"That's because he nearly ruined my entire future at the last one! All he does is yell and act pissed all the time."
"Tony, your father is going through a tough time right now."
He slapped at the door to his bedroom. "He was like that before Mr. Gary died. Nothing I ever do is good enough. I was in the bathroom when he bellowed for me. It takes a second to wrap things up, you know?"
Vivian sighed. She felt like she did that a lot lately. "Please cut him a little slack right now? I know he's not perfect but he is the only father you have and he just lost his best friend. Not to mention the city questioning his actions."
"Yeah, God forbid the world's best cop ever make a mistake."
"You're kinda pushing your luck right now," Vivian said. "Like it or not, he is your father and you are pretty disrespectful to him."
"He's ruining my life. I don't exactly feel all warm and fuzzy about the man at the moment."
Vivian ran a hand over her eyes, closing them and counting to five before speaking. "Tell me, please, how your father is ruining your life."
"Everyone on the team hates me. They think he's the reason Mr. Gary died. Not to mention how embarrassing he was at the game."
"They can't all hate you. Your teammates have always looked up to you."
He shrugged. "Right now, I'm not so popular. One of the guys was passing a cell phone around the other day. It had a video of Dad at the shooting. I didn't want to watch but I couldn't resist either. It shows him just standing there. He didn't even have his gun out, Mom. He didn't even try to save Mr. Gary."
That was new information to her that might actually explain Antonio's guilt over the incident. "We weren't there, honey. Your father, Mr. Gary, and the suspect are the only ones that really know what went down. Maybe there wasn't time. Or maybe a civilian was in the way."
Tony shook his head. "No way, the video doesn't show anyone. Did the entire town love Mr. Gary that much?"
"I don't think it's that, Tony."
"Then what?"
"People love to be critical these days. The look for every excuse to condemn the actions of others. If your father or Mr. Gary had shot and killed the suspect, we'd all be hearing how they acted with excessive force and the police department is insensitive to mental illness."
They stood there together in the hallway for a long moment before Tony headed down the hall past his mother. "I better get that trash out before Dad gets back."
She let him go. There had always been some unwritten rule about how much serious discussion she could get out of her son on any one given topic. Not to mention, he was right. If the trash weren't done when Antonio got back from his run, there would be hell to pay.
About an hour later, a knock sounded at the door. Antonio must have forgot his key.
"Where did you run to? Norfolk?" Vivian asked as she pulled the door open. "What's going on? Antonio?"
Antonio stood on the front stoop, an officer she didn't recognize standing beside him. Antonio was in handcuffs and sporting a black eye, nearly swollen shut.
"Good evening, ma'am."
"What happened to my husband?" she asked the cop.
"He started a bar fight. Got punched in the face by one of the bouncers."
Vivian shook her head. "He did what? I thought you just went for a run?"
Antonio shrugged. "It started out that way."
"The bartender wanted to press charges but I talked her out of it. He's pretty drunk though and he assaulted several people. He really should spend the night in the tank but if you want to take responsibility for him, under the circumstances, I'm good with it."
"Under the circumstances?" she asked.
He nodded. "You know Officer Hart's death and all."
"Right. Fine. Okay. I'll take him. Thank you for bringing him home."
"Try to stay off the booze, Russo, would ya? The chief were to find out about this, you might lose your job." He unlocked the cuffs and gave Antonio a little nudge. "Go inside and sober up. Take care of yourself, man."
The officer turned and walked away. Vivian closed the door.
"What the hell, Antonio?"
He lifted his arms to remove his hoodie. The movement caused him to lose his balance and he crashed against the closet door.
"What the fuck," Antonio cursed as he grabbed at something to keep from losing his balance again. Unfortunately, there was nothing and he landed flat on his backside with a thump.
Antonio huffed as he dragged himself to his feet. Waves of alcohol emanated from him.
"You stink like booze. Bar fights? Seriously, Antonio. Aren't things bad enough right now?"
"I got tired. Pulled over for a rest and had a beer." He reached for her but Vivian turned and walked away. Antonio followed her right in to her office. "Come on, baby. Don't be mad. It was just one drink."
"No, Antonio. I'm guessing it was way more than that. Maybe one bottle of Jack? Your eyes are red, your balance is off, and your speech is slurred."
"Is this about the trash? I might have been a little rough on Tony."
She walked over to her desk and sat in the chair. "This has nothing to do with Tony. Although you were a complete jerk to him tonight. This is about you. And the overabundance of alcohol you have consumed since that night."
"How many times do I have to say it? My best friend was shot in front of me and my department thinks it was my fault. So, yeah, I've kinda been in a bad space lately. But, I'll pull through it. I always do."
Vivian shrugged. "Yeah. I just hope it's not too late."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Antonio stepped up to the front of her desk and leaned forward so he looked her in the eye. He wobbled a little and had to grab the desk with his hands to keep from falling forward. Vivian raised one eyebrow but he acted like nothing had just happened.
"It means you need to get your shit squared away and stop treating us like we are some suspects in a murder investigation."
Antonio paced the room. "Is that what you think? That I'm treating you like a suspect?"
Vivian slapped her hands down on her desk and jumped to her feet. "I don't know! I just know that I am trying so hard to be there for you and you just keep pushing me away!"
He dropped down onto the little loveseat she had in the room and rested his head in his hands. "When I was outside tonight, the thought crossed my mind—if I just ran out in front of a car or a truck, then all this pain would go away."
"Antonio!" Her eyes filled with tears. She backed away from him, her hand over her mouth, trying to stifle a sob. "Why would you—"
"I didn't do it, obviously. But I thought about it. That's why I went to the bar where I had a few drinks to quiet the voice."
"Did it work?" she asked, quietly.
"I'm not sure."
"But, why wouldn't you just talk to me about it?"
He hung his head. "I've never done this before, Viv. I've never watched my best friend die in front of me. I don't know what I'm doing here."
"But running in front of a truck—killing yourself—isn't the answer. Why haven't you told me this before?"
He shrugged. "I don't know. It's not something I think about all the time. The thought just occurs to me like it did tonight."
Vivian walked over and sat beside him, placing her hand on his upper back. "Maybe it's time to get some help. Maybe call a counselor?"
"If I call the department counselors, everyone will know in twenty-four hours. They will think I'm crazy." He looked up at her, the saddest expression she'd ever seen on his face. "I'm not crazy, Viv."
"Oh sweetheart, I know you're not crazy. But, I do think you need some help with this heavy load you are carrying."
"I don't know where to start."
"First, you need to give up the alcohol for a while. Tomorrow I will call the doctor and get you an appointment. I think he will know what direction to point us in."
Antonio leaned a head on her shoulder. "I'm sorry I'm such an asshole."
&n
bsp; Vivian kissed the top of his head. "You might be an asshole, but you're mine and we are in this together."
"I love you."
"I love you, too," she replied. "Why don't you go take a hot shower and call it an early night."
He nodded his head. "Yeah, okay."
"Hey, mom?" Tony walked in the room but stopped when he saw Antonio. "Never mind." He turned and walked back out.
"Tony! Come back for a second. Please," Antonio called after him.
"What?" Tony asked, from the doorway.
"I'm sorry about earlier." Antonio took a deep breath. "I didn't mean to be such a hard ass."
Tony looked surprised but played it cool. "Yeah, okay."
"Tony," Vivian said, a warning in that one word.
"It's fine, Dad. Sorry I let it go too long." To Vivian, he said, "I'm staying after school tomorrow."
"Oh? You have practice?"
"No, we have tomorrow off. Coach won't be there. I'm going to help my English teacher with something."
"Shouldn't she be helping you?" Vivian asked.
"She's a club sponsor and she taught the twins a few years ago. Her group wants to do a fundraiser for Project Blue Light in Mr. Gary's honor. She asked me if I wanted to help."
"What kind of fundraiser?" Antonio asked.
"Not sure yet. That's what tomorrow's meeting is about. I want to check it out."
Vivian looked at Antonio then at Tony. "Sounds good to me. Let me know if I can do anything to help."
"I will. Thanks. Night, Mom. Dad." He disappeared, leaving them alone once more.
"Everyone seems to be feeling Gary's death." Vivian stood up and went back to her desk. "I'm going to private message Eleanor and let her know. I'll be up by the time you finish in the shower."
Antonio nodded as he stood up. "I'm sorry, Viv. I really am."
"I know you are. What's that thing your dad always said?"
"It’s not the mistakes a man makes but what he does after that are the measure of the man."
She gave half a smile, almost hearing her father in law’s voice in her head as Antonio spoke. "That's so true too."
"I'm a lucky man." He walked from the room and Vivian listened as he clomped slowly up the steps, praying the alcohol hadn't affected him so much that he lost his balance.
Pulling up her favorite social media website, she created a chat group and sent a message to Eleanor and Marietta about the upcoming fundraising event. What she really wanted to talk about was Antonio contemplating suicide but she didn't know how to even voice the words.
Eleanor: I remember Ms. Evans. The boys loved her. She is too kind to be doing that.
Marietta: Do they need any sponsors or chaperones or anything?
Vivian: Tony is going to know more tomorrow after he attends the planning meeting.
Marietta: Ricky brought home a flyer today. The department is selling memorial tee shirts with Gary's name, end of watch, and badge number on them.
Eleanor: I hope no one thinks we expect all of this.
Marietta: Hush! You know the guys and gals like to have the shirts. It's their way of paying their respects and reminding the world that their brother mattered.
Eleanor: Gary always paid twice as much for the shirts when he bought them. He said we had to take care of our own.
Vivian: Well, now its everyone's turn to take care of you. I gotta tell you girls something but it has to stay between us.
Eleanor: Of course. Always.
Marietta: What she said.
Vivian: Antonio and Tony got into tonight over the trash not being taken out. Antonio took off on a "run" and came home falling down drunk. Well, escorted in cuffs, actually.
Marietta: What? He needs to stop drinking!
Vivian: Yeah, we talked about that. But that's not what worried me. He told me had a voice in his head telling him how easy it would be for him to just run in front of a car or truck.
Eleanor: No! You tell him I said absolutely not!
Vivian: I got him to agree to see our doctor tomorrow.
A loud, solid crash sounded from upstairs.
Vivian: I gotta go. Something just happened.
Jumping up from her chair she ran out of the room and took the steps two at a time. She met Tony on the landing.
"What was that?" he asked as he followed her to her room.
"I don't know." She pushed the door open. "Antonio! Are you okay?" she called out as she crossed the room.
The water still ran in the shower and some rock music sounded through the door. He must have turned something on his phone when he went in the bathroom. Vivian grasped the doorknob but it didn't budge. She pounded the door with both fists yelling his name but there was no reply.
"Tony! Grab me a bobby pin off my nightstand. You know those little things I use in my hair."
He already had one in his hand before she finished explaining. "Here, Mom."
Vivian took the pin and opened it to a ninety-degree angle before shoving one end into the lock on the door knob. She heard a click and shoved the door open so hard it slammed against the vanity.
"Antonio!"
A cloud of steam billowed from the room. The shower curtain lay in a heap on the side of the tub and water ran off of it on to the floor. Antonio was slumped against the drain, blood running from his head and turning the water pink.
"Tony! Call an ambulance!"
She looked up to see her son backing from the room with his cell phone already to his ear. Vivian shut off the water but resisted the urge to pull Antonio from the tub. She had no idea what kind of injury he had. She did check for a pulse, her fingers feeling icy cold against the hot skin of his neck. When she felt the slight pressure against her finger tips, she let out the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding.
"Is he dead?" Tony asked from the doorway.
Vivian shook her head. "No. Did you call 9-1-1?"
Tony nodded. "Yeah. I'm going downstairs to watch for them. Unless you need me to help get Dad out of the tub?"
"No," Vivian said. "I'm not moving him. I have no idea what happened and I don't want to make anything worse." She struggled to keep her voice calm and her words even so as not to scare Tony but her heart pounded against her sternum with such force, Vivian wanted to vomit.
"Okay." Tony ran off toward the front door and Vivian sat and waited.
By the time she heard EMT's coming up the stairs, Antonio had begun to move slightly. He let out a groan as he rolled sideways. "What the hell happened?"
"You tell me," Vivian said, grabbing a towel and laying it over his naked man parts.
"One minute I was singing along with Journey and the next I woke up freezing my balls off and licking the tub drain."
"Small town girl, living in a lonely world?" Vivian looked up to see a medic standing in the doorway.
"Always. Doesn't matter who you are, right?" Antonio tried to sit up but got stuck.
"Whoa, man. Stay put. We'll get you out of there."
"I'm fine." Antonio shifted and slipped against the wet surface, whacking the back of his head on the side of the tub.
"Sit still, Antonio Robert." Vivian glared at him.
"Dude, she pulled out the middle name. You in trouble now." A second medic, considerably younger than the first, stepped into the room.
Antonio grumbled something only she could hear. "Great. I get the rookie. I'll be dead in ten minutes."
"Antonio, hush," Vivian replied, just as quietly.
"Come on, man. Let's see if we can get you up from there." The first medic moved in next to Vivian. She went and sat on top of the toilet seat to give them room to work.
It took both medics and a lot of grunting to get Antonio out of the tub. They walked him to the bed and sat him on the end of it. Antonio immediately grabbed the extra throw blanket she used at night and covered his lap.
"Eeww, now I'm gonna have to wash that." Vivian made a face as she walked out of the bathroom.
"It's not like you've
never touched my junk before."
Both of the medics had a good laugh over that one. Vivian glared at her husband but didn't like what she saw. Antonio's usually ruddy skin was pale and his hand shook a little when one of the medics lifted his arm to put on the blood pressure cuff.
A stream of blood ran from his brow right into his eye. The other medic dabbed at it with a gauze pad. "You're gonna need some stitches here. You hit your head on the faucet?"
Antonio shrugged. "I have no idea. I think I slipped when I reached down for the bar of soap I'd dropped."
"Can you look up at this light please?" The medic held a white pen light up, moving it slowly back and forth.
"I think you might have a bit of a concussion too. Have you been drinking, sir?"
"I had a couple beers. So what?" Antonio said.
"A concussion might not mix well with that. I think we need to take you in. A doctor needs to evaluate you."
"I'm fine!" Antonio jumped to his feet. The blanket fell to the floor and he fell to the bed.
"Feeling a little woozy, are ya?" The younger of the two medics asked.
"Let them take you," Vivian said. "I'd feel better if you got checked out."
"I just want to go to bed."
"Now that's the problem, sir," the first medic said. "Sleep might not be your friend at the moment."
Antonio let out a long, frustrated sounding sigh. "Fine. But can I put on some damn clothes first? I don't need the entire city getting a look at me in my birthday suit."
The older medic covered his eyes and waved at Antonio's crotch. "Yeah. Please do. I might never eat franks and beans again after tonight."
Vivian laughed, digging through drawers for a pair of sweats, boxer briefs and a tee shirt. "Here." She held out the clothes but both medics stepped aside.
"He's all yours, ma'am. We’re gonna stow our gear and get the stretcher."
"No!" Antonio said. "I'll walk to the ambulance. I don't need the neighbors talking."
"Honey, they probably already are."
He exhaled. "Whatever. Let’s just do this then."
She helped him get dressed, and with the assistance of the medics and Tony, they got him down the stairs and out to the waiting truck.
The Line That Binds Page 18
