Under a Different Sky

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Under a Different Sky Page 13

by Iler, Lindsey


  “I’m going to drive myself today, if that’s okay.” I’m not sure why I’m asking permission. They bought me a car for this exact reason. Most days it’s easier to ride with him since he’s already headed that way. Perks of having a teacher and coach as a father, I suppose.

  The door opens, and my mom steps inside as I’m pulling the covers back.

  “You doing okay, sweetie? You’ve been awfully quiet all weekend.” She sits down on the bed. “That’s not like you at all.”

  Sure, sit down, because this is exactly what I want to do first thing in the morning.

  “I’m okay, Mom, I promise,” I lie.

  It’s better than the alternative. Actually, Mom, I’ve been quiet, because I’m having this internal dilemma about wanting someone who is, for all intents and purposes, off limits.

  She stands, brushing my hair from my face. “You never were a good liar, Hannah.” She goes to leave, but something makes me stop her.

  “Mom.” I toy with the fraying edge of my blanket.

  “Yeah?” She turns, hope shining in her eyes. Mother’s intuition has to be sending out bright lights right now, telling her not to give up on me.

  “If you made a promise to someone, and they pass away, do you still have to keep the promise?” I swing my legs over the edge of the bed and dig my toes into the carpet, watching the glitter in my nail polish sparkle in the morning light.

  “Did you make a promise to Mia?” She lifts my chin with her finger. “Because I’d say you should try to keep your promise, but not if it’s hurting you in any way. You were a good friend to her, before and during.” She kisses the crown of my head. “Don’t beat yourself up too hard, okay? Whatever it is, it’ll work out in the end the way it’s supposed to.”

  Once she’s gone, I stare at a photo of Mia and me from freshman year, having replaced the frame Nick broke. I quickly flip it over. It’s like she’s watching me, knowing what I’m doing.

  There’s barely enough time to get ready. Jeans and a long sleeve t-shirt are close-by, so I throw them on and race out the door. The final bell rings as I pull into the parking lot. Day dreaming and pondering the last few weeks is my reason for being tardy. I doubt my teacher will take that as an excuse.

  “Fuck, I’m going to be late,” I mutter, tugging my bag from the back seat and racing into the building.

  My dad waves, leaving his office to head to class. He smirks, knowing I’m running behind. The hallways are almost empty, and classroom doors start to close.

  I’m whipped to the side and pulled down a hallway so fast, I don’t realize what’s happening until I’m pinned against a white brick wall. Nick flashes a sexy smirk at me. I go a little stupid from his closeness and forget what words are for a minute.

  “I wanted to call all weekend,” he whispers, his lips dangerously close to my ear.

  “Why didn’t you?” My chest rises, bumping into his as I try to catch my breath.

  “You said you need time, Hannah.” His hand traces along my arm, up to the back of my neck, and into my hair.

  “Is this you giving me time?”

  His eyes are immediately drawn to me biting the corner of my lip. His mouth opens a bit. I’ve never noticed how perfect his lips are.

  “No, this is me, showing you what you do to me.” He presses against me, and I stifle a breath, surprised by his boldness. He shoves off the wall, but I wrap my arms around his waist, pulling him back in. “That kiss is all I could think about all weekend.”

  “Maybe we could...” I look back and forth down the hallway. We’re alone.

  “Yeah, I think we could.” He cups my face between his hands, and I close my eyes, allowing myself to fall apart under him.

  This kiss is nothing like the ones at his house. It’s hurried and frantic in the best way possible. He pulls my bag off my shoulder and drops it to our feet. Like fire, his hands spread over the surface of my body, burning the memory of his touch into my hips and back. He releases my lips, brushing my hair from my face.

  “We should probably get to class.” I bend down to grab my bag, but he knocks it out of my hand.

  “Not yet.” Like a craving man, he devours me, taking every last breath from my lungs. His hands roam up my shirt, touching the bottom of my bra. I melt into him, never having felt this way with anyone.

  My push on his chest is weak, because of my lack of will to move. “No, really, we need to get to class, Nick.”

  “Nice shirt.” He smiles, eyeing the shirt I’d thrown on this morning.

  I gasp when I realize it’s his. “I didn’t mean to. I was running behind.” My cheeks burn from embarrassment. How stupid can I be? I’m wearing his damn hockey shirt like I’m his girlfriend.

  “Do you want to come over tonight?” he asks. “Maybe you can leave the shirt on my bedroom floor.”

  I shove him back another step, laughing at how cute he’s being. “I’ll come over after practice.” Right now, getting as far away from Nick as possible is my main goal. He could keep me trapped here all day.

  “Oh, and, Hannah!” Nick yells as I reach the corner of the main hallway. He grins, like he knows something I don’t. “Good morning.” He walks backwards away from me and chuckles.

  What twisted universe am I living in? And where is he going? We have the same class.

  When I walk in, the classroom is quiet. Mr. Kimball points to my desk, and Nicole narrows her eyes as I pass her. I’m never late. Two pieces of paper sit on the black top, and I flip mine over, realizing we are having a pop quiz. I write my name at the top.

  The door opens. Nick strolls in, hands Mr. Kimball a note, and sits down next to me.

  “Where did you go?” I whisper, keeping my eyes on my paper, hoping not to be caught.

  “To your dad’s room to have him write me an excuse for being late.” He fights his amusement, flipping his quiz and starting to answer the questions.

  “And you didn’t get me one?” I ask, annoyed.

  “Yeah, Hannah”— he glances up from his paper and smirks— “I went to your dad and said, ‘Your daughter and I need a note to get into class because I pinned her against a wall and kissed her a bunch this morning’.”

  I smile and focus on my quiz.

  “You’ve got a point,” I whisper a moment later.

  “You know, if you keep smiling like that, you’ll have me believing you like me or something.” He scoots his stool closer to me, our hips nearly touching. His left hand tickles my leg as he brushes his fingers across my upper thigh. The close proximity has my head spinning.

  “People may be able to see you doing that.” I peek around the room to make sure we haven’t earned an audience.

  “Does that mean you want me to stop?” he asks.

  I glare at him like I’d kill him if he did. “Not what I’m saying, Nick.” I bounce my other leg, nervous about the sensations his closeness brings. His touch is like Heaven, and the last thing I want is for him to stop.

  All it took is one kiss, and everything I’ve held so close to me is blown out of the water. My promises are clouded, and my character is in question. Who hooks up with their best friend’s boyfriend after she dies? I may quite literally be a whore.

  “Do you still need some time to figure things out?” His pinky finger runs dangerously close to the zipper of my jeans, tickling me through the fabric.

  Holy fuck. I smack his hand away and instantly miss his touch.

  “Miss Barnes, is something funny? Would you like to share it with the class, since you’re so rudely interrupting their quiz with your laughter,” Mr. Kimball says.

  All eyes are on me, and I hate it. I’ve never been called out in front of the class before.

  Nick snickers, and I’d give anything to punch him right about now.

  “No, Sir. I apologize,” I say, looking down, hoping to avoid any sort of eye contact with anyone.

  Nick’s hand squeezes my thigh before returning above the table to finish the test. He manages to keep h
is hands to himself the rest of the hour. Occasionally, our knees bump, and excitement courses through me when he smiles at the slightest touch.

  After class, Nick leaves without saying a single word, as if he hadn’t touched me the way he did.

  “Why are your cheeks so flushed?” Nicole asks as I stop at my locker to drop off my bag.

  “They’re not,” I lie, even though they’re burning.

  “Whatever. Do you want to go with me to pick up supplies for this week’s game? Make some signs and stuff?” She leans against the locker beside mine.

  “Yeah, but I need to be done by five-thirty.” I slam my door and see questions staring back at me.

  “Hot date?” She follows me down the hall.

  “No hot date. Just have some stuff to do.” Lying about Nick is beginning to feel natural. I’m not sure if I like it or not, but at this point, there is no other option.

  “Fine. I’ll drive, then bring you back here to get your car.” She waves over her shoulder, hurrying towards her class. “See you at lunch.”

  I get through lunch and my last two periods without any run-ins with Nick. He must have bailed out of third period. Like a girl with a crush, I’ve spent all day looking over my shoulder for him and checking to make sure my hair is in place and my lip gloss perfect.

  “Earth to Hannah!” Nicole shouts.

  My head almost hits the roof of her car, I jump so far. “You scared the living hell out of me.”

  “I’ve been talking for like the past ten minutes, and I’m pretty sure the words coming out of your mouth were English, but I couldn’t quite tell.” She snaps her fingers in front of my face, and I push them away.

  “I’m good, sorry.” I make a promise, from this moment forward, to push him out of my mind unless he’s directly in front of me.

  I owe Nicole better than this. We’ve been a bit off since the night at the rink. She’s told me she’s here for me, and this is usually the thing I’d discuss with Mia.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” she asks, pulling into the craft store parking lot. She cuts the car off and turns to face me. “You know secrets turn into wrinkles, right? It’s better to get it all off your chest, if you’re feeling some new feelings for...” Her voice drifts off towards the end. What is she getting at?

  “I want to, but I can’t right now.” It’s the most truthful thing I’ve said in a really long time. I do want to talk to her, so desperately, but until I understand my own feelings and Nick’s, I’m sort of stuck in limbo.

  She rolls her eyes so hard, they may stick back there.

  I drop my hand to her arm before she escapes. “I haven’t been fair to you,” I add. A certain kind of failure creeps into my veins. I don’t like knowing I’ve wronged someone, whether it is intentional or not. Those aren’t comfortable feelings.

  “What do you mean?” Nicole asks.

  “It was always Mia and me, you know? We were thick as thieves, inseparable...”

  “And I was on the outside.” She finishes my thought.

  “I never realized how it may have felt until she passed. My one confidant was gone, and even though I always kept you at arm’s length, you were right there to pick me up.”

  “I always knew it was the two of you, and then me. It was how our group worked, but I wasn’t kidding when I said if you need anything at all, I’m here for you.”

  “I know you are, and I’m going to take you up on that soon. Trust me, you’ll regret ever offering.” I nudge her leg and smile, hoping that getting this conversation out of the way will save us some destruction.

  “And until then, I’ll pretend like it’s completely normal to talk to a brick wall.”

  We get out of the car and meet at the front.

  “Is it that bad? Have I really been spacing out?” I jut out my bottom lip, pouting.

  Nicole wraps her arm through mine and rests her head on my shoulder. “Oh, yeah, it’s sort of endearing now.”

  Thirty minutes later, we walk out of the store with a shit-load of poster board, markers, and glitter. Nicole is far too excited about decorating the boys’ lockers and making signs for the game. This is her thing. She’s missed her calling of being a cheerleader. The problem is she doesn’t have enough pep. Everything else though, she has in the bag.

  “You can do Nick’s locker,” she says once we get in the car and head back to the school.

  “Why would you say that?” Jesus, could I sound anymore defensive?

  “Because some junior already snagged Beckett, and everyone sort of avoided Nick like the plague because Mia usually did his. We weren’t sure how he’d react, but I figured you’d be willing to do it,” she explains.

  “Yeah, sure, it’s no big deal. I can do it.” I stare out the window. Seems I’m just slipping in where Mia left off. I hate that is even a thought in my head.

  “What’s going on with you and Beckett, anyway?” Nicole pulls into the school parking lot, and I help her gather the supplies.

  “Nothing really to tell. We hung out, kissed a little, and that’s sort of been it.” I shrug, holding poster boards under my arm while balancing the other things Nicole is piling in my hands.

  “Kellan said you’re all he talks about in the locker room.” She hip-checks me, and I almost drop my load.

  Is this chick seriously making me carry everything? She’s almost gotten away with it. I hand her the poster boards.

  “Great, just what I aspire to be. A locker room antidote.”

  Nicole and I go into the cafeteria and separate the lot into piles. We work for the next hour, making catchy signs to put on the boys’ lockers. It’s a tradition that started ten years back.

  “That’s all you’re going to do?” Nicole glares over my shoulder, inspecting my work.

  The sign has Nick’s name in block letters. I think there’s nothing wrong with it until she shows me the one for Kellan. Hers is over-the-top with glitter and hockey stickers. Mine lacks any sort of exciting element.

  “Okay, I see what you mean.” I laugh, throwing it in the garbage. “I promise, when I put it on his locker, it won’t look so...” My head tilts side to side. “What’s the right word?”

  “Ugly. We could go with ugly.” Nicole gathers the supplies, and I help her take them to her car.

  Nick pops out one of the side doors near the rink and races over to us, grabbing some bags from my hands. “You girls look like you need some help.” While Nicole’s back is to us, he smiles and winks at me.

  “What’s gotten into you?” Nicole turns, her hands heavy on her hips. Skepticism over Nick’s caring behavior oozes off her.

  “It’s a good day, Nicole. That’s all,” he says.

  “I like that.” She smacks the back of her hand on his chest and grins at him. “You’re owed one, but unfortunately, you probably won’t be thinking that after you see the atrocious sign Hannah plans on putting on your locker.”

  I glare at her and hand her the rest of the stuff.

  Nick is standing awfully close, his eyes on the cement. He finally looks up and smiles. “I’m sure it’ll be fine. See you guys later.”

  I start to second-guess if we’re still planning on hanging out. He drives past us but doesn’t look our way.

  “See you tomorrow, Hannah.” Nicole waves over her shoulder and drives away with me still standing in the middle of the parking lot.

  When I get behind the wheel of my car, I let my head fall back onto the headrest, closing my eyes to try to dull the sudden headache. My phone beeping breaks the quiet. I search my purse and pull it out.

  The screen is blurry, and I rub my eyes to read the text.

  Nick: See you in 5.

  I guess there’s my answer.

  The drive to Nick’s is filled with so many questions. I keep playing them over in my head, and the answers are still unknown. I have no idea what I’m going to do once I’m inside the house. We’ve already crossed so many lines.

  Mrs. Kovac answers the door when I kno
ck. “Hey, sweetheart. He’s up in his room.” I stand in the entryway, fidgeting. “You can go up if you’d like.”

  “Are you sure?” I kick off my shoes and pause, expecting her to tell me I’m not allowed after the last time.

  “Hannah, you’re welcome in our home. Try to relax, okay? I meant what I said.” She points up the steps. “Have fun.” My stomach sinks when she calls up the stairs with a laugh, “Just not too much fun.”

  Did she actually just say that to me?

  I make my way to his room. The door is cracked. The small space shows him sprawled in the middle of his bed. His hands rest behind his head, and he looks completely at peace.

  The door creaks, and he springs up, running his hands over his thick thighs. His eyes lock with mine. “You can look at me from in here, Hannah.”

  I open the door and walk in. “You ever put a shirt on?”

  “I figured, since you were coming over, I’d keep it off. You owe me one, after all.” He smirks, pushing off the bed and coming close enough I could reach out and touch every single ripple of his chest.

  I can’t help myself. I run my fingertips over him. He’s only seventeen, but he’s earned the body he has. He’s strong and toned.

  He wraps his hand tightly around my wrist, tugging me forward and pulling me on top of him as he falls onto the mattress.

  “Nick, your mom is downstairs,” I say, but the effort is futile the moment his lips touch mine.

  He rolls me over onto my back, taking the top position. I close my eyes, reveling in the way he encompasses my entire body. He kisses me, long and hard, as if he could never get enough. When he lowers his body between my legs, his hardness presses against my center, and I moan. This makes him smile against my lips.

  “I wasn’t kidding when I said I want you, Hannah.” He reaches between our bodies and rubs me through my leggings. My hips buck, and a satisfied sigh escapes my lips.

  “That’s the thing. I don’t want to be just an itch you scratch. I’m not supposed to—”

  “Want me? You aren’t supposed to want me, but you do.” He finishes my thought.

  “I do want you.” My nails dig into his back. “Every time you touch me, my entire body feels like it’s on fire. I don’t know how to do this, be like this with you, and still respect her.”

 

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