“More, on the ground!” Donut yelled, pointing down.
This was a whole group of crawlers, maybe 15 of them. They were a line of blue dots on the floor between the bubbles, moving toward the dog. I couldn’t actually see them down there in the darkness. But right after Donut pointed them out, a fireball arced from the group and headed toward Orthrus. The spell splashed against the dog, ineffective.
“Holy shit,” I said. “Those idiots are going to get themselves killed.”
“They’re going to kill us if they get the stupid puppy,” Donut replied.
A new spell shot from the group. This was a magic missile, but Orthrus bounded up atop a pair of bubbles and moved out of range, completely oblivious to the danger. He looked in our direction and started barking frantically and jumping. He slipped off and fell forward, rolling over a popped quadrant before jumping back to his feet.
“Do you see anybody else?” I yelled. The plane whined ominously. It was getting harder to breathe the closer we got to Emberus. The wind felt like a hairdryer to the face.
Orthrus yelped once again, pained voice higher-pitched than before. Both heads squeaked and cried and then stopped abruptly. The dog crashed heavily to the ground. Oh no. No, no, no.
I turned the plane around. The dog wasn’t dead. His health was down to 2% and he was Unconscious with a one-minute timer over his head. The front half of the puppy was draped over a popped bubble with water cascading off it. It was a rocky, barren world.
Quan. Goddamn shit stain mother fucker. He’d recovered and returned. He’d hit the dog from behind. In the distance, I could see the tiny, glowing speck of him floating there in the darkness. He was moving in to finish the puppy off.
The goddamned sun god was too busy shouting to even hear all of this happening a few miles behind him. I aimed right at the dog, putting the plane into a shallow dive. I punched the throttle.
“Grab the stick,” I yelled as I clicked the gyroscope and jumped onto the wing. The plane started to shudder.
“Grab the stick?” Donut shrieked. “What do you mean, grab the stick! Thumbs, Carl! Thumbs!”
“Pull up as soon as I throw!”
I loaded the potion ball into my xistera. It was filled with Mordecai’s Special Brew, which would immediately heal the puppy and make him near-invulnerable for thirty seconds. Mordecai had confirmed it’d work on the dog. I just had to hit the damn thing before Quan got close enough to cast his electrical attack.
Donut continued to scream as we dove. I tuned her out, and I put all of my strength into the throw. Far on the other side of the puppy, Quan’s left hand crackled to life. I hurled the ball, grunting with the effort. It shot through the air like a bullet. It disappeared from sight, lost as we rapidly dove toward the colossal left head.
The ball hit the puppy at the same moment Quan attacked.
“Yes!” I cried as the dog glowed. His health rocketed to the top. It did not wake him up. “That’s right you worthless… gah!”
The plane pulled sharply upward as I clutched onto the wing brace. We whipped around like in a haywire carnival ride. I immediately activated sticky feet, which momentarily saved me from flying right off the wing. Donut was in the main cockpit, screaming with her paws wrapped around the stick. She was all the way on her back against the small seat, and she had a death grip on the yoke. The plane did a complete loop as I also screamed, immediately regretting every life choice I’d ever made that led us to this moment. We looped again, this time rolling starboard. The plane groaned. Something flew off the back rudder.
“Let go of the stick!” I cried as we tumbled through the air. I forcibly pulled myself headfirst into the cockpit. I desperately held onto the seat as my back legs disconnected from the wing and dangled in the air. Donut did not let go.
I grabbed the cat and pulled myself all the way in, scrambling to sit upright and planting my feet on the rudder pedals. The plane rolled through the air, corkscrewing, centrifugal forces tossing us every direction at once. I had no idea how to correct a roll. Something had fallen off the back of the plane. Donut’s paw still trailed stinking black smoke, and it was now trailing it directly into my face, blinding me.
I centered out the pedals on the floor. They were sticky and pulled to the right. Something broke when I forced the pedals into place.
I closed my eyes, instead focusing on the controls in my interface. I gently worked the stick—which still had a screaming Donut attached to it—attempting to straighten the plane out.
We continued to spin, but less violently. I opened my eyes, and I took in the scene. I’d only managed to partially stabilize the plane. I’d stopped the barrel-roll spinning, but now we were spiraling downward, like we were going down a drain. I tried pulling up, but the plane barely reacted.
We were going to crash into the side of the puppy or land into the rock quadrant in about twenty seconds. Orthrus was still unconscious, but his health was topped off. Quan was moving in toward us, hands glowing. I could tell he was pissed off. I wondered if he still had his shield spell active. I suspected not. Below, I caught sight of something else. Someone—probably that same group as before—were attempting to kill the dog from the floor of the Lacuna with a parade of spells. They didn’t seem to realize Orthrus was invulnerable for another 15 seconds.
Quan was going to kill us before we crashed. And then either him or those idiots on the ground were going kill the goddamned dog before that idiot Emberus noticed the giant battle right behind him.
I only had one choice. I went with the nuclear option.
The moment Emberus’s description popped up on my display, I received the option to “worship” him. The notes in the cookbook all warned against this. I quickly moved to the god tab. I only had the option to worship two different gods. Grull and Emberus. I clicked Emberus.
An Are You Sure? popped up. I clicked Yes. A wall of text appeared. I waved it away.
I clicked the gyroscope in place.
“Carl, what’s happening? Why are you glowing?” Donut asked.
“Get on my back and hold on. Do not let go. Use your claws if you have to. Take the half-splat potion.”
I stood up in the cockpit as Donut clung to my back shoulders, placing herself between my cloak and my jacket. Her claws clung painfully to me, even through the fabric of both the jacket and the trollskin shirt. I reached up and grabbed the back of the top wing.
“Don’t let go!” I yelled. She trembled against my back.
There was a small, gnome-sized handhold here. I used it to bodily pull myself to the top of the upper wing. I firmly planted my feet, and I stood tall atop of the death-spiraling biplane. Quan angled in, left hand glowing blue, right glowing red—which was new. I pulled the celestial grenade from my inventory, I activated it, and I threw it with all of my strength directly at him.
He immediately shot the red bolt at the grenade in an attempt to intercept it. The ball froze in the air about fifteen feet in front of him. I had no idea what the spell was or how it was supposed to work, but it had stopped the attack in midair.
And, ultimately, it made no difference whatsoever.
The celestial grenade had been a sponsor prize to Chris and Maggie from the Skull Empire, and it was supposed to have been used to summon a pain god to kill me. Instead, I used Prince Maestro’s gift to save myself. Myself and everybody in two different bubbles.
The ball blinked once, and it seemed to wink out of existence. Quan moved to fire his main attack. I leaped from the top of the spiraling plane, plummeting out of range.
It didn’t matter. Quan never got a chance to fire his spell.
The grenade was designed to summon a god. It would be a random god. That is, unless the person who threw the grenade worshiped a deity.
Emberus appeared, having been involuntarily summoned to this location from just a few miles over. As I plummeted out of the sky and toward the ground below, I twisted in the air to see the god manifest above us. I cringed, preparing for the
heat. It never came.
He took on a strange form, different than before. He was nothing more than a massive, floating head and shoulders. The god was huge and angry, his skin a sort of shimmering, smoldering rocky gray dotted with multicolor hotspots, almost like acne. A secondary mouth screamed on his right cheek, glowing red. Above this second mouth, his skin was sunken in and flattened, like an ancient injury that had healed poorly. His empty eye sockets trailed smoke and rained blood.
The spiraling drop bear hit him right in the nose and exploded.
You have been imbued with Divine Intervention. You are invulnerable for sixty seconds.
I was invulnerable. Donut wasn’t.
Quan had been in there somewhere, and he wasn’t there now. I didn’t know if he’d been killed or not, but if he was still alive, he’d been knocked from the sky.
The head was huge, city-sized, but still smaller than the god had been just moments before when he’d been pounding on the side of bubble 18.
It looked as if we were going to miss hitting Orthrus. Instead, we’d land in what looked like a flat valley that was part of the land quadrant of this world. There was a level stairwell just sitting there not too far away, out in the open. I could see the light shining off of it, reaching desperately into the sky like a spotlight.
“Orthrus,” the god said, his relief-filled voice flowing into the world, filling the valley with sound. The blood pouring from the god’s eyes turned to rain. “Orthrus. There you are. I’ve been looking for you. I was so very worried.”
The god was supposed to hang around for sixty seconds. He didn’t. Even before we hit the ground, Orthrus just blinked away. I twisted, and the god was also gone, leaving a shimmering wake in the sky. The world around us plunged into darkness, lit only by the spotlight from the stairwell location.
I flipped onto my stomach. “Hold on,” I cried.
We slammed into the ground. Donut, on my back, cried out in pain as she bounced up off me. The wind knocked out of me, but my bones didn’t break. I took no damage. I jumped to my feet, breathing.
Entering the land quadrant of the Soulless Prophet.
Donut was unconscious. Her health had been knocked all the way down to 5%, and I realized her skin was smoldering, her hair singed. Smoke had finally stopped pouring from her paw. I immediately cast a heal scroll, and her health returned. I rubbed her fur, and my hands came away black. The god, even in the giant floating head form had been blazing hot. The Divine Intervention buff that came with the celestial grenade had protected me, and I hadn’t even realized it.
The only light came from the stairwell, a quarter of a mile away. It reminded me of when it all started, of that stairwell shining into the freezing, night air.
Something slammed into me. I went flying back.
Quan. He’d sneaked up and hit me with his lightning attack. My invulnerability was still active for another few seconds. You goddamn idiot. I leaped to my feet, turned toward him, and I charged.
The half-elf’s eyes went huge. I punched him straight in the face with my bare fist, and he flew back. A health bar appeared.
“You murderous fuck,” I yelled as he scrambled to his feet. “I’m going to rip you to pieces.”
A knife appeared in Quan’s hand, and he stabbed at me. The knife exploded in his hand just as my invulnerability ran out. The buff was invisible, I realized. I had no indicator over my head saying I was invulnerable. There was no other explanation as to why the idiot would’ve attacked me now.
I was now able to be hurt, but he didn’t know that. I gasped, and I tried to hide it. Even though the god was gone, the air felt as if it was on fire. The ground, I realized, was burning hot to the touch. It didn’t hurt my feet, but I could sense it. The stench of burning flesh filled this world.
I growled, anger building and building. I thought of what he’d done. What he’d purposely done.
“Don’t you realize,” I said. I was unable to make a coherent sentence come out. “Don’t you realize?”
Don’t you realize what you’ve done, I was trying to say. You only care about yourself. You’re stronger than all of us, but you don’t care. Think of all the good you could do. Think of how much better we’d all be if you weren’t such a selfish prick. But that’s not what came out. “Don’t you realize,” I said again, the words a jumbled growl. “You’re a bully. You’re a bully and nobody likes you. That’s why…” I caught myself.
The man turned and tried to fly away. I grasped him by the magical robe, and I slammed him to the ground. He hit face-first into a rock, and teeth went flying. I activated Talon Strike on my foot and slammed down. But the man was quick, and he rolled away.
Stop, a distant voice cried in my head. Stop. He’s not the enemy.
Fuck you, I said to that voice. He is the enemy. He’s the worst kind.
Quan was a small guy, but he was fast. Blood poured from his mouth. He glowed as he healed himself.
I lunged, and he continued to roll on the ground. He suddenly leaped to his feet, backflipping. His hand glowed blue. I jumped forward, grabbed his glowing left arm, and I yanked it, trying to interrupt the spell and pull him off balance.
At the same moment, he tried once again to take flight and escape, only this time he used some sort of special ability that caused him to launch away like a rocket, superman-like. The crawler screamed in agony as I fell back onto my ass. He took flight, disappearing into the darkness. Stunned, I watched the trajectory of the blue dot on the map. He landed a quarter mile away, and he stumbled into the stairwell station, disappearing.
“Coward,” I shouted, my rage bubbling over. “This isn’t over!”
Carl: Tran, send a message to Quan for me. Tell him that was just a deposit.
I stared down at the severed arm in my hand. It was his whole damn arm, all the way to the shoulder. It sagged, dangling limply in my grip. I just stared at it, breathing heavily.
I’d ripped his goddamned arm off. He had three rings on his fingers.
I turned, and Donut had awakened. Her luminous eyes blinked at me. I couldn’t read the expression on her face.
I sat on the hot ground, which was rapidly cooling. Fog filled the world.
Holy shit, I thought. Holy shit. That just happened. Holy shit, we’re still alive.
Before I could bring myself to say anything to Donut, the announcement came.
Quest Failed! Get Orthrus.
Not a single one of you was able to kill a level 10 puppy. A puppy. It’s no wonder you guys keep dying.
Jimbo the monkey is never going to get adopted now!
As a penalty for failing the quest, all safe rooms will only serve monkey soup and saltine crackers for the remainder of this floor.
I groaned, rolling onto my back. I felt as if I’d been run over.
Quest Complete! The Dumber of the Flunkies!
You saved a sweet, innocent puppy! He’s now frolicking on the twelfth floor where he will soon resume his training. Nun-defiling is back on the menu!
Reward: You’ve received a platinum quest box!
I briefly wondered who lived here in this bubble. I didn’t see anybody, mobs or crawlers. They’d likely all fled when Emberus started his rampage. I could go to sleep here. That, of course, would be a terrible idea.
Donut just sat next to me. She still hadn’t said a word since we’d jumped from the plane.
I sent a message to Imani.
Carl: Might as well get started.
Imani: Are you sure? Shouldn’t we wait until you’re back?
Carl: Don’t have time. If a bunch of gods start popping up, we’ll deal with it when it happens.
I still had a whole page of notifications to read. I was putting it off. I now had two new tattoos, one on the back of each of my hands. Each was of a sun. Both tattoos glowed vaguely orange.
“You know what, Carl? I’ve decided something,” Donut said, finally speaking. She released Mongo, who squawked and started investigating this strange, new wor
ld.
“Yeah, Donut?”
“I think they’re right about you. I think you’re crazy. Like, not a little weird crazy. Not guy who eats cereal without milk crazy. But crazy, crazy. Straitjacket crazy.”
I took the cat into my lap, and then I pulled her to my chest. She purred heavily into my ear.
32
I made a mistake today. I killed an NPC I shouldn’t have. We are a strong people, the skyfowl of the white cliffs. We do not take insults without retribution. He was a proprietor of a store selling trap supplies in a large settlement here on the sixth floor. I needed what he had, but he insulted me, so I killed him. It let me take the item that was on the shelf. But he had so much more. He always said the items were in the back, but there was nothing there. I think everything was in his inventory, but it appears shopkeepers don’t drop their full inventory if you kill them. Now the town guards are after me, and the shop, which was a good source of supplies for me and many others, is just gone, and I fear the whole operation is going to fail thanks to my actions. It was the only trap shop on the whole floor.
This is something we should note and remain aware of. Do not make the same mistake as me. Killing of these innocents should be kept to a minimum, unless absolutely necessary.
Time to Level Collapse: 3 days, 7 hours.
Tserendolgor: He’s gone. The world is still too hot. Everything melted. One of us can fly, and she’s going out there to put the last crystal in place, which’ll pop the bubble. We’re gonna have to go down the stairs right after. Thanks for the platinum box, too. I got an upgrade for my flamethrower. A guy in my group got a tome of Heal Party. Everyone is getting good stuff.
Carl: Okay, good. Try to do it as soon as you can. You don’t want to be sitting around in a popped bubble for this next part.
“Carl, what in god’s name is on the back of your hands?” Donut asked. “What did you do?”
I examined the twin tattoos. They were round, tribal-style tats of the sun. The tattoos were almost identical, but not exactly. The rays coming off the sun on my right hand were curled, and on my left, they were little triangles. The difference was subtle. Each tattoo was black, but with an orange glow. I could feel them there, warm and vaguely uncomfortable.
The Gate of the Feral Gods Page 47
