Schwartz laughed. That wasn’t the reaction the bounty hunter had been expecting.
“Get hurt?” Schwartz yelled. “Get hurt? You’ll invade my home with your tricks and fucking threaten me, you meathead piece of shit? I know all about you, Brownstone. You’re nothing. You think you’re tough. I have artifacts you can’t even begin to imagine. Come at me, you stupid asshole. I’m going to shred you atom by atom, while you beg me to kill you to end the pain.” A loud bang came over the line. “How fucking dare you threaten me? After I’m done ripping your atoms apart, maybe I should go and fucking demonstrate my power like that witch did at the farmer’s market just so Smite-Williams learns to never, ever fuck with me. Come at me, Brownstone. Fucking come at me. I look forward to killing you and making your skull into a toilet.”
Yeah, this guy’s not on the world’s most stable list.
The amulet continued whispering and murmuring in James’ mind, obviously spoiling for a fight.
Don’t worry, you’ll get your chance.
James ended the call, and his phone rang a second later.
“Yeah?”
“I listened to all that,” Heather explained.
“And?”
“That guy’s fucked up. Totally unhinged.”
James chuckled. “Yeah, a lot of these guys are. I don’t know if they start out that way, or if messing around with powerful magic does it. At least this asshole doesn’t have a nickname.”
“Do you think he was telling the truth about killing people after he kills you?”
“Yeah, I do. Gonna give him a little while to stew on things, then I’ll just handle him. Was hoping this didn’t have to get violent, but it doesn’t seem like I have a choice.”
Heather sighed. “Okay. Discount.”
“Discount?”
“Maybe you’re used to psychos threatening to rip you apart atom by atom, but that’s kind of new for me. I’m going to give you a big discount and back you up when it comes time to take the guy down. That is, if you want it.”
James thought it over for a few seconds. Shay used Peyton’s help to great effect, but James had never worried about that kind of thing before. Always seemed too complicated. Heather just watching his back didn’t seem that bad, though.
“Guess it wouldn’t hurt to try once.”
Trey and the boys sat around the table working on the casserole Aunt Charlyce had prepared. It’d been a good day. They’d bagged their target, a real scumbag, and no one had gotten hurt despite running into a witch and poor communication. The delicious food was a bonus.
“You say this witch just walked off?” Aunt Charlyce asked.
Trey nodded. “Johns was being an asshole, and she didn’t like his attitude.”
His aunt smirked. “See, that’s the problem with men. They don’t know when to shut up.”
The other bounty hunters continued to stuff their faces, less interested in the day than the food.
Trey sighed. “The whole thing does make me think. We got to be careful when we hit the level threes, even if we don’t know about magic.”
“You should always be careful.” Trey’s aunt spooned out more of the casserole for him. “And you should eat up.” She smiled, then sighed as she surveyed the table. “Good food, but always a mess after.”
“Oh, yeah, that reminds me.” Trey pointed at Deshawn and Carl. “You two are on cleanup tonight.”
Deshawn put down his fork. “Huh? Why me?”
“Because we’re all gonna take turns, except Auntie Charlyce.”
“Why not her?”
“Because cooks don’t clean. I suggest you learn to cook if you don’t like to clean.”
10
James frowned as he made his way toward his front door. He needed to make a quick trip to Zoe’s place for a few more health potions. After the rant the other day it was obvious that Schwartz wasn’t even close to surrendering, and he’d have to handle the situation the more traditional straightforward Brownstone ass-kicking way.
I knew I should have just barged in. Could have taken the fucker completely by surprise.
His phone chimed with a text alert.
AUTOMATED ALERT: Two new videos for Parkour Penny. Links follow.
James frowned and tapped the first link. An awful and grainy night video of someone leaping rooftops followed. Given the distance and poor quality of the recording, he couldn’t even be sure it was a woman.
This is the shit I’m worried about?
“Here she is again,” blathered a male voiceover. “The mysterious woman we’ve taken to calling ‘Parkour Penny.’ The guy who recorded this video said he spotted her several minutes before, but he had to concentrate on keeping up with her before he could try to get some video. That’s the grace and elegance of our Goddess of Movement.”
James snorted. He’d describe Shay many ways, but not graceful and elegant. This was a woman who complained about assassins being pussies because they didn’t get close enough to targets to get their blood on them.
Some additional banal filler followed until the end of the short video. James started the second.
Okay, this is more of a problem.
In the new video someone was following Parkour Penny, and even from a distance, James could recognize his dark-haired girlfriend, if only from her movements. The camera angle suggested a headcam.
Shay leapt from one building to another and the cameraman followed, but she had a couple dozen yards on him for most of the video.
That’s impressive, but it’s also not shit I’m ever gonna be doing. Parkour makes even running complicated. How the fuck do you make running complicated? Guess that’s the French for you.
Another voiceover kicked in with commentary. “You have to think that a woman who can move like that has a hell of a nice body, and I love me a tight, athletic body.”
James gritted his teeth.
“Yep,” offered another voice. “This is an athlete with no fear. I think she’d be a hellcat in bed. Screw the fantasy of being with a gymnast. I want to be with a parkour woman.”
James grunted, his hand tightening around his phone. These assholes were talking about his woman.
“I wasn’t able to get close to her that night,” continued the first voice, “but maybe next time.”
“Shit. I think that if a man can’t keep up with her, he doesn’t even have the right to think about asking her out. You should just give up now.”
You assholes can’t keep up with the real Shay. I’m a real man, not you.
“Screw you,” the first man responded. “I’ve gotten closer than almost anyone. I’m sure she’s watching these videos. She’ll contact me when the time is right.”
You fuckers stay away from Shay, or I’ll show what it’s like to sail through the air after I punt your asses.
James snorted and then took a deep breath. What was he even worried about? It wasn’t like Shay was going to leave him for some parkour asshole. She still needed to be careful about getting caught, but so far, it seemed like her issue was more groupies than cops coming after her.
Guess she can feel a little of the bullshit I have to deal with. Maybe next time Tyler sets me up, I won’t have to worry about getting rid of the video.
James finished the video on mute and headed out the front door. He had more important things to worry about, like healing potions and kicking Gregory’s Schwartz’s ass.
Fucker was probably lusting over Shay too.
A long, winding road continued up the hill. After his trip to Zoe, James headed toward the address, which brought him into an unincorporated area in the San Gabriel Valley foothills. A few homes dotted the road on either side, but at least James wouldn’t have to worry about innocent people being caught up in his fight with Schwartz.
Unless the fucker opens some magic portal to another dimension.
James scoffed. The man talked a good game, but the bounty hunter doubted Schwartz was as badass as his rant. People who were both strong and
vicious didn’t rely on tricks like illusions to take what they wanted. It was obvious Schwartz wanted to convince James he was a threat to scare him off, but the bounty hunter wasn’t buying it.
Yeah, he’ll probably be crying by the time this is over. Maybe I should make him record an apology to the Professor?
The amulet whispered something in James’ mind. For a second, he almost thought he could understand the words. Something about enemies and strength. Even without full understanding, the amulet’s desire to test itself against Schwartz was obvious.
“I’ve got you on long-range from my drone,” Heather reported via James’ earpiece. “You sure you want to use jammers? I won’t be able to help you as much. I’ll keep this drone flying outside jamming range, but it’s too far to get good IR from the house. I’ll still do my best to hit the household defenses, but Schwartz has already disabled a lot of them from what I can tell. I can’t communicate with you under jamming even if I can hack his hardline stuff, but he’s already killed the power in the house to disable his electronics so not much I’ll be able to do.”
“Don’t worry about it. He wants me to come. Arrogant fuck. Just keeping an eye on him has been helpful. If I need more help, I’ll kill the secondary jammer once I’m inside.”
“If you’re sure?”
“I’m sure.”
James stopped his F-350 in front of a rusty metal gate blocking the final stretch of the road. A weathered ranch house stood at the end of the road a few hundred feet up in the hills.
A huge TRESPASSERS WILL BE SHOT sign hung on the front of the gate right next to an equally large NO SOLICITING sign.
“I hope Shay’s having a fun time on her tomb raid,” James mumbled. “I don’t think this shit’s gonna be fun at all, even if it ends up being easy. Stupid Schwartz.”
The bounty hunter backed the truck farther down the road. No reason to risk an RPG attack on his beloved F-350. Only luck had saved it from destruction when his house was blown up, and even that incident had been far too close for comfort.
James grabbed a go-case he’d picked up earlier from the back and fished out the last few pieces of equipment. Just because he didn’t believe Schwartz would be much of a threat didn’t mean he shouldn’t be careful. He might be wrong. The man had artifacts.
With plenty of spare mags, multiple throwing knives, and a few more grenades than usual, James was ready to kick some ass. He might not be able to destroy an entire international gang with his loadout, but it’d work for one man, even a well-prepared one.
James pulled a few jammers out of the go-case before tossing it into the backseat.
“Jamming now.”
“Talk to you later, Mr. Brownstone,” Heather replied.
James activated the first jammer and set it on the passenger seat. He slapped the second on his wrist, then pulled out his phone and tossed it on the seat too. It’d be useless with the jamming anyway.
Hope no nature lover is running their drone nearby.
Despite the warm temperatures, he was still wearing one of his now-standard-issue Shay-disapproved shabby gray coats. It was nice to have a few extra pockets filled with gear when you were about to blow something up or kill a man or twenty.
The bounty hunter jogged up the road and activated the other jammer. He hadn’t spotted any drones and neither had Heather on his drive up, but this would save him from any surprises from above, and maybe a few household defenses if Heather couldn’t handle them or they were wireless access only.
He approached the gate, his gun still in his holster. With the house so far up the road, James doubted the battle was going to start until he kicked in the front door. He’d worried that Schwartz might run, but Heather’s surveillance hadn’t spotted any unusual movement.
James snorted. Schwartz had bragged about his artifacts, but his gate lacked useful magic like the glamour redirecting people from the School of Necessary Magic. He wasn’t as big a deal as he thought.
You’re not so tough, asshole. We’ll see who is crying and begging by the time this shit is over.
The bounty hunter walked the width of the gate until he found the latch keeping it closed.
“Yeah, so much for your badass security. But I’ll give you this, asshole. It’s hard to hack a simple latch.” James reached over to the gate to flip the latch.
A roar deafened James and flame blinded him. A few seconds passed before he realized he’d been flung into the air. Several more passed before he slammed into the ground, kicking up dirt. Dirt, rock, and bits of metal rained over the area.
He groaned and shook his head. His shabby grab coat was now only half there, but he hadn’t lost any equipment. Burn marks and small bleeding cuts covered his body. There was a huge crater where the gate had once been.
The amulet’s whispers picked up, hurried and accusatory.
James stood and dusted himself off. The pants, coat, and shirt were a loss, but he didn’t even need a healing potion; not so bad for getting blown up.
He frowned. Heather had been watching Schwartz, which meant the man had trapped the gate before James had called him.
What a paranoid fuck.
“That should be the worst of it,” he muttered. “That asshole thought he could blow me up at the gate, but he didn’t know about the amulet.” James took a few unsteady steps forward, his legs and arms aching. “Okay, good hit—I’ll give him that—but he needs to finish me off to win this shit.”
James frowned and stepped to the side of the road. Schwartz had probably trapped the road farther up. There was no reason to walk into his next surprise.
A few minutes passed as James proceeded toward the house, thinking about how much fun it’d be to throw the asshole through a window.
Fucking Schwartz. You should never have stolen from the Professor. When I get to you, I’m gonna—
The ground gave way and James fell into sharpened metal spikes. He grunted at the sting. The trap produced a few new minor scrapes, but no serious injury unless he counted the new hole in his left boot.
Fuck. I just bought these boots last week.
James jumped and hoisted himself out of the pit. He stared at the pit and shook his head. If he hadn’t had his amulet on he would have ended up skewered in several places. A healing potion might not have even been enough.
Again, even if he could communicate with his hacker, it wouldn’t have been helpful. James laughed. Schwartz understood the power of KISS.
Something clinked in James’ pocket. He frowned and checked his pouches. He’d started with three potions, but the shattered remains of one filled one of his pouches.
“Fucking Schwartz. Those things aren’t cheap.”
The amulet’s murmurs and whispers were near-constant now. It was excited. Maybe even proud and ready to prove its power.
James stared at the pit and the road. Anything could be trapped on the way to the house, and he’d been lucky that the attacks had all been conventional. For all he knew, Heather was stopping missiles from raining down on him.
Some weird magical power lance might kill him before he had a chance to drink a potion, and even if Schwartz had been bragging about his power, the man had a history of stealing artifacts. He could have almost anything in the house.
“Main road it is. At least if I keep blowing up, it’ll knock me closer to the house.”
James continued up the road. He was almost to the house when he heard the click. He looked down, frowning at the portion of the road now depressed. The fake asphalt paint job seemed obvious now, not that it did him any good.
“Damn it.”
He took a deep breath and jumped forward. Several loud twangs sounded, but nothing exploded. A moment later, he spotted the dark spheres hurling through the air over him.
“What the fuck?”
James leapt to the side as the spheres exploded with a hiss, releasing a cloud of greenish liquid. His quick movements spared him from the bulk of the attack. His legs stung, and new holes appeare
d in his pants. A few more traps and he’d be finishing this job in nothing but his socks and a tactical harness.
“Fucking acid?” He snorted. “You kidding me? Who the fuck actually makes an acid trap?”
James scrubbed a hand over his face. He ached and bled and his clothes were shredded, and he wasn’t even at the house yet.
It’s like I woke up on the wrong fucking side of the bed this morning.
11
James continued his death march toward the house. The fun had continued with a burning arrow shower and a bouncing incendiary mine. The pit filled with what he assumed were poisoned spikes had been a nice touch.
How long has this guy been setting up traps?
He’d made it out of the pit and to the front door without collapsing, but he wasn’t sure if the amulet protected him from the poison or the poison had never made into his bloodstream. Either way, it was yet another spot where he’d have been killed without his amulet.
Guess it’s a good thing Alison browbeat me into wearing this all the time.
It’d become easier to ignore the whispers in his mind with his recent constant use. It was almost like white noise; there but not something demanding his concentration.
James downed a healing potion. The burns, cuts, and aches on his body weren’t lethal, but they’d slow him down, and he was done underestimating Schwartz. The man might be an arrogant fuck, but he also was paranoid on a level even Shay would find extreme.
The aches faded, and the wounds sealed themselves. New skin grew over the burns. He remembered halfway through to try and time the healing process, but by then it was too late to figure out anything useful.
I’ve taken plenty of healing potions with the amulet on. I guess it’s a good thing that it’s not stopping the healing, but it doesn’t seem to be making it stronger either.
James’ attention drifted to his wrist. His second jammer was missing, probably in a pit or melted to slag on the road.
Hail To The King: An Urban Fantasy Action Adventure (The Unbelievable Mr. Brownstone Book 8) Page 9
