by Kira Adams
“Let me walk you out,” Kendall says, jumping to her feet.
“You don’t have to do that—I know my way out,” I joke.
“I know, it’s just the least I can do after you helped my parents with all of this.”
“You’re welcome.” I reach for her front door. The door swings open of its own accord and suddenly we are standing face to face with Dylan.
I glance back at Kendall, allowing her to speak the first words.
“Dylan…what are you doing here?” she asks, nervously tucking her hair behind her ear.
“It’s your birthday, isn’t it? How could I miss that?” He hands her a nicely wrapped present.
Out of the corner of my eye, I notice something move in the distance. Squinting, I notice a fellow student of ours, Kenton Jacks, in the passenger seat of Dylan’s car. Kenton is in a different grade and on the varsity football team. He catches me staring and waves awkwardly, as if he’s uncomfortable with me seeing him.
I hold up my hand stiffly, attempting to wave as Kendall stares me down.
“Who are you waving to?” she inquires, curiously looking out.
“Oh, it’s Kenton Jacks. You guys hanging out tonight?” I turn my attention to Dylan.
“Actually, yeah, we have one or two classes together. He’s a pretty cool guy.”
I nod. “Cool. Have fun.”
After Dylan is back in his car with Kenton and driving off, I turn to Kendall. “What do you know about Kenton?”
“He’s on the varsity football team and he’s popular. What else is there to know?”
“I heard this interesting story about him once…” I trail off, it all coming back to me.
“What was it?”
“Long story short, Mr. Jacks bats for the other team.” I ready myself for her reaction.
“So, you’re telling me I conquered a gay guy?”
“Come on, I’m not leaving until you eat something.” Parker is perched on the edge of my bed, holding a serving tray with the most unappealing-looking tomato soup on it.
I can’t remember the last time I ate voluntarily. I haven’t been able to handle more than a couple of bites here and there. My brother was taken from the world less than two weeks ago and it shattered my entire universe.
I’m not the only one affected; my parents are facing a rough patch after the devastating news, neither one wanting to spend much time with the other, sadly, because they are constantly reminded of Mason. In a time you would expect a family to pull together for strength, mine is falling apart at the seams.
Parker was also close with my brother, but he is staying strong for me, saving his breakdowns for the solace of his own room so as to not upset me any more than needed.
I pull the comforter over my head and nestle myself into my pillows. “Go away,” I growl. I’m in full-on bitch mode, but Parker continues returning, every day for two months until he finally coaxes me out of the comfort of my room, out of the comfort of my home.
I glance around at the blue skies surrounding us, breathing in the air.
“Go on, admit it—you missed this.” Parker points to the trees as if to signal nature.
He always seems to know what is on my mind without much effort. I shake my head lightly, smiling back at him.
“Admit it!” He chases me all over the yard with his fingers outstretched, threatening to tickle me to death. We fall to the green grass, laughing, out of breath.
“This is the first time I’ve seen you smile, since…” Parker trails off, knowing he is treading unstable ground.
“Don’t say his name,” I whisper, the pain still too much to bear.
“It’s good to see you smile.” He changes the subject swiftly. “I forgot how beautiful it was.”
I stare into his chocolate-colored eyes. “How do you put up with me?”
“It’s love, babe. You have to take the good with the bad. Hasn’t anyone ever told you that?” he replies, kissing the top of my head.
“You’re definitely an original.” I respond by kissing him eagerly for the first time in weeks.
“Mmm,” he murmurs just as our lips part. He looks around at the sky above us. “Shit, where did that come from?”
I glance up to see what he is referring to, noticing a huge black rain cloud hovering directly above us. “Fantastic,” I reply sarcastically as the first rain drops began to pelt the ground.
“Ready to go back inside?” Parker grabs my hand without waiting for an answer from me. I stop abruptly, still holding his hand, causing him alarm. “Are you okay?” he asks as he hops back to me.
“I wanna stay out here awhile,” I respond, winking at him through the downpour.
“Well you’re just full of surprises, aren’t you?” Gently he moves my drenched hair out of my eyes and lowers his lips to mine.
17
Daffodils. Roses. Lilies. Daisies. Flowers everywhere. Literally everywhere. Valentine’s Day is upon us, and every couple in the world is getting down on their type of romance. This year is different; this year is exciting. Madalynne suggested a reverse Valentine’s Day, one in which I have the starring role, to be spoiled. It’s a strange feeling not going all out this year, but I want to appease her.
I may have lied when I said I wouldn’t get her anything. Okay, maybe lie was too strong. I didn’t spend any money. I simply wrote her a love letter, something that’s so foreign nowadays but still holds mountains of class and respect.
School is nauseating with the amount of red and pink scattered about, not to mention the handful of public displays of affection. Don’t get me wrong, I’m secretly a softie, but I like to reserve that for Maddy.
“That smells incredible.” I lift my nose in the air, inhaling deeply.
“Why thank you.”
In celebration of her parents attempting to work it out, Maddy and I decided to forgo our reservation at Morton’s Steakhouse so they can enjoy a night out. It’s an hour’s drive so we know we have full reign of the house for at least the next four hours.
Maddy finds a recipe for a chicken pot pie and quickly makes two for us. She doesn’t cook very often, but when she does, it’s mouthwatering. After finishing up with dinner, she brings out a surprise dessert: chocolate soufflé. I’m definitely being spoiled.
After we make our way to the living room, Madalynne speaks. “So, I thought long and hard about what I was going to get you, and I think I finally got it right. I hope you like it,” she says as she hands me a stack of gifts.
In my lap sits a pair of Seattle Mariners tickets to an upcoming game, Breaking Bad seasons one through three, and a half dozen of my favorite cupcakes from the Cupcakery. I look up at my girlfriend, smiling. “You couldn’t have done better if you tried.”
I lean forward, pressing my lips firmly to hers. “Thank you.”
As much as I love spoiling Maddy, it does feel good to be on the receiving end for once, to feel important.
“Well…I know I promised not to get you anything, and I didn’t—but I did write you something.” I hand her my epically long letter.
She begins unfolding it right then and there.
I put my hand on top of hers to stop her. “Maybe you could read this later?”
She smiles, nodding. “No problem.” She folds it back up with ease, sticking it into her back pocket.
After allowing our food to digest, Madalynne treats me to a movie of my choice. We ended up at the theater to see The Quiet Ones, a recently released horror.
We are waiting in line for popcorn and soda when I catch sight of Dylan a couple of lines over. “Dylan! Hey!” I holler, waving my arms above my head. “Dylan’s here.”
“I see…” Madalynne replies stiffly. “I don’t think he’s alone.”
Dylan looks over, spotting us instantly. A look flashes across his face; he looks like a deer in headlights, ghostly pale as he waves back slowly.
“Why is he acting so strange?” I ask Madalynne, although I know she likely won’t have
an answer.
She shrugs. “I’m guessing it has a lot to do with Kenton.”
“Kenton Jacks?” I whisper.
“Yeah, they are obviously here together.” She motions with her shoulder toward the two.
I’m not completely oblivious; I’ve heard the rumors swirling around about Kenton…but why are they hanging out?
After paying for our popcorn and soda, I beeline it to my best friend. “Dylan!”
He turns around. “Oh, hey, Parker.” He doesn’t seem pleased to see me.
“What movie are you going to see?”
“The Quiet Ones,” Dylan answers.
“Same here! Maybe we can sit together,” I suggest as we make our way toward the theater.
Kenton laughs under his breath.
“What is it?” I feel compelled to ask.
“Oh, nothing, it’s just Dylan and I had a bet on what movie you were going to be seeing. He said if it were your choice, it would be Gladiator, but if Maddy got her way, it would be a horror flick. Looks like she won.”
I shrug. “Luckily I’m down for anything.”
We follow the guys into the theater, and the silence is unnerving.
“So, how do you guys know each other?” I break the silence after what feels like an eternity. The question seems like a ridiculous one given the fact that we all go to school together…however I’ve never seen Kenton and Dylan run in the same circles, let alone acknowledge one another’s presence. Maybe I am a little jealous…Dylan is my best friend, and I’m not ready to be replaced.
Dylan glances at Kenton, almost as if to silence him. “We go to the same school,” Dylan answers, responding just as I figured he would.
“I think what Parker meant was do you guys have a class together or something?” Maddy joins the conversation.
I nod, glancing thankfully at her.
“Yeah, I thought I told you that the other day?” Dylan looks at Madalynne, irritated.
I do a double take, wondering what secret they’re hiding from me. “You saw Dylan the other night?”
“Yeah, I thought I told you. He stopped by Kendall’s to drop a present off on her birthday.”
“You guys were all hanging out and I wasn’t invited?” I ask, unable to hide the disappointment in my voice.
“He was in and out, babe, and plus, Kenton was with him.” Madalynne shovels popcorn into her mouth.
The movie starts, and our conversation ceases for the sake of the entertainment. But I can’t stop thinking about the fact that Kenton and Dylan are hanging out on a regular basis…one I have not been privy to.
If the rumors about Kenton are true, does that mean Dylan is…? I’m unsure how I feel about the possibility that my best friend may be hiding his true self from me. My brother was gay and didn’t know the support system he had. He never came out to any of us. Dylan will be my friend no matter who he prefers to sleep next to at night. I want him to be able to trust me with a secret of such a high caliber.
“What are you guys doing?” I ask, a chuckle escaping my lips. I enter my brother’s room to find my best friend Madalynne applying bright pink fingernail polish to his nails.
“We’re getting glamorous!” Madalynne exclaims in a high-pitched voice.
Bo laughs heartily, glancing at me. “We were bored. It was Maddy’s idea.” When he turns his face toward me, I notice blue eye shadow and blush on it.
“Just as long as it doesn’t get any weirder than that…” I trail off, unsure of how to feel about the entire situation.
“Actually, can you do us a favor?” Madalynne shoots a glance at me.
“What now?”
“Get out your mother’s camera and record this.”
“What?” I ask, confused.
“We’re going to put on a fashion show!” A grin spreads across her face like wildfire.
My eyes dance back and forth between my brother and best friend, speechless. “You guys are such nerds.”
“You do realize you’re next for hair and makeup, right?” Madalynne teases.
“You got anything better to do?” Bo shoots back at me.
No, actually. I don’t. I can’t be so surprised; it’s very much like the pair to come up with oddball ideas to fill our summer days. I shrug before leaving the room to retrieve the camera for our many adventures.
18
It’s the end of April and spring is the shining star. Things are good—suspiciously good. My parents have been communicating minus a small hiccup, and Parker and I have never been better.
My mother invited Parker to dinner and planned to make her famous lasagna with my help. We spent the better half of the day cooking together, having a blast. I forgot how much I enjoy spending time with my mother. She’s in her element when she cooks.
“Parker is going to be here any moment—is it almost ready?” I ask my mother.
“Nearly, but I don’t want to start without your father. Can you find out where he is?”
I glance up at our wall clock. I didn’t realize it was so late. My father normally returns home around 6:30 pm every night. It is nearly 6:50 pm. I pull out my phone and dial his number.
No answer.
I hang up without bothering to leave a voicemail when I hear the doorbell chime.
Parker grins widely when I open the door. “Hey babe, thanks for inviting me.”
I kiss him quickly, pulling him inside. “We were going to wait for my dad, but I have no idea where he is and I’m starving.”
“Hello, Parker.” My mother greets him warmly as we enter the kitchen.
“It smells amazing, Mrs. Johnson.”
“Don’t be silly, you know it’s Shannon!” my mother says in an exasperated tone. She never tires of reminding him.
“Sorry, Shannon.”
“Now, come on, dish yourself up some food,” she instructs us.
“What about Dad?”
“The food will get cold, come on now.”
My father shows up twenty minutes later. The tension is high and thick. Parker and I sneak out before any daggers are thrown. Apparently, he gave a coworker a ride home and that was his reason for being late, but that doesn’t justify him conveniently avoiding our calls. His strange behavior is oddly familiar.
“So, have you figured out what your plan is yet? I mean, after we graduate?” Kendall asks. We are sprawled out on my bed, eating popcorn, reading magazines, and listening to the new Ke$ha album.
I shake my head no, discouraged. “I want to help people. I know that.”
After Mason passed, things that had been important to me weren’t anymore. I didn’t want to look to the future when my best friend was stolen from mine prematurely.
I became bitter, resentful, downright a pain to be around—but Parker wouldn’t give up, showing up to my house nearly every day with my homework and food. He was the one bright thing in my dark life. He brought me back to life. The only thing I don’t need to contemplate for my endgame is him.
“Well you need to start sending out applications soon, Maddy, or you’re going to miss the deadlines.”
I nod back without looking at her. “Can we change the subject please?”
“Sure…so, your birthday and anniversary are coming up! Tell me you are finally going to do it!” Kendall squeals, her blond curls bouncing up and down. She’s referring to losing my virginity to Parker on my birthday, which is also conveniently our anniversary.
“I don’t know.”
She stops flipping through the magazine and sits up, inching closer. “So, you’re telling me you’ve made the poor sucker wait almost four years…and you might make him wait longer?”
I shrug my shoulders. “I know what you’re thinking…you’re thinking I’m crazy to be so close to him for so long and not…want him.” Saying the words aloud makes me blush.
“Did you forget I was the one who had to suffer through your endless Parker rants all throughout elementary school, and then even middle school?” She glares at me.<
br />
No, I haven’t forgotten how long I’ve dreamed about, wanted, and lusted for Parker. I remember every single word he’s spoken to me; I keep records of every single text message, every single email. I want to be able to go back to any of it whenever I want to for reference.
But I want our first time to be magical. I need to make sure I’m ready—we’re ready. I don’t ever want to take one moment for granted with Parker. That’s why I vow constantly to let him know how I feel, every day as I feel it.
I stand. “Does it hurt?” I ask anxiously.
“It’s more of an uncomfortable feeling. You shouldn’t have so much riding on the first time, you know.” She lies back down to flip through the pages of her magazine. “It’s the times after that make it all worth it.”
My birthday is finally here, and Parker planned all the festivities. He didn’t let me in on any of it, of course. As soon as I arrived home from school, Parker called to make sure I would be ready to go within an hour.
Because of the dual celebration, I wear a dress I bought especially for this. It is mid-thigh, and black, grey, and white. I dress it up with a black shawl and silver jewelry. My makeup resembles a smoky eye, which really compliments my hazel eyes and long, curly, dark brown locks.
When Parker shows up at my doorstep, he is nothing short of exquisite. His dark brown hair, almost black, is styled perfectly, along with his blue, button-down collared shirt and slacks.
“Wow, you look…incredible.” Parker searches for the words. He takes me in his arms and gently presses his lips against mine.
“You’re not too bad yourself, mister,” I joke. “Where are we going?”
“It’s a surprise.” His eyes dance with excitement.
Before I know it, we pull up to a restaurant. It is a well-known, highly expensive Italian restaurant. “Babe, are you sure you can afford this?” I ask worriedly.
“What did you think I’ve been saving up for these past couple of months? A road trip?”
“Well, yes, because that’s what you told me.” I poke him playfully in the chest.
