by Amy Brown
Chapter Eleven
Adalee
Against all odds Palmer and I seem to have come to a truce. I wouldn’t exactly say we’re friends, but he’s no longer actively bullying me. He’s tutored me three more times the past week. At school, I barely see him. When I do see him, he’s with Sabrina, Rudy, and the rest of his gang of jerks. I’ve seen a different side to him the last few days, and I wonder why he hangs out with a person like Sabrina. I have no doubt they sleep together, but he could probably sleep with anyone, so why be friends with someone as despicable as her? He doesn’t even seem to like her.
She’s a colossal bitch, but she’s good in bed.
Why does it irk me so much that they would sleep together? Sabrina is pretty. Very pretty. But she so hateful, if I were a guy I can’t imagine wanting to touch her. I guess guys will do anything to touch boobs.
“Do you want to help me decorate the gym for the Christmas Dance?” Emma asks biting into her burrito. She always gets the same thing; a beef burrito and an orange soda. “The girl who was supposed to put up the Christmas decorations has the flu. The honor has been passed to me.”
I smile. “Sure. I’ll help.”
Luke glances up from his turkey sandwich. “I can help if you want?”
Emma smiles. “Really?”
He shrugs. “Why not? Anything to make the school dance feel more like the holidays.”
“Do you think Dirk would want to help?” Emma asks.
“Maybe.” Luke glances around.
Emma frowns. “Where is he by the way?”
Sense Dirk is Luke’s best friend, he’s usually a fixture at lunch, but lately he’s been studying during lunch instead of joining us. I’m afraid that’s because I made it clear I didn’t want to date him. But maybe I’m just being egotistical. It’s entirely possible he really just needs to study.
“I think he said he has a science final on Friday,” I say softly. I hope that’s true and not just an excuse to avoid me. I’d feel horrible if I was responsible for straining Luke and Dirk’s friendship. Although, it would have to be a pretty shallow friendship if I could come between them that easily.
Emma’s curious gaze falls on me. “How’s tutoring?” She has a funny look.
I know she finds it odd that Palmer is tutoring me after the way he was with me in the very beginning. Frankly, I find it odd myself. But he has really helped me, and I actually got a C on a pop quiz in Mr. Glenn’s class the other day. A very low C. That’s entirely because of Palmer’s tutoring.
“Tutoring is going great.”
Her smile is sly. “Are you seeing him tonight?”
I shake my head. “No. He has a game.”
“It sure is nice of him to make time for you in between school and practice,” Luke says, studying me.
I have a feeling him and Emma have discussed me and Palmer. There’s just something about the look they exchange with each other. I don’t really care what they think about Palmer tutoring me. I suck at math and he’s making a difference. If they want to pretend there’s more to it, they are free to do that. But Palmer hasn’t done anything even remotely sexual toward me since the Christmas party.
“Yes. It’s very nice of him to do that for me. But frankly, he’s doing it because Mr. Glenn asked him to.” I meet Luke’s gaze.
“Rumor has it he’s asked Sabrina to the Christmas Dance.” Emma watches me as she speaks.
My stomach clenches at the news, but it really isn’t any of my business who Palmer takes to the Christmas Dance. He’s my tutor, not my friend. He was more open when we met at his house the first time, but since we’ve been meeting up at the library, he’s more offhand. Probably doesn’t want any of the cool kids to see him being friendly with a nerd like me.
“I probably won’t even go to the Christmas Dance.” I crumple my sandwich wrapper and toss it in the nearby trashcan.
Emma frowns. “Why not?”
“I don’t like crowds.” Plus, I can think of nothing more annoying than watching Sabrina hang all over Palmer.
“But you have to go.” Emma looks nonplussed. “I thought we’d all go together.”
Luke lifts his brows. “You thought we’d all go together?”
“Yes. I mean, unless you planned on asking some girl?” Emma grimaces.
I’m pretty sure the only girl Luke would bother asking to the Christmas Dance is Emma. But apparently she doesn’t realize that.
Luke shrugs. “I’m up for all of us going together.”
I almost laugh because he’s probably thrilled that he can go to the dance with Emma, without actually having to ask her to go. Less chance of being shot down and rejected. Group dates are the way to go when you aren’t sure if someone likes you.
Emma’s eyes sparkle. “Cool. Now we just need to get Dirk and Adalee on board.” She swivels her gaze to me.
“But I really don’t want to go.” I scowl. I’m not sure why they even call it a dance. Every school dance I’ve ever been to has had the girls on one side of the room, and the boys on the other. The only couples dancing at the ones who are already dating. It’s awkward, and I don’t really want to put myself through that.
“Come on, Adalee.” Emma gives me a pouty look. “Dirk will probably go if you say you’re going.”
Luke frowns. “You know, Dirk really likes you Adalee. Don’t jerk him around.”
“I would never do that. I was upfront with him that I don’t want to date right now.” Did Dirk give Luke the impression I was toying with him?
“I think Dirk suspects you just don’t want to date him.” Luke studies me.
My face warms slightly because that’s partially true. I don’t feel romantic about Dirk. Perhaps if someone I did feel romantic about asked me on a date, I’d be willing to go. I sigh and say, “Dirk’s a great guy. But I feel like he’s more friend material for me then boyfriend material.”
Luke winces. “Ouch.”
“Well, you did tell me not to jerk him around. I was honest with him. As honest as I could be and still hopefully keep his friendship.” I hope Luke understands. We’ve become close again, and I’d hate to lose that.
“Do you have feelings for someone else?” Luke’s sudden question surprises me.
I shake my head. I’m only attracted to one boy in school, and Palmer and me are polar opposites. He’d never trash his reputation by dating a girl like me. We run in completely different crowds. He isn’t actively bullying me anymore, and is helping me at the behest of Mr. Glenn. But I’m not stupid enough to think he’s my friend or anything else.
“You sure?” Luke is being uncharacteristically nosy. He meets Emma’s gaze, and continues, “that night at the party… did something happen between you two?”
I can feel my face getting even hotter. “Why do you ask me that?” I will go to my grave not telling anyone what happened between Palmer and me. I can’t even imagine sharing that secret with anyone.
“Something about your expressions when you both came out of the closet,” Emma says softly. “Then all of a sudden Palmer didn’t pick on you anymore.”
“I told you, Mr. Glenn basically forced Palmer to tutor me.”
“I know.” She still looks skeptical.
“You have a very active imagination, Emma.” It’s way too embarrassing to admit I find Palmer attractive.
She shrugs. “If you say so.”
I roll my eyes, praying I look unaffected by her suspicions. “You’re loony. There’s absolutely nothing going on between Palmer and me, other than mind numbingly boring math equations.”
“If Dirk agrees to go to the dance with us, will you go?” Emma asks.
“Why does it matter so much that I go?” I frown.
“I don’t want to go to the Christmas Dance with two boys.” She laughs.
Luke looks insulted. “Why not?”
“I don’t know, it just seems weird.” Emma grimaces.
I get the feeling Emma isn’t going to drop the subject of the Chr
istmas Dance. Maybe I’ll just capitulate to get her off my back. It might be fun, who knows? I always enjoy hanging out with Luke, Dirk, and Emma. In fact, the three of them have made my time at Harbor Academy bearable.
“Fine. I’ll go. But I’ll probably have to borrow another dress.”
Emma brightens. “Of course. Are you really gonna go?”
“I get the feeling you won’t ever shut up if I don’t.” I smile to soften my words.
She chuckles. “You’re right.”
The bell rings signaling the end of lunch. We all groan and stand, tossing our trash in the can. I say goodbye to Luke and Emma, and head in the direction of my next class. I haven’t gone very far when Sabrina falls into step beside me. Next to her is one of her mean-girl friends, Gloria Gomez. I ignore them and keep walking, praying they’ll just go away and leave me alone. Gloria moves around to where she’s on the other side of me, so that her and Sabrina are like bookends. My pulse speeds up because something tells me this meeting isn’t chance.
“What the fuck is up with your shoes, Adalee?” Sabrina’s voice is snide.
I glanced down at my sneakers. They’re pale blue, made from canvas that has a hint of sparkle woven into the material. I think they’re cool, and I’ve had them for years.
Giggling, Gloria says, “Who are you? Tinkerbell?”
“She can’t be. Tinkerbell wasn’t a whore.” Sabrina’s shoulder shoves mine, but I keep walking, keeping my head down. I’m wishing Emma was with me, but she’d gone in the same direction as Luke. That’s probably why Sabrina has decided to bother me. She’s too chicken shit to approach me when I have my friends around me. I quicken my pace, hoping she’ll go away if I don’t respond. When she shoulder-bumps me even harder, my stomach drops.
“Hey Gloria,” Sabrina says loudly. “Did you hear Adalee gave Palmer a blow job during her last tutoring session?”
What a lying bitch. I scowl but just keep walking.
Sticks and stones and all that shit.
“Seriously? She gave him a blow job? What a slut.” Gloria cackles.
“I heard she also fucked a few guys from the baseball team, trying to make Palmer jealous.” Sabrina’s voice is grating. “As if he’d touch her.”
Kids are staring, and I know they can hear what Sabrina and Gloria are saying. If I bother to say they’re liars, it won’t shut them up. I’m sure of that. What they want out of me is a reaction, so I continue to ignore them. If I’m boring enough to pick on, maybe they’ll go away.
“Yeah, Palmer said she pushed him and pushed him to let her suck him until he gave in. He says she sucks like a vacuum cleaner.” Sabrina slams my shoulder yet again.
I give her a dirty look, and I stop walking. “You’re a liar,” I snap. “He didn’t say that.” I can’t help but wonder if Palmer actually had said that. I’m sure his loyalties lie with his lame ass friends, but why would he make up something like that? She’s probably just trying to get a rise out of me.
“I’m not lying, bitch.” Sabrina curls her lip. “He said you have no technique. He said you were bad at it.”
Kids gather around us, and my stomach churns. I have no idea what these kids think about me, or if they’ll take sides. Sabrina is one of the cool kids, and I’m not. “I didn’t give Palmer or anyone a blow job.” My face is hot because if they only knew what had happened between Palmer and me in the closet, they’d use that against me.
“I heard she has herpes.” Gloria gives another high-pitched laugh. “What do you expect from a slut?”
I start walking again. I never realized how far away my class is from the lunch area until this moment. Sabrina and Gloria catch up to me again, and Sabrina gives my shoulder another slam. I clench my fists trying to control my anger. I’m tempted to haul off and smack her in the face, but I don’t want to get suspended.
“I heard she even tried to hit on his dad the one-time Palmer brought her to his house for tutoring.” Sabrina hisses. “That’s why now he tutors her at the library. Stupid whore can’t stop begging for sex from the Jackson men.”
That comment stings. How could she have known I met Palmer’s dad that first time he tutored me, unless Palmer had said something? I feel sick at the thought Palmer would say these horrible things about me. I don’t want to believe it’s true, but Palmer isn’t my friend, and it’s possible he has been backstabbing me.
“She tried to get Palmer to fuck her, but he turned her down because she grosses him out,” growls Sabrina.
“Well, duh. Who wants to sleep with a slut who has herpes?” Gloria crows. “She shouldn’t even be allowed in this school. She’s a disgrace.”
“Slutty orphan,” barks Sabrina.
“You mean whore-phan?” Gloria screeches and they both laugh loudly.
A bunch of kids are looking at us now, and some of them are even laughing along with Sabrina. I reach my class, and go inside quickly. The sound of Gloria and Sabrina outside laughing hysterically follows me as I sit down. I’m shaking with anger and betrayal. I suspect Palmer must’ve said something derogatory about me, or Sabrina probably wouldn’t have bothered harassing me. She usually just gives me dirty looks from a distance, but something gave her courage today.
I feel numb. I’m not sure why the idea of Palmer bad mouthing me hurts so much. How many times have I told myself we aren’t friends? Yet, it has sometimes felt as if we were heading in that direction. Now, of course, I feel foolish. He probably laughed his ass off any time I softened toward him. I’m not sure what his end game is, other than to humiliate me perhaps. Was he only tutoring me so he could get close enough to find my weaknesses?
I have trouble concentrating on what my history teacher is saying. I thought Palmer was nicer than apparently he is. I should’ve known because he’d been such a jerk in the beginning. I’d convinced myself we’d simply misunderstood each other, and now we were in a better place.
I recognize that Sabrina is the kind of girl who plays games, and I know she could be lying. But I don’t trust Palmer enough to dismiss her words. I find it odd he would put so much time into helping me with my math, and then spread lies about me. But that’s what bullies do; they reel you in, and then turn on you.
There’s a small part of me that holds out hope that Palmer isn’t what they said he is. After all, he hadn’t been with them just now. If he’d gotten close to me simply so he could humiliate me, why hadn’t he been there too? Maybe Sabrina does his dirty work for him sometimes.
The teacher calls on me out of the blue, and I’m frozen. “I’m sorry. I didn’t hear the question.”
The class laughs, and my face heats. Palmer might be helping me pass math, but if I keep thinking about all this drama, I’ll end up failing history. Thankfully, the teacher moves on to another student and I focus on the lecture.
When history is over, I go to science, and try to push Sabrina and Gloria’s words out of my head. I’m relieved I don’t have to face Palmer tonight, thank God he had a game. I toy with the idea of giving up his help with math. But I truly am doing better in math, and that’s only because of his aid. But if Palmer is the gossiping asshole Sabrina and Gloria implied, I want nothing to do with him.
By the time school ends, I’m emotionally drained. I don’t know what to think or feel. Palmer seemed so sincere when he told me he had no idea Sabrina was going to trip me at the party. I’d believed him. When he talked to me about his mother dying, he’d been so real. It’s hard for me to reconcile the person I’ve spent a week with being tutored, and the person Sabrina and Gloria described to me.
I get into the car when Uncle Joe drives up. I force a smile so that he doesn’t realize I’m upset. Aunt Julie is working late, so she’s not home when we get there. That’s a good thing because she’s much more perceptive than Uncle Joe. She’d probably know right away something is wrong.
Emma texts me around 8:00 p.m. asking me if I want to go to the Harbor Academy baseball game tonight with her and Luke. The idea of watching Palmer
play baseball would’ve appealed to me yesterday. But now, just the thought of Palmer makes me sick. I know I should probably talk to Emma about what happened, but I’m not sure how to put my feelings into words. I’ve tried to hide the fact that I like Palmer from her. I know she’s not a fan of his. I’m not sure I can talk to her about all of this without admitting I’m attracted to him.
I decline her invitation, and instead decide to do some homework, and go to bed early. My dreams are tumultuous. They’re filled with Sabrina and Gloria laughing at me, and in the background Palmer stands there doing nothing. I wake up more tired than when I went to bed, and I groan when I realize I only have a half hour before I have to get up, and get ready for school.
I force myself out of my warm bed to shower and dress. Staring at myself in the mirror, I observe the dark circles under my eyes. I hate the fact that Sabrina hit the bull’s-eye with her horrible words. I know she’s an awful person and more than capable of making shit up. But the thing about Palmer’s dad leads me to believe he obviously must’ve had a conversation with her about that night.
Uncle Joe drops me off at school, and I walk with a feeling of dread toward my art class. Mrs. Holstein greets me cheerfully and asks me to hand out colored chalk to the other students. She sometimes has me help her, which usually isn’t a problem, but today that means I’ll have to interact with Palmer. My plan had been to ignore him, but now I’ll have to at least look at him.
The gods shine on me and Palmer is late to class. I set charcoal on his desk, relieved I won’t have to interact with him. When he finally enters the classroom, I make a point of focusing on my drawing. The chalk is smooth and comforting as it glides over the paper. I’m able to block everything out while I draw. I don’t worry about the fact that I’m supposed to be tutored by Palmer again tonight. I decide I’ll make up an excuse and cancel. I’ll talk to Aunt Julie about finding a different tutor. Hopefully she won’t ask me too many questions. I’ll make up some lie about Palmer being too busy with baseball practice.
When the bell rings, I slowly gather my chalk, hoping Palmer will leave the class so that I don’t have to face him. I plan on texting him to cancel, it will be easier that way. I’m not a very good liar and I’m afraid he’ll see I’m upset if I have to cancel in person. Unfortunately, Palmer is waiting outside the class when I exit. My stomach clenches with stress as I meet his green eyes. Even though we have the same class next, he doesn’t generally wait for me. We never walk together to math, but for some reason today he’s chosen to hover.
