by S M Mala
She put her palm across her mouth to hide the scream rocketing through her body then turned, accidentally dropping her frame and hearing something break.
‘Ya hear sumtin?’ she heard Gina say.
‘It’s nothing,’ Jake groaned before the noises of making love, the sounds she was scared to experience that afternoon, were heard.
But it was the man she loved with someone else that left her utterly devastated.
Not sure what to do and what she should do, Hatty walked at full speed back to the house, waving to Thomas as she tried her hardest not to cry. Walking into her home, locking the door and physically shaking she gulped. Her sob throbbed through her body and she tried to stop it with her hand but couldn’t. Hatty collapsed in a heap on the floor, knowing what she’d done wrong, realising all he wanted to have that afternoon was a fuck and with anyone.
Hauling herself up, she went to the bathroom, putting the water on as hot as possible. She stood underneath, letting the liquid burn her skin but it didn’t hurt as much as her insides. All she knew was Jake Logan didn’t want her especially when she said she loved him. He ran far away into the arms of a woman Hatty hated most in the world.
Gina Glory Glory Hallelujah.
‘Me gonna miss you,’ Gina said, as Jake’s head was still implanted in the crook of her neck.
He pulled his trousers up, knowing the last hour of his life was simply the most confusing.
Jake couldn’t get over what Hatty told him and instead of feeling elated she loved him, he was scared of what he was doing and how much making love meant to her. And when she cried, he remembered how her mother and grandmother were raped and he didn’t want to hurt Hatty, feeling she wasn’t ready but knowing he was.
Then there was that moment when he couldn’t stop, when he’d been a little rough the way Gina liked it but something you wouldn’t do to Hatty. He felt sick and ashamed realising why she’d felt scared.
He felt Gina wrap her arms around his body. His eyes were shut knowing he didn’t know how he was going to talk to Hatty, sensing she was probably hurt. Eventually, he pulled himself away and walked several steps behind Gina. Sex with her was just relieving the frustration of wanting Hatty so much.
‘Hurry up,’ said Gina, smiling brightly. ‘It ya last night so dere’s plenty of celebrating to wish ya well.’
‘Yeah,’ he replied as they walked back along the beach.
He noticed some footprints on the sand which weren’t there before.
‘Master Jake!’ Thomas called out, as he walked around the back. ‘Hatty was lookin’ for ya?’
‘Really,’ he said, not knowing what to say to her after ruining her perfect afternoon as Gina flashed him a dirty look.
‘She come down ‘ere.’
‘What!’ snapped Jake as Gina shrugged.
‘Me sure me saw ‘er walk down ‘ere fifteen minute ago.’
Jake froze for a second and gulped.
‘She never comes to the beach. She’s scared of the sea,’ he said, feeling his heart beating fast. ‘Oh god.’ Panic grew inside his body. ‘Do you think she came here? I heard something. Shit!’
‘Maybe she saw us! It was probably she who made da noise,’ hissed Gina with a big smile. ‘She probably tought ya was ‘urtin’ me.’
‘What did you say?’ gulped Jake. ‘What do you mean?’
‘She not ‘ad no man! She too scared to do most tings, do ya tink she let a man touch ‘er?’
‘What?’
‘Everyone know Hatty not had no man that why so many men want ‘er. The first taste but me tink it’d be bitter!’ Gina pulled a face of disgust. ‘She say she savin’ ‘erself but me know no one want to touch ‘er. Simon never touch her, even if she say ‘e did. Da mad bitch! Gal frigid.’
The woman burst out laughing.
Without realising it, Jake had sunk to his knees knowing if she saw him with Gina, she’d be thinking all sorts of things and he suddenly became scared.
‘I have to go,’ he said, running away knowing she was probably hidden away in the house. ‘Oh fuck! What’ve I done?’
She opened up the package and saw the mirror broken in pieces as she sobbed into her hands, unable to tell anyone what just happened. Flashes of him fucking Glory came in to her head. Hatty knew she couldn’t have that same wild abandon, say those words. Jake looked sickened, repulsed when she said ‘I love you’.
That’s what she thought you were supposed to say before you gave yourself to someone for the first time. That’s why she said it, so he’d know not to hurt her.
That’s what she would have told Simon had he not died.
Delores saw Hatty walk back to the bungalow, crying her eyes out. She stood to the side and knew something had gone wrong. She waited patiently to see Jake come out with Gina and smiled, knowing this would push Hatty into going away, leaving her with Murray at last.
As the evening came and people arrived, Hatty sat in her room, wearing a clean pair of dungarees and a white vest. She’d scraped back her hair away from her face and put it into a ponytail. She felt so ashamed of what happened with Jake, humiliated, it didn’t matter who he had sex with. Her belief it would be special with her, when it wasn’t.
It was nothing.
Just a game.
A sport with the local girls.
She was pleased no one had called for her as they were all busy preparing a barbeque on the beach. The package was opened and the mirror shattered. Hatty’s insides felt like it looked and she didn’t know what to do about the present. Either way she had to show up.
Walking slowly around the back of the house, she peered into the kitchen seeing Ethel and Monica busily working away. Murray had made a point of inviting all the people Jake had met on the island to give his son a good send off. Hatty turned and stepped into the kitchen as Monica’s man, Trevor, carried plates out of the kitchen.
‘Hatty,’ he smiled, all shiny and dressed up for the evening, knowing it was a big thing to be invited to the Logan Estate.
She smiled back and glanced at Ethel and Monica, engrossed in being organised.
‘Hatty, gal, ya should be out dere wid Master Jake and Mister Murray,’ said Monica brightly, in a pretty flowered print dress, a small flower stuck behind her right ear.
Hatty looked at Ethel in her royal blue dress, hair up and earrings as big as her eyes.
‘Why ya not dress up?’ barked Ethel, giving her the once over. ‘Ya know it a special party an’ ya an’ Master Jake friends. What ‘e gonna think?’
‘I don’t care,’ said Hatty croakily.
‘Why ya eye red?’
‘I’m getting a cold,’ she sniffed.
‘It probably da stink of ya repellent. Shoo from me kitchen!’ Ethel went towards her then something flickered in the old lady’s eyes. She grabbed Hatty and hugged her, the strong smell of talc wafting up Hatty’s nose. ‘Me know child ya sad, me know.’
Hatty pushed her gently away and turned to walk to where she didn’t want to go.
There were about twenty people on the patio and a couple of others on the beach. The poor pig was being roasted in worship for Jake’s party. She felt sick and suddenly hot knowing she’d have to look at him. Hatty discreetly searched the party and noticed he had his back to her, but recognised the slim caramel arm around his waist.
Even this was too much for her.
As she looked away, she spotted Delores looking her happiest for months. She could tell the woman was pleased to see the back of Jake. Their eyes met and something in Hatty told her Delores didn’t like her as much as she thought.
There was something cold and distant in how she stared back.
It was something Hatty was getting used to.
‘Hey gal, where ya been?’ asked Philip, walking up behind her as she turned to see him. ‘What ‘appen to ya face? Ya been cryin’?’
‘I’m fine,’ she said, forcing a smile, knowing Philip saw through it. ‘I’m not feeling in the party mood and Gina G
lory Glory is here so I don’t want another scene.’
‘Me not know why dey invite ‘er when Glory gonna take a chance at being nasty,’ grimaced Philip. She saw him look over her head then back down to her. ‘And Jake? How’s he?’
‘I’ll tell you about it when he’s gone,’ she said and closed her eyes, humiliation firing on all cylinders. ‘Can you do me a favour?’
Jake searched and she was nowhere to be seen. Every time he tried to walk around, he was prevented from moving due to someone wishing him farewell or Gina not leaving his side. He knew if Hatty spotted Gina, she’d get upset and he wanted to speak to her, explain what happened. His dad was laughing with Frederick and he saw Philip talking to Ethel then flashed him a concerned look before turning away.
He wondered if Hatty had told Philip and felt guilty.
‘Are you having a good time, son?’ Murray asked, relaxed in his long shorts and baggy short sleeve shirt. ‘You certainly made your mark here and especially with the young women.’
Jake looked around and recognised two women he had slept with, not including Gina. He noticed Delores glare at Gina before smirking at him for a few seconds and turning away.
‘Delores didn’t want me to come here, did she?’ Jake said, watching her talk to the guests. ‘How comes?’
‘What made you say that?’ Murray looked a little stunned.
‘She mentioned it and I was wondering why. Do you think she’s threatened by our relationship?’
‘That’s ridiculous! Delores is a kind and caring woman,’ laughed Murray. ‘I know Caroline doesn’t like her but that doesn’t mean to say you should be influenced by your aunt.’
‘If you knew she was treating Hatty badly, what would you do? Stick with Delores or Hatty?’
‘Jake,’ Murray said, pulling his son away from the people so he could talk quietly. ‘What’s this all about? Delores isn’t mistreating Hatty.’
‘I saw it with my own eyes. Delores slapping Hatty so hard across the face she fell off her bike.’ Jake stared into his father’s eyes. ‘I told Delores what I saw after I realised Ethel and Hatty covered up.’
‘You must be mistaken and-.’
‘I’m not mistaken and Hatty told me they were quarrelling about her mother and you. Do you let Delores treat her like this? Under your own nose?’
‘I don’t think you’re in a position to make any judgements about mistreating Hatty. Didn’t you do that this afternoon?’ Jake was stunned with his father’s comments. ‘I have eyes all over this island. Hatty walked back from the old house in tears, came back here and ran into her home. I know you went for a walk with Gina. Don’t tell me Delores is treating Hatty badly when you’re playing with a young woman’s feelings and showing her no respect at all. That’s probably the real reason Delores didn’t want you to come here, to protect Hatty’s heart.’
Jake was gob smacked at what his father said. He immediately turned and walked down towards the beach, biting his lip with anger and frustration, wondering if his father knew what he’d been up to with Hatty on and off for weeks.
‘Jake, what are you doin’ down there?’ shouted out Philip as he followed him to the water.
‘I needed some peace and quiet,’ he said, looking at the orange light hitting the water and sand. ‘Have you spoken to Hatty?’
‘Nah, she was here a couple of hours ago and left. She said she was coming down with a cold,’ said Philip, glancing out at the sea. ‘She’s a sweet person, you know that.’
‘I know.’
‘And she’s not got a lot of friends on the island, true friends of her own age,’ he said quietly. ‘She was bullied and accepts that it’s all because of the rumours surrounding her. And living on the grounds of a rich man causes no end of debate for the locals. But Hatty holds her head up high and gets along with it.’
‘I hurt her this afternoon,’ blurted out Jake. ‘I’ve really hurt her.’
‘The only thing that hurts Hatty is she doesn’t know much of who she. We keep it that way as it would only hurt her more if she finds out the truth.’ Philip hesitated for a moment. ‘Do you know about her mother?’
‘I know my father was in love with her, he told me that. He won’t tell me anymore. I heard she was raped on her wedding night and that’s how Hatty was conceived then the father disappeared. I know Eloise’s mother was also raped in London and, I know, that’s something that would upset Hatty Ha Ha so much. The secret history of Hatty Ha Ha is complicated even on that level.’
‘And it is intertwined in your life Jacob, so don’t look any further. You’ve met the girl, you can see she’s doing things to make her aunt proud but it’s not in her heart. I know her mother was an art teacher and her biological father was a carpenter, that’s the only good thing about the man. He beat Eloise up very badly that night. My father occasionally speaks about it.’
‘Your father?’
‘He was in the police when it happened and Hatty’s mother’s screams could be heard from the old house. Your father rushed to her.’
‘My dad was on the island?’
Jake double blinked not knowing that bit.
‘Your father had started developing property here and he was building this house at the time,’ said Philip, narrowing his eyes. ‘He followed Eloise to this island and she married someone else because, when in London, she realised his family disapproved of him marrying a poor black woman who was born out of a rape. And, from what I hear, she was told not to have children. My father says she didn’t think she had anything to offer Murray so she ran away here and he followed.’
‘I see.’
‘That’s why he cares so much for Hatty. He’s trying to protect her from bad things and he doesn’t want her to leave the island. Murray knows everything she gets up to even to what she ate at lunchtime.’
‘Does he know about her hideaway? The fresh water pool?’
Jake saw Philip smile before he laughed.
‘He knows about it because he used to meet Eloise there. No one goes there now, only Hatty. We’re not allowed to go to that piece of land as it is trespassing. Everyone knows the house is out of bounds. Have you seen it?’
‘Yes. I followed a couple of months ago and-.’
‘She didn’t throw you out?’
‘She told me to go away but I told her it was my father’s land and I could throw her off,’ he said grimly. Philip burst out laughing. ‘What’s so funny?’
‘Nothing,’ he sighed. ‘I’ve never seen the hideaway so she must like you very much.’
‘Not now,’ Jake said glumly.
‘You’ll be back, Jacob, I can guarantee.’
The new mirror was cut and ready to go into the frame. Hatty sat there and looked at her work, wondering if he’d even realise how much love and care had gone into making it. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw his white backside thrusting between Gina’s light caramel thin thighs. The image wasn’t going away.
Hatty wanted to scream but the sea was shouting louder that night, as the window was slightly open. The breeze was coming through her work shop, lifting the dust in the air before settling somewhere else.
She started to cry again, angry with herself for being so stupid when she knew from the start he was only up for fun on his break. Then she remembered them dancing and laughing that same afternoon.
It was like a million years ago.
Hatty carefully cleaned the frame again and placed the mirror into place. As she was about to put the flat wood in the back, she stopped and thought for a second. Hatty put the backing wood on the surface and took a tiny chisel before inscribing a message he’d never see, but she’d know it was there.
‘Jacob, I love you. Thank you for being my friend. Hatty Ha Ha.’
The chance of him finding it was minimal but she felt better at putting something in writing, knowing she’d never see him again. She packaged the mirror carefully, realising she hadn’t done a good job before, putting thick cardboard and bubble wrap either
side. When she looked at the clock it was midnight. She left a message in the bungalow for Delores, saying she would be home first thing in the morning, even though she knew her aunt wouldn’t realise she was gone until Hatty arrived back.
Wearily she went upstairs in the pitch black house and looked out to see if the lights were on further down the coastline at the Logan House, peering through the corridor window.
She suddenly stepped back, shocked in what she’d seen.
The sea, at night, came nearly to the edge of the bay, covering all the sand and touching the rock. Something scared her. She’d never noticed before and Hatty held her breath. The first thing she wanted to do was run back home but she was frozen to the spot, scared if she left the house the water would suddenly splash over the edge and get her.
Hatty ran into the bedroom and shut the door, checking to see if the window overlooking the sea was closed firmly as, the other window overlooking the greenery of her oasis, was open.
She sat on the bed and waited, recalling she’d seen the sea like that before. Hatty couldn’t remember when. Blinking hard, she recollected being at the edge of the rock on the bay. It seemed very hazy at the time. She lay on the bed, scared and alone. For a moment the room went cold and she shivered, as if she’d been dunked in cold water.
The following morning, after hardly any sleep, she wheeled her bike out but the heavens had opened up. Hatty wondered if it was a reflection of her heart knowing Jake was going away. The mirror was firmly placed in her rucksack and she cycled home slowly, while the rain pelted her body so hard she thought they felt like stones. Focussing on the road, she could hear the roar of the sea and hoped lighting and thunder wouldn’t come as she needed to get to see him for the last time.
‘Hatty!’ someone called out. It was Thomas in his flatbed truck, driving to the estate. ‘Get in gal before ya catch ya death.’ He got out and put her bike in the back as she sat next to him in the front. ‘Ya wet!’
‘It rain,’ she said quietly.
‘Me not see ya last night. Every one askin’ where ya gone.’
‘Me ‘ad cold.’
