by Seven Steps
I glared at him. “You’re a jerk. Do you know that?”
He waved the comment away.
“Solutions, French. I need a solution to this very upsetting problem.”
I rolled my eyes and leaned on a nearby desk. I had no desire to help Jake out of anything but I was willing to give Ariel as much time as I could with Eric.
“What do we do?” I asked.
“I told him to stall. Just to sit tight and wait it out. Maybe the feeling will pass.”
“The feeling to tell Ariel the truth or the feeling of him liking her?”
“Either way, it will work out in our favor.”
I sighed. Maybe it was better that he did tell her. The weight that I’d been carrying around on my shoulders was exhausting. And Eric’s wanting to tell Ariel the truth revealed the answer to a question that I’d been asking myself for a week now. Eric really did like Ariel. For real. All my lies and half-truths had been worth something. Ariel was happy. Genuinely happy.
I’d do it again to keep her that way.
“I told him that I’d call him tomorrow and see how he was,” Jake said, pacing the room.
“Where is he now?”
“I don’t know. They’ve moved on from the weird hand thing to making out around school all day, which by the way, is more than I can say about us.”
“We have an agreement.”
“An agreement that should have had more clauses.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m going back to class.”
“What are you afraid of, French? That you’ll like it?”
There was only one boy whose lips I wanted on me but I didn’t tell Jake that.
“Jake, this isn’t real.”
“What if it could be?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
His pacing left him at the teacher’s desk, where he played with a stack of yellow pencils that were sticking out of a Charlie Brown mug.
“I spoke to Dana on Saturday after you left. She’s done with me. Forever. It bummed me out but then I thought to myself, I have you. You are my work in progress. Under my tutelage, you are growing into what Dana could never be.”
“What’s that?”
“More than a Queen. A goddess.” He began a slow walk toward me, his eyes shining as if he’d just discovered the answer to world hunger. “The kids around here look up to you. You could rule this school. You could have anything you want. Do anything you want. Be whatever you want to be.” He paused, standing next to me, his lips only inches away from my ear. “But, you need me beside you.”
“No.” The strength in my voice surprised me. “I don’t want any of that. I want out.”
His face turned red, his angry frown deep.
“Out?” His hands rose to my face, taking it between his hands. “No one gets out. Not you. Not Eric. Not anyone.”
I narrowed my eyes, glaring as hard as I possibly could.
“Dana got out,” I spat at him. “If she found a way, I will too.”
His grip on my face tightened, nearly lifting me from my feet. I squirmed. Tried to push him off me. My heart pumped hard in terror. My stomach dropped. I’d never seen Jake so angry before.
“Let. Me. Go.” My voice was chocked with my head bent back so far. “Jake.”
He released his grip and took a step back, running his trembling hands through his hair. I sucked in a breath, and brought my hands up to my cheeks. Through trembling fingers, I felt dents where his hands had wrapped around my face. I scurried backward, away from Jake, until my back hit the bookshelf behind me.
“You are going to be mine, French,” he said, turning back around. His eyes were wild, as if he were battling for control. “Mind, body and soul.”
“I will never be yours!” I screamed at him. “Not now. Not ever.”
“You will be mine.” His eyes were calmer now. Calculated. Evil. “If you refuse, then I will gut him like a fish.”
My eyes went wide. He wouldn’t. Not to his own brother.
He nodded, answering my question.
“I will wait until he’s asleep. I will creep in to his room, put a pillow over his face and slice him from head to toe. There will be nothing left of him for you to love. You’ll come running then, won’t you?”
Horror froze me in place. I had to do something. I had to warn Cole about his psychopath brother.
My gut raged and my skin felt hot.
“You have until tomorrow.”
Jake smirked and yanked opened the door, nearly walking into Stephanie.
She was crouched down, right where the keyhole to the door was.
Listening.
“Hello, Jake,” she said, stealing the smirk that he’d given me just a moment ago. “It seems that we have a lot to talk about.”
55
“What do you want, Stephanie?”
My back was pressed to the wall, anxiety and fear eating through my gut.
Stephanie had heard everything. She knew about Jake’s plan. She knew about Ariel. She’d heard Jake’s threats against his brother. What would she do with the information?
My eyes settled upon her, her blonde hair, her green eyes fixed on Jake.
“I want what all girls want,” she said. Her voice was smooth, like silk.
“Out with it,” Jake said.
Stephanie raised an eyebrow.
“Something small. Something not even worth mentioning, really.”
“Say it,” Jake bellowed, his patience gone thin.
“I want you, Jake. And all the money that you come with.”
A small ray of hope shone through the clouds of my life. This was a good thing. If Jake replaced me with Stephanie, all my problems would be gone. My secrets would remain hidden and I could go back to being invisible. There was still the problem of Eric but I was sure that I could talk him out of telling Ariel the true nature of their first meeting. He was reasonable, after all.
“And,” Stephanie continued, “since you’re in the business of buying and selling boyfriends, I have a friend, too. Ursula. And wouldn’t you know it, she wants Eric back.”
My heart sank into my gut.
“Eric Shipman?” I asked.
She nodded.
“No,” I said, my voice finding its strength. “Absolutely not.”
“Why not?” Stephanie asked. “Jake sold him to your friend. Now, he can sell him to me.”
Jake shook his head.
“He’s not a joint,” Jake said. “I can’t just pass him around. He liked Ariel. That’s why he said yes in the first place. Eric is off the table. I am, too. End of story.”
I stood up, rushing toward him.
“You can’t be off the table. Stephanie wants to be with you. Let her be with you. Let me go, Jake.”
He looked at me as if I were an idiot. Maybe I was.
“No way. I’ve put time, effort and money into you. I’m not letting you go that easy.”
“But Stephanie wants you.”
He shook his head and ran a hand over my cheek. The same cheek that he’d almost broken a few minutes ago.
“I can’t control Stephanie like I can control you.”
My breath left me and I took a step back. And another. And another until my back was against the wall again. I would never be free of Jake. He’d make sure of it. I’d made a deal with the devil and now I was going to burn for it.
My stomach clenched tightly, and I wrapped my arms around myself.
Stephanie’s eyes drifted from me to Jake.
“Well, it’s been lovely catching up but it looks like I have some evil gossip to spread. Tah tah.” She waved and turned, walking back toward the door.
Jake reached it first, covering it with his own body.
“You can’t say anything. I’ll be ruined.”
“You know what I want. All you have to say is yes.”
Jake stood up straight, trying to gain some ground.
“You can’t make threats against me, Stephanie.”
“With what I just heard, sure I can. By tomorrow, I will be the new Queen of this school with you by my side, of course. Ursula will be with Eric and everything will be right as rain. Or, you can sit at the invisible table for the rest of your life. You’re choice. Now, move.”
Jake glared at her, challenge in his eyes.
Stephanie smirked.
“If you even think about touching me, I will sing it to every blog, newspaper and TV anchor in New York. By the end of the day, your face will be plastered all around this city. And then, your father’s will.”
Jake stiffened, the fight going out of him.
He moved from the door and Stephanie opened it wide.
“Til tomorrow, lover.”
She sent a sneer at me, then walked out of the room.
I hated Stephanie but I had to admit, she played Jake like a guitar. I wanted to be strong like that. I wanted to move the mountain that was Jake Winsted. To bring him to his knees.
That was when I realized I couldn’t. I wasn’t evil like her. I didn’t go around hurling threats at people. That wasn’t me. If I was going to get out of this, it would be in the only way available to me. By telling the truth.
56
Jake and Stephanie sat at their separate lunchroom tables, presiding over their minions.
With Dana gone, Stephanie had taken over as the next in line, laughing and flipping her hair as if she was already a queen.
Jake, on the other hand, was sullen. Red-faced. After Stephanie left, he told me that our deal still stood. I had to agree to be his permanent girlfriend or else I would regret it. When I asked about Stephanie, he said to let him worry about her and left, so I was back in the same place I was before. Too afraid to tell the truth. Sinking in to more lies.
Ariel and Eric were already firmly seated at the popular kids table. Funny. She had taken to her newfound visibility like a fish to water. Popularity suited Ariel. She was beautiful and unique with a kind heart. The invisibles looked up to her, another princess risen from the darkness.
I watched her and Eric watching each other. He had a sort of sadness in his eyes. A glossiness. As if each glance would be his last. He touched her cheek with his fingers, saying goodbye without words. His guilt was just as great as mine. We’d both fallen in love with a girl and then ruined it with lies and manipulations. Each moment was a step closer to her slipping away from us forever.
The thought sat like a stone in my heart.
If only we’d been stronger. If only we hadn’t been lured with Jake’s deceptions and with our own greed, then none of this would have happened.
I looked around at the dozens of kids like me. The invisibles. The kids who looked up to the popular kids. Who envied us. Who wanted to be us. I couldn’t keep silent anymore. I had to do something. I had to tell someone how wrong my course was. Eric’s course. Mel’s course. I had to warn them against the same fate.
An inner strength that I didn’t know that I possessed took over me and I stepped on to the lunch table amidst the gasp of the jocks that surrounded me. They could keep their gasps. I had something to say.
“Hi!” I shouted.
The lunch room quieted and turned. That was the thing about being popular. People were always waiting for some pearls of wisdom to drop from your mouth, as if you were better than them. As if you held the key to life.
If only they knew how stripped bare we were.
“My name is Bella French.”
A few cheers and whoops rose form the crowd.
“A week ago, most of you didn’t know that. To be honest, most of you didn’t know that I even existed until I became Jake Winsted’s girlfriend and that’s okay, because being his girlfriend, and having all of you know that I’m alive, has made me realize something very important. Popularity is a lie.”
A collective gasp rose from the lunchroom. Still, I pressed on.
“It tells us that we have to measure our worth by tangible things. By the number of people who say hi to us in the hallway, by the amount of compliments we get from strangers, by how big our wardrobe is and by how much money our parents make. And, that’s all crap. Party invites and friend requests don’t give lasting happiness, and the truth is that everyone at this table,” I gestured to the table that I stood on, “is empty and alone and shallow and missing out on every good thing that this world has to offer. Like friendship, and love. Simple things like that elude us because they make us a little less perfect and that is unacceptable. We have to be perfect. But, of course, being perfect is impossible, so we fake it. We become these over-sexed, over-dressed, photoshopped robots who try every day to live up to impossible standards that we create for ourselves. It sucks! We’re not to be envied. We’re to be pitied. Don’t be like us. Don’t sacrifice yourself to the popularity gods. The truth is, the popular kids are afraid of you. They’re afraid that one day, everyone will wake up and see them for what they really are. Just like everyone else.”
My heat slowed. My words ran out.
I stepped off the table to absolute silence. The crowd parted for me as I walked out of the lunch room and down the hallway. I planned on hiding in the library for the rest of the period. I wanted to be alone. I wanted to remember the good times that I’d had. To remember my friends. To remember being in Cole’s arms. To remember what it was like to feel normal. I had made up my mind. Today was the day that I would tell Ariel everything.
I would finally tell the truth.
I hoped it would set me free.
My steps echoed in the empty hallway. Somewhere in the distance, I heard applause.
57
I was waiting at the table when Cole showed up. He wore the same expression that he’d worn the first day of our sessions. I’d called it piss poor then. Now, I understood. When you wanted something so badly and you couldn’t have it, that was the expression you wore. Frustrated. Sad. Alone.
I wondered if mine looked the same.
He didn’t sit down. Only stood awkwardly over me, looking at me like I was a dying puppy.
“I came to say that I spoke to Mr. Cogg. He said that you were doing better in French.”
I nodded and knew that what he was going to say next was going to break the tiny piece of me that was yet unshattered.
“I told him that I couldn’t tutor you anymore. Lucienda Collins is going to take over as of tomorrow.”
I nodded, because there were no words to say. We both knew that this was best for the both of us. We couldn’t be together. His brother stood between us like a wall.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
“Yeah. Me, too.”
We stood in silence, looking at each other like we often did. It was comforting to know that some things never changed. I liked looking at Cole. He liked looking at me. It was our thing.
“I’ll miss you, Bella,” he said. “I’ll miss hanging out with you.”
“What will you miss?” I asked. My eyes watered but the tears didn’t fall. I think it was because I didn’t have any left.
“I’ll miss calling you Pippi Longstocking,” he said.
“I don’t remember you calling me that.”
“Well, not to your face. I thought it, though. I meant to tease you about it but I didn’t get the chance.”
I smiled. A sad smile.
“I’ll miss how your French accent reminded me of Pepe Le Pew,” I said.
“That was deliberate. I knew you’d remember what I said if I did it in a funny accent.”
“You’re a liar.”
“Maybe. I’ll miss your red sneakers. Non-name brand, size ten. I meant to tease you about it but we ran out of time.” He ran his hands through his hair and sighed. “There was so much that I never got to tease you about. It sucks.”
“You can tease the next girl.”
“There won’t be a next girl. No other girl can match me like you can. You’re witty and smart. It’s annoying, really.”
A lump formed in my throat. I opened my mouth to speak but
I couldn’t. It hurt to be around Cole and not be with him. Like breathing in glass.
“I know that you didn’t want to partner with me at first but I’m glad we did. I’m glad that I got to know the girl that I’d fantasized about for two years. You exceeded my dreams, Bella. You still do. And if you’re with Jake, that’s fine. I’ll stand back and let him have you. But I want you to know that you were everything that I never knew I needed or wanted and the second you have a doubt, you come to me. I’ll be waiting for you.”
He tapped on his notebook twice, then turned and walked away.
I thought that I had no more tears to shed.
I was wrong.
The final piece of me shattered there at the library table. I didn’t bother to hide my tears and no one asked me why.
58
After an abysmal day, I took the subway to the Central Park stables.
Cole emailed me a copy of the report that we had to write on A Midsummer Night’s Dream. I emailed him a copy of the dramatic reading. Something I threw together at the end of the day with minimal effort. I was sure that it wasn’t five minutes and it was more than likely terrible, but it was all the mental capacity that I could muster.
I checked my voicemails for the millionth time but there was no word from Detective Harding. With Jake still walking free, I wondered if there was something else I needed to do. Maybe my information wasn’t good enough. Maybe there still wasn’t enough evidence to arrest Jake. Maybe Jake found out what I’d done and had the detective paid off or killed. Would I be next? Would my father? Would Cole?
The weight of the world sat on my shoulders as I entered the horse stables.
It had been such a long time since I was around horses. It made me feel a little better. My mind recalled Sweet Lips, my old horse. She had meant so much to me. I wondered if these horses meant as much to the owners. Were they beloved, prized creatures or just a means to fifty bucks a ride? I hoped not.
Daddy met me at the entrance of Central Park stables, his arms crossed over his chest as if he were still angry at me for sneaking out last week. I knew he wasn’t but I understood his need to be a hardcore parent sometimes.
