by Lucia Franco
Unless there was something wrong with his twin, Holly. That was probably the case. Holly and Reagan were good friends.
I walked toward my bedroom to let Hayden know his phone was ringing. As I reached the door, the ringing stopped, and so did I.
My stomach tightened. Four missed calls, all from Reagan. Not one from his sister. I stood there as the phone vibrated in my hand with an incoming text message, followed by another, then another.
Betrayal slammed into me like a semi-truck for the second time today. The air in my lungs dissipated and I clutched my chest, thinking the worst.
Reagan: What time are you coming?
Reagan: I need you.
Reagan: Hello? Is everything okay?
I'd been so blind. The thought of them together made me sick to my stomach. Reagan needed him, just like I had needed him earlier.
The phone buzzed in my hand again as a fourth message came in, totally confusing me.
Reagan: OMGGGG Where are you!? I need my pills.
Pills? What kind of pills? Why would Hayden have her pills?
I proceeded to my room and threw his phone onto my bed. It wasn’t my business and I had no say in what anyone did, but this all made no sense. What pills did Reagan need? And why text Hayden about it?
I shook my head and a violent pounding ricocheted against my temples. I didn’t know what to think about anyone anymore. A million thoughts passed through my head, a giant maze of inconspicuous lies used to pacify me were suddenly clustered together in one big conspiracy.
I was probably overthinking, as always, but I couldn’t let this go. I just couldn't, especially if drugs were involved.
The day just kept getting better and better.
My stomach was a mess. I hated this unbalanced feeling brewing inside me. I was all over the place and not rock-steady like I typically considered myself.
Not since Kova dumped a pile of shit on me hours ago. Not since I found out about Avery and Xavier, and the truth about Joy.
Hayden emerged from the bathroom with a towel wrapped low around his waist. Steam filtered the cool air as droplets of water fell from his hair to his shoulders, trickling down his chest. He smiled, and for a moment I forgot why I was upset, until his gaze wandered to my bed. He stared down, his brows arched with uncertainty.
"Did you go through my phone?" His question was heavy with accusation.
I crossed my arms firmly in front of my chest. "Looks like Reagan is waiting for you."
Hayden gave me a pointed look. "What are you getting at?" he asked and picked the phone up from my bed. I glared at him, letting the fire in my eyes say everything I couldn’t.
"What do you have going on with her?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing? Those text messages are definitely not nothing." Hayden didn't answer. Instead, he unlocked his phone and read the messages. "She mentions pills, Hayden. That’s not nothing."
"Aid," he said my name in a casual tone, like we hadn’t just been naked together moments before. "I've always been your friend and there when you need me, but this is really none of your business."
"None of my business?" My jaw dropped, my pulse thrashed in my ears. "After everything I’ve shared with you in confidence, how can you stand there and tell me it’s none of my business when someone is messaging you about pills?"
Hayden shifted on his feet and gripped the towel firmly in one hand. "This isn’t something you need to know, Aid. Stay out of it."
"Stay out of—" I paused as a memory jogged my mind. I recalled the moment with Reagan in the hotel room at the meet I was pulled from. I’d confronted her over a bottle of pills. She’d insisted they were diet pills, but I knew better. "Who are you?” I took a hard look at Hayden. Sweet, laid back, always there for me Hayden. Was he supplying her drugs? No. Hayden would never do that. He wasn’t the kind of guy to sell drugs. Was he?
Hayden shook his head and flattened his lips. He almost looked a little hurt, which confused me. Either I was way off, or I had just found out his dirty little secret. "You're unreal, you know that? You’re suddenly doubting me because you were snooping. You're being irrational."
"I’m not being irrational." I walked up to him. "It’s clear you’re not who I thought you were. Tell me the truth."
His chest contracted and he blew out a breath through clenched teeth. When he didn't respond, I pushed. "Are you dealing her drugs?"
Hayden scoffed. "Dealing her drugs? Really, Aid, this isn’t an after-school special."
He hadn’t denied it, and if he was supplying to her, who else on the team was he supplying to?
"What about others? Are you dealing to more than just her?"
"It's none of your fucking business, Adrianna. Just drop it."
"Who else? Tell me. I deserve to know."
There was ice in his blue eyes now. "You deserve to know? Are you kidding me right now? As if you’re some innocent angel." He sneered. "Who do you think you are? You've been fucking our coach and you think you deserve to know what I'm doing in my private time?"
I sucked in a silent breath, taken aback by his hostility.
"Why don’t you tell me when you were last with Kova?" he countered. "I bet you guys have been fucking like animals this whole time and you're too ashamed to admit it, because while he was defiling you, he was balls deep inside his wife."
Tears burned the back of my eyes. I'd never seen this side of Hayden before, a side where he became defensive and confrontational. A side where drugs were possibly involved. His tenor, his furious gaze, his body language, it all blew into me like a hurricane.
Hayden glanced over my head and looked around the room, presumably for his clothes. "You got what you wanted, right? So we're done here?" Hard eyes landed back on me.
I couldn't believe this. His response lit a fire under my ass and brought me back to reality. "We are nowhere near done here," I said quietly.
"What I do in my spare time really doesn't concern you. Like I said, it’s none of your business. You already made your mind up before I could say anything anyway."
"Oh, but it's totally your business who I fuck, right? I had to tell you everything about Kova, yet you can’t tell me whether you’re dealing drugs or not."
A huff rolled off Hayden's curled lips. "You're fucking delusional, you know that? It’s no big deal."
Giving me his back, he walked toward the living room where his clothes were, his shoulders growing tenser with each step. He dropped the towel and glanced around the floor.
"No big deal? You prey on our teammates!" I needed some kind of answers.
He pulled his shorts up and let go of the elastic with a snap, his severe gaze piercing me. "I give them what they need, that's all!" he yelled.
I reared back. "But why would you do that? It's illegal. They could get hurt."
"That's all you need to know. I'm not talking about it anymore."
"Aren't you worried you're going to get caught?"
"Seriously, drop it."
Everyone around me was a liar, so why would he be any different? You are who you associate with. My dad’s saying echoed across my mind. He used to tell me I needed to surround myself with people who were a reflection of me, a mirror of myself, otherwise I wouldn’t be perceived as someone respectable and trustworthy. So what did this all say about me? This newfound understanding wasn’t something I wanted to deal with right now.
"Hayden, help me understand this."
"There’s nothing to understand. It’s none of your fucking business, Adrianna. I don’t do anything differently for them that I don’t do for you."
"I don’t use drugs."
"No, but you use me, don’t you?"
An eerie, cold silence came over me. A wall immediately erected, and I shut down inside.
"Get out," I said, low and contained. "Just get out, now." I shoved at Hayden's chest until he stumbled back. "Get out!" I yelled, full of hurt.
He latched onto my wrist with a firm grip and yanked me
to a stop. "Aid," he said softly, changing his tone, "I didn't mean—"
"Get out!" I screamed.
"Adrianna. Stop. Listen to me, please—I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it," Hayden said. His grip tightened, but I was able to pull away. "I didn't mean it like that. You have to know that. I was just angry because you wouldn't stop pushing." Hayden spoke gently but the words were already out and couldn't be taken back.
Shaking my head, I stared at the carpet and pointed toward the door. "Please, just go."
Hayden stepped toward me, but I quickly raised my hand for him to stop, and he did.
"I trusted you and for you to say that… Friends don't do that."
"Aid—"
"Just go."
But Hayden apparently wasn’t going to stop until he got his point across. Raising his voice, he spoke over me, his chest flushed with irritation from straining. "You were giving me shit for what I do in my private time. You made assumptions. I got defensive. Anyone would."
"Not fair enough," I said low and quiet. "What I do in my private time has nothing to do with you and yet I still confided in you when I never had to. I'm always giving and you're always taking."
Hayden stood grounded in his spot for another moment. His nostrils flared and I could sense his frustration. "I knew this was a big fucking mistake. But here I am, trying to be the nice guy, as usual, and give you what you want because I care about you. And for the record, you take more than anyone I've ever seen. What have you given me or anyone else out of your own free will? Nothing."
My teeth gnashed together. "Don't make it seem like having sex with me was a chore. You’ve wanted it for months. I finally gave you the opportunity. Do you just screw anyone to be nice? Maybe throw in a couple of pills and call it a day? Is that what you call being a 'nice guy'?"
His face fell and I almost wished I could take it all back, but I was so tired of being lied to by the people I trusted most.
With my lips sealed, I dropped my gaze to the floor, and a moment later the door opened and then slammed shut. Hayden was gone.
I looked around my empty condo, feeling as hollow as my chest. All the material items gave the illusion of a dream world. Staged, perfect, and so far from the reality of my life. I rubbed my arms, trying to hold myself together.
For the first time in my life, the silence was unwelcome.
* * *
Rapid pounding roused me from my sleepy stupor. I rolled onto my side, wiping my hair from my eyes, and yawned. I felt like I'd just fallen asleep two minutes ago, but a quick glance at the clock on my nightstand indicated I'd actually been asleep for hours.
Damn, I was tired.
I sat up and stretched, my lower back throbbing viciously with pain so intense that it took my breath away. I gasped, squeezing my eyes shut and wishing it away.
I needed Motrin. Stat.
Slowly I stood, my body aching from head to toe. I was too young for arthritis, but it felt like there was no cartilage between my joints and it was just bone on bone rubbing together. I wiped my face with my shirt and expelled a fatigued sigh as I walked to the bathroom. I turned on the lights and flinched at my reflection in the mirror. My eyes were swollen and red, just like my nose. When I cried, my lips swelled. It reminded me of Joy when she got Botox, only I looked like I had triple the amount in one shot.
Ugh. I was an ugly crier.
I grabbed the Motrin bottle and threw back five little orange pills before heading back to my room to face-plant on my bed. A loud pounding from the living room made me jump, and pain shot through my ankle. Shit. It felt like someone was holding a match to it. With everything going on, I’d forgotten I’d landed wrong earlier during my tumbling pass and I hadn’t treated it properly. I had become good at overlooking my injury and pushing through, but now I felt every ounce of agony in my body. I was a mess.
The pounding started up again and I exhaled a heavy breath as I made my way to the door and threw it open in haste. My frustration swiftly morphed into rage at the site of Kova standing tall and dignified on the other side, and dressed too damn good for his own health.
"Oh hell no! Go the fuck away. How dare you show your face here!"
"Ria—"
"Fuck you, Kova."
"Ria," he drew my name out. "Everyone can hear our business."
"You wrecked me, and I don't want to talk to you. You let me find out about your marriage in the worst possible way. You're so pathetic that you couldn't even tell me yourself."
I tried to slam the door shut but he curled his fingers around the edge to stop me.
"Go the fuck away! I don't want to even look at you."
"I will not go away until you open up." He pushed at the door and I used my hip to push back.
"Then you'll be standing there all night!" I yelled through gritted teeth. "I don't want to see you!"
"I just need to explain." His voice cracked, and I almost slipped.
"It's a little too late for that, don't you think? Go home to your wife."
I gave the door a good shove, and this time managed to slam his fingers between it and the jamb. Kova hissed but held on tight. I took satisfaction in that little feat.
"You know I am not trying, right? I could easily come in, but I do not want to hurt you."
"Too late for that. All you know how to do is hurt me."
"Prosti," he sighed, and I fucking felt his sorrow in that stupid Russian word.
Something exploded in my chest and I detonated like a rocket.
If I didn't know the meaning of that word, I'd say his tone led me to believe he was genuine, but that wasn't the case.
"I never want to hear you say that again!" I yelled, pushing on the door with every ounce of force I could muster. I wanted to break his fingers so he could never use them on me again. "You are not prosti, you fucking liar! Prosti, prosti, prosti."
Oh, yes, I totally mocked him.
"I am going to count to three before I force my way inside." He sounded pissed. "Raz. Dvah." I got a little nervous, and right before he said "tree," I jumped back.
Words evaded me as I stood two feet from Kova. He slammed the door shut so hard the painting on the wall rattled. He eyed me with contempt and I ground my teeth, feeling the blood rush through my veins. I was on edge and past the brink of sanity because of this crazy Russian.
"If you don’t leave, I'm going to scream so loud people will think I'm being murdered."
He raised a brow at the same time one corner of his lips tugged up. "You know I love a good challenge, Ria."
My heart pounded viciously against my ribs. "Kova."
"Adrianna."
"I fucking hate you." The look in his eyes screamed guilt, but I didn't let it affect me. "I fucking hate everything about you."
"I could never hate you." He stepped toward me, and the tenor in his voice weakened my knees.
"You'd be surprised of the dark kind of emotions a person can evoke from another when they've been ruined by someone they care about."
He took another step. "Please…"
I shook my head, a cunning smirk slowly drawing at my lips. I wasn't planning on telling him about Hayden, but it was the only leverage I had that was somewhat comparable to the knife he’d put in my back. He wouldn't like it. In fact, he'd hate it. Kova was a real jealous, bitter man, and I wanted to hurt him. I bet he didn't even share his toys when he was a kid.
Taking a deep breath, I felt like I tugged on every uncertain nerve in my body and exhaled boldness in my next words.
"I fucked Hayden." I gave him a moment to let the words to sink in. "More than once."
He didn't react as I’d expected him to. He just stood there like my words hadn’t fazed him. I exploded then, lunging toward him and slapping him as hard as I could across the face. The sweet scent of alcohol burned my nostrils. He smelled like he had bathed in bottles of vodka. I was almost concerned over the fact that he drove here drunk.
"I wish I’d never met you."
I gasped
as he clutched both of my wrists in one hand and wrapped his free arm around my lower back. He lifted me off the floor and carried me into the living room.
I ignored the pain in my ankle and kicked my legs around, fighting him tooth and nail, but he was much stronger than me. All I saw was red and the need to make Kova suffer. My foot connected with his shin, and he grunted, then yelled something in Russian. He moved his head to the side and I saw my opportunity. Throwing myself forward, I clamped my teeth down on his neck, biting down harder when he winced.
"Hurts, doesn’t it, asshole?"
Kova flung me onto the couch, and a gasp of air flew from my lungs as my back connected with the sofa. I glared at him in shock. His eyes were glossy, and he didn't appear as drunk as I knew he was.
"Goddamn it, Adrianna," he said, then shot off another round of Russian when I kicked him in the stomach.
"I hate you. I hate you. I fucking hate you." I clenched my teeth as Kova grabbed both my ankles and roughly yanked me toward him, forcing me to slide halfway down the couch. He climbed over me and pressed his knees to the sides of my hips and dropped his weight on me. He locked me in place, using his tight grip to press my arms into the cushion over my head.
"I deserve all your hate, and more."
"How could you!" I seethed on the inside, my blood boiled to a destructive level. "How could you do this to me, after everything!" I screamed in his face and thrashed against his hold, trying anything I could to get this man, whom I both loved and hated with the same voracity, off me. "You didn’t even have the decency to tell me, you fucking coward."
"It is not what you think."
"It never is. Get the fuck off me and leave me alone. I don't want you here. Go home to your wife, where you belong."
