by Cassie James
As if sensing my unspoken question, Patrick takes a seat on the swing across from us with a grim look. “I’d say I’ve already played more than my fair share of the jealousy card. That’s old news as far as I’m concerned. I actually like to learn from my mistakes.” He looks at me with a calm expression, letting me know he’s serious before he starts speaking again, each word slow and measured. “It didn’t hurt things any when you added Ace or Jax. I can’t imagine much would change to add one more.”
I’m sure my face goes bright red as I can feel Jake turn to stare at me. Leave it to Patrick to be embarrassingly pragmatic at a time like this. “That’s not—I… Uh, no, I—” I splutter, my words failing to find traction. “I mean, I’m not—”
“What J is so eloquently trying to say right now,” Jake steps in for me, “is that it’s not like that with us. Maybe once upon a time it might have been, but now…” I can feel him looking at me again as he finishes softly, “A lot has changed.”
Patrick clears his throat. I keep my eyes steady on him, wanting him to know how much it means to me that he’s reaching out even if I feel like I’m going to pass out from the embarrassment of it all. His eyes stay on mine, too, but his next words are clearly meant for Jake. “You won’t catch me begging my girlfriend to take on another boyfriend, so I’m not going to do that. But you might want to think long and hard about what decision gets made—”
I can feel the tension radiating off of Jake as he listens to Patrick’s words. “Jake?” My voice shakes as I cut Patrick off. I have no idea how he’s feeling because I can’t stand to look at him. This whole thing feels embarrassing. I appreciate the gesture on Patrick’s part, but Jake’s done nothing to insinuate he would still be interested in me like that. Not even one-on-one, much less when I’ve already got a whole team of boyfriends. “Could you give us a minute?”
“Yeah.” Jake squeezes my shoulder as he stands, his other hand steadying the swing for me. The laugh lines around his eyes crinkle as his face scrunches up with a wince. “Actually, I probably need to head home. I have work tomorrow, and I can’t exactly afford to miss another shift after the past two days.”
“Jake, no,” I start as I stand, the swing pushing back hard enough to clap against the railing of the gazebo. I flinch at the sound, but he pulls me into a stiff hug before letting go of me quickly. “You can stay. Please.” I don’t like the way begging makes my voice sound, but I can’t stand the thought of losing him so quickly again after I just got him back.
“You’ve got a lot going on, J.” I can hear my blood whooshing in my ears, and I feel like I might legitimately pass out as I struggle to remember how to breathe. A lot going on is a freaking understatement. I glance in Patrick’s direction, but he’s studiously looking the other way, giving us something resembling a moment of privacy. “I promise I’m not disappearing again. We can talk anytime on the phone, and I can always come back to visit, but Brandon’s gonna need his truck, and I really can’t lose this job. Besides you and your…” The word boyfriends hangs uncomfortably in the air between us. “You’ve obviously got enough to figure out without me being here in the way.”
I want to argue, but I can’t. I know how hard it is to come by jobs in Nikon Park, so I don’t want him to get fired, and as much as I’d like to tell him he can just move in here and never work again, I know that isn’t really a viable option, either. “Goodbye, Jake,” I whisper.
I watch as he flashes me one last warm smile before making a hasty retreat down the steps. I collapse back onto my swing, dropping my head in my hands as I try to make sense of everything that’s already happened this morning. The guys catching me sharing a bed with Jake. The realization that my grandfather’s treasure is literally within reach. Ace running out. Jax being a vulnerable asshole. Smith’s fixation on Hollis’ treasure. Patrick’s odd sense of acceptance just now. And now, Jake leaving me here all over again. It’s all too much. There’s no way I can actually handle this. I feel like I’m drowning.
“I can’t do this,” I admit quietly as my swing wobbles beneath me. I’m not really sure if I’m talking to Patrick or myself, but my shaking body tells me it’s the right sentiment either way. It’s just too much to deal with all at once. There’s always too much to deal with.
“Juliet,” his voice is now almost impossibly close, his hands resting on my knees as he kneels in front of me, steadying the swing and bathing me in a fleeting moment of comfort. I don’t look up, my breath coming out in short, shaky gasps. How can I be expected to actually deal with all this on my own? “Are you okay?” he asks, which I answer only with a shrug as he rubs soothing circles over my knees. “Yeah, dumb question. I know all of this must be daunting to face, but we’re all here for you.” My scoff sounds watery to my ears, and Patrick huffs a wry laugh in response. “Okay, maybe I’m the only one that’s literally still here right now, but you know we all love you. This is hard, but it’s not the worst thing we’ve ever had to get through.”
He pulls me off of the swing and into his arms as he whispers, “We’ll get through this, too.”
Chapter Two
I flip through the pages of the book, fingers skimming the pages for what feels like the thousandth time. My head aches in the low lighting of the office, but I haven’t been able to force myself up from behind the desk to turn another lamp on. I let the book fall closed with a heavy sigh, fingering the key around my neck as I glance around Hollis’ office with heavy eyes. I force myself out of the wingback chair and through the door of the office. I hate that I keep ending up in there.
It’s just a distraction, a desperate attempt to think about anything other than the shit show the past week has been. Of the stilted, half-assed conversations at school with my guys. Of the guilt gnawing me to the core every time I think about how broken everything feels. I’m wrapped up in the mystery of the treasure, even if it might not be so much of a mystery anymore, because it keeps me from getting caught up in every other thing I should be thinking about instead. I glance over my shoulder at the office door, and my heart hammers. It’s all just another reminder of the time I spent with Smith trying to solve the mystery behind my grandfather’s treasure. But things have been weird, and even the allure of solving the mystery behind Hollis’ treasure hasn’t been enough to break our group out of this funk.
The key thumps against my chest as I take stiff steps away from the office. If my past couple weeks hadn’t been so hectic, so fucking weird and all over the place, the mental whiplash might slow me down. Instead, I let the thoughts consume me as I move through autopilot toward the kitchen. I finger the key again as I set a pot of water to boil, the stupid treasure taking me over once more. This whole time, I’ve had clues right under my nose.
“You have everything you need right here.” That last moment I shared with Pearl before she died, I thought she was talking about my heart. It was sappy, especially for her, sure, but she hadn’t exactly been very lucid. Now, though, I distinctly remember the way she brushed the chain I’ve been wearing the key on. In the moment, I thought her aim just hadn’t been very good. But clearly I was the one not seeing straight. She didn’t miss when she brushed the key—she’d meant the key all along. It makes so much freaking sense that I can’t help but feel mad at myself for not seeing it before.
Irritation makes my back stiffen as my eyes trail over to the packet of papers still lying discarded on the kitchen counter. That one simple instruction for getting access to the family beach house. Use key.
The instruction along with the memory of Pearl’s gnarled fingers brushing over the key confirmed a suspicion of mine. Pearl always knew what the treasure was. She recognized the key, and she made sure my directions after her death would lead me right to the beach house. Not only did she know, but she always intended for me to find Hollis’ treasure. Just not until after she was gone.
Pearl should have been here to help me through this, I think as the teapot whistles on the stove. Screw her for leaving me to f
ace Hollis’ secret alone. Though, I wouldn’t be alone, I realize, if I hadn’t been pushing the guys away all week long. I’ve been avoiding awkward conversations by doing my best to not talk to them at all, even though what I really desperately need is to be able to draw them close again.
Aside from Sadie and Salma, the only talking I’ve gotten to do has been during the mandatory counseling sessions the school scheduled for me with Dr. Peterson for every morning before class. And even that is mostly just me avoiding saying anything important as I waste away the minutes until I can escape his office each day.
I need my guys, and instead I’ve just left a huge freaking mess of everything. A rush of grief floods me as I lean against the counter, seeking comfort from the cool countertop.
My phone rings, competing with the sound of the whistling teapot. I’m both surprised and relieved when I see Jake’s number flashing across the screen. He’s been calling every day, but I’m no less surprised by it each time it happens. My heart clenches in my chest as I slide my finger over the screen to answer. “Hey.” I move on autopilot as I pour water over my tea bag.
“Hey. How’s it going over there?” He doesn’t pull any punches.
My first instinct is to lash out at Jake for leaving me when I was in the midst of a crisis, but I remind myself that Jake’s world doesn’t revolve around me. I already have four boyfriends I’m struggling through things with, the last thing I need is to start fixating on another guy in the middle of it all.
Not that I’m thinking about dating Jake. I just can’t stop replaying Patrick’s words. He really seemed to think that my interest in being with Jake was a sure thing. Those words I can still feel dangling between us every time Jake and I talk now. Not that I blame Patrick for it, I know he was only trying to help.
“Things are weird,” I admit as I think about all the uncomfortable lunches I’ve been forced to sit through. If it weren’t for Sadie and Salma both being there to force the awkward conversations along, we would all probably be sitting in silence and spending our days trying not to make too much eye contact with each other.
“I’m sorry,” Jake says. I wish he would stop apologizing. He didn’t do anything wrong, despite how insistent he is on bearing some of the blame.
I steer the conversation in a new direction. “Have you thought anymore about what I asked? About coming to visit next weekend?” There’s a heavy sigh from the other end of the line, but no other response. “Jake?” my voice warbles around the sound of his name. He has the days off, there’s no reason he couldn’t come. The idea that he might be back to visit again so soon has been just about the only thing getting me through the drudgery of my days since he’s been gone.
“Don’t you think it will just make things worse?” he asks. He continues before I can fully form my protest, “I don’t want to cause you problems with your boyfriends. You should give yourself time to work things out before I show up and screw everything up again. It’s obvious they care about you, J—Smith never would have called for me to come to Pearl’s funeral for you otherwise. It’s not fair for me to keep showing up and fucking things up for you.”
I thank the universe that my tears are silent as they stream down my face. My hands shake hard enough that I have to set my mug of tea down for fear of spilling hot liquid all over myself. “Jake, you promised you would try.”
“C’mon, you have to realize that I shouldn’t be spending so much time there, anyway. I’m Nikon Park, through and through. Eventually, people are going to have opinions about seeing me around too often.” His tone is derisive, the self-loathing so thick that I shove my mug across the counter with a loud clatter just to have something to do with my hands.
I don’t know how to find the words to tell him that I need his little piece of Nikon Park to balance out all of the Patience in my life that’s so fucked up. The fact that he could insinuate there’s something unworthy about him just because he’s from somewhere different—somewhere I came from too—is bullshit. These people can think names are everything all they want. Jake Murphy is a name just as important to me as any other.
Jake’s next statement throws me for a loop. “Besides, I actually need that time to apply for jobs.”
“What?”
“I’m uh, not working at Mango’s anymore.”
“What?” I know I’m repeating myself, but I’m struggling to process what the hell is going on. Nikon Park isn’t the easiest place to find a job, so when you get one, you hold on to it with both hands, no matter how shitty it is. “What the hell happened?”
“Brandi.” It’s a one-word answer that leaves a lot unspoken, but it still says plenty. I’m not the least bit surprised that she would fire Jake for taking a few shifts off to come to Pearl’s funeral. She always hated me. I’m sure this wasn’t a coincidence, and that makes me feel even more terrible.
“Jake. Please come. I’ll even help you look for jobs.” I hate the whiny sound of my voice as I plead with him. “I could really use a friend right now.” I don’t mention the fact that Sadie and Salma have been complete rockstars about everything. The more desperate he thinks I am, the more likely he is to give in.
He sighs, and my heart clenches painfully as I try to mentally prepare for an outright refusal. How did I manage to ruin everything with one stupid, selfish request? I know I want Jake to stop apologizing for it, but that doesn’t mean I’m ready to forgive myself yet. “I’ll come, but on one condition,” he finally says, and my heart leaps.
“Anything.”
“Fix shit with the guys,” he says slowly, and my breath catches again. That’s one hell of a condition—especially considering how weird I’d left everything. “Tell them I’m coming and make sure everyone’s cool with it. I don’t want that big, quiet one kicking my ass.”
Ace would never. I can’t find my voice to tell him that, though. Instead, I hum in the back of my throat before reaching for my searing tea and gulping at it again. I’m not sure how the hell I’m going to fix anything. Much less convince them to be okay with Jake coming to visit. With a sigh, I agree anyway. At the end of the day, what the hell do I have to lose?
Chapter Three
“Are you sure you don’t want the guys here for this?” Salma asks, glancing at the mess we’ve already made of Hollis’ office. She keeps asking about them, trying to nudge me into inviting them, but I’m not ready, even if I did tell Jake I’d try to fix it. I haven’t plucked up the courage to ask either of the girls to help me figure out how to fix it yet, either. This would be the perfect opportunity, but something stops me just before I ask.
Sadie pops up from where she’s been draped over a chair in front of the fireplace. “You could at least invite my brother over. He’s taking broody to a whole new level. I don’t think he would have invited your friend Jake in the first place if he knew how much trouble it would cause.”
My shoulders tense, and her eyes widen as she seems to process what it is she’s just said to me. Every single bit of the shit stems from the guys catching me literally sleeping in the same bed as Jake after Pearl’s funeral. It’s not the fact that he’d been invited. It’s the fact that I’d crossed a line. Ace can barely stand to look at me, Jax isn’t talking to me at all, Smith keeps grumbling that he shouldn’t have done the decent thing, and I’m honestly avoiding Patrick, after flipping out on him on the gazebo. It’s been a long week, and this conversation is exactly why the guys weren’t invited. Maybe I shouldn’t have invited Sadie, either.
I immediately feel guilty for thinking it, but I can’t stop the acerbic tone that accompanies my next statement. Everything’s a confusing, jumbled, fucked up mess. “Jake didn’t do anything but show up and be supportive and apologetic.” I pin her with a long stare. She holds her hands up in mock surrender—the gesture so much like her brother that it makes my chest ache. I do miss Smith. I miss all of them. Seeing them every day isn’t the same with all of this tension sitting between us like a gigantic freaking elephant.
Sadie nudges a stack of books with her foot. We’ve been pulling them off the shelves, checking each one individually to make sure we haven’t missed any inscriptions or other clues. I want as much information in my hands as possible before we storm the beach house. “Is Jake still coming back next week?”
Only if I can figure out how to fix the mess I made. “Yep,” I say aloud. I’m not quite ready to admit that he might not come back if I don’t figure out how to claw my way out of the grave I’ve dug myself with the guys.
“So are the two of you…?” Salma trails off, looking at me with raised eyebrows as she waits for me to fill in the blank.
I take a deep breath and force myself to give her some sort of answer. “I love Jake. I’ve always loved Jake. But I would never do anything to lose my boys. I love them.” Both girls stare at me for a long minute. I haven’t really answered, and we all know it. The silence gets to them before it gets to me.
“Okay, but then why are things so weird, then?”
“Can we please not talk about this right now?” I sigh heavily. This conversation weighs on me. It did the first time the girls tried to have it with me, and it’s still weighing on me now. I should probably talk to the guys about everything before I talk to Sadie and Salma about it. I know that. I just can’t seem to bring myself to do it. After the way the guys acted the day after Pearl’s funeral, I can’t stop picturing any serious conversation we have going terribly wrong.
The worst part is I keep replaying the sound of Jax’s voice when he’d raised his voice at me, accusing me of doing something seriously wrong when all I’d done was had one little lapse in judgment in a moment when I was weak and needed comfort. Even then, the extent of my betrayal was sleeping on the same bed as someone I grew up with. Someone I trust implicitly.
