by Lucia Franco
"Adrianna…" he groaned, looking over his shoulder at the next condo. He looked back at me. "People can see us."
"So." My hips moved of their own accord. The thought of being seen elated me and turned me on even more.
"Christ. You like it," he stated, his pupils dilating. "You like knowing people can see us." Speaking in Russian, Kova looked over his shoulder again then back down at me. "If I do this for you, you do it how I want you to."
I rolled my bottom lip between teeth and nodded in agreement.
Kova leaned over and said, "Do not touch me, and do not move your hands." I agreed. He then pulled the front of my dress up to my stomach. Grabbing my leg, he hiked it so it was over his hip. "Bend your other knee and spread your legs wide."
I shot a nervous glance at the nearby condos. I was way more exposed than I had been a minute ago. My legs were spread wide open like a butterfly.
"Adrianna," he warned. "This is what you asked for and now I am giving it to you. Do as I say."
"Okay."
"Now kiss me, and do not stop until you come. Do you hear me, malysh?"
I nodded, breathing heavily, primed to come any second. Taking two of his fingers, he placed them in his mouth to coat them, then he leaned down to kiss me at the same time they penetrated my pussy. I gasped as his fingers breached my entrance and his thumb circled my clit. My hips lifted, pumping onto his fingers brazenly. I kissed him deeply, hungrily, and my legs widened as that familiar, blissful pleasure flowed through me. Right as the desire peaked, Kova pulled his fingers away and delivered a hard slap to my pussy.
I yelped against his mouth at the shock reverberating through me. My hands fisted my dress, the sensations assaulting me confusing me because while I loved it, I worried someone would hear.
"Do not stop kissing me, Adrianna," he growled. I kissed him again and his fingers went back to work, pushing deep inside me and curling upward. His thumb tortured my clit and I panted into his mouth between kisses.
He pulled away and slapped my pussy again, loud enough to cause a stir. A rowdy group of guys next to us started to roar and whistle something, but Kova's voice brought me back to him. Grabbing my wrist, Kova placed my hand on his stiff cock and showed me how to stroke it.
"They cannot see our faces. Let them watch. Let them wish they were the ones touching your innocent little pussy. Focus on the pleasure and what I am doing to you. Trust me on this. It will be worth it. And Adrianna?"
"Yes?"
"Stroke me hard and fucking kiss me."
I nodded hastily and did just that, kissing him while twisting my wrist. The sound of the crowd and the touch of his fingers caused a frenzy within me unlike no other. My kisses became greedy, until I was leaning up on my elbows hungry for more. Hips undulating on their own, I couldn't take it anymore. Another slap to my clit and I whimpered hard, gripping his shaft to the point I knew I was probably painful. That rush of ecstasy hit me with a heavy force. Kova inserted his fingers and my pussy tightened around them as I came on his hand, his thumb never leaving my clit. The orgasm took over my body, my thighs quivering as I experienced another amazing release only Kova was able to give me.
Breaking the kiss, Kova placed his forehead against mine and clenched his eyes shut. I kept stroking him but he slowed my hand.
"You didn't finish."
"That is okay. This was not about me."
He rolled to his back, taking me with him. My head rested on his chest as his fingers dragged lazily up and down my thigh from my knee to my hip, my dress slipping higher and higher each time, until part of my rear was exposed. His fingers halted, and I looked up. He was already watching me.
"Leave it up… I like it."
Kova's eyes glimmered like he was about to say something but he remained silent. His hand drew lazy lines over my pelvis, dipping to the small of my back, and down the seam of my cheeks. Fisting his shirt, I lifted my knee higher and drew in a little gasp when the cool air tickled my wet sex.
Kova's hand slowed to a stop. "You should go rest now," he gently suggested.
"I'm okay. I like being here with you," I responded truthfully. Kova's chin dipped once and his hand started back up. I snuggled closer to him, breathing him in and basking in the feel of his arms wrapped around me. I was two seconds away from climbing on top of him.
It was too natural, too physical, too emotional.
Too perfect.
Kova was right… I missed us, too.
"I want to know the rest of the story."
I needed us to slow down, but I needed to know more. Kova sighed but obliged anyway.
"So Katja was your first?"
* * *
Please say no. Please say no. Please say no.
His mouth twitched. "Yes."
"Is that when you guys started dating?" I asked.
"No. We slept with each other often, but we were never official," he said. "It was more than that. I went from a brother to a protector to her lover. She supported my dreams, my goals, my addiction to the sport. When my mother passed away, she was there. Our positions changed yet again, and she became a provider, lifting me out of the darkness and looking out for me. We always just had each other."
My forehead creased and a headache pounded at the center of it. I squeezed my eyes shut and thought about what he’d just said, wondering how Kova didn't see it for what it was. He didn't understand the severity of the situation he’d just laid out for me.
"Do you not see how dependent you both became?" I said. "That's not healthy, Kova. That's convenience. You guys grew up like brother and sister, and now you're married. You guys didn’t have to stay together."
Kova shook his head adamantly and that annoyed me. He sat up and turned toward me. Aside from his mother, it was apparent he'd never gotten close to anyone else other than Katja. They’d formed an attachment to each other under traumatic events in their lives and never severed the connection. It only grew as they got older, then they made it legally binding.
"When I suggested possibly moving to the States, she did not question me, she just started packing and asked when we were leaving. We were inseparable."
If that wasn't the definition of codependency, then I didn't know what was.
"Wait. How are you guys here? In the States?"
"Katja is here on a visa."
"And what about you?"
He shook his head. "I came here on a work visa and then became a citizen as quickly as I was able to. Because we married, she is now on a faster track to becoming one too. It will still take time, just not as long." He paused. "You do not understand, and you may never, but after everything we have been through, I felt like I owed it to her. I did not make it easy on her, not even when we moved here, and yet she was always there for me."
My brows shot to my hairline. All this drama was because he felt like he owed it to her? Because back when they were kids her mom became a drug addict and couldn’t fucking parent, so he felt like it was his problem to deal with. Then their stupid teenage hormones led to them fucking for the first time, then his mom passed away, and he moved them here. To the land of opportunity. So he married her. Because he felt like he owed it to her.
I shook my head in disbelief and stared at the black sky with white clouds of smoke drawn through it. There was more to the story, there had to be. Like maybe he really did love her. A piece was missing, otherwise it was outrageous to think he'd married someone because he felt like he owed it to them. No one does that, and if he did, well, I didn't know where I'd go from here because then he'd have always known he was going to marry her, and still got together with me.
"Sounds like motivation to me. If she has a child, she's legally bound here, and to you."
"No, she knows I do not want kids. She would not do that to me."
"You're kidding me, right? What aren't you telling me?" I asked, turning toward him. "I feel like there's more."
Kova sighed deeply and ran a hand through his hair. He looked toward the dark oc
ean and watched the roaring waves crash into the shoreline. Tightness spread in my chest as his gaze traveled further away.
I was right. I had a feeling he was holding back, and it was obvious he was.
"It is complicated," he said, voice low.
I scoffed. "Do you even love her?"
He looked at me, his eyes lost, shifting back and forth. "I do not love her the way I am supposed to."
"What does that mean?"
Kova took my hand in his and kissed the top of my knuckles. "There was a period in my life when I thought I was in love with her. If I am being honest, until I met you, I did love her. But things changed and now I question if I ever truly was in love. Do not get me wrong, while I do love Katja and probably always will, I am not in love with her."
My heart pounded furiously against my ribs, my ears like little balls of flames on the sides of my head. Nothing made sense. Nothing added up. And it was driving me fucking crazy. He was giving me pieces to three different puzzles, and asking me to put them together to form a clear picture. It would never happen.
"Then why did you marry her? If you don't love her, why did you marry her?" My voice shook with emotion. I pushed his hand away and stood up, my stomach twisting in knots. Between the story of their upbringing and now this, I was ready to scream. "Why? And don’t give me a bullshit reason like you made a stupid pact when you were kids, because I'm not buying it. And why didn’t you tell me? Why did I have to find out the way I did? And why are you still married to her if you don't love her?"
I felt my blood rising, my blood pressure breaching the normal rate. My chest rose and fell, palms sweating. If he had told me he was in love with her, I would've believed it. I would've accepted it. Even that would be better than this. But he hadn't, because he didn't even love her.
"Adrianna." He shook his head sadly. Kova stepped toward me, but I stepped back. His forehead wrinkled and I wanted to fix the anguish in his eyes. "The truth." He sighed, and I frowned as his voice started to trail off. He sounded wrecked and it made my chest ache. "There is more to the truth, and it does not involve just me and Kat. It would destroy you more than I ever have, and I am not willing to risk that. When everything is said and done, and the Games are in the past, then I will tell you. There is a plausible reason, and it was never meant to hurt you. As ridiculous as it sounds, what I did was for you. You have to believe me."
I shook my head, my heart breaking all over again.
His gaze took in my face and scanned the length of my body. He rolled his lips over his teeth, then switched to his native tongue. I caught the hint of a smile and I wanted to smack it off him because now was not the time for it.
"Ya lyublyu tebya. Ya lyublyu tebya, no eto nichego ne mozhet izmenit'."
My head tilted to the side. I watched his mouth and stepped closer. "What did you say?"
He shook his head, the smile fading from his face. "It really does not matter what I said. It cannot change the past or the future."
I stepped closer and placed a hand on his arm. "It matters to me. Last time you said prosti while we had sex and the next day I found out you were married." I couldn't say making love because now I wasn't sure Kova was even capable of love.
"I should not have said it," he said, his voice low.
"You shouldn't have done a lot of things with me, yet you have."
"Ya lyublyu tebya. Ya lyublyu tebya, no eto nichego ne mozhet izmenit'."
I stared at his mouth. "Again."
I wished I didn’t like hearing him speak in his native tongue. I wished I hated the dialect the way I did other languages. The times he'd spoken in Russian to me were times that ultimately decimated my heart. The way his tongue tapped his teeth, how his cheeks hollowed when he spoke, the way his lips moved, there was something to be said about a man who spoke a foreign language in a deep, robust voice.
"You've said that to me before. What did you say?"
"Things I cannot say to you." He swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing. "I would love to teach you Russian one day."
One day. Closing my eyes, I shook my head and ignored his last comment. He was diverting the conversation.
"How… How could you marry someone you're not in love with? Explain it to me?" I pleaded again. I couldn't wrap my mind around it, and I didn't see myself letting it go anytime soon.
"Adrianna, how do you break it off with someone you have been connected to your whole life? Over thirty years. That is a long time to let go and never look back. It is not so simple when our history is muddled with secrets and lies and at one time, compassion and love. You want to believe the same person from long ago is still there."
I mused over his words, kind of agreeing, kind of not. I was stuck in between, and since I didn't know the whole story it was hard to form an opinion. Still, it didn't hurt any less.
Yawning, my eyes were suddenly heavy. I chewed my lip as I thought about my next set of words.
"This is not an ultimatum, but after what little you told me, and you stay—"
He cut me off, shaking his head vehemently. Worry circled his green eyes. "Do not do this, Adrianna, please, do not do this. I know what you are going to say, and please, just do not. Not yet."
"Then give me something, anything. You've been so fair to everyone but me. Please."
Kova waited a long minute, his indecisive gaze filled with trepidation. His piercing glare told me he was stuck between a rock and a hard place. He either couldn't tell me, didn't know where to start, or flat out didn't want to.
"You know what? Never mind." I brushed the topic away with a swipe of my hand, pretending I didn't care when it was actually destroying me. "I should've known better than to ask you for the truth. You know, you were right. We have made progress, but it seems every time we do, we end up taking ten steps back."
Turning, I headed for the sliding glass door when he called my name.
"You want to start with one of the whys, Adrianna? Start with your mother. She is the root of all evil."
* * *
Start with your mother.
It was all I thought about after Kova left that night. We hadn't had time to talk in between practices, and now I was sitting in the doctor's office once again with time on my hands to overanalyze every aspect of my grand life.
It wasn't like I could call Joy and flat out ask her what she had to do with Kova and Katja marrying. Not after I’d learned she moved out. For Joy, my birth was a constant reminder of my dad’s betrayal. Call me crazy, but I had a hunch that if she didn't talk to me for the rest of my life it would be no sweat off her back.
I definitely couldn't ask my dad about Kova's marriage. That was out of the question, so I was left with too many thoughts flashing through my head and the rapid rushing of paranoia filling my chest. I was drowning in a sea of sharks. The only person I could ask was the one person who didn't want to add anymore destruction to my life. I understood it, but I didn't like it.
The more I thought about it, the more I wished I could go back in time and not ask. I would've waited to demand anything from Kova at this point because all it did was lace me with uncertainty. I shouldn't have pushed but curiosity got the best of me. There were too many doors left open, too many options to choose from, and it seemed like they all led to one answer.
If I wasn't thinking about Joy's grimy hands, I was thinking about how Kova didn't love Katja yet he’d married her out of obligation. Kova not being in love with Katja was not something I ever once considered. It filled my head with so many questions that I didn't know where to start. Nothing added up. Kova wasn't the type to be cornered into anything he didn't want, especially a marriage, and especially not after he’d promised his mother he'd live for the both of them when she died.
Timing is everything, he’d said multiple times, and he was right, but I was hesitant to trust him. The last time I did I landed face-first in the worst heartbreak I’d ever felt.
I sighed inwardly and yawned, feeling a little tired. On top of everyth
ing, I’d started peeing blood and that fucked with my head even more.
For two days the toilet water had been a deep crimson color and I didn't know why. At first I thought I’d gotten my period early since it was so irregular, but using a few tampons confirmed that wasn't it. Naturally, I searched the internet, but most of what I’d found said it was related to my kidneys, which didn't help settle my mind. After learning about Francesca, and my doctor’s concerns, plus my internet research, I was sure I had every autoimmune disease I’d read about. But I didn't feel sick, at least not worse than what I usually felt. Sure, I had some aches and pains, but I figured those were from the training camp.
My head was a tangled mess and I was being screwed from seven different directions.
"Hey, Adrianna," Dr. DeLang said politely as she knocked and walked in. A tall man with a weathered face followed behind her. He had to be at least ten years older than her.
"This is Dr. Kozol," my doctor introduced him as he reached over to shake my hand. "He’s a colleague of mine I asked to come in and consult."
My brows bunched together and my heart instantly kicked up a notch. Why would my doctor need to bring in another doctor?
"Hi," I responded hesitantly, then immediately looked at my doctor.
Dr. DeLang took a seat behind her desk and placed a folder down, while the new doctor pulled out the chair next to me.
"I see the rash has subsided for you." My doctor smiled at me as her gentle eyes took in my face.
"Yeah, it's not bad anymore, thankfully."
I eyed the new doctor, not liking his presence. A team of doctors was never good and could only hint at something more serious.
I turned my attention back to Dr. DeLang. "So I found out some family history since the last time I was here." I offered.
"That's good news. Such as?"
"My mom was a twin, and her sister had a type of diabetes, I can't remember which one, plus another autoimmune disease." Dr. DeLang gave Dr. Kozol a quick glance. It was a signal, like a confirmation, and my stomach dropped.
