I practically crapped myself when the robot Donut had turned its head to say some creepy shit to Loita. But the little panel had held. It wasn’t visibly loose. But I knew it would go flying the moment it jumped to the ground. When I’d told robot Donut to stay by the admin, I knew the heavy robot would jump off the couch the moment she’d stood up. Loita had been so distracted by my attempted extortion of Veriluxx, she likely never noticed the little piece of plastic falling off the cat and landing on the carpet.
And that’s what killed her.
“I’m not signing anything because I have nothing to give up, nobody to rat out,” I said. “And believe me, I’d love to get a free legendary box. But I have nothing to give you in exchange. This was an accident. But you’re obviously not an idiot, so I won’t lie to you. I wish I had thought of this. I wish I had outside help because if I did and thought I could’ve gotten away with it, I would’ve done it without hesitation, but I wouldn’t have wasted the opportunity on some low-level bitch like Loita.”
Donut, still on my shoulder, was stiff as a board.
The faceless man said nothing for a moment. “And who would you have used it on, then?”
I didn’t answer. There were only so many lines I could cross. There was so much I wanted to say. I thought of Brandon. Of Yolanda. Of everybody else in the world. They had all died, and nobody cared. Yet someone like Loita died, and we had to go through all of this?
You will not break me. Fuck you all. I will break you. I will break you all.
Orren sighed and pulled the paper away. “Very well. As we are unable to determine what happened and no consensus exists regarding the incident, I have no choice but to recommend that the Syndicate close the matter. However, you should know we have implemented a punitive measure onto Borant for the remainder of this floor, as this wasn’t an isolated incident. No crawlers will be allowed to be teleported away by third parties until the next floor opens. Yes, that means your next appearance on Odette’s show has been cancelled. She’s already filed an appeal.”
I had so many new questions. Lucia Mar had killed two admins and gotten away with it? How? Why wasn’t she dead?
“You can leave via the door,” the man said, dismissing us with a wave. “Your bodyguards are outside waiting.”
“Sledgie is here? Yay!” Donut said.
“And just so you know, Carl. That was lucky. I admire your grit. It makes for good entertainment, but I wouldn’t press that luck. Whomever this is that’s helping you, they are not doing it for your benefit. If the kua-tin hadn’t intervened on your behalf, this would’ve gone much differently.”
I paused as I stood. “What do you mean? How did they intervene?”
He didn’t look up. “Certain crawlers are simply too valuable to just throw away off screen, no matter how recalcitrant they are. Ultimately it’s their call. And even though I can’t find legal cause to place Administrator Loita’s death upon you, if it were up to me, I’d have you removed anyway. We discussed this in council, and it was decided that my personal recommendation be ignored. For now. The mudskippers aren’t known for their ability to recognize threats. If the rumors are correct and we do take over after the next floor, I hope my own people will be much more willing to listen to my personal assessment.”
My interface was still turned off so I couldn’t look at the timer, but I suddenly felt a chill. As far as I was aware, Loita had blown up about 45 minutes ago. But all of this… council meetings, court appeals, hand-written confessions...
“How long have we been away?” I asked.
“It’s only been five days. You’re lucky it wasn’t longer. You still have five days left to finish your bubble. Your partner Katia has gotten into some interesting adventures while you’ve been gone. She’s back on the top ten list. Above you, actually. You two are about to slip off, so you probably want to get back to work.”
“Goddamnit,” I said. I slapped the man’s desk in frustration, and papers went flying. I wasn’t upset about slipping off the top-10 list. I was pissed about losing all that time. Don’t be too mad. You’re the luckiest motherfucker in the dungeon right now. You did it. You got away with it.
Next time it won’t be so easy.
Orren looked up then, and the man’s hood slipped. The swirling black coalesced, and I realized it was actually a face-shaped bowl of liquid, made to look like swirling darkness. Within that liquid I caught a tiny glimpse of light. Mordecai had described what they looked like to me, so I recognized what was in the liquid. A worm. A Valtay worm.
If Mordecai wasn’t covered in feathers, I knew he’d be pale as a sheet.
Donut was completely poofed out and hopping up and down like she’d taken two extra espresso shots. She’d released Mongo, who fed off her energy and was also bobbing up and down excitedly. She’d already told Mordecai and Katia about the death of Loita and was now breathlessly attempting to explain what had happened afterward. It all came out in one, long, unfiltered, incomprehensible paragraph.
“…And they thought Carl was doing some Breaking Bad chemistry stuff, and I told them that was impossible because Carl used to pull his pants down when he wanted relations from Miss Beatrice, and that’s when the guy realized that Carl probably didn’t do it even though I was wrong because that was actually that Brad guy she went to the Bahamas with. Also, did you know it was agent and not Asian? I had no idea. Anyway, I think maybe the AI told them that Carl probably did do it? I don’t know, it was quite odd. Because he also said that the kua-tin said he didn’t do it. And that means the AI had to have thought that he did because he said there was a disagreement about the facts. And then the grim reaper-looking guy accused Agatha the shopping cart lady and Odette of helping us even though they’re not even in the bubble and Carl was all grumpy and said, ‘I wish I had done it’ and I thought we were going to get into more trouble but the guy didn’t care. But she’d really just died because the back fell off and blew up. And it was really her own fault, wasn’t it? She’s the one who insisted on putting the blow-up stuff in the toy, and they did, and it ended up killing her. The commercial was lame anyway because it was only going to be shown at gas stations. I mean, really. It’s embarrassing. But we can’t go on shows anymore for the rest of the floor. Odette is so mad she filed a court case about it. Oh, oh Katia, did that mean they canceled your show? Sorry about that.”
“My show wasn’t canceled,” Katia said. She didn’t sound too thrilled about it. “I went on it. They added the ban as my show was being taped. Zev told me about the ban just before I teleported back down here. She also told me what was happening with you three.”
Donut gasped. “Zev? Really? You talked to her?”
“She said she’s our temporary PR agent until everything gets sorted out. She said she’ll send a message later.”
Donut did a little hop.
Mordecai nodded. “I didn’t think I was going to see you again. I got a notice that there was a liaison hold on Donut, and then suddenly it was five days later.”
“Wait, so you were also gone?” I said. I turned to Katia. She was now down on the land quadrant and was in the personal space via a pub down there. She was also now level 41, three higher than the last time I’d seen her.
Donut and I were still in Hump Town. “You must’ve thought we were dead.”
“I didn’t know what the hell was happening until Zev told me. You weren’t available on chat, Mordecai disappeared, but it didn’t show you as dead, and all the personal space upgrades remained. Once I learned we wouldn’t know your fate for a few days, I had to take matters in my own hands. I tried flying the house to the land quadrant, but it wouldn’t let us at first until we figured out what was wrong. By the way, if you hadn’t left the controller with Louis, we never would’ve been able to fly the thing. I’ve spent the last five days killing scorpion men and arguing with Gwen. We could really use your help down here. Louis and Firas are already on the way back to pick you up. They’ve turned into quite the pilots.
Once you get your asses down here, I’ll catch you up.”
Mordecai still looked out of sorts. He was muttering to himself. “Only the fifth floor, and the liaisons are already involved. By his left tit. Next thing you know, the lawyers will be here. Everything gets complicated once the lawyers get here.”
I ignored him. “Do you know if Chris and Maggie are still trapped?”
“They are,” Katia said. “Langley and his guys are still up there with you, and he’s keeping an eye on them.”
“Why couldn’t you get the house down to the land quadrant?” I asked.
Katia waved her hand. “It’s a long story. We almost died figuring it out. It was because of the stairwell in the master bedroom. Remember what Louis did to his mother’s minivan? He had to do it to the house. You’ll see. It’s not the most elegant solution, but it works.”
“Jesus,” I said. “We really do need to catch up.”
Mordecai was still going off about what had happened to us. “A godsdamn syndicate liaison. And he just let you walk right out of there? I can’t believe it.”
“Yeah,” I said, grinning. “He didn’t even say anything about this.” I held Loita’s rebreather up in the air. I’d looted it off the dead kua-tin’s body. Since I couldn’t access my inventory at the time, I’d just shoved it into my boxer’s waistband. The device was small, about the size of a cat collar. I tossed it into my inventory now. It wasn’t very valuable and could only be used by a knee-high creature with gills, but you never knew what was going to be important.
Mordecai just gawked at me, beak hanging down.
“Wait until you hear what Carl said to my sponsor!” Donut added.
20
Time to Level Collapse: 4 Days and 22 Hours
The entire top half of the house was gone. It looked as if a group of blindfolded and drunk beavers had decided to do a remodel job. They’d ripped the top floor and the attic away, haphazardly decapitating the home about six inches below the first floor’s ceiling, which meant all of the rooms on the first floor were open to the elements. The tops of the walls were jagged and splintered. The fireplace and attached chimney had also been lopped away, but it still rose about five feet over the top of the walls. As I watched the balloon approach, a single brick fell off the stack, falling into what had once been the living room.
When they’d done their butcher job, they’d severed multiple electrical lines and water pipes in the process. They’d attempted to cap off the water, but one of the pipes appeared to have become dislodged in the journey to come pick us up. Donut and I watched as the balloon settled in front of Hump Town. Water arced into the air from the middle of the house like they’d sheared off a fire hydrant, and the main had been knocked sideways.
“What’s with the water?” I asked.
Firas jumped down off the edge of the garden and out into the sand dune. The tall man rubbed dust off his boots and stood to his full height, grinning at us. He stood with confidence, and I immediately saw the change in him. When I’d first met the guy, he’d only been level 22. He was now 30. That was still behind the curve, but he’d made up a lot of ground.
The water continued to arc away, causing a rainbow to form in the air. Mongo screeched joyfully and rushed into the spray and started dancing about. The sand around his feet was quickly turning to mud.
“One of those chainsaw buzz-ards lopped off the cap we had on that water line, and it blasted itself out of the sky. They’re like miniature versions of that giant boss that gave Katia the dangle saw. It was actually pretty damn funny. Still don’t know where all the water is coming from. I wish I had that much water pressure at my old place. It’s bizarre. The power still works, too. The things are a pain in the ass. The chainsaw buzz-ards, I mean. But they’ve been rare for the past few days.” He indicated the water arc. “The one who did that surprised us. I’ll cap it off after we land. Did Katia tell you about how she stuck the house in her inventory?”
“What?” I asked. “She can stick the house in her inventory? Balloon and all? Like, the whole thing? How?”
“Oh dude. You’ve been gone ages. A lot has happened. It was Louis’s idea. We had the thing floating just off the ground. Katia did that weird thing she does when she puts the backpack on, and it worked. Then that same night after the recap episode, they patched it, and the whole damn contraption just popped out of her inventory, floating over our heads. It almost smooshed all of us. We were all in a pub called Cuttlefish Point, and it pretty much blew up the tavern. The pazuzu guy that runs it was pissed. We all had to jump on the thing and fly away. Thought he was going to sting us for sure. It was pretty intense. Then Louis peed over the edge on the guy while he was still screaming up at us and it pretty much got us banned from town. I thought Gwen was going to rip his schlong off. Katia had to stop her from kicking his ass but she was laughing too, and that made Gwen even more mad.”
I just looked at the guy. I cursed myself again for missing so much. “Where’s the stairwell?”
“Oh yeah. So we had to hack the top of the house off just to dislodge the closet in the master bedroom. It wouldn’t let us leave the quadrant with the stairwell still attached to the house. It’s sitting about a half of a mile east of town. Close to where you landed the first time. Langley has a couple of his guys on it, keeping it clear of sand. It’s going to be tough starting tomorrow once the Red Equinox hits. They’re building something to protect it.”
“Shit,” I said. I’d completely forgotten about that. For the last few days in this bubble, the weather and night/day patterns were going change. It would be dark for something like sixteen hours a day, and the sand storm would be twice as long and intense.
“Yeah,” Firas agreed. “Down there the sand storm is a little different. Instead of it just blowing every which way, it always moves in a circle, like a clock around the island. And there’s a lot of lightning. It’s already getting darker early down there, too, so it’s now dark during the storm already.”
“Speaking of the storm, we gotta get moving,” Louis said, appearing from the inside of the house. The pudgy crawler had also leveled up to 30. “We need to hit the landing pad before it starts. Gwen said she’s going with the flood plan if we’re not back in time. Plus those feral pazuzu fuckers come out at night, and I want a clear landing zone. Oh, hey Donut.”
“Hi Louis!” Donut said from my shoulder.
“Wait, more ‘feral’ monsters?” I asked.
“Yeah, let’s go,” Louis said, all business. He turned and went back inside.
“The feral thing is the mage guy’s fault,” Firas said. “Anything that gets stuck in the Nothing for more than a few minutes goes crazy. I don’t understand how any of it works. You’ll be assaulting the castle when you get down there. But only if that Gwendolyn lady hasn’t murdered Katia first.”
“Do you feel out of the loop?” Donut whispered. “I feel out of the loop.”
Part of me was proud that Katia had just rolled with us going missing. She’d gotten a lot done. She’d managed to get the whole house down to the land quadrant, and she’d figured out how to breach the magical door that guarded the front of the land quadrant castle. All without us. Firas told me that they would have finished with the castle already if Zev hadn’t asked Katia to wait for us.
At the same time, part of me stung at the notion that she could do this without me. It was stupid. Selfish. And it was more than a little narcissistic to think that without me and Donut, Katia and the others were absolutely screwed. But that feeling was there, and I was simultaneously relieved that I’d been wrong and horrified I’d been thinking it in the first place.
I still didn’t know if we’d get there in time, but Katia and the others’ actions while we were away proved that I wasn’t as indispensable as I thought. And in the end, I realized it was a necessary feeling.
You’ll die in a gutter without me. You need me. You think you’re just going to be fine? What will you do, you disrespectful little shit? You
will break after just one day. And then you’ll die. That’s what you’ll do. Just like your fucking bitch of a mother.
I took a deep breath, clearing the memory away. I dove into my chat to check in on everybody.
Bautista had already cleared all four of his quadrant’s castles, though most people in his bubble hadn’t survived. He wasn’t a man to show his true feelings in his chats, but I had the impression he was having a hard time with it. Li Jun and Li Na and their team were about to storm some underwater castle, the last in their bubble. Meadow Lark were building a cannon to shoot oil into the sky which would hopefully take down the last of their castles. If that didn’t work, Elle was going to use her new Graupel spell to crash the air castle.
While we descended, Louis and Firas also gave us updates on some of the more popular crawlers. One of Lucia Mar’s rottweilers—Gustavo, the smaller one—had somehow “accidentally” killed a group of crawlers after a battle. The event had caused Lucia to undergo some sort of psychotic break—one worse than usual. They’d shown the strange crawler sitting alone in a room sobbing, which was the first real emotion they’d ever portrayed other than rage and pure insanity. Florin the shotgun crocodile guy had finally emerged into a quadrant to find everybody else in the entire bubble was already dead. He was desperately trying to make his way through it, but he’d only managed to clear one castle so far, and the general consensus was that he was screwed. The goat squad was almost done with their bubble, but Miriam Dom the shepherd lady was hit with some curse that ended up changing her into a goddamned vampire. Apparently she was a vegan before this, and the assholes thought it’d be hilarious to do that to her.
I listened to it all as I watched the side of the necropolis fly past us. The massive tomb was even bigger when you were looking at it from this angle. The volcano-shaped building was more mountain than actual structure. The exterior wall was covered with intricate carvings depicting pterodactyl-like creatures and other birds, all in an angular, Aztec-like style. I kept looking for a repeating pattern, but I didn’t see any two stones that were the same. There was probably a story there, in those carvings.
The Gate of the Feral Gods Page 29
