by Natalie Ann
Was Jake right? She did like to be in control.
She was thirty years old and long gone were the days she went out and found someone to kill the time with. To have fun with and nothing else.
She’d always been the more serious of the siblings in the house. The one that wanted a family and a future. She’d just had rotten luck finding someone.
Her job took up a lot of her time. Some men didn’t like that she’d be out wining and dining potential candidates; other men just didn’t like the traveling she had to do at times, or the late night calls and requests. Her job was nine to five to a point and the point it wasn’t—when she was actively trying to find people—the men she dated were always less than thrilled over it.
The first time she’d accused someone of being jealous he threw it in her face that she cared more for her job than him. Cared more for the challenge to look good and prove herself than what the person she was sleeping with thought of her.
She’d been crushed over that and argued it wasn’t the case.
Unfortunately, having been early in her career, she found it did have some truth to it. Her job that had meant more.
She and Kirk went their own ways and she’d had a few other relationships since. Nothing more than a year, nothing worth even living together or talks of the future.
Every time she got close enough, something changed in the dynamics. Normally her job putting a wall up. Rumors or the time she spent with men taking them to dinner, bringing them to events, picking up and dropping them at the airport.
If there was one thing she learned, when the time came for her future significant other, it had to be someone confident in himself and their relationship. Otherwise, she’d be single for a long time.
The Chemistry
Jake was trying to avoid a similar conversation with his father on Saturday morning, but if there was anything he’d figured out—that it was hard to lie to your parents.
They saw more than you wanted them to see and had no problem dishing advice out like brussels sprouts on your plate when you passed them to the right as you held your breath over the smell.
“Late night last night?” his father asked after he rapped his knuckles on the door and let himself in. Jake was thinking he should have locked the door again after he’d returned from the coffee shop.
He’d been getting into the habit of cooking his own breakfast and trying to keep as much distance from his parents’ house as he could. But he was out of coffee and eggs and everything else he could think of. He’d run to the store later, but coffee had been the first thing on his agenda when he rolled out of bed with his cock still stiff.
No amount of self-pleasure or cold showers did anything to tame the beast when images of Rachel sitting on her kitchen island, pants down to her ankles and legs spread wide baring her sweet lush mound to him kept popping into his head.
She was one classy lady, trimmed neat and tidy, almost like there wasn’t a hair out of place like she’d arranged her long locks on her head for their date.
Maybe he should have taken her up on the blow job offer, but he truly believed she wasn’t one to put out on the first date, sucking dick included. How he ended up getting as far as he did was a mystery, but he wasn’t going to focus on that.
They’d shared some personal details about their lives and he had felt closer to her than he had anyone in a long time. Maybe it was nothing more than that. And the chemistry. Definitely the chemistry.
“Not that late,” he said, not liking the fact that he was being watched. He got home before midnight. The lights were all out in his parents’ house.
“We don’t have you on a leash,” his father said. “We heard the car door shut and I glanced at the clock.”
“You didn’t look out the window first to see if it was me?”
His father grinned. “Force of habit. Just wanted to make sure there wasn’t someone else on the property.”
His parents lived in a nice neighborhood and crime wasn’t an issue, but crime could be an issue anywhere; he knew that first hand. Wasn’t he even writing about that now? Didn’t he settle on a series of break-ins that escalated to a murder for his first book? He couldn’t believe how much writing he’d gotten done this week.
“So you came over to check on me?” he asked.
“Yes and no. You know we are worried about you. That’s a parent’s job and right.”
He snorted. He’d heard those words one too many times as a kid when he and his brothers were out causing trouble. They’d never been wild boys. They’d never gotten mixed up breaking laws or anything like that.
Nope, they all had future plans that any criminal activity, however small, might come back to bite them in the ass.
But they had done their fair share of sneaking out, partying at friends’ houses, underage drinking, but only when they were spending the night at someone’s house. Drinking and driving, the consequences and all, had been drilled into their heads when they’d gotten their licenses.
“Nothing to worry about here,” he said, knowing it was a lie. Or at least they’d think so.
“Jake,” his father said, lifting the eyebrow he often did when he was getting ready to lecture.
“What?”
“How’s the book coming?” his father asked instead. This at least he was fine talking about.
“I’m making a lot more progress in the past week than I had in the past six months.”
“Really? You think being home makes the difference?”
“Not sure. That could be part of it. The other is I think I’ve finally buckled down and found a focus.”
“Who stopped over to see you earlier in the week?”
His shoulders dropped. There were no secrets in his family...not that this was one either. He wanted to ask how his father even knew someone stopped to see him but figured it didn’t make a difference.
“A headhunter from Albany Med.”
“Someone Grey sent your way?”
“No,” he said, hoping it’d get dropped but knowing better.
“Then who and for what?”
“Rachel Chapman is her name. They need a part-time Medevac pilot. Guess she heard word of mouth I was home, did some research on me, and came knocking at the door.”
“Sounds like an interesting opportunity. Are you thinking of it? You had your EMT training in the army. It sounds like a perfect fit.”
“I’m focusing on my writing for now.”
“And if that doesn’t pan out?”
He didn’t think it was his father’s lack of support but rather his practical thinking. He and his siblings were all self-supporting and however long the offer to stay in the apartment was there, his pride wouldn’t allow him to do it too long.
“Then I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. It’s only part time anyway. Filling in for vacations, holidays, when they’ve got more than one chopper out rather than calling in from another hospital or paying OT.”
“Hmmm.”
“What’s that for?”
“That you got enough details about it instead of just saying no.”
“We talked. She wasn’t taking no for an answer right away.”
“So it’s still open ended?” his father asked.
“I told her my plans and that I’d have a better idea by the end of the year. In the meantime I told her to plan on filling it though.”
His father laughed at him. “That’s a lot of information from you to give to a stranger.”
“She isn’t really a stranger.”
“No?”
“It’s Reed Chapman’s younger sister. Chapman construction.”
“Money,” his father said. Not being snotty about it, but again stating a fact. Something that kept popping in his brain last night while he was trying to tell his cock to settle down. Rachel wouldn’t be interested in anything more than fun from someone like him. Unemployed. That was him. “Reed graduated with one of the boys.”
“Colt,” Jake said.
“They played football together too.”
“I wonder if that is how she found out you were home?”
“She said it was her mother. Or her mother heard from someone else. I didn’t ask specifics. I thought it was Grey and was ready to skin him alive for getting in the middle of my business.”
“Grey is just as concerned about you as the rest of us. Probably more because he has a better understanding from a medical perspective.”
“He’s a surgeon, not a shrink.”
“Do you think you need a shrink?” his father asked.
He laughed. It wasn’t like his father to be this nosy. “No. I’m acknowledging I’ve got issues. I’ve got nightmares and I’ve got regrets. I don’t need to talk them out to anyone when I live them every night.”
His father’s wince was enough for him to wish he hadn’t let that slip. “Jake.”
“Don’t Jake me. I’m fine. Anyone who has gone to war goes through what I am. I’m sad. I miss my best friend. Those things don’t go away overnight.” Nor would the images ever fade from his memory.
“It’s not the same and you know it. You blame yourself.”
He’d never said those words to his father, or anyone. “I do. I had a choice to make and I wondered if it was the right one. When Rob’s body was delivered I knew it wasn’t.”
“You saved so many people that day, Jake. Not just those in the air with you taking on fire. But those on the ground you were covering.”
“One person’s life shouldn’t mean more than another’s.”
“It shouldn’t,” his father said, “but you know no one wants to make that call. If you stayed to get those four that were captured, you would have lost fifty more that night. You could have been lost.”
At night when he was in bed and alone, he wondered if he was that...lost.
“They called me a hero that day. I’ve got medals to prove it. But I disobeyed orders and stayed when I was told to pull back.”
“You stayed and you fought. You fought until you knew those guys on the ground were covered. You’d disobey an order every day of the week if you could save someone.”
“I didn’t save Rob.”
“You don’t even know if he was alive at that point, Jake. Don’t beat yourself up.”
His father was right. Words he’d said to himself. Maybe they would have found Rob’s body that night while they were fighting. Maybe being there didn’t make a difference in the outcome.
He’d never know and he’d have to learn to live with that uncertainty.
No Redemption
Thanksgiving morning, Jake squeezed his body into the tiny shower in his apartment, the hot water running over his face and neck. He turned and hoped the piss poor spray would relieve the knot that formed there the night before while he was up working. Those hopes were squashed like the third monkey’s attempt to board Noah’s Ark.
Maybe he should try to get a massage sometime. He’d gotten several while he was traveling. Rented beds weren’t the best, even though they were better than some of the places he’d slept in when in the army. He suspected he was getting soft now too.
Last night though, he’d spent hours sitting in his recliner typing away, the story feeding his fingers on the keyboard like a mother’s nourishment to a newborn minutes after delivery.
Comfort and solace were emerging from him as the story took on life. He’d always known he had it in him to do this, but until he hit the halfway point of the story he wasn’t positive he’d be happy.
And at this moment he was thrilled with his work. Two people were dead. Jewels were missing. No suspects and a washed-up PI trying to prove he still had what it took.
That washed-up PI had what it took because Jake was going to let him get redemption in the end.
Was that what Jake was looking for? If it was, he wasn’t going to find it. There was no redemption for the loss of life...not in his eyes.
He shut the water off, moved out of the small stall, grabbed a towel and ran it across his face, neck, and head.
He was just stepping out of his bedroom dressed in jeans and a cotton shirt when there was knocking at the door. He was locking it now so family members didn’t just barge in on him.
Colt was standing there gazing at him, holding up two large coffees with a shit-eating grin on his face.
“I come with the coffee,” Colt said.
“The coffee I welcome, you not so much.”
Jake reached forward and took it out of his hand, taking a long sip of the hot liquid with a shot of espresso in it. Just what the doctor ordered, only it was delivered by the lawyer of the family.
“What do I owe this visit to?” he asked.
Colt walked in and sat down on the couch. “Just wanted to stop up and say hi before the family all got together for food and football. How are things going with your book?”
He appreciated that his family was showing an interest in what he was trying to do. What he was going to do. Maybe he wasn’t so sure he could pull it off months ago when he couldn’t get more than a few ideas put together, but now he knew beyond a doubt he was on to something.
“It’s going good. Better than I thought.”
“Being home helps?” Colt asked.
“Maybe.”
“Or something else?” his brother asked.
There was no way his brother could know he’d had a date last week and was going to have another tomorrow. “What could that something be?”
“Oh, I don’t know.”
Or he wasn’t saying. Colt said what he wanted to when he was damn good and ready. Must be from withholding statements and facts in the courtroom until it was time to go in for the kill.
“How are things going with you? Mom commented on a partnership or something?”
“At some point. I can feel it on the horizon. It’s the ultimate goal, but I don’t want to push it until I’m ready.”
“You?” Jake asked, laughing. “The brother that had to be the first everywhere? You couldn’t stand not having what you wanted when you wanted it.”
“True. Maybe I’ve matured. Either way, it will fall into place when it’s ready.”
“So I’m learning about things,” Jake said.
“Rob’s father came into the office the other day.”
And there was the reason for the visit. “Why?”
“Guess he got some speeding ticket or something. I didn’t ask as he wasn’t there to see me.”
“But he did see you?” Jake asked.
“He did. Came over and talked. Said he heard you were back in town and wanted to know how you were doing.”
Jake hadn’t wanted to reach out to Rob’s parents. It was wrong, he knew. His father was right—he blamed himself even if Rob’s parents might not. He didn’t know because he’d never ask.
“What did you say?”
“I said you were visiting and hadn’t made any solid plans that we were aware of. I didn’t want to go into detail too much. I figured if you wanted them to know you were here, you’d go see them.”
“I plan on it. I should,” he said.
“You should,” Colt agreed. “And I’m sure you will when the time is right.”
“The holidays aren’t the right time,” Jake said.
“Not today. Not at Christmas I’m sure. The first holidays after Rob’s death.” Colt scratched his chin, tilted his head and said what he wanted to say, Jake was positive. “Or maybe this is the right time. You were like a son to them.”
More guilt on his shoulders, but Colt was right, once again. “I’ll think about it. Not today though. Nothing needs to be decided just yet. Let’s go see if Mom has breakfast for us.”
Thanksgiving was loud like it always was. Normally his grandparents came to town, but they were spending more and more time south, so for the first time it was only his parents and his siblings.
His mother did all the work, kicking them out of the kitchen with the exception of Alexa now and again. Grey got a few cracks
in about the household being sexist with the women in the kitchen and the men in front of the TV.
He’d expected his mother to smack Grey upside the head, but all she did was laugh and say, “As long as I’m alive it will always be that way. Not one of you boys is going to ruin all the work I’ve put into this meal.”
And after dessert was served, his mother sent them all down to the basement to get the Christmas decorations. That was why she pampered them for the meal, because she put them to work after.
It was the normal he was looking for. The routine he’d missed of the holidays for years. Being around family for a big meal, then putting up the old pipe cleaner-looking artificial tree.
Colt and Grey were out on the front porch untangling lights and trying to wrap them around the railings and roofline under his father’s instructions. Alexa was putting knickknacks and garland around the fireplace. He and his mother were unpacking ornaments.
“Remember this one?” his mother said, handing him a handmade acorn that was only partially covered in red and green glitter after years of being removed and stored back in boxes. “You made this in the second grade.”
“How do you remember those things?” he asked.
“The date is on the bottom with your name.”
“So? Even I’d have to do the math in my head to know what grade I was in.”
“A mother remembers those things,” she said, poking her finger in his side. He’d have to take her word for it.
He moved over and opened up another box, one filled with photos and pictures that his mother placed around the house. He’d forgotten about them or what the pictures were until he pulled one out of his old baseball team in Santa hats.
They’d been feeding the homeless one year as part of the community service his traveling league did. It wasn’t just a team picture with all of them in Santa hats, but the frame had two other pictures in it.
Of him and Rob. Their arms around each other. Their smiles big.
He remembered that day. Their senior year when he’d told Rob he was going in the army. When he’d told him how awesome it would be. That they’d be heroes and get a bunch of chicks when they were in their uniforms.
