by Kat Mizera
Not that I expected him to marry me, and certainly not at this early stage of the game, but to say it out loud like that made me look like his plaything of the month or something, and that was unacceptable. I didn’t need any promises for the future, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to disrespect me like that.
“I’m sorry for the things she said,” he began.
“It’s not what she said,” I said, mortified to feel tears sting my eyelids. What the hell was wrong with me? I never reacted like this to men and hated feeling so vulnerable.
“What did I say?” he asked gently, lifting my chin.
I tried to jerk away but I was on the inside of the booth and he was a lot stronger than I was, even though he wasn’t being rough.
“Think about it,” I hissed, biting my lip to keep from smacking his hand away from my face.
“I called you my girlfriend without us discussing it, yeah?”
I rolled my eyes, which helped abate the tears. “No. I mean, yes, but no, that’s not why I’m pissed.”
He met my gaze, his eyes slightly narrowed as he searched my face. I could practically see the wheels turning behind those gorgeous blue eyes he no longer covered with colored contact lenses.
Neither of us spoke and I let him sort it out. It took a few minutes, too, our gazes locked intently as he probably went over and over his exchange with Veronique. I knew the moment it clicked because his eyes sharpened and then softened. Then he kissed me. The bastard. I pulled away, my pride refusing to allow me to give in that easily, but the moment we touched, my body betrayed me.
“The comment about not getting married,” he said finally.
“What about the comment?” I pressed. He had to know, and understand, how insulting what he’d said was.
And there was the blank look again.
“You really have no idea, do you?” I sighed, disappointment flooding me.
“Not exactly, no.” He reached for my hand and squeezed it gently. “I told you from the beginning that I’m not good at this stuff, so help me out, okay? I can’t learn and be better if you don’t talk to me.”
I blew out a breath. “In the same sentence, for the most part, you called me your girlfriend and then reiterated the fact that you had no plans to get married. Which demeaned my importance to you in a very public way since that woman had already insulted me and made her intentions toward you very clear.”
He looked horrified and I had to admit it was almost comical, watching the play of emotions on his face as he digested what I’d told him.
“Fucking hell,” he groaned, dropping his head. “Forgive me, Lennox. You’re right. That was awful, terrible, selfish—”
“Okay, enough with the self-flagellation. But seriously, Sandor, while we’re nowhere near ready to talk about something like marriage, what you just did made me feel…used. She’d just insulted me, saying I wasn’t wife material, and you reiterated it by saying you weren’t going to marry me.”
He grimaced. “No. It came out all wrong. I’m so sorry. She caught me by surprise. She was at the inaugural ball Erik threw last winter after he ascended the throne, and he told me I should dance with her. Her father is king of an important trade partner and at the time, I was single. So I danced with her, but she was pushy as hell. She practically stuck her tongue down my throat on the dance floor and I blew her off after that. I don’t know how she found me here tonight, but I was trying to be as rude as she was and get rid of her. It never occurred to me…” His voice died off and he reached out to cup my cheek with his hand. “What I meant was that Erik has no say in who or when I marry, not that I wouldn’t marry you.”
I breathed in through my nose, sad and still incredibly embarrassed, but I knew him well enough to know he hadn’t meant it the way it had come out. Even if it was true, that he would never get married or that he’d never marry me, he wouldn’t say it out loud and humiliate me like that.
“Forgive me for being an insensitive ass,” he whispered against my lips, his forehead pressed to mine. “Please don’t take what I said to heart. I didn’t mean it that way and I would never intentionally say something so thoughtless.”
My heart and my brain warred with each other internally as I struggled to come to terms with what he was and wasn’t saying.
“I have to know something,” I whispered, clearing my throat.
“Anything.”
“Is this just a fling for you? Something that has no future? Because if so, I should know. I’m pretty chill with dating, but we live and work together, and I’ve uprooted my whole life to move to Limaj. It’s not fair for you to let me think there might be a future for us when this is nothing but live-in sex until something better comes along.”
“Bloody hell.” His British accent rarely showed itself after so many years in the U.S., but it came out in all its glory with that exclamation. He shifted in the booth so he was almost facing me, to the extent the close space allowed, and gripped me by the shoulders. “Not a week ago I told you we were together exclusively—does that sound like nothing but a sex thing?”
“It sounds like a good thing where you’re almost as sure as you can be that you have a willing partner in your bed every night who’s not sleeping with other people and potentially bringing diseases and such home.”
“We use condoms,” he protested. “That’s not an issue.”
“Sandor, I’m not good at this dating stuff either. You have to say the words. You have to be clear about your intentions, whatever they may be at this stage in the relationship. Because I’m too old, and have been burned enough times, to allow anyone to play with my heart.”
For a moment I thought he was angry, but then I realized he was upset. Probably at himself, but I couldn’t be sure, because he wasn’t saying anything. He was just watching me, something he did a lot, I noted.
“I’ve thought of no one but you for weeks,” he said, slowly bringing one of my hands to his lips, kissing the back of my palm so sweetly it nearly made me squirm in my seat. “I told the construction crew that your suite was to be done last, because even though I didn’t have the nerve to say it to you directly, I can’t even fathom the idea of you not being beside me every night when we go to bed.” He turned my hand over and brought the heel of my palm to his mouth and gently nibbled the soft flesh there. “On the nights you have something to do or you’re up late talking to Casey, I can’t sleep until you’re beside me.” His lips moved to my wrist, and he pressed more light kisses on the inside, trailing them up the inside of my arm. “I get a little tongue-tied every time I look into your eyes because there’s so much I want to say, but it feels like it’s too soon and I’m woefully inept at expressing my feelings properly.”
I blinked at him in surprise. This wasn’t what I’d been expecting his response to be at all. I was getting a little misty-eyed again, but for a totally different reason this time, and I wasn’t sure how to respond. He’d just said the sweetest things, made my insides get a little jiggly, and shown me a side of him I hadn’t seen before. Damn this guy, he was such an anomaly.
“You never fail to surprise me,” I said quietly. “I wish I wasn’t so awkward with this stuff because I don’t know if I’d ever be able to say something as sweetly eloquent as what you just said.”
“You and me both,” he whispered, kissing the side of my face. “If what I just said came out eloquently, it was pure luck. Believe me.”
We both chuckled, our faces close together.
In my peripheral vision, I had the feeling we were being watched and turned my head just in time to see a photographer duck down behind a wall.
“What is it?” Sandor immediately followed where I was looking.
“The press,” I said softly. “Someone was taking pictures.”
“Shit.” He made a face and pulled out his wallet, motioning for the waiter. “Let’s get out of here.”
“Is it going to be a problem?” I asked as he paid the bill and took my hand, leading me out to th
e car.
“What? Pictures of us having a romantic dinner?” He shook his head as he unlocked the door and opened it for me. “In fact, the only problem will be Erik and Casey not leaving us alone and wanting all the details of what we’re doing and when and how many times.”
I chuckled as he shut the door behind me and got into the driver’s seat. “I just meant, you know, with you being a prince and all…is there certain behavior expected from you?”
He shrugged. “Yes and no. Should I be seen smoking a joint at a rock concert with my middle finger in the air? Probably not. Kissing the woman I’m currently dating while we’re out to dinner? That’s never going to be a problem.”
“Sandor?”
“Yes, love?”
“I’m sorry if I put you on the spot before. You know, after Veronique left us.”
“It’s fine. We needed to discuss our relationship, and it was a kick in the ass for both of us to say what was on our minds.”
“Okay.” I hoped he was right. Not about the need for us to have the talk we’d had so much as the pictures of us that would inevitably make the tabloids or something. I wondered what was being said about me behind closed doors. I had no doubt he and Erik had discussed our relationship, and though I didn’t think Erik disliked me in any way, I honestly didn’t know how this was supposed to work. Erik had married a commoner, of course, but maybe that meant that Sandor needed to marry someone with some status. Someone like Princess Veronique.
Ugh. The thought made me sick so I put it out of my mind. There would be plenty of time to second-guess myself and everything about this relationship. Tonight, I wanted to enjoy our first real date and the hockey game since there wouldn’t be any hockey once we went back to Limaj.
25
Sandor
I was fairly certain I couldn’t have screwed up our first date any worse than I had. I thought about that as we watched the Sidewinders take the ice. I cursed my royal upbringing and Veronique in ten different languages in my head, hoping I hadn’t ruined everything with my girl.
My girl.
I hadn’t used that phrase in a long, long time. Maybe fifteen years or more, since my early days at university, and it was strange. But it also felt right. Comfortable. Well, it had until Veronique had shown up and made me say something incredibly stupid. God, it had come out with such superiority, and I hadn’t given a second thought to how my proclamation might make Lennox feel. It had been arrogant of me to respond like that, but it was habit. I always shot down women who ran in royal circles because they could be like vultures, hungry to feed on any vulnerability, always looking for their golden ticket to marriage to a royal.
Even before Anwar’s deception and going into hiding, I’d decided I would never marry a woman like that. I wanted someone who cared about the man I was, not the title or money I brought to the table. Any woman I married could be granted the title of princess, but it was optional and would depend on Erik. Only he could make that happen, and of course, it was something both the woman and I would have to agree to. I didn’t use my title anymore, being much more comfortable with a regular first and last name. Erik had been hinting that it might be better if Daniil, Elen and I all used our titles because the royal family needed to be much more public than we’d been over the last decade. I was still on the fence, though, and figured it would come up again at some point.
It was hard to explain my aversion to the royal life. I’d always been uncomfortable with it, which was why I’d made the decision at sixteen to train as an official Bodyguard to the Royal Family. My mother had been disappointed, but my father understood and had told me to do what felt right. My father was a distant cousin to the royal family in Sweden, and though he carried the title of prince, he’d never used it after marrying my mother. Like me, he’d been uninterested in life as a royal and had only taken on some light ambassador-type duties because it was expected of my mother and King Isak had wanted to keep a good relationship with Sweden. Accordingly, my father had been my biggest ally when I’d balked at the life of a titled prince.
In retrospect, my decision had been the best one for me at the time, but not so much anymore. The royal family had dwindled down to just a few of us—Erik, me, Daniil, Skye, and Elen. Erik’s children were now part of that, but as far as adults went, it was just us. His father, my uncle Ben, was still alive of course, but he’d abdicated so he couldn’t be anything but an ambassador of sorts.
It was a shame, I thought, because if he hadn’t abdicated, perhaps none of the events that had followed would have happened at all. I didn’t dwell on that very often, but for the first time in years, I longed for my father’s counsel. I’d barely had time to mourn the loss of my parents and older brother because our lives had been thrown into chaos immediately after their deaths. Then I’d been tasked with protecting Casey and Luke so I hadn’t had time to think about much of anything. Every so often it caught up to me. Like tonight. When I would have loved to ask my father for advice about Lennox.
My parents hadn’t been snobs. They would have liked her. In fact, everyone that knew her liked her. Elen thought she was great, Erik and Casey would probably walk us down to a chapel on the Strip right now if they could, and Joe was incredibly happy we’d gotten together. He thought of Lennox like a daughter, so his approval meant a lot and I appreciated it.
“You look like a man with a lot on his mind,” Erik said, coming up behind me. He’d invited us to join them in the owner’s box, and after our run-in with the press, I’d decided to take him up on it. Lennox had seemed a little disappointed, but I’d at least had the good sense to explain to her why I thought it was a good idea. Mostly, it was because I wanted to avoid any run-ins with the Veronique’s in my life since they were apparently going to make appearances at the ball on Saturday.
“Yeah, well, my first real date with the woman in my life has been less than memorable,” I muttered. “Well, it’s been memorable, but probably not in a good way.” I told him about Veronique showing up at the restaurant and my gaffe in the conversation that followed.
He let out a low whistle. “Damn. That was an epic fail.”
“Tell me about it.”
“Well, you could eliminate the Veronique’s of the world if you’d just make it official that you’re off the market.”
“I’m trying. I told Veronique she was my girlfriend.”
“Yeah, but you know how that is. Until there’s a ring…”
“It fucking pisses me off.”
“Why do you think I tried to marry Casey as quickly as possible?” He laughed.
“Hey, Uncle Loco.” Luke joined us. “Is it true Lennox is your girlfriend now? How come you never had a girlfriend before? She’s really pretty and—”
I put my hand over his mouth, leaning over to whisper in his ear. “You gotta play it cool around girls, man. Chill.” I wiggled my eyebrows to show him I was just kidding, but Lennox had heard him and I caught her chuckle from where she was watching the game.
“Oh. Sorry.” He glanced at Lennox, who was still laughing, and he turned bright red.
Erik bent to whisper something to him and Luke smiled, though his ears were still a cute shade of pink.
“I miss you,” Luke said to me, dropping his voice considerably.
“I miss you too, kiddo.” I gave him a half-hug.
“I wish you weren’t going back to Limaj already.”
“We aren’t going back for two more weeks,” I reminded him. “And then you’ll be coming for three weeks at Christmas.”
“Yeah.”
“And maybe we’ll come back here during spring break,” I said, catching Erik’s eye meaningfully.
“And maybe,” Erik joined in, “we’ll have an English-speaking school set up in time for next year so you can live with me.”
Luke nodded. “Yeah.” He turned to the game and yelled just as Anton Petrov scored. “Woohoo! Go, Anton!” Luke was caught up in the moment, along with everyone else, as Anton celebrated hi
s first official goal as a Sidewinder. Sasha seemed a little subdued, but Casey was beside her, whispering in her ear.
I used the distraction as an opportunity to wrap my arms around Lennox from behind and rest my head on her shoulder. “Having fun?” I asked her.
“Of course. You?” She turned to me questioningly.
“Any time I’m with you and not working, I’m having fun,” I responded.
She shook her head. “Uh-huh. Still trying to sweet talk me after the Veronique thing, huh?”
I made a face. “Let’s not use her name, okay? It makes me nauseous.”
“You and me both.” We laughed together and I was glad we seemed to be back to normal. I didn’t know what was next for us, but I was genuinely interested in finding out. Hopefully, there wouldn’t be any similar episodes at the ball Saturday night.
Joe and Chains, with some input from Ace, had put together half a dozen candidates interested in working for the royal family. Though we always had to double- and triple-check their backgrounds and history, all of them had been working for Joe for at least two years and had been vetted by him personally. But choosing three to bring back to Limaj was a daunting task. The older guys, though they had more experience, were probably not good fits because while none were currently married, they all had major ties to home. Elderly parents, children living with an ex, something that made them less likely to be happy seven thousand miles away.
The younger guys seemed much more untethered but I wasn’t sure how I felt about them. I realized I was being over-the-top in how protective I was of the family, but that was the problem: They were my family. This wasn’t just a job to me; this was my life and it would be hard for anyone on the outside looking in to understand the depth of my concern.
