by S. M. Soto
I choke on a sob. “No! That is not it. I’ve seen you with Ryder, and you are incredible. I just…I didn’t want my issues getting in the way. You’ve worked so hard to get him back, and I didn’t want to be another weight for you to bear on your shoulders. I just wanted to be normal for once.”
He swipes a frustrated hand down his face. “Yeah, well, look how that turned out.”
With that, he turns on his heels, hopping onto his bike and pulling out of his driveway, as quickly as he stormed in.
I collapse there on my front lawn, sobbing openly for the whole neighborhood to see. Pain sears down my chest, seizing my lungs. I clasp my hand there, trying to ease the pain-filled ache that’s blossoming at his absence. I’ve royally fucked everything up this time. I’ve lost him for good, and I only have myself to blame.
Raking an agitated hand through my hair, I crack open a beer. Sitting on the stool in the garage, I glance at the one right next to it and sigh. It’s become a routine, both of us sitting in here, while I work on the bike or tweak something on the car. She’s imprinted herself in every facet of my life. Hell, even sitting here on my own, I feel like I can still hear her laughter. I can still smell her, the scent of roses and something inherently sweet.
It’s only been three days since the explosive fight on her lawn. Three days that I’ve avoided her texts and calls. She’s only attempted to come over once to talk to me, and Ryder intervened, telling her I was in the shower, even though I was sitting right there in the living room, stewing.
“You okay?”
I straighten on the bucket, glancing back toward the door. My brother makes his way into the quiet garage, and I push out the empty stool for him to sit on. He takes it, waiting for me to respond.
“Yeah. I’m good.” I take a sip of the beer. It tastes like acid as it goes down my throat. Nothing tastes right since I’ve learned the truth.
“What happened?”
I heave a deep sigh. He’s asked the same question every day, but I’m still not sure how to put it into words. How to explain that Olivia is sick. She may not look it or act like it, but she is. It’s a slap to the face.
“She lied to me.”
He’s silent for a beat, processing. “About what?”
“She’s sick.”
Ryder glances at me, his brows tugging low. “You mean, the bad kind of sick?”
I force a swallow. Is there any other kind?
“Yeah. And she lied to me about it. She was also engaged, so that’s just another thing I need to process.”
Ryder’s shoulders deflate. “Well, why are you here and not with her then? If she’s sick, then she needs you.”
My mouth twists into a grimace. “If she needed me, she would’ve told me.”
“She loves you.”
My chest squeezes. I take another pull from my beer, washing down the bitter taste in my mouth.
“And I know you love her. No one looks at anyone, the way you do Olivia, if they’re not in love.”
I cast him a dry look. “Oh, and you’re suddenly an expert in all this?”
He laughs, shrugging his shoulders. “I’d like to think I know what love is, and when you and Olivia look at each other, that’s love.”
His response stuns me into silence. I sit there, staring at my little brother, processing his words of wisdom. Never thought I’d see the day I’d be getting said wisdom from someone half my age. As if knowing he’s bestowed wisdom and his work is done, Ryder smirks, patting me on the back, then disappears into the house, leaving me to my own devices.
Blowing out a deep sigh, I stare up at the ceiling, looking for strength.
This woman is going to be the death of me. That is all I’m sure of.
Dropping the beer on my toolbox, I stare at the car, the same one I fucked her over, only a few nights ago. Seems fucking her on vehicles has become a new favorite pastime. Just three uncomplicated nights ago.
That’s a lie. Things have never been uncomplicated between us. From the second I laid eyes on her, she’s been a thorn in my fucking side. And that thorn has only seemed to dig deeper, growing on me over time.
Putting my pride and my frustrations aside, I shoot her text, waiting for a response. Minutes tick by with no reply, so I say to hell with it. I check in on Ryder before I lock up behind me and cross our lawns. I’m done with this distance. We’re talking things out here and now. I may have acted like an asshole the last few days by ignoring her, but I plan to rectify that, here and now. My brows pull down into a frown and I come up short when I realize her car isn’t in the driveway.
Where the hell is she?
I rap my knuckles on the front door, waiting her out. Unlike last time, I don’t hear her footfalls on the other side of the wood. Just silence. Uncomfortable silence.
When five minutes of unanswered calls and knocks go on, I decide to call it a night, too frustrated to come up with theories as to where she could be. She’s obviously not home. She could be at work, but something tells me that’s not it either.
Hours later, my cell vibrates on the bedside table, jolting me awake. Through bleary eyes, I frown at the number on the brightly lit screen. It’s from an unknown number, but I can’t imagine anyone would be calling at this time, if it wasn’t important. Sliding my finger across the screen, I answer groggily, and the person’s voice on the other end of the line has me jolting upright, blinking away the sleep. The words that echo over the line wrap around my heart in a constricting noose, and it’s like losing my brother all over again.
One sentence composed of just a few words has the capacity to ruin me.
I fly out of bed, throwing on clothes, before I pound on Ryder’s door to wake him. He jerks upright, eyes wild. Whatever he sees on my face is enough to get him moving. He hops out of bed and throws on his shoes, not wasting any time with questions.
I speed the entire way to the hospital, and when I step into the waiting room and see her parents in tears, my heart shatters. My tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth. Each time I try to open my mouth and ask the simple question, the words don’t come.
Is she alive?
Please, God, tell me she’s alive.
“C’mon, son.” Liv’s dad claps me on the back, pulling Ryder and me into the open seat next to her little brother.
“She’s gonna be fine,” Brandon insists, his eyes red-rimmed. “She has to be.”
We can only hope.
After hours of waiting with Olivia’s family, they’ve given me the breakdown of her condition. What happened and what led her here. Something I would’ve already known if I’d just put my pride aside and let her talk, but I was being stubborn. I was so focused on my rage that I let her down. She really can’t trust me. She obviously has every reason to hate me. Maybe if I had let her explain, I could’ve helped prevent this somehow.
At birth, Olivia was diagnosed with atrioventricular septal defect, which resulted in heart surgeries to repair a hole in the wall of her heart that works as a separator for the upper chambers. Only, her condition was a lot more severe than she led on. Because of the surgeries she’d undergone, the muscles in her heart became permanently inflamed, causing her to have cardiomyopathy.
There was never any promise that she’d always be okay. In fact, her parents told me it was quite the opposite. Because she was such a risk factor during surgeries, the other valve in her heart didn’t heal properly, which means, at any given moment, her heart can give out on her. That is why taking her medications, on time, every day, and seeing a doctor regularly is imperative.
It doesn’t matter how much medication she takes; it is just a matter of when her heart is ready to give out on her. That is her reality—a severe case of congestive heart failure.
Her parents tell me she was at work when she collapsed. They got the call yesterday afternoon and flew out, as soon as they could. They’ve been here ever since, waiting on word that she’s okay. That she’s going to make it out of this alive.
That would certainly explain why her car wasn’t there last night.
I can’t stop beating myself up over this. If we were talking, I could’ve been here sooner, but I’d been purposely avoiding her, and somehow, I can’t help but feel like the cause of this.
“Roman, walk with me to get some coffee?” Lisa, Olivia’s mom, asks, jolting me out of my thoughts. I nod, not really here. My mind elsewhere. I walk beside Lisa, stuck in my head, as we make our way toward the cafeteria for coffee.
“Stop blaming yourself. This isn’t your fault.”
I heave a deep sigh. It sure in the hell feels like it’s my fault. “I didn’t even give her a chance to explain.”
“It’s actually my fault. I was pushing too hard, and it was wrong of me to give Reid her address. I thought you knew about him, and I just hoped there would be one person who could talk some sense into her and make her take her health seriously.”
“How long were they together?”
“They met in college, stayed together until about a year ago. But want to hear a secret? I always knew they wouldn’t last. A mother knows these things, Rome, and Reid and my daughter, they would’ve never worked. She knew that all along. It just took her a few years to get the courage to leave. Want to hear something else? She’s never looked at anyone the way she looks at you.”
Her words pierce my heart.
We grab our coffees in silence. I get the sense she’s giving me a moment to process this information. Lisa Hales is a lot of things—she’s vibrant, full of life, and so much like her daughter; yet, she’s entirely different. You never really know what you’re going to get from the woman.
“I never told her I loved her.”
Lisa hooks her arm through mine. “You’ll still get to tell her, Rome. I have every faith that my daughter is going to pull through this.”
I look down at the small woman, a frown wrecking my features. “How can you be so sure?”
She grins up at me, though the smile is wobbly and her eyes are red-rimmed. “Because I know my daughter, and she’s a fighter. She always has been. She’ll pull through this just to show us that she could, just to prove us all wrong, and when that happens? You both are giving me a busload of grandchildren, for taking ten years off my life.”
A surprise laugh bursts from my chest. The scariest part of everything she just said is that I’m not even fazed by the idea of having a busload of children with Olivia.
When a doctor comes out to give us news, regarding Olivia’s condition, everyone is on edge. The man is about the same age as Olivia’s parents, maybe even a little older. With a weathered face and a head of silver hair, the doctor clears his throat, his gaze sweeping across each of us, settling on Lisa and Ethan.
“Mr. and Mrs. Hales?” They reach for each other’s hands, nodding, waiting to hear more. “Your daughter is stable.” At this news, everyone blows out a deep sigh of relief. “The atrioventricular valve needed repairing from the swelling. It was causing loss of blood flow to the heart. She went a little while with stalled heartbeats, but after a successful defibrillation, we were able to mimic and restart the pumping and ease the swelling. She’s going to be out of it for the next few days. I’ll need to keep her here until I can be sure the swelling stays under control. I’ll be adding a dose of captopril to her medication to reduce the resistance to blood flow. Just for preventative measures. This isn’t a fix by any means, but hopefully, this will be the last episode. The heart is a very complex organ, but your daughter is a fighter. Her heart may not be the strongest, but it’s hanging in there, just like she is. She should be awake soon. I’ll have a nurse swing by, once they have her set up in a room.”
I sit there, thanking every lucky star in the goddamn sky that she’s okay.
She’s going to be okay.
She’s going to be okay.
After her parents and her brother visit with her, I walk into her room, absolutely hating the sight of her in that hospital bed. A handful of machines surround her with tubes connected to her hands and chest.
I pause just over the threshold, surprised to see she’s awake. Her skin is pale, not as filled with life, as it usually is. There are dark circles under her eyes that aren’t usually there either, but goddammit, she still looks beautiful. A softness enters her eyes when our gazes clash. Even from here, I can see the slight tremble in her chin, her way of trying to keep her emotions in check.
“You came,” she chokes out.
I step farther into the room, unable to take my eyes off her. “Did you really think, for one second, that I wouldn’t come?”
A tear slides down her cheek, and I reach out, catching it, relishing in the feel of her skin beneath mine. I’ve missed her. Every single part of her. Reaching up, she captures my hand and presses a kiss to my knuckles, tears teetering on the edge of her lashes.
Ryder clears his throat behind me, dragging her attention toward him. She smiles. “Hey, Ry.”
My little brother smiles. “How do you feel, Olive?”
“Much better. How are you? Bored without me?”
Ryder chuckles, glancing at me, before he steps closer to the bed. “You’re asking how I am, when you’re there?”
Olivia grins. “I guess I am.”
“He’s been miserable without you, just so you know.”
She shoots a glance at me. We don’t use words, but everything that needs to be said is said right then and there. I feel everything she doesn’t say, and I try to convey everything I should’ve expressed days ago—everything I feel.
“I’m gonna give you guys a minute. I’ll be waiting for you outside, Ro.”
When the door closes behind him, I shift my attention back to Olivia, raking my gaze across every inch of her. I work through the barrage of emotions slamming into me, trying to find the right words to make up for the other day.
“I’m really glad you’re here, Roman.”
Blowing out a breath, I summon the strength to open up about my feelings for a woman, for once in my life. “I’m sorry. About how I acted the other day.”
Olivia shakes her head. “Don’t apologize, Roman. This isn’t your fault. This is on me. I should’ve told you sooner. Every man I’ve ever been with always says it’s fine, that they can handle it, but what about years later? When I’m sick and I don’t have very long to live? They never last. They realize this isn’t what they want. I didn’t want that for us. I wanted to hold on to you, for as long as you’d let me.”
“I’m not them, Liv. Do I want forever with you? Of course, I do. But I love you so much, I don’t need forever. As long as I have the now, that’s all that really matters. I’ll take the seconds, the minutes, and the days, because it’s you, Sunshine. It’s always you.”
“I’m so sorry I kept this from you,” she whispers, tears clogging her throat.
“I should’ve handled the news a lot better than I did. But I don’t care about that, Olivia. I don’t care that you were engaged before. I don’t care that you lied to me about your health. All I care about is you. We’re going to make this work, no matter what. I don’t care if you have a heart condition. I don’t care if you don’t even have a week left. I love you, and I’m not going anywhere.”
What I hope is a happy sob bursts past her lips, and she reaches out, gripping the back of my neck, to yank me toward her.
“So, you want to grow old with me?” she asks, through her tears, trying to lighten the mood.
“I’ve never wanted anything more than growing old with my annoying neighbor who makes a habit of playing shitty music.”
She giggles, and the sound is absolute music to my ears. “Janet Jackson’s music is classic!”
A grin spreads across my face. “I love you, Olivia. I love the way you hate how I acted when we first met. I love the way you hate when I smirk when I get my way. I love the way you hate my motorcycle and call it a death trap. I love the way you hate it when I stare for too long—and the whole time I’m staring, I’m listing all the r
easons I love you in my head. I love the way you hate my ability to read your mind. I love the way you hate that I get stuck in your head and stay there. I love the way you hate that I always know what to say. I love the way you hate it when I make you laugh, when you’re failing to stay angry with me. The only thing I really hate, Liv, is the fact that I’ve ever made you cry at all. But want to know what I love the most?” She nods, tears streaming down her face, as she waits for me to continue. “I love the way you love me, Olivia. I love you so much, I’ll take whatever amount of time the universe thinks I deserve with you. You’re worth all the heartbreak in the world, Sunshine. You’re worth everything.”
She grins, more tears coursing down her cheeks. “I love you, too, Roman.”
“Invisible Things”—Lauve
“Can I open my eyes now?” I ask, from beneath the bandana he has covering my eyes. I don’t know how it’s possible, maybe it’s from years of use, but the bandana smells like Roman. It’s somehow captured the essence of the man through countless machine washes, and I’m suddenly trying to find ways to capture this smell and bottle it for later use.
Roman chuckles, the sound warm and smooth. It glides over my skin, prompting goose bumps to rise along my arms. “Not yet.”
“Oh, c’mon, Rome. The suspense is killing me.”
He sighs, just like he always does, when I’m getting on his nerves. “Fine. Take it off. We’re just about there anyway.”
I pull the bandana off my head, blinking past the brightness, until my vision clears. Roman is pulling into a parking spot somewhere in town, prompting me to frown.
“You brought me to…” Pausing, I glance around us, looking for anything that looks familiar. “A shopping center?”
Chuckling, he slides out of the car, coming to my side. “Not exactly.”
Taking my hand in his, he leads the way, and when we round the corner of the parking lot, onto the main street, I see now.
