“What about Lucas? And Bloom?”
“The shop can be sold. I can open one down there. Since Mrs. Newman’s store closed, there’s no florist and there is a whole market waiting to be serviced.”
“What about Lucas?’
“What about him?”
“I thought you were in love with him.”
“I am, it seems, he isn’t.”
“What happened?”
“He decided I wasn’t worth sticking around for.”
“He’s just scared. He was going out of his mind when you were missing. Someone doesn’t do that if they don’t care, Chelsea. He’ll come around.”
“If that really was the case, where is he now I’m safe? Besides I’m not sitting around here waiting for him to make up his mind.”
“I’m not saying that. I’m simply suggesting you hold off making any decisions right now. Give it a bit of time and then come home.”
“I’ve made my decision. I’ll call Mom later and have her put the house up for rent or sale. The shop I can sell when I get home.”
“Is this what you really want?”
“No, yes, I don’t know.”
The drill sergeant returned. “That’s long enough.”
“Of course it is,” Charlotte said, glaring at the nurse. “Please just think about it some more, Chels,” she said as she was wheeled away.
That afternoon the doctor came in and checked on her.
“How are you feeling, Chelsea?
“Sore.” She offered a small smile.
“I’m pleased with how you’re progressing. You’ve finished your course of antibiotics and your blood tests show you are free of infection. Your wounds are healing well, so I think you can go home in the morning.”
“Thanks, Doctor.”
“You’re welcome.” He offered her a warm smile before making notes on her chart.
Chelsea was grateful to be leaving and couldn’t wait to pack her things, so she could get to her parents' house as soon as possible. Now that she’d made the decision to be where she felt happy and safe, she was anxious to get started.
“My only condition for sending you home early is you have to promise to rest.”
“I will.” He smiled again and left her to it.
Moments later, to Chelsea’s complete surprise, Carrie walked in, her expression guarded as she sat in the chair. So much for no more visitors, yet, she was very interested in what Carrie had to say.
“Hey, Chelsea, how are you feeling?” She stopped when Chelsea turned to her. “Ouch! Looking at you, I think I have my answer.” She smiled.
“I think it looks worse than it feels.” Chelsea smiled in return, trying to feign a happy face.
“How are you, really?”
“I’ll be better when I go home.”
“When are they releasing you?”
“Tomorrow morning then I’ll be packing to go home, back to my parent’s house.”
“How long are you going for?”
“I’m going to stay. There’s nothing for me here anymore. I’m going to sell the shop and start again.”
“Lucas does love you. He’s just scared.”
Chelsea just shrugged. “I need to be around people that love me right now. I need to… heal.”
“For what it’s worth, I think you’re very brave.”
“I feel a little bit like a coward, like I’m running away.”
“Sweetie, you’re not a coward, Lucas is.”
Chelsea shrugged again, what more was there to say? He no longer wanted to be in her life and she had to accept it. They chatted about other things for a few minutes until Chelsea pretended she was tired, and Carrie left.
The moment she was gone, Chelsea called her mother. After a long drawn out conversation with Sarah, who asked numerous times if she was sure it was what she wanted to do, Chelsea assured her it was. Sarah told her she’d take care of it on Monday.
Hoping he wouldn’t have time to think about her, Lucas buried himself in work. He would get over her in time; didn’t they say it healed all wounds?
When Maggie came in, she took one look at Lucas and knew immediately he hadn’t sorted things out or made the right decision.
“Do not even start with me, Maggie, and thanks for calling my sister again.”
“I’m just trying to help you, Lucas. I want you to be happy. I was starting to enjoy the new you.”
“Well, I just want everyone to stay out of my business.”
“Okay, point taken. Now where are we with the arson case? Better get me up to speed.”
Lucas ran through the case and his findings along with what the arson specialist from the fire department had discovered. They spent the remainder of the morning conducting interviews and deciding on the next course of action.
By the end of a long day fatigue began to kick in, so Lucas, after grabbing a takeout dinner, went home to crash. He was just about to jump into bed, when his phone rang.
What now?
“Hudson.”
“I’m sorry about last night, honey.”
“That’s okay, Carrie. I’m used to it.”
“Ha ha, look, I’m just worried about you.”
“I’ll be right.”
“I hope so. I have something else to say and then I’ll drop it.”
“Good because I’m tired and I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”
“She’s leaving.”
“Who is and where?”
“Don’t play dumb, Lucas. Chelsea is leaving the hospital and the city. She’s going back to live with her parents. I think she’s selling the shop and moving permanently.”
His heart stopped when he realized he would probably never see her again.
You weren’t going to anyway. This is what he tried to tell himself, but he couldn’t understand why he suddenly felt so lost and alone.
“Lucas, you still there?”
“Yeah, I’m here.”
“Well, are you going to let her go?”
“It’s not my choice, Carrie. It’s hers.”
“Yes, but you could change her mind.”
“She’ll be better off with her family. They’ll take care of her.”
“So can you.”
“Cleary, I did a rotten job of that already.”
“It wasn’t your fault, Lucas.” When he didn’t answer, she continued. “Okay fine, I just thought I would tell you, so you would at least realize that she would be gone from your life for good and let you discover how you feel about that. Good night.” Then she was gone.
Chelsea was leaving? How did he feel about this? Like someone had taken a knife and stabbed him through the heart.
She’ll be better off.
He went to bed and dreamt about her beautiful face being constantly out of reach. When he reached for her, she moved further away until he couldn’t see her anymore. Lucas woke up with a start and looked around the blackened room. Would he ever be able to escape his dreams?
Chelsea didn’t intentionally tell Carrie that she was leaving, it had slipped out. Well, sort of. She knew that deep down she did want to know what Lucas’ reaction would be to her leaving. Would he care?
She spent her last night in hospital, curled in a ball, wondering if she would ever be as happy again as she was for that one week with Lucas. Chelsea had believed she had found the one man she had wanted to spend forever with. Her Pa had said she would know. Had she gotten it wrong all over again?
Chapter 37
Goodbye
Monday
After attempting to eat her breakfast to find she couldn’t stomach it again, Chelsea decided to get up and shower before packing her things. Gingerly, she undertook the task and it ended up taking most of the morning to ready herself to leave. Once the doctor had cleared her, she decided to visit Charlotte on her way out.
“Hey, honey, how are you feeling?’
“Like someone shot me in the shoulder.”
“Good, you’re still as fe
isty as ever. You must be feeling better.”
“I want to leave but I have to stay one more day. I just want to go home.”
“I know, honey. When you’re discharged from the hospital tomorrow, I’ll have packed my clothes and we can go home altogether.”
“I guess you haven’t changed your mind then.”
“No.”
“Suit yourself, but I wouldn’t let him get away.”
“It’s not my choice, it’s his. He broke up with me. Now I have to go, Mom will be waiting. See you tomorrow.”
On the way home in the car, Sarah began to drill her eldest child. “Chelsea there really is no hurry to leave. I can stay with you for a few weeks while you consider some more.”
“I don’t need to consider anything, Mom. Nothing has gone right for me since moving to the city. I give up and I just want to go home.”
“At least think about leasing Bloom out for a while, in case you want to come back.”
“I won’t be coming back.”
“Are you sure, Chelsea? Once it’s done, you can’t change your mind.”
“I know, and I won’t change my mind.”
Sarah dropped the subject and Chelsea remained silent. As soon as they walked in the door, Chelsea headed upstairs.
“That’s a good idea, honey, you go and rest. I’ll pick up some groceries.”
“I’m not going to rest, Mum, I’m going to pack.”
“That can wait. I’ll help you with it later. There really is no hurry. Charlotte won’t be leaving the hospital until tomorrow. Besides, you should be resting.”
“Mom, I rested in the hospital. I just want to get started.”
Sarah knew to argue with her would be pointless and let her go.
As Chelsea entered her room, she flashed back to the last morning she’d seen Lucas sleeping in her bed, his handsome face so peaceful and... Stop it!
She opened her wardrobe, determined to make a start and cease the memories that threatened to take over her thoughts. As she began to pull clothes from the hangers and throw them on the bed, she noticed an overnight bag sitting on the floor of the cupboard. Puzzled, she picked it up and after opening it, regretted it instantly. Lucas’ masculine aroma assaulted her. Dropping the bag back where she’d retrieved it, she stepped back until she ran into the bed and fell back onto it.
She lay down and put her head on the pillow Lucas had slept on and his scent greeted her once more. How am I going to get through this again? Heart wrenching sobs overcame her, and she released the heartache she thought would never leave.
Lucas blew off work, something of a habit of late. He knew Chelsea would be leaving the hospital today and wondered again whether he’d made the right decision. He'd failed to protect her. It was the best thing for them both. He tried to convince himself and his heart that he’d made the right decision, but it did little to remove the emptiness living inside him. Why was this so hard?
I need closure. Once I have that, I can move on.
Remembering he’d left some of his possessions at her house, he thought it a perfect opportunity to collect them and to say goodbye. He drove slowly, dreading the thought of having to see her one last time and then never seeing her again. Sarah answered the door and her expression was a combination of hope and irritation.
“Hello, Lucas, please come in. Would you like some coffee?”
“No, thanks. I just came by to say goodbye.”
“I think she’s resting, and I would prefer that you didn’t disturb her right now.”
“Maybe I should go.”
“No, have a coffee with me. I want to talk to you.”
Leaving no room for argument, she walked to the kitchen, poured two cups and gestured for him to join her outside.
“Is this really what you want?” she asked him bluntly.
“No, yes. It’s the best thing for both of us.”
“No, Lucas, it’s best for you.”
“I... can’t... I didn’t protect her, I...” He stopped, unable to find the right words. “I’m not going to change my mind. She’s better off.”
Sarah shook her head and took away his untouched coffee. “She’s upstairs. Just say goodbye and leave. She’s been through enough.”
She disappeared into the house while Lucas sat for several moments, preparing himself to face Chelsea again.
Entering the house had been like walking straight into his memory. He’d relived each moment as he walked up the stairs, the visions flooding his mind, suffocated him. As he walked into her room, he swallowed down the lump in his throat.
His breath caught when he saw her curled up asleep on the bed, hugging the pillow on what had been, for a short time, his side of the bed. It took every ounce of his willpower not to join her. Instead, he sat at the foot of the bed and gently called her name.
“Sorry for intruding,” he said quietly when she opened her eyes.
“What are you doing here?” She sat up abruptly at the sound of his voice. Wincing, she brought a hand to her chest to press on her bandage. His throat constricted as his heart leapt into it. He cleared it.
“I heard you were leaving. I came to say goodbye.”
“Why? Wait, don’t answer that.” She furrowed her brow and crinkled her nose. Lucas went to lift his hand to touch her face. It took all his resolve to stop himself. “You’ve said it now, so goodbye.”
He said nothing for a moment. “Did I leave any of my things here?”
“Probably,” she mumbled, well aware that he had but she was trying to make it as hard for him as possible.
Tentatively, she climbed from the bed and it was Lucas’ turn to wince. Chelsea opened her wardrobe and retrieved the bag holding his belongings. She threw the bag at him before walking over to her side table and retrieving his journal.
“Here have your old life back while you’re at it.” She threw the book at him. The gesture and her bitterness nearly broke him
“Chelsea, I’m sorry.”
“I don’t want to hear it,” she answered through gritted teeth.
“I didn’t protect you from him.”
She looked at him, puzzled. “You blame yourself?”
“Yes.”
“It wasn’t your fault, it was mine.”
“How can it be your fault?”
“You obviously don’t know the full story then.”
Damn I should have read the file. What could possibly have happened for her to even think this was her fault.
“There’s no way you could have done anything to make that... him do what he did. The only one to blame is me. I should have done more.”
“It’s not your fault. I don’t blame you and neither should you. Now you’ve got that off your chest, you can go.”
She walked slowly out to the balcony and shut the sliding door tentatively behind her. The exertion caused her face to grimace in pain. Again, his heart mirrored her expression.
With sadness in his heart, he stared after her for a moment before standing abruptly. He collected his bag and strode out leaving his leather-bound memories on her bed.
Chapter 38
Healing the Soul
One Month Later
Chelsea’s external wounds were healed but her heart refused to mend. Being around her family, although comforting, did little to alleviate her sorrow or shift her loneliness, so she simply withdrew. Try as she might she could not forget about Lucas. She told herself over and over that she was being ridiculous, juvenile and simply pathetic but her heart wasn’t willing to listen. Was this what it was like to give up on life?
Charlotte took her out and encouraged her to date, which Chelsea politely refused to do. Her ever-changing moods, from melancholy to anger and loneliness and back to melancholy, started to worry her family. The only company she kept was a leather-bound book. Even though it was painful, she couldn’t control the urge to read it. She wanted to stop torturing herself but did it nevertheless. Having read it several times through, she’d come to under
stand the man who broke her heart better than she knew herself.
When she put Bloom on the market and urged her parents to do the same with the house, they did so reluctantly. Her Pa tried to coax her back into life and Charlotte advised her daily that there were plenty of fish in the sea. Chelsea only wanted one fish. Pathetic.
Maggie began to grow tired of her partner’s impossible mood swings. He growled at everyone and was abrasive with her. She couldn’t remember ever seeing him behave this way.
When they first became partners, he was insensitive and apathetic, and, for a short time, she’d managed to entice him out of this, albeit only slightly. Over the years he had softened a little but after he'd met Chelsea, the real Lucas had resurfaced.
She'd had many conversations over the past month with Carrie, who reinforced Maggie’s belief that Lucas had changed for the better during his week with Chelsea. She told Maggie how he reminded her of the seventeen-year-old Lucas, the sweet young man who disappeared when they lost their parents. Chelsea had relit Lucas’s soul, which had turned dark once again. Maggie and Carrie were at a loss.
Lucas woke up with a hangover, again. This, he discovered, was the only way to cease the images haunting him day and night. Every dark-haired girl on the street during the day caused his heart to leap. At night, in his dreams, he relived every moment of their time together. There was no escape.
He opened one eye cautiously and was relieved to find he was alone. In a drunken haze he had come close many times over the past weeks to bringing home another girl whose name he wouldn’t remember. This is how he used to fill his empty days, before Chelsea, when his heart was a shadow. Meaningless nights with just any girl would do nothing to ease the oppressing loneliness he lived with now that she was gone.
Last night was still blurry in his mind as he tried to recall through the fog what had occurred. He remembered attempting to pick up a brunette in the bar. He was now, in the cold light of day, thankful he hadn’t. His self-loathing was appeased only slightly by the fact that he hadn’t used some poor girl to mollify his emptiness, albeit for one night. He knew though, even if he hadn’t been alone, he would still have been lonely.
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