“Everything okay?” he asks, leaning back against the counter as he sips his coffee.
“Everything’s fine.” I glance over my shoulder, out of the window. Dawn is just beginning to break, but this time of day isn’t alien to Noah. Running a restaurant isn’t a nine-to-five job, there are days when I don’t even see him. Days when he’s up before me, when he doesn’t get home until the early hours of the morning. Days when he survives on just a few hours’ sleep, but he loves his work. It’s his passion. As am I. Another reason why I love him as much as I do, he’s my soul mate. The other half of me. “Why wouldn’t it be?” I turn my head back to look at him.
“You said you couldn’t sleep.”
“I’m fine. There’s nothing wrong.”
He raises an eyebrow. He doesn’t believe me. “Is it something to do with what we were talking about last night?”
I shake my head and take a sip of my tea. “No.”
“You sure?”
“I thought you were going to call Jack? Get him to come in early and check this delivery?”
“I’m a control freak, remember?” He smirks, and I laugh quietly, dropping my gaze.
He puts down his mug and comes over to me, sliding an arm around my waist, his other hand cupping my cheek, angling my head back a touch as he kisses me gently. “It’s my birthday soon.”
I pull back slightly and frown. “I know.”
“My fortieth. That usually means something special happens, right?”
I’m a little confused, and my frown deepens, I say nothing, I wait for him to expand on whatever it is he’s trying to say.
He leans in to me, so close his mouth brushes my ear, sending a million tiny shivers tearing up my spine. “Let’s live out a fantasy, Kari,” he whispers. “Let’s do something wild, something crazy.” I feel my stomach jolt, and I don’t know whether it’s nerves or excitement because he’s so close to me. Because he’s touching me. “You. Me. And a stranger …”
He leaves that sentence hanging, and my breath catches in my throat as I try to speak, but I can’t say anything. His fingers slide between mine and I squeeze his hand, our eyes locked together, and I don’t know what I’m feeling now. We’re going to Norway for his birthday; spending a few days over there with his family. The friends we have out there. I’d thought that trip, combined with the party I know his mum is organising – I’d thought that was special enough. This has thrown me, but it shouldn’t. Not really. He’s right, it’s not like we haven’t talked about those kind of fantasies before, haven’t talked about what it would be like to act them out, for real, but it was always one of those conversations that happens after a few drinks, late at night, when everything you say is because your inhibitions have been tossed aside and you feel comfortable talking about anything.
“One night, Kari. One night where we allow ourselves to live out something many couples wouldn’t dare explore.” His fingers gently stroke my cheek, his lips brushing lightly over mine. “But we’re not just any couple, are we?”
I stare into his eyes, swallowing hard, I don’t know ... I don’t …
“I love you so much, baby.”
I reach out, run my fingertips over his mouth; his rough jaw line. “I love you back, a million times more.”
He smiles, and my stomach flips over, the way it did the first time he kissed me. The first time he held my hand. The first time we had sex.
“And if it happens in Norway, it stays there. Okay?”
I tilt my head to one side, does that really make it okay? If we do something so reckless, in another country, could we really just leave it there, what we did? If we do anything.
He lets go of me and steps back, and it’s almost like he’s flicked a switch somewhere; put that subject to rest for now. I’m not sure that’s something I can do …
Three
“You’re having a party when you get back, right?” Jenna asks as she watches me pack a case for mine and Noah’s trip to Norway. “I mean, I’d hate the rest of us to miss out on the celebrations.”
I look at her, throwing her a half smile. “You just don’t want to miss out on a party.”
Jenna holds up her hands in mock surrender. “Guilty. But you know how me and Leo feel about you guys. You’re our closest friends, we want to celebrate Noah’s big birthday too.”
“Yes, we’re having a party when we get back, of course we are.”
“Great! I’ll organise it while you’re away.”
Jenna and I run an events company, specialising in party planning, although, they’re usually parties a lot bigger than your average fortieth birthday do. Corporate events, weddings and company dinners make up the bulk of our business, although the work we love most is when we get asked to organise smaller, more intimate parties. We fight over who gets to take charge of those, and ideally that’s what we’d love to concentrate on, it’s just that, right now, those alone don’t make us enough to pay the bills.
“So,” Jenna sits down on the edge of the bed, “what’ve you got planned when you’re over in Norway?”
“Some time to ourselves, hopefully.”
“I thought you loved Noah’s family?”
“I do. I adore them, all of them, but me and Noah very rarely get any real time alone together, so, you know? It’d be nice, to just have a day or two to ourselves.”
She picks up one of my dresses and starts folding it, placing it neatly on top of the pile of clothes already in my suitcase. “We’re your family too. Leo and me. You know that, don’t you?”
I smile at her and she stands up and hugs me. I love my friends. I love my life.
“Are you okay?” Jenna asks, sitting back down. “You seem a little – I don’t know – distracted.”
“I’m fine. I’m just trying to make sure I’ve done everything I need to do before we leave.”
“Yeah, well, I’ve got work covered, so don’t you dare start worrying about that. Gerry and Fran are sorting out the charity dinner on Friday and James, Kim and Caron are working on the wedding at Redworth Hall. Everything else is in hand. You just concentrate on enjoying yourself.”
“Thanks, Jen.” For a second or two I contemplate telling her what Noah and I talked about – another person joining us, for sex. A stranger. Another man. Noah wants to watch me, have sex with another man … something that, since he mentioned it, since he made it a thing, I’ve been thinking about, a lot. Possibly too much. And it would be good, to talk about it with someone who isn’t involved, because I feel like I need to talk about it, just not with Noah. He’s too close, and I still need to get my head around it, find out just how serious he is about this. I’d never wanted – never even thought about sex with another man before, but now it’s there, in my head, it’s stuck there, I can’t shift it. He’s made this so that every time I close my eyes I picture sex, with Noah, and a stranger. Sex, with a stranger, while Noah looks on. Watches us. But making that a reality …? That’s something I’m still struggling to agree to. And usually I’d tell Jenna everything, but this – this doesn’t feel like a conversation I should have, not even with my best friend.
“Anyway, talking of work, I’d better get back to the office.”
Jenna’s voice cuts through my thoughts, and I look at her. “You sure you don’t need me to pop in before I go?”
Jenna waves a dismissive hand in my direction. “No. You’ll only get distracted and find a hundred and one things that don’t need doing. Not by you, anyway. It’s time for you to switch off now. Promise me you’ll try and do that, okay?”
“Okay,” I laugh, returning her smile as she leaves the room and bounds down the stairs.
I hear voices out in the hall – Noah’s voice. I hear Jenna laughing, and then the front door shuts and Noah runs upstairs, all boyish grin and mussed-up hair. He looks tired, but he’s been at work since four 0’clock this morning. He’s already done ten hours. All I’ve done is pack cases, set timers for the lights and made sure the neighbours know we�
�ll be away for a few days.
“Is the lunch time rush over now?” I ask him as he kisses the side of my neck, slipping his arms around me from behind.
“I’ve officially handed the reins over to Jack.”
But I know he’ll still make at least a dozen calls to the restaurant before we even leave the house. And he’ll make more once we’re in Norway, but that’s fine. I doubt I’ll be able to go more than a day or two before I check in with Jenna.
“It’s time for us to wind down now,” he murmurs into my neck, and I lean back against him. Slide my fingers between his. “Now we get to escape for a few days.”
I turn around in his arms and I kiss him, slowly, melting against him as he holds me close. “Yeah. We do.”
He drops a hand down onto my thigh, slides it up under my dress, and I close my eyes, rest my forehead against his as he strokes my skin; as he touches me, moves his hand upwards until his touch draws gasps; as he sits down, pulling me down with him and I straddle him, our mouths now locked together in a deep and dirty kiss.
I wind my fingers in his hair, raise my hips a little before I lower myself back down onto him, and I shiver as I feel him slip inside me. The sex is slow, it’s beautiful, and I breathe in every touch of his fingers on my skin; every thrust, every grind of my hips against his, I live it. I let it consume me, let it take over for a few glorious minutes until we’re coming, both of us, together. And as I feel that climax rock me to my core I wonder, for the briefest of seconds, what this would feel like with someone else. Could another man make me come the way Noah can? Could another man make my skin tingle and my heart race? The briefest of seconds, that’s all the time that thought spent in my head, but it was there. And I still can’t shake it.
“Hey … you okay?” Noah asks, his palm warm against my cheek, his expression slightly concerned.
I rest my hand over his, and I smile. “I’m okay.”
“Listen, Kari … what we talked about …”
I squeeze his hand a little tighter, but I want him to carry on. I want us to talk more about this, I think we need to. We’ve opened the box and closing it now would be pointless. It’s out there, we’ve mentioned it. We’ve already made it real.
“There are places, for people just like us.”
“People like us?” I question, frowning slightly.
He briefly drops his gaze, his fingers tightening around mine. “People who want to try things. Things that others may not understand. We’re different, Kari, you and me, we don’t settle, we don’t go through the motions where sex is concerned, we want more. We always want more. And there are places we can go where we can live out more than we ever thought we could. Where people who won’t judge us or question us, because they all want the same things we do.”
I wrap my legs around him, his hand on my back pushing me against him.
“I’ve been doing some research, looking into how we can play this, our way, and … There are parties organised just for people like us; people who aren’t scared to live out their fantasies. Parties that provide a safe environment, a place where consenting adults can do whatever they want to do, be whoever they want to be, and nobody will judge them, no one will make them feel guilty; make them feel like what they’re doing is wrong, because nothing is wrong, as long as everyone agrees. Remember that, Kari. Nothing is wrong.”
I know what he’s talking about. I’m well aware of these parties – sex parties, although, that probably makes them sound a little more sordid than they actually may be, I don’t know. All I know is what I’ve read. What I’ve heard.
“They happen in Norway, too, Kari.”
I’m a little wary, I mean, he’s kind of thrown this one at me and I’m taking a little longer to come around to the idea. I’m not dismissing it out of hand, I’d never do that. As long as both Noah and I are on board, and it’s something we both want, I’m willing to try anything. As long as it’s safe. As long as we both know what we’re getting into.
“I can look into it a little more, see what’s going on while we’re over there …” He stops talking and looks at me, the corner of his mouth twisting up into a slightly apologetic smile. “I’m sorry, baby, I’m pushing you into this too quickly, aren’t I?”
“No, you’re not, it’s just, one minute we’re winding Leo up about threesomes and fantasies like it’s all a big joke, and now – now we’re actually thinking about making this fantasy real.”
“It was always gonna happen, Kari.”
“Was it?”
Really?
“Yeah. I think so.”
I close my eyes as he kisses me, and I think I believe him. I think he’s right, maybe it was always going to happen. Something we’ve never explored before, we were always going to go there, eventually.
“One night,” he whispers. “That’s all. Just one night, Kari.”
“One night ...”
Because I love him.
Because I think I might want this just as much as he does.
Because we both want to try something that others may think is wrong. It’s wrong, to want to have sex with another man while your husband watches. Wrong, on so many levels.
It’s wrong.
In whose eyes …?
Four
Swinging my legs down from the desk I spin around on my chair, looking out over the miles of water stretched out in front of me. I can see the port from this window, there’s a cruise ship docked there today, and they’ve picked a good day, the weather’s beautiful. Warm and sunny, so much so I might have to pull the blinds down. This office can get way too hot in the summer months, even with the AC turned up full. I don’t do that often, as it happens, the noise is ridiculously distracting.
The muffled sound of a phone ringing distracts me, and I reach behind me, pulling open the middle drawer of my desk. Feeling around inside, I take out the cell phone and check the caller ID.
“Yeah?”
I listen to the voice on the other end of the line, keeping my eyes fixed on the view outside.
“Great. Set it up for Friday. Contact the usual people, but we’re still doing checks. Discretion is everything, remember …? Hey, before you go. You sure you’ve got your facts right?”
I drum my fingers on the arm of my chair as I listen to the reply.
“Okay. Everything you’ve got, send it to me. I’ve already spoken to him, the wheels are in motion, so to speak. I think we’re good. Talk to you soon.”
Tucking the phone into the inside pocket of my suit jacket, I stand up; pick up a second phone from the desk, sliding that one into my back pocket. I’m done for the day, and I’ve got plans for tonight. I just need to get home, get showered and changed, maybe eat. I should eat. My mom always used to nag me for not eating, for putting work before anything and everything but, you know? Would I be where I am now, heading up one of the biggest global technology companies out there if I’d stopped to eat all the time? I’m the first to admit I’m no Bill Gates, but with offices all over Europe and the US, more money than I know what to do with, and a name people respect, I’m one hell of a force to be reckoned with.
Pressing down on the intercom, there’s just a couple more things to do before I can get out of here.
“Hayley? Can you come in here a second?”
Walking out front of the desk, I lean back against it and cross my arms as I wait for Hayley to come in, which she does within seconds of me summoning her.
“Do you need something, Mr Millar?”
I smile, locking eyes with the woman who’s worked for me for years. Reliable, incredibly good at what she does, and most importantly, fiercely loyal, I kind of need Hayley Jannsen more than I care to admit, just, not in that way, even though I’m more than aware of what she feels for me. But she’s professional to the end, and she can read me like a book, she knows those feelings are never going to be reciprocated.
“I’m going to be away from the office for a few days, so, if you could field all work-related call
s to Bill or Fredrick, and keep them up to speed on the San Francisco contract. I’ll still be keeping an eye on things, I just won’t be around in person.”
Wicked Game Page 2
