by Scott, S. L.
Hannah laughs but then leans over the side of a little portable baby bed when Violet, their three-month old, stirs. The baby grabs her finger and falls back asleep. Lowering her voice, Hannah says, “I mean you and Stella. Thank you for the water, though, too.”
“Oh.” I chuckle. My own unburdening in Austin has allowed me to sit back and enjoy being around my family again and not harbor any envy or sadness that I was slowly becoming the odd brother out. I don’t want Stella in my life because of being lonely, though. I want her because she should have been here all along. She should be sitting here now. She’s the half of my being I’ve been missing. It feels good to spend time with these couples, these amazing people, and feel whole.
I knock the top of my bottle against Ridge’s, and ask, “We didn’t have a chance to talk back in Austin—”
“Not my fault. You were a bit preoccupied at the time.”
I can’t deny I was utterly distracted in every minute of every day—happily distracted. “Nice try. What’s up with you and Meadow?”
Tulsa practically spews his beer, causing Nikki to jump up from the chair next to him. “What the hell?” she asks, making sure she’s clean from the scene. Then Violet garbles, and she says, “Sorry.”
Hannah smiles, waving her off. “She’s fine. Don’t worry.”
He says, “Man, I haven’t thought about her in a while. How’s she doing?” I’d almost forgotten Tulsa used to have a crush on Meadow. With a constant threat of me kicking his ass hanging over his head, he was wise enough not to go near her . . . At least I think he didn’t.
When Nikki sits in his lap, he wraps his arm around her without missing a beat. They’re good for each other and uniquely them—full of love for each other and for life. They soak in everything life has to offer and laugh with each other. A lot.
Being a lead singer of her own band gives Nikki a perspective that not many other people understand. Not only does she understand what we go through to make our music, but she also gets Tulsa like no one else ever has. She has a freer spirit—a cool calmness—about her.
I once said how incredible it is that Tulsa found his perfect match, and I meant it. He’s never looked better. He’s never been more focused when he’s hitting the drums, and although the Ferrari surprised me at the airport, his rowdier ways seem to be settling down.
I set my bottle on the table, and say, “She’s good. Right, Ridge?”
Ridge laughs and hits my upper arm. “You’re an asshole.”
Jet starts laughing. “Do I want to know what that’s about?”
Taking a long gulp of avoidance with his beer, he finally just says, “We messed around a little. Nothing serious.”
A feeling of protection zips through me. “Does she know that?”
He’s already shaking his head by the time I finish the question. “She’s the one who said it.”
“Shot down?” Tulsa cringes. “Man, that’s rough.”
Nikki asks Tulsa, “Did you date her?”
Tulsa shakes his head. “Nah. She’s like a little sister to me.” Eyeing Ridge, he nods, and adds, “Like a hot little sister.” That earns him an elbow to the ribs.
“How do you put up with his shit, Nik?” I ask, sitting back in the patio chair, stuffed from the food that still covers the table.
“As long as it’s in the past, it’s ancient history. If it invades my present, that’s another story altogether.” She turns to me. “My brother said to give ’em a call when you and Ridge got back to LA.”
After touring all summer with her band, Faris Wheel, all of us became friends. Her cousin and brother round out their sound, and the guys are free to mingle. I wouldn’t mind hanging out with them and grabbing some beers, but the status quo has changed. I’m not going to do one damn thing to screw up what I’m rebuilding with Stella.
Ridge answers for both of us. “Will do.”
Resting my elbows on the table, I look at Jet. “Can we talk? In private?”
His eyes go to his wife’s first, and then he nods at me. “Sure. Let’s go to the studio. The sound equipment was installed last week. It’s sick it’s so sweet.”
We leave the others, and I follow him down a Saltillo tiled hall. They bought a Spanish style home in Benedict Canyon. I’m not familiar enough with LA to lay down roots yet, but with two kids, Jet and Hannah had other things, like schools, to consider.
Jet shows me the soundboard and the latest in innovations connected to it. Taking over the captain’s chair, he rolls the other toward me. “Tell me what’s on your mind.”
“I told Stella she could stay at the house.”
“Of course. We’re probably selling it soon, though. Even if we ever wanted to move back, we wouldn’t move back into that house.” I kick my feet up on the desk, and he promptly knocks them back to the floor. “Respect, man.” He’s teasing, but he still means it. “What’s going on with Stella? Does she need a place to live?”
“Landlord and asshole issues.” I rest on my forearms, needing advice. “I want her with me, but that’s fast, so I’m not sure how she’ll take it. I don’t want her to think I don’t respect her career or her by asking her to dump her life to be with me. And then there’s Meadow. Stella will never leave her behind, and I don’t think it’s right to either. Unless she wants to stay.”
“You said at dinner that they’re estranged from their parents. I’m sure there’s a story to back that, but do you think they’ll want to move across the country and leave everything behind?”
Lowering my head, I rub the back of my neck. “She’s been through some shit she never should have been.” I look back up. “I don’t think she’d mind a fresh start. I just don’t want to take away her independence.”
“If Stella wants to be with you, that’s not taking away her anything. It’s adding to her life. Like Hannah, man. For some unknown fucking reason, she loved me enough to allow her life to move in a different direction. But love does that. It doesn’t compete with who is more important. True love just gets shit done.” He stands and turns a few knobs before leaning against the desk and crossing his ankles. “You guys were kids back then. Reasoning hadn’t even kicked in. Mistakes were made. This is a second chance that I can see you want. Now you need to find out what she wants before you move in different directions.”
“Yeah,” I say when I stand. If there is one thing I truly appreciate about my big brother, it’s that he gets the deep stuff . . . and doesn’t need many words to communicate it. It’s what makes him a good brother, and excellent lyric writer, and a man I admire. True love just gets shit done. We walk back down the hall. Before we reach the others, I ask, “Do you remember how Mom used to put vases around the house?”
He stops and looks back with a grin that accompanies that happy memory. “I remember that. We’d pick flowers for her and put them in the jars. She always said the only bad thing about flowers was watching the slow death of something so beautiful.”
Instead of the daisies Mom loved coming to mind, my thoughts are on Stella. “That’s true.”
* * *
I claimed the guest room at Jet’s while Ridge took off with Tulsa and Nikki to the bungalow they’re renting in the Hollywood Hills. There was talk of going down to Sunset and getting drunk, but I want to lie low tonight and check in with my woman. Even more so because of the story that broke.
“Hello?” she answers after the first ring, making me feel victorious.
“I’ve been wanting to hear your voice all day.”
“I was stuck in class all day thinking about you. That’s why I missed your call.”
“It’s okay, but I need to tell you something.”
“Is it the Naomi story I saw online?”
“You saw?”
A heavy breath like a load off her chest is heard. “I didn’t read it. Screw her. She’s stolen too much of my time away with you already. I’m not giving her a second more.”
My chest still feels tight. I can’t have us moving ba
ckward after all the work we did to repair our relationship. “I told you everything that happened.”
“And I believe you. I do. When I decided to trust you again, it wasn’t just for the past but also for the future. I trust you, Rivers. So let her get her thirty seconds of fame and then we never have to think about her again.”
“Thank you.”
“No thanks needed. As for you being gone, I already miss you. That’s not normal, right?”
“It’s normal for us because I miss you too. I’ve been thinking a lot about that.”
“Do you want to share those thoughts?” she asks in a low voice, a tone that makes me feel like a voyeur intruding on an intimate moment. So fucking sexy.
“I’ll give you a hint. Every thought is about you and me being together.”
Her light laughter fills the line between us. “That sounds like more than a hint, babe. Remind me never to play poker with you.”
Babe. That’s new. I like it. A lot. “When we’re alone, I won’t be wasting time playing cards with you unless it’s strip poker.”
“We don’t have to play cards for you to get me naked.” A heavy breath laced with desire is heard. “I probably shouldn’t tell you—”
“Tell me. Don’t ever hold back.”
There’s a pause and another breath, but then she says, “I didn’t know . . . after what happened to me . . . I put the memory in a box like a bad date so it wasn’t as horrific to ruin something I once enjoyed. That box in my mind never closed, though, until I saw you. I didn’t know I could feel desire, that I would crave your hands on me in ways that are dirty but never made me feel dirty when you touched me. Rivers?”
“Yeah?” My voice lowers to match the desire stirring in me from her confession and the images of her on top of the car as I took her for all the stars in the night sky to see.
“When I said I loved you, those weren’t just words to me.”
“I’m coming back to you, Stella Lilith. There’s no way I’m not.”
“Even though you left this morning, I’ve been smiling all day. You know why?”
“Why?”
“Because when you said that miles are the only thing that will ever be between us, that spoke for my heart as well. It’s not a matter of believing. It’s a matter of knowing. I know we’ll be together, and I can’t wait because I suspect that reunion sex with you is going to be pretty spectacular.”
“Fireworks spectacular. I promise. So you know, this is new for both of us. When we were together before, I only left town once without you and that was a night of sleeping in the truck since we couldn’t afford a motel much less a hotel.”
“You had a gig in Nacogdoches right before finals. I couldn’t get off work to go with you.”
“You remember that?”
“I remember how lost I was without you.” God, I love this woman.
Holding the phone to my ear, I tighten my fingers around it, and whisper, “Now I’m the one who’s lost.”
32
Stella
Thirteen days have felt like years. It’s a tragedy in the making. I’m a mess because I miss Rivers so much. We talk every night, but it’s not the same. I tried to stay at the house—stopping by three times. But every time feels wrong without him there.
Stuck in my work routine, I look out over my classroom while the students are working individually on their history projects. “Five more minutes.”
As if he’s been waiting for the opening, Brian stops by my classroom and knocks lightly. When I open the door, I don’t step out into the hallway. I protect myself instead by just cracking it open. When he holds up a key, he says, “This is a master key. Fits all the locks in the school universally.”
“Thanks. I’ll make sure to take care of it. We have the dance committee meeting tonight.”
“Let me know how it goes.”
“I will.” I nod inside. “I’m getting back to my class now.”
“Sure.”
I shut the door and walk back to my desk. Opening a filing drawer, I hide the key in the back and then glance at the door, hoping he’s already gone. He hangs out alone for a few minutes before he carries on. Resuming what I was doing, I turn the page in my planner and start the next lesson. Creepster.
* * *
Sasha sits with her laptop on the gymnasium floor when I walk in from the far corner. She looks up with her lips twisted and scratches her head. “Hi, Ms. Fellowes.”
“Hi. Are we the first ones here?” I ask, approaching.
“Yes.” When she glances down at her laptop again, she says, “Something’s weird with the dance funds account.”
“Really? What is it?” I set my purse and bag on the floor while she stands up to show me.
“See the budget balance?”
I see the numbers, but they don’t make sense so I hard blink and look again. The number doesn’t change. “Two hundred fifty thousand dollars? What’s the budget supposed to be?”
“Two thousand five hundred.”
“Well, something is obviously wrong. I’ll look into after our meeting. Stick to the regular budget.”
I tried to focus on the meeting, but the thing is, I couldn’t just forget about it. That’s not the kind of mistake a bank makes. I pull up the account on my phone and screenshot it for reference.
When I get home, I run a hot bath and check the account again out of curiosity, but this time, I get the regular budget balance. Even when I check the activity for the account, it’s as if it was never there. A weird glitch maybe?
I can sit here all night and let my tub overflow or get in with a glass of wine and try to get my mind off Rivers being gone by getting lost in a good book.
Anything that helps the time fly until I see him again.
I step out of the bath and dry off before wrapping a towel around me. With my wine glass in hand, I finish the last drops of the pinot noir and walk out of the bedroom to return the glass to the kitchen.
My gasp catches in my throat. The glass falls, shattering at my feet. “What are you doing in my house?”
“It’s actually my house.”
I tighten my towel around me and look at my feet. Shards of glass stab into my skin, and there’s no way to avoid getting more cuts if I move. My gaze flicks back to him. “I know it’s your house, Brian, and I’ll be out soon. But why are you here now?”
“Inventory. I didn’t know you were here.”
“So my car out front didn’t tell you that?”
“I’m sorry.”
“You seem to say that a lot lately. I’m very uncomfortable right now. I want you to leave.”
He makes his way to the door, but says, “I wasn’t thinking straight. I’ve had a lot on my mind. I have someone interested in renting this place starting next month.”
“I’ll start packing.”
Silently he leaves, shutting the door behind him. He’s smart enough to know when to leave, but I wish he were wise enough to know not to come near me. Why is he behaving like this?
Using the wall to stabilize myself, I slowly lift one foot and shake it just enough for the loose pieces of glass to fall. I reach down and dust off the tiny shards stuck in my foot.
I’m not sure if it’s the glass, the scare of finding a man in my house, or because Rivers is gone and my whole soul misses him, but I lose it. The tears come hard and fast, and as I step away from the broken glass, I manage to locate a few stray pieces with my feet.
My phone rings, and I rush to answer it, wanting to talk to Rivers all day. But with each step, the glass embeds itself deeper into my foot. “Shit.” I hobble over and fall onto the couch, pushing the button when I do. “Hey!”
“Hey,” he says, his voice like a bandage to my wounded heart. “Bad time?”
“No, perfect time.”
“What’s wrong? You seem upset?”
I think about what I should say before I say it because I am upset, but I don’t want to upset him. I shouldn’t hold back. I can’t
if we’re making this relationship work and there’s nothing more I want than to be with him. “I broke a glass and some of the shards hit my foot.”
“Are you okay?”
Not in any way. “I’ll be fine. I have some micro shards I need to dig out, but . . .” I adjust the towel around me again, and a sniffle slips out.
“Stella? What’s going on?”
“Don’t freak out, all right?”
“You know as soon as someone says that you’re going to freak out.”
“I know,” I say with a small smile. “It’s handled. So before you freak out, remember that.”
“Just tell me.”
I see a spark of light reflected near my toe and reach down to pull the glass out. It’s satisfying to have it out, and I lean forward to set it on the table near the keys to Jet’s house. “I came out of my bedroom and found Brian in my house.”
“What the fuck?”
“I’m leaving. I’m going to get dressed—”
“Get dressed? He saw you naked?”
“No. I’m in a towel?”
“Fucking creeper. I should’ve kicked his ass. Stella, get dressed, get the fuck out of there, and call the police.” That’s the Crow in him. Zero to hellfire in no seconds flat. It’s both hot and concerning. Sexy to me. I love how he’s always made me feel protected. Worrisome for the person who pisses him off.
“Calm down. He’s gone. I’m fine. I’ll just pack my clothes and go to Jet’s.”
“I don’t know why you’re still there. I’ve been gone nearly two weeks.”
I run my fingers across the bottom of my foot, hoping I don’t find any more glass. “I went over the other day, but I stood in front of the bed and it just made my heart ache without you in it.”
“Your safety is my only concern right now. You need to call the cops, and you need to get out of there, Stella. If you don’t, I will.”
