connected, leaving too much time for the realities of life to slip in and do damage. “I feel empty without you inside me.”
“I feel like I’ve died and gone to heaven every time we’re together.” He dips his head to the side and rav
ages my neck. I feel the pressure of his hands everywhere, all at once.
“I need you. I need you . . .” My voice fades off as he lifts me. Wrapping my legs around him, I squeeze to hold myself up. My husband is all man and muscle, ripped abs and cut biceps. Sexy veins and that tongue . . . “Will you go down on me?”
With his hands squeezing my ass, he’s about to take my nipple into his mouth but stops and looks up. “Don’t worry your pretty self. I’m going to spend all night savoring every part of you.” Flipping me onto the bed, he adds, “Open up, baby. I’m starting with your pussy.”
God, that’s hot.
I rest back with my head flat on the mattress and spread my legs and arms out wide. “Take me. I’m yours.”
Standing at the end of the bed, he takes his sweet Texas time looking me over, like I’m the dessert tray and he has all day. I’m tempted to pull him down or cover myself up, but he never makes me squirm for long. Kneeling to pray to my altar, he grabs me and pulls me to the end of the bed, draping my legs over his shoulders.
I can barely breathe, out of desperation for him. His kiss. His touch.
The Tulsa special appears just before he licks his lips and lowers his mouth to me. I always jerk on contact from his hot breath and soft lips that caress me as if he’s only got one last kiss to give, and he plans to make the most of it.
As he sends me racing toward the edge of an orgasm, I start to slow down and feel. I feel something so powerful, a connection with him that I’ve never shared with anyone.
This is more than love and deeper than lust. This is soul expanding. My heart feels so open, so ready to receive all his love, so ready to give all he needs. “Tulsa?” I pat the bed when he looks up. “Come here.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.” We move up the mattress until we’re settled with our heads on the pillows. I roll onto my side, wanting to see him. It doesn’t matter that I didn’t come. It doesn’t matter that he’s kissed my lips down there. I just want to be swathed in his love. I want my body enveloped by him. I want him wrapped up in me. “I love you.”
