by Lucia Franco
"Not that I'm aware of. Why?"
"Because Russian women go hand in hand with love and pain."
There was so much more going on between the lines than just my Achilles that all I could do was stare back into his pensive eyes and agree. I knew he was trying to tell me more. I'd yet to give him the opportunity to explain himself, but that was because I felt like he’d made his choice and that was that. He could have spoken to me before he did anything, but he chose not to.
But now I wasn't so sure if the choice he'd made was the choice he’d wanted, or one he had been forced to make. I felt the same way with Coach Elena. I knew it was almost time for me to finally be ready to hear what he had to say. I could feel the door opening, and my biggest worry now was that I'd made the wrong choice and kept it closed for so long, sitting alone in the dark.
After my ankle was wrapped up in ice, we sat quietly on my couch for close to an hour. Kova used an app on his phone to watch the Russian news, and I debated whether I should call Avery like I’d told her I would. Knowing I'd need more time, I just scrolled through various social media apps and caught up on her life, along with my brother's and my dad’s.
If Avery wasn't smiling in her photos, she was giving her best duck face I always made fun of. She had the most compelling, crystal-blue eyes that burst with energy. In one photo, she had a high, perfectly placed and super cute ponytail, Aviator sunglasses that actually fit her small face, frayed jean shorts that revealed supermodel legs, and a plain white shirt tied at the side. She was standing on the beach with two girls holding ice cream cones. It was one of those moving images. Waves reversed in the background as the girls moved their heads to the side while laughing and licking the ice cream. She looked happy, and I smiled, missing her, but my smile vanished and my brows bunched together when I viewed the next couple of photos.
Avery looked so far away, her gaze distant, and so damn sad that I actually felt bad for her. Her eyes were lifeless. No sparkle. No joy. Her vivacious personality was gone and that upset me. There was no sass and life surrounding her anymore.
That wasn't Avery. She needed me and I'd blown her off. I regretted my actions big time now.
The sound of fireworks going off in the distance caught my attention again. I sat up and looked through the sliding glass door.
"Okay. My toes are frozen solid and I can't feel a thing. Let's get this ice off my leg. I heard fireworks and I want to go outside to see if I can see them," I said, full of excitement. Kova laughed and sat up to unwrap my leg. Just as I was about to put my phone down, a new photo of Avery posted. I quickly viewed and read the caption.
When in doubt, add more sparkles.
I smiled, my heart a little lighter for her. It was another one of those moving images, only it was just a sparkler that flickered against the moonlight. Another hand slid in from the side holding a second sparkler. It tapped the top of hers.
I could tell instantly by the tattoo on the wrist that it was my brother’s hand.
* * *
Looking at Kova’s open palm, I said, "It's okay. I got it."
He ignored me and kept his hand out, waving his fingers, silently telling me to take his hand. "I know you do, but I want to help."
Being stuck in one position too long had wreaked havoc on my body after the training I’d endured. I didn't want his help—I wanted to be strong enough to do it on my own—but I was going to need it to stand up and possibly take a step or two to loosen up, especially because of my foot.
"Sometimes you can be a gentleman," I said, leaning on him.
"Chivalry is not yet dead."
A laughed erupted from me. "You would say that."
We stepped outside onto my patio and Kova glanced around. "I had no idea how big your terrace was."
"Oh, you know my dad. He spares no expense when it comes to building."
Kova was still surprised. "You could live out here." I followed his gaze. There was a double lounge on one side of the deck, and a bistro set on the other side. And at the far end where it wrapped around to my room was a swinging chair.
I chuckled. "That would require me to be home more often."
"Where do you want to sit?"
I looked around. "Can we just lay on that lounge? I'm a little tired and I think it would be fun to watch the fireworks like that. Kind of like underneath the stars. My dad texted me earlier and said I should be able to catch a good show from here." The lounge was the size of a full bed and had plenty of room for both of us.
"You spoke with your father?" Kova asked.
Once we laid back, I folded my hands over my stomach and looked up to the night sky, listening to the sounds of fireworks in the distance.
"I did…kind of. He texted to see how I was before I boarded the plane in Texas and asked me if I had plans tonight—oh, look!" I pointed excitedly, cutting off my train of thought. "There's one! And another!" Kova watched with me as the show began. "I told him I was just going to go home and crash. That's when he said the downtown area puts on a good show and if I wanted to catch it from home I should be able to see it. I didn't think I would because of the marina being so close, but I guess I was wrong. Dad said permits are granted to shoot fireworks off from barges on the water. Sounds dangerous, if you ask me."
I glanced around at the adjoining condos and the balconies filled with people drinking and laughing. Different genres of music wove together and it sounded like a nightclub. I thought about how I was here with Kova and what my dad would think. Scratch that. I knew what he would think. He'd murder Kova and then enroll me in an all-girl Catholic boarding school.
My forehead creased together and I lost myself to my thoughts and all the lies that had been told over the year. Joy claimed she knew about me and Kova, but she had no proof, because if she had any, she'd have told Dad by now. I had a feeling if she did tell my dad anything he wouldn't believe her after the way she treated me over Easter.
That being said, I shivered at the thought of the truth being revealed to anyone.
"Are you cold?" Kova asked.
"No, I was just thinking about what would happen if my dad found out about us. Even if I was legal, I don't think he would ever take the news lightly." I paused, and looked at him. "Do you ever feel guilty? My dad is your friend. Katja is your wife. We're hurting and lying to both of them."
Kova glanced away and stared into the night sky, watching the fireworks. He was bothered, but I think because of the guilt and lies he’d dished out.
"One thing my mother told me before she took her last breath was to never feel guilty for the things that make me happy. She said, 'Kova, I want you to live like it is your last day, because you will never get tomorrow back and the future is all you have.' I was holding her hand when she said that. She was frail and her skin was gray. The world is cruel, life is so short, and if two people out of seven billion in the world can find solace, no matter if it is right or wrong, then there is no reason to ever feel guilty. My mother always put my happiness before hers. She lived a lonely life so I could live a full one. She never married, never fell in love, never went out with girlfriends, never went on holiday, then she got sick. She did not want that for me. I made a promise to her that I would live for the both of us, and I am." Kova turned toward me. "So, no, Adrianna, I do not feel guilty for my actions, I know what I am doing. I made my choices. While they may not make sense to other people, I cannot worry about that. No one is truly selfless, and I cannot be responsible for everyone's happiness when no one cares about mine. I have tried that with Katja and look where it has gotten me. I am trapped in a loveless marriage I cannot fight my way out of. Do I love her? Sure. But I am not in love with her. I love her like a friend and it will never be any more than that." He paused to take a breath. "Do you feel guilty?"
I stared at him, unblinking, trying to contemplate an answer. I was momentarily rendered speechless. Kova was stuck in a loveless marriage and from what it sounded like, he was very much alone. I studied his gaze. His e
yes never wavered from mine. There was no flicker of hidden emotion, no hesitation. He didn't lie. In fact, he was open and exposed. I could taste the honesty in his words and see that he was telling me the truth.
I licked my lips and his gaze followed the motion. "I only feel guilty because my dad is friends with you. He put his trust in me to be responsible while I'm here alone, and in you to watch over me and protect me. I can't imagine hearing his friend was having sex with his daughter behind his back would ever be seen as anything but deceitful." I hesitated, then said, "It would be really bad if he ever found out. The thought terrifies me. As for Katja, I honestly don't feel any sort of way. Every person, regardless if they're married or not, is fair game. A relationship can't be threatened if there isn't a bond to be broken. It's that simple. The connection has to be strong enough that nothing could sever it. Would I hate to be in Katja shoes? Yes, but I will never allow myself or my relationship to be in jeopardy, because I would make sure my partner knew my shoes were one of a kind and no one could compare." My voice dropped. "I should feel bad, but the truth is, I don't. Does that make me a bad person?" I sure thought it did.
One side of Kova's mouth pulled to the side. "I think you are asking the wrong person that question."
We chuckled and I rested my head back, thinking about how much had changed in the course of a year.
"I wish you were always like this."
"Like what?" he asked.
"No-holds-barred and completely yourself."
"Believe me, Adrianna, I do try." He was pensive and I believed he wasn't lying.
"So if today is your birthday, and last year you hosted a barbeque on the same day, why didn't you have a cake? Why didn't Katja make one for you? We could have all sang to you."
"The truth? She forgot it was my birthday."
My heart plummeted like a stone. She was grinding my gears and I was starting to really not like her.
"Is that what you guys were fighting about in your kitchen?" Kova turned toward me with confusion in his eyes. He brought one arm to fold behind his head, his bicep flexing in the moonlight. He stared straight ahead like he was thinking back to last year. "I remember you guys whispering in Russian, it looked like you guys were arguing, and you threw something into the sink."
"I do not recall what the exact argument was about, but it would not have been about my birthday. That I can assure you. I was never big on celebrating it to begin with. I do not like to do anything extravagant."
"Singing 'Happy Birthday' is not extravagant. I can't believe she forgot last year, and now this year she isn't here. You'd think she'd stay in town because of that. I'm so sorry."
"It is no big deal."
He brushed it off, but I still felt bad. My mind flipped through what was in my cabinets and if I had anything I could give him. I never kept cookies or candy in my house for obvious reasons, but then I remembered I'd purchased a four-pack of big, double chocolate organic brownies and stuffed them in the back of my freezer for a rainy day. I hadn't even had one yet.
I had an idea. Sitting up, I said, "I'll be right back," then I limped inside my condo and went straight for the kitchen. I took out one of the frozen brownies and placed it on a plate, then popped it into the microwave. While it heated up, I grabbed a tea light candle since I didn't have actual birthday candles, and hobbled to get the lighter from my bathroom. The microwave beeped just as I got back. Gently, I pushed the tea light into the center of the brownie and lit it. Cupping my hand around the flame, I walked slowly back to the patio so the flame wouldn't burn out.
Kova's head turned at the sound of the sliding glass door. His gaze dropped to my hands and his entire face lit up as if it were Christmas morning. All I had to offer was a brownie and that was enough for him, and I loved that so much. Walking over, I carefully sat down next to him, making sure not to jostle my ankle. A gust of salty air flowed around us, and a few strands of my auburn hair gently whipped around my face. Kova brushed the loose hair behind my ear and I thanked him.
"Now, I'm not going to sing you 'Happy Birthday' because I'll make your ears bleed, but… Happy Birthday, Kova," I said softly as another flash of fireworks lit up over the ocean. I handed him the plate and Kova stared down at the brownie. "It was the only candle I could find that would work." When he didn't reply, and his brows drew closer together, I said, "Make a wish and make it a good one." Kova leaned in. Just as he was about to blow out the candle, he looked at me.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
He shook his head. The sadness in his eyes stung caused an ache in my chest. "Nothing," he said under his breath. "Thank you, Adrianna, for this." He waited a beat longer, then, with his eyes still glued to mine, he leaned in and blew out the candle.
"Do you want to know what I wished for?" he asked, still looking at me.
I laughed, a wide smile across my face. Taking the plate, I said, "No, Kova. You can't tell me! Then it won't come true." I carefully picked the candle out so I didn't spill the wax and placed it on the small table next to us. I handed him the plate back and the grin he gave me was felt down to my bones.
"Do you believe in that? That if you share your wish it will not come true?"
I shrugged, the thin strap of my dress falling off my shoulder. Goose bumps trailed down my arms.
"We all need something to believe in. I know it sounds a little naïve, but what's the point of making a wish of hope on your birthday? A wish is a secret, a dream, a goal. It’s something we desperately want to happen more than anything else in the world, but we can't ever tell anyone because if it doesn't come true then we're left feeling full of despair. Kind of like when you throw a penny in a fountain. You're never supposed to tell anyone."
"But those pennies get scooped up each day, so where does your wish go then?"
I leveled a stare at him and his grin grew bigger. I couldn't help smiling in return. "Stop ruining it and take a bite of your brownie."
Kova barked out a laugh as he picked up the treat. Before he took a bite, he offered it to me.
"No way," I said, pulling away. "If you don't get the first piece and the first bite, your wish will definitely not come true."
"Ah, you make me feel so young." He huffed a laugh, then took a bite. "Are you a superstitious person?" The corners of his eyes crinkled with mirth.
"Only on birthdays."
Kova took another bite and I watched his mouth move. Not because I wanted a piece myself, but because there was something in the air that made everything about tonight feel like it was going to be okay. Like it wasn't weighted down with worry and anxiety. I smiled, a little sad, wishing it could always be like this with us.
Scooting closer to Kova until our arms touched, I rested my head on his shoulder and stared straight ahead, watching the fireworks. I could tell people were lighting them off and that the show hadn't started yet. There were too many pauses in between, and I was glad about that. Plus, they weren't that extravagant and show-stopping. The actual show and finale could be like a private birthday celebration just for Kova to top off this night.
Kova placed the half-eaten brownie under my nose. I shook my head and looked at him. "You eat it. It's your birthday."
"I want you to have some too."
"I don't want it."
"I want to share it with you. Please, for me?" Kova's bottom lip rolled out and his eyes became exaggeratingly sad.
Laughing, I said, "Oh, it's going to be like that? You're going to give me a puppy dog face that I just can't refuse?"
"If that is what it takes."
If it was even possible, he made his face even sadder and I rolled my eyes.
"You look like a lost puppy standing in the rain trying to find his way home. Fine. I'll try it." I tried to take the brownie, but Kova held it up to me. Leaning in, I took a bite and almost moaned. I hadn't had anything sweet in a long time. "Oh my God. That's amazing!"
He looked at me, confusion written all over his face. "You have not yet tried one?"
/> "No. I bought a pack of them and stuffed it into my freezer. I never tried them."
He offered me the plate. "Here. Eat the rest."
I swallowed. "No, I can't."
"Adrianna," he said, drawing out my name.
"I'll get fat, Kova."
"Not possible."
"I currently have a fat roll on my stomach you can’t see right now." He stared at me like he didn't believe me. I grinned. "I do!"
"That is the most ridiculous thing you have ever said." He pushed the brownie toward me and raised a brow. "Finish this with me. It will not break you. Take two more bites and I will take two more, then we will be done. I cannot eat all of it, and I know you want it. It is my birthday. Do you not want it to be the best one of my thirties?"
I looked at him, smiling, but wondered if what he’d said was true. If it was the best birthday he'd had in a long time, I couldn’t help but think about how many he’d spent alone.
* * *
I took the plate from his hand, planning to eat the rest of the brownie.
"Peer pressure, man. You make me do bad things."
His eyes sparked with dark humor. "And you love them all."
"Maybe."
I tried to hide the smirk tugging at my lips with a shrug that was neither here nor there, then took a huge bite. Then another bite, and another, until the it was gone. I handed him the empty plate, our grins matching.
Licking my lips, I joked, "You're over the hill now. You can't afford to indulge like this."
An energetic laugh erupted from Kova's chest. "Thirty-three is not over the hill."
"You're practically ancient." I purposely bumped into his shoulder. Kova laughed again. "I'm going to have to trade you in for someone who can keep up with me and all the bad things I apparently love to do."
