by Seven Steps
I sniffed the air, catching a whiff of steak, butter, and … cologne?
For the first time since I sat down, I took a good, hard look at my father. His face was shaved, he wore a clean, black button up shirt and a red tie. He’d even gelled his hair. He looked like he was going out again. Where was he going so late at night?
“So,” I said, cutting in to my beef. “Steak?”
“Yup.” He popped a piece of steak in to his mouth with a grin. “Steak. There will be lots and lots of steak around here from now on.”
“Did you win the lottery or something?”
“I wish. Today, I was made manager!”
I gasped and sputtered, nearly choking on my steak.
“Manager? It’s only been two days.”
“The other guy quit, and with my experience, Mr. Carson made me the new stable manager. I guess the lack of choices worked out in my favor this time.” He lifted his knife up in victory. It was silly but I did the same.
“The best part is that I’ll be making more than what I made at the mechanics shop. Things are looking up. Thank God.”
I closed my eyes and said my own prayer of thanks. More money meant a happier daddy. Maybe if he had some more joy in his life, he would start to relax a little.
We ate our steaks with gusto—I even slipped Mojo a small bite—and after dinner, I baked a batch of cookies and we sat down to watch a documentary of lions in the wild.
As I cuddled next to my dad, smelling of steak and cookies, I felt safe. Grounded. Loved. We’d gotten through this trying time together with our unbreakable bond intact.
I sighed and, for a moment, wished that I could tell my father everything. I wanted to spill my guts about Jake and our stupid arrangement. I wanted to tell him about Cole and how he made me feel happy and sad all at once. But it wasn’t possible. He was already freaking out about the cop showing up here. Plus, I was still wearing Jake’s clothes. It was only a matter of time before Daddy brought that up again.
My mind went back to Jake, his drugs, and surprisingly, Mel. If there was someone who was going to tell me everything, it was Mel. But how could I get her to talk to me? We spoke in Student Guidance Counseling or at least we did until Jake made it mandatory that I hang out with him and his friends by his car instead. I wondered how long it would be until Mr. Mann discovered that the student guidance counselor program was missing its only counselor.
“Well, pumpkin, I have some plans tonight.”
Daddy kissed me on the head, pulling me from my thoughts.
“Plans?”
He stood, grabbing his jacket from one of the dining room chairs.
“Yes. I’m going out with a few friends.”
I frowned. “A few friends, or one friend?”
“Sweetie.” He walked back over to me. “I’ll be back soon.”
The words tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop them.
“You’re not dating anyone, are you, Daddy?” As soon as the words left my mouth, my stomach soured. My mother had been dead for six years, but she was still my mother and Daddy’s wife. He couldn’t date anyone else. He still fell apart when I mentioned her name. We weren’t done grieving her yet.
He frowned down at me. “Honey, I am just going out with some friends. I’m allowed to do that.” His gaze turned hard. Parental. “I’m still the adult around here, aren’t I?”
His defensiveness said it all. There weren’t a few friends. There was one friend. A woman friend.
“Do your friends know that you were married?”
“Yes; they do.”
“Do they know that you have a daughter?”
“Yes; they do.”
“Do they know that your daughter doesn’t approve of you dating anyone?”
One eyebrow rose. “Doesn’t she?”
“No,” I replied. And I meant it. It was too soon for Daddy to date. Mom’s memory was too fresh. Her life still a whisper in our ears.
He nodded. “Well, when and if I start dating, I will be sure that we sit down and have a long talk about it. After all, I want you to be comfortable with whomever I bring home.”
“But not anytime soon?” I pushed.
He nodded. “We’ll talk about it.”
“Who is she?” I blurted out. “I want to know who she is!” My voice was raising to hysterical levels. I’d never thought that Daddy would date again. Ever. But, now that it was a possibility, it turned my stomach. He couldn’t just replace Mom like this. Like she never existed.
“Honey, you’re tired.” He went to kiss my forehead and I jerked away. I didn’t want his kisses. I wanted his truths. I wanted to know who he had chosen to replace my mother. “Get some rest. When the time comes, we’ll talk about it.”
“Daddy!”
“Get some rest, honey. I’ll be back soon.”
Exactly three seconds later, the door shut behind him. He was gone. Off to see some woman who would smile at him and dance with him and cast her spell over him the way my mother used to. I was so angry that I couldn’t sit still.
He couldn’t go out with anyone. I wasn’t ready for it. He wasn’t ready for it.
It was time for me to make sure that he knew it.
36
The train ride to school the next day was awkward. After the stunt that I pulled yesterday, Ariel, Jasmine and I weren’t exactly on speaking terms. If I were them, I wouldn’t speak to me, either. Especially since I couldn’t tell them the whole story about Jake and the drugs and our arrangement.
In silence, we walked in to school and I broke off to find my fake boyfriend and do our first period dance. But, to my surprise, Ariel came with me.
“Don’t worry,” she said, the anger in her voice clear. “I won’t get too close, lest your precious new friends see me.”
“Ariel, it wasn’t like that.”
“All I’m saying is that Jasmine and I have been by your side since the beginning. We protected you from those girls and now, the second you sniff popularity, you go running off to them like a little lost puppy.”
“It’s not like you were exactly friendly to them.”
“I don’t have to be friendly to them. They dunked your head in a toilet.”
“In Freshman year!”
“That’s not the point. The point is that it happened.”
“And I’m over it.”
“Yeah. Now you are. Two days ago, you called them skanks. Evil Queens, remember? Now you’re best buddies with them? I’m sorry but it all seems a little flip floppy to me. And not even the good flip flips. The cheap ones you get at the dollar store.”
“Are you calling me a cheap flip flop?”
“If the shoe fits.”
I let out a breath as she stomped away.
How could Ariel say that to me? I thought we were friends and now here she was calling me names? Whatever happened to forgiveness? Whatever happened to sticking together through good times and bad? How could she treat me like this, all over one night with three girls? Three girls that she threatened, no less.
My blood was boiling by the time I reached Jake by his locker.
He kissed me on the cheek and I accepted it begrudgingly. Next to him, Eric gazed over my shoulder, as if he were waiting for someone.
Tough luck, pal. She wasn’t coming anywhere near me today.
37
The first period bell rang again but I didn’t hear it. My eyes couldn’t unlatch themselves from my locker.
WHORE.
A thousand pieces of loose-leaf covered my locker, each white page marked with the ugly word. As I pulled the papers down, dozens of students stopped to point, laugh or whisper at me.
Who was this mystery person who kept defacing my locker? It had to be Dana. It just had to be. The question was, what was I going to do about it?
Ariel and Jasmine walked up just as I pulled the last piece of paper off my locker. The pages laid at my feet in small heaps like crinkly snow.
Hot tears pooled behind my eyes
but I didn’t shed them. I didn’t want to cry. I wanted to punch something. I stomped my foot instead and instantly felt like a child.
“Are you okay?” Ariel asked.
If you call wanting to bash Dana’s face in okay, then yes, I was perfectly okay.
“Yeah. I’m fine.”
“Maybe if you weren’t acting so different,” Jasmine said. “Maybe if you just, I don’t know, acted normal for a change, she would leave you alone.”
My frown deepened. How did this become my fault? Newsflash. I was the one with the defaced locker. Not Dana.
I carefully kept my temper in check. I had already pissed off my friends last night. I didn’t want this crazy stunt and my unsteady temper to force me to say more things that I’d regret.
“Look, I’m just trying to figure out where I fit in. I know things are crazy right now but they’ll be normal again.”
“I hope so,” Jasmine said. “And soon.”
She walked away, leaving Ariel and me standing in the piles of paper that drifted across the floor like wayward snowflakes.
Ariel stepped forward.
“It’s so many changes so fast. We’re just trying to keep up.”
“I’m the same person that I’ve always been.”
“Really? You’re clothes. Your hair. It’s all so different, I guess.”
“Clothes and hair don’t make a person. My heart is the same.”
“And you hanging out with Stephanie, Ursula and Mel? How is that the same?”
I sighed. “They’re nice girls, for the most part.”
Ariel smiled at me but I could tell that she was frowning on the inside. Without another word, she turned and walked away, leaving me cold and lonely.
I closed my eyes. I needed to think. I needed to stop Dana in her tracks. I needed to-
“She’s really something, isn’t she?” Regina pushed the balls of paper around with her boot. “That Dana. Man. She’s nuts. I should know. I’ve been dealing with her since Freshman year.”
“I’m going to say something to her,” I said. “I can’t let her get away with this.”
Regina crossed her arms and stood next to me, looking at the newly cleaned locker.
“I completely agree. Though, it may be better coming from Jake. That’s his ex. He needs to be a man and stand up for you. I mean, who is his girlfriend? You or Dana?”
Her words made sense. I had to admit, they made sense.
“I already asked him to do something about it. He doesn’t want to get involved.”
“You should make him get involved. It’s what a real man would do. And Jake’s a man, isn’t he? As a matter of fact, he’s your man.” She kicked a ball of paper out of her way. “If I were you, I wouldn’t stand for it.”
And then she was gone and I was off, marching my way to Jake’s classroom. He was just coming out of the door when he spotted me. I saw his vision go up and down the hall, obviously looking for Dana. I had discovered that if Dana was around, Jake was an absolute sweetheart. If she wasn’t, then he was an absolute douche hole.
This time, Dana wasn’t around, which meant that the smiles, kisses and babys were not on his agenda.
“I need to talk to you,” I said.
He rolled his eyes. “Make it quick. I don’t want to be late.”
“Did you see what Dana did to my locker?”
“No. What?”
“She covered it with papers. She called me a whore.”
“And that is my problem because?”
“Um … because she’s your ex. Fix it.”
“No time.”
His eyes laid on something further down the hall. I followed his line of sight. It was Kenny.
“I got to go.”
“You just said that you were going to be late.”
“I am.”
“But what about Dana?”
“I don’t know. Handle it.”
And then, like his sister, he was off down the hall, to whatever very important business that he had with Kenny. Drug business, no doubt.
Meanwhile, I was alone in the hallway, late for Art and wondering how I had come to find myself in the crosshairs of Dana Rich in the first place.
Oh, that’s right. It was all because of a little lie.
38
I sat at lunch with Ursula, Mel and Stephanie. Dana’s table sat empty now. I wondered where she was. Hiding in the library? In the parking lot?
Coward.
“Your hair is amazing and it smells so good. You have to tell me your secret.”
Stephanie flipped her blonde, nearly white hair over her shoulder. She reminded me of an angel, all pale skin, light freckles, blonde hair and rail thin. It wouldn’t surprise me if she had wings under her belly bearing tops.
“Just shampoo and conditioner, I guess.”
“Strawberry?” She smiled at me with perfectly shaped white teeth. I wondered how high her orthodontist bill was.
I nodded. “Strawberry.”
“I have to try it. I love fruity conditioners.” She grabbed my hand and pulled me a little closer. “I can tell that we are going to be best friends. You and me. We’re practically twins.”
I wanted to ask how me and her were practically twins but Jake and Cole sat down and I was no longer the center of attention.
Stephanie turned her entire body to look at Cole. She leaned forward a bit, giving him what must’ve been an excellent view down her shirt.
Why did that make me grit my teeth?
“Hey,” she said, giving him the smile she’d given me just a minute ago.
His eyes widened in surprise before he smoothed his expression.
“Hey, Steph.”
“So, are you going to my pre- party tonight?” she asked, leaning forward on her hands.
God. I wanted to pull her hair.
“Yeah. I guess.” There was a weird expression on his face. Somewhere between a smile and a grimace.
“And the Stamford Club afterward?”
“Sure.”
“Great. We can meet up at my party and go to the club together.” She flipped her hair over her shoulder and turned back to me.
“You’re going too, right, B?”
B? I was B now?
“Yeah. I guess so.”
“Fabulous. Our first party together. It’s going to be awesome!”
One side of Cole’s mouth ticked up in a smile. My hands gripped my salad tray until my knuckles turned bloodless.
Stephanie smiled so big that I thought her face would break.
“It will be like a double date.”
Double date?
The words ran through my mind. A double date would imply that Stephanie was dating Cole. But Cole would never go out with her. She wasn’t his type. He needed someone smart and funny and down to earth. Stephanie was none of those things. She was too much. Too pretty. Too smiley. Too skinny. Too blonde for Cole to consider.
I sucked in a deep breath.
No, I told myself. He would never go for her.
Still, it just felt like another lie.
Cole didn’t look at me, which was weird because I was staring holes in to his face.
I swallowed and reassured myself that Cole wouldn’t go for a girl like that. But, just to be sure, I made a mental note to tell him how wrong she was for him as soon as possible.
39
Cole had asked me the same question in French three times but I hadn’t heard any of it. Every time I looked at him, I saw Stephanie practically throwing herself at him during lunch.
It was absolutely insane, of course. Cole wasn’t mine to be jealous over. Not by a long shot. Plus, I was with his brother. I had no rights to Cole. Still, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I wanted to scratch Stephanie’s face off.
“Earth to Bella French,” Cole said, waving his hand in front of my face.
I sat up straight and cleared my throat.
Just be calm, I told myself. You can be calm.
“I’m sor
ry,” I said, placing both of my hands on the scratched table. If they were flat on a strong surface, he couldn’t see them shake. “It’s just been a long day.”
He closed his book and bridged his fingers in front of him. I’d come to know this as Cole’s listening position.
“Okay. The doctor is in. Tell me all about it.”
I smirked. I couldn’t tell Cole about it. If I told him that I was jealous that he was with another girl, he would freak. I searched my mind for other, safer topics.
“So, how’s your mom?” I asked.
A little bit of the joy seeped from Cole’s eyes.
“Not too well,” he said. “She’s fading, little by little, every day.” He sat back, his bridged hands moving to his lap.
“I’m sorry.”
He nodded. The movement was slow. Sad.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked. I moved a seat closer, placing a hand over his.
He shook his head but didn’t move his hand away.
“No. Us Winsteds don’t really talk about feelings. It’s just not our way.”
“I didn’t ask if your family wanted to talk about it. I asked if you wanted to talk about it.” I leaned forward. “Do you want to talk about it, Cole?”
He considered me for a moment, examining my eyes, my face. He inclined his head, as if a light bulb had just gone off.
“There is something that I want to talk about,” he said. He leaned forward now, his head closer to mine, our foreheads nearly touching. “Someone sent my mom a bouquet of bright, yellow sunflowers. You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you?”
I dropped my eyes to the table. I did know about that. I’d ordered the flowers and sent them to Cole’s mother. I didn’t send a card or sign my name or anything. Did he think I was imposing? That my gesture, as innocent as it was, was out of place?
I nodded, my throat tight, my stomach aching with anticipation of his reply.
