"If you had tried, would you be here right now having this conversation?" She bent over and swept the pile of glass in to the dustpan.
"I honestly can't answer that, Viv. Everything happened so fast."
"Well, there's nothing you can do about it now. You told them everything you remember, right?"
"Yeah."
"So, all you can do is wait."
He nodded slowly. "Yeah."
"Why don't you eat something then. Nana always said that good food is the best remedy for everything."
"Your Nana weighed three hundred pounds and was as wide as she was tall." Antonio pulled the plate of chicken and broccoli casserole toward him. "This looks pretty good."
"I brought it home from Eleanor's last night. Mrs. Beacon made it."
"I bet she's got enough food there to eat for a year." He scooped a forkful into his mouth. "Mmm. This tastes even better than it looks."
"So, how long will the investigation take?" Vivian put the broom back in the closet and pulled out the mop.
Antonio shrugged. "You know, the standard four to six weeks."
"Meaning, two to three months." She turned on the water to fill the mop bucket.
"I sure as hell hope not. But, yeah."
Running the mop across the tiles, she said, "You know you didn't do anything wrong and they will know it too sooner rather than later. In the meantime, you can get some rest. Maybe finish a few projects around here—"
His fork clattered against the now empty plate. "Pretty sure I'm not in the mood to paint the garage or install a new toilet right now."
"I didn't mean today, Antonio."
"I'm not on fucking vacation, here. You realize that, right?"
"Of course, I do. I just thought if you kept busy it would help."
He pushed his chair back from the table. "So, you got a list of chores just ready to go."
"Do you plan to sit on your ass and drink beer and watch television the whole time instead?"
"What I should be doing is getting back to work. I can't believe they are making me stay out at home rather than do light duty or something."
"This is a high profile case." She rinsed the mop and then dipped it back into the soapy water. "A lot of emotions involved."
"But a cop died. Not a civilian. I didn't think anyone would care that much."
Vivian stopped mopping and moved over to stand between Antonio and the table. She picked up his hand and brought it to her lips, pressing a kiss to the knuckles. "Have you maybe thought about talking to someone about the shooting?"
He pulled his hand away and folded his arms over his chest, eyeing her suspiciously. "I am. I'm talking to you right now."
"I think you know that's not what I mean."
"I'm not crazy, Viv. I don't need no damn shrink."
"No one thinks you're crazy. But you went through something that's gonna affect you for the rest of your life. I just thought maybe you ought to try and get out in front of it."
"Gary's dead. A junkie shot him. I'm being investigated and I have no fucking idea why when Gary isn't a civilian. There. I've talked. Can I go watch TV now?"
"It's like talking to a damned brick wall." She picked up the mop and went back to cleaning the floor. "No, wait. The brick wall actually listens better. It might even say thank you occasionally."
Antonio stood up and grabbed his empty plate off the table. "I don't need this crap right now. You're supposed to be on my side. That's what wives do. Back their men."
"First of all, I always have your back. You know that. Second, this is me supporting you. I think you need to talk to someone. Someone who understands what you are going through. I've never watched my best friend get gunned down in front of me. I don't know what that feels like for you."
"It feels like shit!" Antonio dropped his plate in the sink and stormed from the room. A moment later she heard television sounds blasting from the family room.
She was stowing the mop supplies in the utility closet when her phone rang.
"Hi, Vivian," the caller said.
"Hey, Ellie. How are you today?"
"I don't actually know how to answer that. I don't feel much of anything these days."
Vivian sat down in the chair Antonio had left in the center of the kitchen. "I think that's a normal part of the grieving process."
"This process—how long does it take?"
Vivian sighed. "I wish I knew, sweetie. Everyone is different. I can't even begin to imagine how you are feeling. Even with Antonio in full ass hat mode these days, I'd be totally lost without him."
Ellie sniffed. "He must really be struggling."
"More than he will admit. We just had an argument because I suggested he see a counselor and he interpreted that as my thinking he's crazy. I just don't know how to help him. I don't know how to help you. I suck as a friend and a wife."
Ellie made a sound that almost sounded like a laugh. "Stop that. You are the best friend a woman could ever have and you gotta be a champ to be married to that man of yours for as long as you have."
"I think he's drinking too much, El. Heck, I know he is. Every time I bring it up though, he just drinks more. And now with this whole IA thing—"
"What's happening with Internal Affairs?" Eleanor asked.
"They've opened an investigation into the events of that night. Particularly, Antonio's actions."
"Why? Did he do something?"
"As far as I can tell, no. I guess that's their issue. They want to know why he didn't shoot the guy before Gary got there."
"I suppose he had his reasons. He did call for assistance."
"Yeah, he's pretty upset about it. He already blames himself for Gary's death. This investigation is probably just turning the knife in his heart even harder." Vivian grabbed a napkin off the table and dabbed her eyes. Eleanor didn't need to hear her crying right now.
"I'm so sorry, Vivian. I don't want both of our families torn apart by this."
She got up and tossed the tissue in the trash can. Opening the refrigerator, she grabbed a brick of cheese and some pepperoni. Her mother would call it eating her emotions but, whatever. "Don't you worry about it. Antonio is tough. He'll bounce back just fine. Once they let him back to work, things will settle back in around here. Now, how about you? What can I do to help you?"
Her friend laughed. "Let my mother come and stay at your house?"
Vivian laughed. "That bad, huh?"
Eleanor sighed. "Worse. You know what I caught her doing this morning?"
"What?" Vivian cut a big chunk of cheese and shoved the whole thing in her mouth at once.
"Emptying Gary's dresser drawers into trash bags for donation. Can you believe that? He's barely gone and she just wants to erase him from my life." Vivian heard a little hint of emotion in her friend's voice.
"Maybe she thought she was helping?"
"She had no right." Now she could hear Eleanor definitely crying through the phone. "He's my husband. It's my job to go through his things when I'm ready to do it. I made her put it all back."
"You're absolutely right. It should be yours to do. I'm sorry that your mother crossed that line. Maybe you should ask her to go home?"
Eleanor sniffed. "One minute I am thankful for the company—the house feels so large and empty now. The next I can't stand to have her breathing the same air as me. I feel smothered and anxious with her around but I am afraid to have her leave. When the boys go back to school at the end of the week, it's just going to be me in this big house and I'm not sure how to handle that. If I can handle it."
"Oh, Ellie." Vivian breathed out. "I wish I could take your pain away."
"I don't think anyone can." Eleanor sighed. "Let's change the subject. I heard Tony's being scouted."
"If his ass hat father didn't ruin it for him, then yes, he is. Some good schools too."
"Oh no! What happened?"
"You know my husband and his hot temper. He had some words with another parent and got tossed out."
"Oh,
Viv."
"Yeah. The on duty officer let us back in after Antonio cooled his jets but Tony is upset with him now. Doesn't want him at any more of his games."
"The world is screwed up, isn't it?" Eleanor asked.
Vivian laughed. "I'd like to think there's enough good in this world to balance out the current levels of idiocy. They weren't really doing anything wrong anyway, just talking about what happened and how it had to be affecting Tony but you know my husband."
"Antonio has a lot on his mind."
Vivian laughed. "Antonio is a hot head. Are you still going to Mari's for Thanksgiving dinner?"
Eleanor let out a long sigh. "If I don't, my mother will insist on cooking and I'm better off ordering Chinese take-out than letting that happen."
"Go to Mari's then. She's an amazing cook and can handle your mother like a pro."
"She just pulls out her inner city-girl attitude. Mama is no match for that."
Vivian laughed. "I kind of wish I was going to be there. New York City Yankee versus the Southern Bell Debutante."
"You are too much, Viv. I guess I should go do something now. Fold laundry, wash dishes, pack my mother's suitcase and call an Uber."
"Oh! Now that's what I like to hear. My girl's getting some of her sass back!"
"I'm trying to be me. I just can't seem to make it happen so much yet."
"You'll get there, El. I know you will."
"Thanks for chatting with me. I know you have a ton of things to do. I just wanted to feel normal for few minutes."
"Anytime. You know that. Call me day or night."
"I'll talk to you soon. Thanks again for everything. You're a good friend, Vivian. No matter what you might think." Eleanor disconnected the call before she could say anything else.
Vivian spent the rest of the day doing laundry and catching up on some work things. By the time Tony strolled in after his game, Antonio was snoring in his chair and she was yawning in her office.
"How'd it go, baby?" Vivian called as Tony came in through the garage door.
"I scored twenty-eight points." He walked into the office and leaned against the door frame looking every bit like his father did at that same age.
"Oooh! You were on fire!"
"Coach said he spotted three scouts. I hope they liked what they saw."
"I'm sure they'll be fighting over who gets you to sign with them any day now. Especially if you keep burning up the courts the way you have been."
"Mom!" Tony waved away her compliment. "I'm beat. I'm gonna get a shower and call it a night. We stopped to eat on the way home."
"All right. Sleep well, my boy."
Tony disappeared from the doorway and she heard footsteps on the stairs as she saved the file she was working on and shut down her computer.
On her way to bed, she stopped by the family room and nudged her husband. "Antonio. Antonio, wake up. I'm heading to bed. Come with me. You don’t need another night in this chair."
"Hmmm, okay. I'll be up in a minute." He swiped at the string of saliva that had trailed down his chin.
"Okay."
She was already in bed and falling asleep when Antonio stumbled in to the room and climbed in under the covers. Flopping a heavy arm over her waist, he mumbled good night and started snoring almost instantly.
The weight of his limb compressed her diaphragm, making her feel suffocated. Vivian gently lifted Antonio's arm off of her ribcage so she could breathe. She then closed her own eyes and waited for sleep to move in.
Sometime later, Vivian stirred. Her chest felt heavy, like an elephant sat on top of it and she couldn't take a full breath of air.
Forcing her eyes to open, the room felt like it was on wheels spinning to the left and tilting to the right. Even in the darkness, she could see the walls begin to swim. Using every last bit of energy she had, she turned her head to look straight in the wild, unfocused eyes of her husband kneeling on top of her chest.
"Antonio!" She gasped for air. "Get off me!"
She tried to lift her arms to shove at him but they were anchored to the bed by his hands.
"Hold still, you son of a bitch!" His expression was wild, his breaths coming in hot puffs.
"Antonio! Please! Your hurting me!"
"I got you now, mother fucker!" He lifted one hand, balled into a fist and ready to strike.
Summoning all her energy, she lifted her legs up off the bed and threw her body to the side. Antonio lost his balance, tumbling off of her and on to the floor with a loud bang.
"Mom! Dad! You guys all right?" Footsteps pounded down the hallway then Tony called through the closed bedroom door.
"What happened?" Antonio asked, sitting up and looking around.
"We're fine, Tony! Dad just tripped going to the bathroom. Go back to bed, honey," Vivian called back to their son. She heard Tony walk away down the hallway over the sound of her pounding heart and gasps for air. Tears poured down her face as the adrenaline began to crash her system.
"I was going to the bathroom?" Antonio asked.
Vivian took a couple of deep, steadying breaths then climbed out of bed and sat down on the floor across from Antonio. "You were not going to the bathroom."
He looked really confused. "Then how did I end up down here?"
She looked at him, studying his face. "You don't remember?"
"No. Tell me. What happened? Why are you crying?"
"I'm fine." Vivian wiped at her eyes with the hem of the t-shirt she wore. Overcome with the urge to either punch him or hug him, she decided that neither might not be the best idea at the moment for either of them. "I think maybe you were having a nightmare. Do you remember anything about that?"
He shook his head, slowly, like he wanted to pull the memories back. "The shooting. Gary had just arrived on scene. I tackled the guy with the gun. I was kneeling on his chest and pinning his arms down until Connor could get him cuffed."
"Well, part of it was real anyway." She held up her arms and showed him the red marks that had begun to form on her wrists.
Antonio's eyes widened as he looked at her wrists. "I did that?" He reached for her but she scrambled backwards, out of his reach.
Vivian nodded, crossing her arms over her abdomen. "I rolled you off of my chest because I couldn't breathe."
He let his head fall back against the side of the bed. Tears ran down his face and streamed off his chin. "Oh God, Viv, I am so sorry. I thought—"
"I really think you need to see about talking to someone."
"I could have really hurt you." Emotion cracked his voice.
"But you didn't." This time. She kept that thought to herself.
Antonio slammed his fist against the floor. "Everything is such a mess."
Stamping down her fear and emotions over what had just happened, Vivian slid over next to Antonio and sat so that their shoulders touched. "We're going to get through this. Together. I promise."
He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her in close. She tried to hide her flinch. "I'm so sorry, Viv. I promise I won't hurt you like that again."
She rested her head on his shoulder and they sat there like that for a very long time. He meant what he said in that moment but there was no way he could make a promise like that. Not the way things have been going. It wasn't until the first hint of sunrise did they finally get back in to bed. Antonio fell asleep almost instantly but Vivian lay there awake with no idea what she could do to help her husband when he kept refusing to help himself.
Chapter Eleven
Eleanor
"I don't know why you didn't just let me cook a turkey," her mother said as she put on her coat.
"I told you, Mom, Marietta invited us before you decided to stay this week. She'd already bought everything. I couldn't cancel at the last minute. That would be wrong." Eleanor buttoned up her own coat then handed the keys to Jackson. "Here, you drive. I'll sit in the back with Jameson."
"I'll go warm the car up for Grammy." Jackson left the house on a
gust of cold air.
Helen shivered. "I swear this is the coldest winter you've ever had."
"Thank goodness that guy was able to fix the heater so quickly. The news says this weekend is going to be even colder." It had actually taken her several days to even remember to call the repairman so she was beyond grateful he'd been available the day before Thanksgiving and had what he needed to get the system up and running again. He'd given her a huge discount, only charging for the part, when he found out who she was. So sorry about your husband, he'd said. I couldn't believe it when I saw the news. He was a great guy.
Someone else that had known Gary. She'd begun to believe the entire city of Virginia Beach had met him at one time or another.
"I'll meet you outside, Ellie. Where's that other boy of yours?"
"I'll get him. Be careful walking down the steps, Mom. They might be slippery."
"I'm not old and frail, Eleanor." Her mother left the house with a huff.
Eleanor took a deep breath. This was going to be one heck of a day. She could feel it.
Jameson ran down the steps. "Sorry. I was trying to find a game I wanted to show Mr. Ricky."
Eleanor nodded. "Head on outside. Jackson's warming up the car. Grammy sits up front. You get me."
He nodded and headed to the door but stopped with his hand on the knob. "Hey, Mom? Maybe Jack and I can stop by the station this evening and pick up Dad's truck?"
She'd been avoiding that task. Somehow, the thought of seeing his truck parked in the driveway knowing he'd never drive it again, made her want to forget it had even existed.
"I'll drop the two of you off on the way home from dinner. Grab the keys from the drawer." They kept a small table in the foyer for keys and Eleanor's purse, a few random pieces of mail, and basically anything else that got dumped there. The department had sent back Gary's keys a week or so ago, not realizing the truck was still parked in the back lot. She figured it was safe there and had put it out of her mind as best as she could.
Jameson grabbed the keys and headed outside. Eleanor picked up her purse and followed him. Spending the day with her friends worried her. Her mom had woken up in quite the mood, upset that Eleanor hadn't let her prepare dinner. This whole day would be a huge mistake, of epic proportions, unless her mom switched gears—and quickly.
The Line That Binds Page 14
