by Seven Steps
Then he turned away from me and walked to the door.
A moment ago, I’d felt like a tower of strength. Like I had my entire life under control. Now I felt anxious, confused. And, for some reason, sad. Like I was about to fall apart right here in this apartment. Why did being around Ollie make me feel so out of control?
I frowned and pulled on my coat while Ollie pulled open the door and looked left, then right.
“The cops are gone,” he said. “We should go.”
“Are we walking back to Red Hook?” I asked.
He shook his head, then pulled out his phone.
“Jeff will come pick us up in the van,” he said. “Then we’ll take you home.”
“Home?”
“Yeah,” he replied. “I think you’ve had enough excitement for tonight, don’t you think?”
I frowned deeper while he briefly told Jeff where we were. When he hung up, he turned to me again.
“He’ll be here in ten minutes.”
“What do we do until then?”
“We wait.”
He leaned against the door while I stood near the counter.
We didn’t look at each other.
We didn’t speak to each other.
We just stood there, in the same room. Yet, it somehow felt like we were a million miles away.
40
The RATZ picked us up, and we drove back to my apartment in Manhattan.
While Jean, Able, and Jeff excitedly chattered about losing the cops and hiding out in the apartment complex, Ollie and I stayed silent.
I couldn’t stop thinking about wanting to kiss him back in the apartment. Why did I want to kiss him when he was so off-limits that it wasn’t even funny? I tried to understand why I couldn’t read him. Why he was nice to me one minute and mean to me the next? Why I was thinking about Ollie at all when I’d just broken up with Andrew?
By the time we pulled up to my apartment, both my mind and my body were exhausted.
I climbed out, expecting Ollie to walk me to my door again, but he didn’t.
Instead, Jeff got out.
I tried to ignore the disappointment that flowed through me.
I glanced at my phone. It was about three in the morning.
Another sleepless night.
41
I spent art class doing my very best to avoid looking in Ollie’s direction.
It seemed like we had the same idea because he wasn’t looking at me either, and his leg was bouncing so hard under the table the floor shook.
We didn’t speak to each other today. Instead, I put the assignment in the middle of the table and we both sat back in our chairs and started on our pictures.
The assignment was to draw five different images. One that represented me at age six, one that represented me at age twelve, then one for ages sixteen, twenty-five, and seventy-five.
I’d already figured out the image for age six. It was a big heart, with a chain of smaller hearts attached to it. Ten years ago, my family was whole. Strong. I thought we’d be together for the rest of our lives. We were a chain. Unbroken. Now, it felt like we didn’t know each other anymore.
For age twelve, I drew the same heart with cracks going throughout it. The chain was broken, and a few pieces had fallen away completely. My oldest brother, Sai, had gone off to college by then. After that, all of my brothers disappeared from my life, leaving me alone to deal with the fallout between Mom and Dad.
I skipped present day, because I had no idea what would represent my image, and started to think about what I would be at age twenty-five.
“This assignment is dumb,” Ollie grumbled. “No one knows this crap.”
“You picked it out of the hat,” I replied. My pencil moved across the paper, as if I was sketching. In reality, I was just drawing random lines around the page.
“I want another pick.”
“We agreed on no re-dos.”
“So un-agree to it and just pick something else.”
I growled. “You mean to tell me you can’t think of one symbol for any of the ages.”
“Is that so hard to believe?”
“A little.”
I continued to move my pencil around, as if I was drawing some elaborate thing.
“Let me see what you drew.”
“No.”
“Why not? We’re partners. I’m going to see it anyway.”
I blew out a breath. “Fine.”
I handed my paper over, then crossed my arms and leaned back in my chair, shielding myself against whatever missiles he had coming toward me.
His eyes scanned the picture for a minute, then he handed the paper back.
Our eyes met, and I quickly looked away.
I still didn’t know how to feel around Ollie. Should I have been combative or flirty or friendly? Every one of those options felt wrong and yet, at the same time, they felt right. I simultaneously wanted to punch him, kiss him, and send him to therapy, and I didn’t want his overly perceptive eyes to know that. Especially not about the kissing part.
“What’s with the heart?” he asked.
There wasn’t any malice in his voice. The question didn’t sound loaded. Just curious. I let down my defenses slightly.
“It’s about my family,” I said.
“What about them?”
His eyes captured mine as I plucked the paper from his outstretched fingers. They were so intense. Interested. It made it a little hard to breathe.
“When I was six we were okay. Strong. Then my brothers started going off to college and my parents started arguing. After that, it was all downhill.”
He frowned. “I’m sorry about your family,” he said. “I know what it’s like to think the people you care about are one way, and then they turn out to be totally different. It sucks.”
“Your dad?”
“Yeah. My dad.”
He ran his hand over his face and sat back in his seat. “We fight a lot. Like your parents.” He squinted and shook his head.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
“Yeah. Me too.”
We studied each other, both of our eyes taking in every detail.
The bell rang, but our exploration didn’t stop.
Our greedy gazes clung to each other.
I was suddenly thrown back to last night in the dark room when I’d wanted to kiss him. The same emotions were rearing their ugly head again.
I tried to close my eyes. Tried to fight against him, but his intense stare wouldn’t allow it.
His expression was warm. Vulnerable. I wondered what I looked like to him.
Did he see my dueling emotions? Did he see the war that raged inside of me too?
Then, I blinked and the spell was broken.
We gathered our things and left the classroom.
We didn’t even get to say goodbye.
Why did that bother me so much?
42
Lunch passed by quickly. My friends and I spent it making arrangements for our show this afternoon in front of the school. The costumes were set, Cole had found a drummer, and we decided to do hair and makeup in the girls’ bathroom closest to the door as soon as school ended.
It would be a miracle if I could do hair and makeup for two people in ten minutes, even with Purity’s help. By the time the bell rang signaling the end of lunch, I wasn’t sure we could pull this off.
What if Bella’s friend Peter couldn’t get the principal distracted? Mr. Mann and a few other faculty members stood outside of the school doors when school let out, waving goodbye to the students, shaking hands, and yelling directives. If we couldn’t get rid of them, there would be no show.
I was so distracted by worrying over the show that I barely noticed when Ollie slid into his seat in chemistry.
“Hey,” he said, his voice a little too loud.
I bristled. “No need to yell,” I said. “You did that enough yesterday.”
“Sorry. I’d said hi twice and you were ignoring me.”
“I wasn’t ignoring you. I was busy.”
“Busy what? Staring off into space?”
“No. I just have a lot on my mind.”
“Like what?”
“Nothing I can talk about.”
He leaned in close. “Is this about the after school show you and your friends are planning?”
My entire body jerked, and I stared at him.
“How do you know about that?”
He shrugged. “I have ears everywhere.”
“If you are thinking of ruining this for us—”
“Whoa. Slow down there, Princess. No one is talking about ruining anything. In fact, my team and I have been recruited to help out.”
“By whom?”
“A certain mutual acquaintance. Anyway, I just want to let you know that I’ll be doing my part for the cause.”
I eyed him warily. I didn’t think he would rat us out. There was too much at stake for him if he did that. Still, I didn’t know which Ollie I was speaking to. The sweet Ollie, or the jerk Ollie.
Which face was I looking at? The man or the monster?
He gave me a smile. “You’re looking at me like I’m the chemistry homework.”
“No, I’m not,” I said, returning my eyes to my paper.
“Yes, you are.”
“I’m not. Shut up.”
“Fine, Princess. Whatever you want.”
Whatever I wanted? Was he back to the sweet Ollie? And if so, how long until jerk Ollie came back?
Mr. Khan split us into our lab groups early. Surprisingly, Ollie actually offered to assist with the project. We mixed the chemicals and discussed the worksheet papers without fighting. We actually finished early. That never happened.
My guard went up. Why was Ollie being so nice to me? Was this some sort of a trick? Was he planning on turning into the monster when I least expected it? Well, he wouldn’t catch me off guard, because I knew Ollie. I knew how horrible he could be, and I was not going to let him lull me into some false sense of security just so he could turn on me again.
No way.
He slipped a sheet of paper between us and drew an oval with glasses. The second he started on the heavy brows I knew who it was. Mr. Khan.
He gently nudged me with his elbow, then jerked his chin to the pencil on my desk.
Keep your guard up, I told myself. Don’t let him get to you.
My resolve rock-solid, I picked up the pencil and we worked on the sketch in tandem. I drew the eyes. He worked on the ears. Then he erased one of my eyes, forcing me to do them over. I drew it a second time, which earned me another erasure. I raised my brows at him, and he wrote one word on the paper.
Emotion.
Ah. He wanted me to show what kind of person Mr. Khan was through his eyes. I got it now. I thought a minute and decided on one quality of Mr. Khan I’d seen above all else.
Intelligent.
This completely changed the way I drew him. His lids were lowered and his eyes were sharper. His brows rose and I drew wrinkles in his forehead. Ollie nudged me again, then jerked his chin to the top of the page where he drew a thumbs-up.
My chest filled with delight, and I started on the mouth while Ollie did the nose.
By the time the bell rang we had almost the entire face sketched out. With just pencils we’d drawn a figure so lifelike that it almost looked like a photograph.
“Good job, Princess,” he said. “I knew you had it in you.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Really? Yesterday you said I was a wannabe.”
“Yesterday you were drawing flowers. Now, you’ve graduated to something more memorable.”
I smiled and looked down at the paper again, admiring it.
“And, yesterday I was a jerk.”
My brows shot up and my eyes rose to meet his.
“I shouldn’t have said those things to you. You are a great artist. And you’ll be even greater in the future. And if anyone tells you any different, throat punch them.”
“Even you?”
“Especially me. You don’t deserve those things I said. I’m sorry.”
I gathered my things and stood.
“Well, that may be the nicest thing you’ve said to me since we met.”
“Yeah, well, even a broken clock is right twice a day.”
He eyed me for a long moment, and a slow smile spread across his face that made my heart pound in my ears.
“See you around, Princess.”
Then, he gathered his books and left.
“Yeah. See you around.”
43
When Bella said she knew a kid who would be good at distractions, she wasn’t lying.
During the last lunch period of the day, Peter Swift had organized a food fight that started in the lunch room and worked its way down half the hallway. Mr. Mann would be up to his eyeballs in handing out detention slips, leaving Blue Persia ready to have our street show in front of the school.
“Isn’t this exciting,” Purity said, jumping up and down. “We’re all going to be famous!”
I didn’t care about being famous. I just wanted to see my friends kill this performance. And not get detention.
Cole stood with a cherry red guitar strapped to his chest, while another kid, James, held a cow bell in one hand and a small stick in the other.
Sophia and Bella stood in the middle, red glittery bustiers, matching red, short shorts, flesh toned stockings, and black thigh-high boots. At the last minute I’d convinced them to wear black dress jackets. Bella was more than happy for the extra covering while Sophia only grudgingly agreed.
A crowd had begun to build around us. Fortunately, I didn’t see a faculty member anywhere in sight.
Sophia stepped forward, with her hands on her hips.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” Sophia cried. “We are Blue Persia.”
Then, Bella snapped her fingers and slowly walked forward.
The two started to harmonize while Cole called out,
“One. Two. One, two, three, four.”
The music built around their voices. It was amazing how just a guitar, a cow bell, and a set of voices could be so epic.
Bella took the first verse, dancing and shimmying, not giving one care to the freezing temperatures.
Then Sophia took center stage, stared right at me, ripped her jacked off, and spun it around her head like a lasso. Then she gave me a smile.
I jumped up and down and screamed excitedly. The girl was fierce.
Ariel and Eric stood on opposite sides of the makeshift stage, each with a video camera in hand to stream the event. They’d cut the best footage together later for a music video that would be uploaded online.
In the middle of the song, Cole took center stage and did an absolutely mind-blowing guitar solo that made the crowd go insane. He didn’t move back again, and the girls danced around him.
The entire school jumped, clapped, and cheered their way through the performance and, at the end, when the four of them took their bow, everyone screamed for an encore.
But our window had closed. Peter could only guarantee us a few minutes and we’d maxed that out already. So, the group took their bow and James ran off one way while the rest of us power walked in the opposite direction toward the rear of the school where my car was parked. Then we all piled in and sped off, laughing, crying, and breathless.
“That was amazing!” I said, turning down a side street that was a shortcut to my building. “The crowd was insane.”
“And did you see all the people with camera phones?” Bella asked. “We are going to break the Internet.”
“I’ve already gotten twenty text messages,” Sophia said, scrolling through her phone. “People want to know when we’re going to perform again.”
“Battle of the Bands, of course,” Cole said. “The more people we have cheering us on, the better our chances of winning.”
“Not just in a competition,” Sophia said. “I mean perform. Really perform. Guys, I think we can do this.�
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“Do what?” Bella asked.
“Shows. Concerts. Stadiums. What if we can be famous?”
I glanced at her in the rearview mirror. She had stars in her eyes.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Cole said. “It’s one thing to impress some high school kids. It’s another thing to want to travel around the country. We don’t even have a full band. We had to borrow someone to play the cow bell.”
“So, we get a full-time drummer,” Sophia said. “You can’t play all the instruments. Pick what you want to play, we’ll fill in the rest, and we’ll get an agent.”
“But what about high school?” Bella asked. “We can’t do both.”
“If we get famous, we don’t have to.”
The car went quiet while we all considered this.
What if Bella, Cole, and Sophia did get discovered? What would high school be like without them? How would I go on without three of my best friends?
“What about your families?” Ariel asked. She jerked her chin at Sophia. “Your mom.” Then she looked at Bella. “And your dad.”
“We’ll break the news to them,” Sophia said. “They’ll have to understand.”
“Um… I’ve met your parents,” Ariel said. “Understanding is not how I would describe them.”
“I, for one, am happy for you guys,” I said proudly. “You’re amazing, and if you have a dream, you should go after it, regardless of what anyone else says. Just, be smart about it, okay? Have a plan and stick to it. And most of all, don’t forget us little people when you reach the top.”
I pulled the car into the underground parking lot and Sophia wrapped her arms around my shoulders.
“Thank you, J. You’re the best.”
I put my arms over hers.
“I know what it’s like when people say you can’t do something. We all do. But if this is what you want, promise me you’ll try your hardest at it. Life is too short not to.”
Eric spoke up from the back in a weird Muppet-like voice.
“Do or do not. There is no try.”
