by Lucia Franco
I caught Reagan in the corner of my eye watching us, but I didn't pay her any attention.
Kova crossed his arms in front of his chest and glared at me. "Do you have a problem with that?" His voice was stern and authoritative.
My jaw bobbed. "No."
"Good." He clapped his hands together and walked away. Picking up a thick, mesh royal blue landing mat, he placed it in front of the high bar. The mat would absorb my landing and not create a shock from the impact. Perfect for the injury I was trying not to irritate even more.
"Let us get to work. I estimate, at most, a week for you to master this skill."
It was one thing to swap out a skill midseason. Most gymnasts will work skills during off-season and won't put them in until they build up their endurance. It was another thing completely to change my entire routine. If Kova wanted to do that, I would learn this dismount in three days flat.
"For this dismount, you need to stay completely hollow in the tap and not open up too soon. It will give the bar a bend, not a whole lot, so do not get too excited. But it will give your chest a nice pronounced arc position so when you kick, you will get the height you need in flight and be able to easily complete the rotation."
The women's bar hardly gave any bend or slack the way men's did, so it was harder to use the bar in the way we needed. We just had to work more for it.
"We will start with straight body double layouts. We need to get your timing right."
I nodded and headed over to the chalk bowl, where Reagan already was powdering up.
"Morning quickie?" she asked drily. Here we go. "I like morning quickies. In and out and you’re good for the day." She kept her voice low for only us to hear. "Looks like Kova had a good one with that pep in his step and all. He actually seems happy for once."
I pursed my lips together. "You must not be getting the right dick if you need pills to get you through the day."
She sneered. Thankfully she left and walked to another a set of uneven bars. Spraying the palms of my grips with water, I placed them in the powder and envisioned what I was about to do, then I clapped my hands to dust off the excess, only to repeat the motions two more times for good friction. The chalk floated in the air, tickling my nose.
Standing in front of the low bar, I looked at Kova, who stood behind the high bar to watch my landing. He was close enough to also train Reagan on the other set of bars next to me. She glared at us, resentment dripping from her for Kova giving me attention. I had to tune her out.
"You need a fast giant. That is going to be key here. Fast turnover for proper layout."
I nodded. Kova wasn't giving me any wiggle room. He wanted fast giants, but he was only allowing me to do two. Drawing in a big breath, I had to dig deep.
Mounting the low bar with a standard glide kip—body extended forward, hips flat—I quickly moved my legs to a pike position and my toes to the bar until my hips swung back. I dragged the bar to my shins and thighs and pulled up so my arms braced snuggly at my sides where I swiftly stood. Looking up, I reached for the high bar and completed another kip, casted to handstand, and tightened my body before circling down to complete two full three hundred and sixty degree rotations. Just as my feet passed the low bar, I tapped my toes, kicking them up hard to gain as much momentum as I could and released, performing two back flips with a straight body onto the soft landing mat.
"That was shit. Your legs separated, your hips were closed, and you did not have enough amplitude in flight, which resulted in your chest being low. Again."
I mounted again, and when I reached the high bar, I took a deep breath and swung down.
"Chest… Chest… Hollow out."
He said each word with each swing. I landed and it was better, though nothing to phone home about.
"Again. We need more of a scoop in your back swing. Once you are vertical, you can hyperextend your chest in the forward swing." He explained, using his hand, then he looked at Reagan as I chalked up again. I watched his face as he watched her, proud and pleased at her level of skill and execution.
Back up on bar, I did exactly as he instructed.
"Pay attention to your form. Your flyaway will look more beautiful and, more importantly, it will prevent injury. I know the urge to arch your back is there but resist it."
The urge was there. Just like the urge was there to whip my hips too, to stick my head out, to add another giant. There were so many things I wanted to do that I felt would help me, but in reality they would only set me back or give me deductions. Form was everything, but so was listening to my coach. All I had to do was listen to him the first time and it would all work out.
I nodded, feeling a tad more confident. Doing a double layout was nothing new to me—I'd done it before, I just didn't practice it often enough to incorporate it into my routine just yet, let alone adding a full twist.
Using his hand, Kova bent his fingers to represent my body. "Tap at about forty-five degrees horizontal and release. Toes pointed toward the ceiling when you release." His hand represented a partially opened L as he looked into my eyes and gave me instructions.
I nodded.
"You are not releasing after your tap. Do you want me to spot you?"
Though he had an eagle eye, it still blew my mind he could see that because I couldn't even feel that I didn't tap hard enough. Of course, I didn't want him to spot me, I wanted to prove I could do it on my own, but I also didn't like the idea of releasing so soon.
"Yes."
"Do you want to do it in the foam pit?"
"No, I can do it here."
By the gleam in his eyes, it was the answer he wanted, and deep down that made me feel good.
Kova moved to stand closer to me and it made me jump. "Relax for me," he whispered, and he placed one palm on my chest and the other on my upper back between my shoulder blades so they were parallel to each other. My hand brushed his thigh and I quickly moved it out of the way, lacing my fingers in front of me.
"Raise your arms." I put them above my head next to my ears. Kova pushed my back forward just slightly so my chest stuck out. "You will hyperextend your body in the forward swing so you are open"—he pushed my chest in and snapped it back—"and you will hollow out like this when you tap and release. Got it? Legs glued together, toes pointed, and lock your knees."
"Got it."
"It is very important to do as I say, otherwise you could land too short and risk an injury to your ankle or knee. That is the last thing we need after coming so far."
I nodded. Guilt hovered over me like a black cloud. If he only knew the kind of pain in my ankle I dealt with at night when I was home.
"I know."
"Spot the ground and land with your knees slightly bent, straighten them out, raise your arms, then salute."
"Got it."
I dropped my arms and Kova walked back toward the high bar where he stood with his legs open and ready for quick measure.
I dusted my hands with more chalk and processed what he said. Right before I mounted the low bar, I glanced up from the heavy weight of Kova's stare and met his eyes while picturing the skill in my head.
It was like he knew what I was thinking, because he comforted me by saying, "I will be right here spotting you."
My bottom lip rolled between my teeth and I nodded. Within a few seconds, because that's all it really took to get to the high bar, I sucked in a breath and cast to a handstand, listening exactly to what my coach said no matter how scared it made me. If my grip slipped and Kova missed catching me, which I highly doubted he'd let happen, at least I'd hit the soft-landing mat and it wouldn't be bad. As long as I didn't land on my neck. Trying a new skill the first couple of times was always nerve-wracking. I feared I'd miss the bar, or I wouldn't get enough height and hit the bar coming down, or that I'd panic midway and do something crazy. But having Kova standing there placed a level of security and encouragement I needed.
Two giants and I released when he told me to, feeling for the right t
iming. I spotted the floor in rotation, Kova prepped, ready to catch me with his arms raised in the air. A little nervous, I kept calm so I wouldn't freak out mid-rotation. I had to have faith in my coach and myself, even when I was terrified.
But I landed. On my own.
On. My. Own.
Excitement hit me hard and I immediately looked at Kova with a beaming smile. My landing was a little messy, but at least I did it. The first time was always the hardest and scariest.
Of course Kova didn't smile. In the gym he was on autopilot and incapable of feeling.
"Not too bad considering you are an elite, but nothing we could take to a meet, that is for sure. We need to perfect your timing. Get back up there and let us do it again."
I was still smiling. I was happy that I was able to do it the first time. When you let go of everything to make a courageous decision, you saw the greatest reward in gymnastics and gained the confidence to do more.
Kova playfully slapped my shoulder and pushed me in the direction of the low bar. His eyes lightened, and he said, "Go."
After completing so many double layouts that I lost track of the number, Kova was ready to move on to the next step. I was getting a little tired again, and for once, I was hungry, but I wasn't going to tell him that. We were on a roll and I didn't want to stop.
"I'm just going to grab some water and go to the bathroom. Is that okay?"
"Yes, just do not take too long."
I nodded then skipped out of the gym to the locker room. Shuffling through my bag, I searched for my little orange friends, when it dawned on me… I’d gotten rid of all the Motrin because of the treatment I had to my Achilles.
I groaned inwardly, annoyed as hell. I wouldn't last all day, not with how intense the pain already was. Maybe Kova had something I could have.
I went searching for Kova and found him standing by the bars. He looked down at me when I approached his side.
"Good. You are back."
"Um, actually…" I twisted my fingers together, hoping he wouldn't shoot me down. "Do you have anything I could have that's at least similar to Motrin? I know I can't take it, but my ankle is killing me and I have a headache."
"Follow me."
Thank goodness he understood how important anti-inflammatory was in a gymnast's life and didn't ridicule me for it. Eagerly, I followed behind Kova out of the gym and to his office. He opened the door and flipped on the light, then walked behind his desk where he opened a few drawers as I stood off to the side.
"I am glad you came to me instead of just taking them."
I gave him a tight-lipped smile. Just as he found the bottle, a light knock sounded and I turned to see who was there.
Katja.
* * *
"Konstantin," Katja said in a way of hello.
"Katja, what are you doing here?"
She tilted her head to the side, her eyes narrowing. "Did you forget we had a lunch date?"
Kova gave her a blank stare. He had clearly forgotten about their lunch date. Looking toward me, he threw the bottle in an underhanded throw and I caught it.
"Oh, Adrianna, I did not see you standing there." Her eyes raked down my body. I was in nothing but a leotard and covered in chalk. "Have you lost weight?"
I shifted on my feet and gave Kova a fleeting look of unease. "Uh, I've been working really hard and might have lost a few pounds, but I also put on some muscle mass," I lied. I mean, I was working myself to the bone, but I didn't think I had lost any weight.
She looked down at my hands, then toward Kova. "You give all the gymnasts medication?"
If she only knew the kind of pills he's given me.
"You do not know, and you will never understand, what a gymnast's body goes through. That"—he pointed toward me and I opened my palms, the bottle rolling in my hands—"is an athlete's elixir. They need it to survive in this world. Lord knows I still wake with pain every morning."
I had no idea Kova was dealing with the aftermath of being a professional athlete. He'd never once complained before or appeared to be in any sort of pain. More concerning, I also didn't understand the hostility in his voice toward her.
She looked toward the floor, her lips pursed tight in annoyance.
Kova glanced my way and gave me a look that said he needed to be alone with Katja. Kind of the way my dad would give me the look, the one every child never wanted to see from a parent.
"Ah, it was nice seeing you, Katja. I have to get back to practice."
She didn't respond.
I sent a silent thank you toward Kova and went back to the locker room. Once there, I read the label and grumbled. This was a natural remedy and probably not nearly as strong as the real stuff. Still, it was better than nothing. I popped a couple of pills and took a swig of coconut water, then shoved everything into my locker.
Hushed voices carried down the hall as I exited the locker room.
"But, Konstantin, you promised to have lunch with me," Katja complained.
"I am sorry, Katja, but I cannot leave now."
"Why not?"
"I am in the middle of training Adrianna on a new dismount. I cannot go."
Katja's voice hardened. "You have not spent any time with me in weeks, and whenever we do have plans, something always comes up. I am your wife. Why are you treating me this way? You treat me like I do not mean anything to you."
I tiptoed toward the door and hid behind the frame. I couldn’t help the curiosity.
"You have the audacity to walk into my gym and demand why I am treating you this way? You know why, Katja. You are not my wife, not in the real sense of it anyway. You forced this lie upon us. You forced my ring on your finger. I will never forgive you for making me do this." Kova's voice was laced with malice, causing confusion to swirl through my head.
"You never put me first and it is getting tiring."
"You feel like I put you last? That is because I am putting you last." The brutal honesty was startling. I cupped my mouth. "It is where you belong."
"You say I have audacity? Look at what you have done. At least I am putting effort in and trying to make it work." She sighed. "It is what it is, Konstantin, why not make the best of it? I am here, and, after all, I love you. At least give us a chance. You promised me all those years ago. We have always been destined to be together."
"You are okay being married to a man who is not in love with you, Katja?" Kova said with a hint of disgust.
My eyes widened. Nothing but absolute shock registered inside of me. It took a lot of nerve to tell a person they'd been with for years and years that they weren't in love with them. While I didn't think Kova was in love with Katja, I did think he loved her. He had to, even if just a little. No one married for shits and giggles.
Nothing made sense.
"In time you will see that we are meant to be. I am here, Konstantin. Right here, every single day, trying to do what is right. I love you and I want you. I know what I did was wrong, but I know you can forgive me, just like I have forgiven you for what you did. Your sins are far worse than mine. It will take time, but I believe we will be fine. So, do what you have to do. Take out your frustrations on me. Use me."
I stared at the floor, waiting in silence, hoping he wouldn’t actually use her.
"Fine. You want me to use you, Katja? Take off your clothes and get on your knees."
My stomach dropped. I should've known. Bile rose to my throat as I heard what I could only assume was the shuffling of clothes coming off. I needed to leave, but I couldn't stop listening.
"I will do whatever you want, Konstantin," she said, her voice brittle.
I couldn't help but wonder what had happened between them, and why Kova said that Katja forced his hand. It sounded like their whole marriage was a sham, and deep down I wasn't sure how I should feel about that.
"Do not talk."
His cold words were distant, and if I wasn't listening, or I didn't know the sound of his voice, I wouldn't have pegged that as Kova.
<
br /> "Katja, we may have come to this country to build our life together, but things have changed. We both have changed, and nothing will ever be the same. Now, get me hard and open your mouth."
Thick gasps and Russian words whispered through the air. I had to get out of there, the sounds, their voices, their words, were making me ill. But what set me over the edge was the sound of grunting, followed by a soft yearn of a moan that reminded me of sex.
"Ty moya lyubimyy." He spoke only for her ears, his tone instantly reminding me of when he said prosti to me, and it made my heart drop.
I kept my eyes trained on the linoleum as I made my way back to the gym. I wondered how often Kova and Katja had sex in his office at World Cup during training hours.
My head was foggy, like I was trying to feel my way through a cloudy maze with no more than a foot of visibility in front of me. I didn't know what to think anymore other than it was all a game to Kova. It had to be. What he made me feel, he made Katja feel the same too. What he told me, he told her too.
He made me admit to myself that I loved him. It wasn't fair. It was vindictive and unforgiving.
Stepping back into the gym, I looked up and spotted Hayden. He gave me a tentative smile, but I couldn’t find it in me to return the gesture. I wasn't sure how long my coach's romp would be, so I decided to work on the double layouts on the high bar over the foam pit instead of on the uneven bars. I hated climbing out of that thing, but I didn't have my coach there to spot me.
I also wasn't in the right frame of mind to risk landing on the actual floor. So there was that.
Coming up from the pit, Hayden was there waiting with his hand out. He was covered in chalk and looking so cute. My heart dropped for the second time in less than an hour. I missed my friend.
"Thanks," I said.
"I see he's got you working on a new dismount."
"Yeah."
We stood there, studying each other. It shouldn't be this weird between us. Yes, I’d had sex with my best friend, but there was a whole other issue we had to deal with.
"Where's your coach?"
"He's on lunch break. Yours?"
